It's been a long time. I have come oh so far from that time in March 2012 when my world came crashing all around me.
Pain and uncertainty. Confusion and fear. The blackness that held its grip on me. I felt cloaked in a blackness.
Thanks to this forum - all the scrolling and reading as I lay in bed feeling like I should end it all, after all I was a burden and a useless human being.
But everyone here provided the window of light - the light that guided me to a better place. Many understood exactly how I felt and many started to heal and many others were stuck and were struggling. I knew that I may not heal over night and that I had a long journey in front of me - but I had to take it one step at a time. I also learned to love myself again, be kind to my body again.Eating clean and taking some supplements to help the process of healing along. It was trial and error for me. Some things worked and some not so much.
I was willing to give things a try. In the end I have no idea if what I did worked or if it was really truly just time that was healing me.
One of the hardest part during withdrawal was accepting that I was not the same person - that I would have to step off life's merry go round and take a rest. Watching the world go by as if I had died was painful. Many tearful days - wanting to be with the living. I had to keep reminding myself that this was a time to heal and to focus on me. I also had to accept that there was no fast track to healing. I had to be patient. The suicidal thoughts were hard to fend off. I had to remind myself it was the WD. The symptoms were HORRENDOUS. I don;t have to tell you that.
It was not a luxury to stop working. I really had no choice. This break had major consequences - we lost a lot of business and in fact had to close one of our locations in 2014.
My absence was a detriment to business. In my business you cannot show any cracks or vulnerability - only stability and calm. I look back at that failure now - and my husband and biz partner says - it's not a big deal - it is not a failure if you gave it a shot. Problem is I felt I did not give it a shot and the fact that a drug I was taking had stolen this from us - still upsets me.
Today after along and hard fought battle - I am back to living my life. I am completely medication free since about 2014/2015.I am definitely not the same person pre-Cymbalta.
Eli Lilly and the doctors that prescribed this POISON took so much from me and the millions of others out there in suffering.
I am however able to return to some sense of normalcy. I am back to working and running my business as of 2015. I am also back to my animal volunteering. Traveling as well.
My brain function is still not 100% in my opinion.I still experience some anxiety and definitely more so than pre-Cymbalta days. Anxiety levels are new since the withdrawals.
Just had a physical and they said my blood work was like that of a 20 something year old's and I am 48!
I am back to running and working out as of 2015. I have maintained my weight aster losing 50 lbs after withdrawal!!! I am still a workaholic! That didn't change.
It feels so good to not take medication. I am so blessed. I know maybe someday I might have to but for now I will enjoy this.
Along the way I have helped others going through their own withdrawal hell.I have met a lot of folks on Twitter that post cries of help.
Thanks to everyone here for being there. I wish everyone love and healing. Be patient. Love yourself first. You matter.
And if I can be of any support or help - please let me know. I will try and be here more often as time permits it just happens to be a slow day for us today and I had a moment.
Whatever you're struggling with, you don't have to go through it alone.
A lifeline is here for you, 24/7, at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)