Been Off For 8 Weeks
Posted Yesterday, 08:53 AM
Boy you hit the nail on the head there.
LDN - The most effective thing I have found is Milk of Magnesia, (Magnesium hydroxide). The ground will shake and the earth move but so will something else. Start with small doses as it can cause some cramping if you get too carried away.
A hearty well wishes to you and yours as well.
- LDN likes this
Posted Yesterday, 06:20 PM
So, back to the forum today! I am really sorry to hear that the last few days have not been going so well. Exposure was a good start, but then the low mood afterwards? I mean, where does it come from?! I have had feelings like this before - typically after an exposure when you should be feeling much better, yet there is nothing, and it is this feeling which only worsens the overall feeling and sets you back. I know 2 weeks is going to seem like a long time, but given the length of the exposure, it really isn't. If you remember, I had my discharge rubbish from the mental health team and then the big party. That set me back for a couple of weeks, and what you had to go through was a fair bit more. Not that I am saying you will be this way for a bit longer, I am just saying to look at it proportionally - with respect to the severity of the exposure involved. It is this time that we suffer as a result to the reaction to the exposures that we want to eliminate. Well, if we could do that, then none of us would be anxious or depressed!!
Don't be too harsh on yourself for coming across as vibrant. This is one of the things we do. We adapt to the moment. I do it every day with my clients - most of them would have no idea that I have suffered from PTSD for the last 2 years. I just don't let them see. If I am feeling THAT bad, I will say that I had some bad news, or I have a headache or something and they'll never know. It is lying to myself as you say, but this is how I have to deal with it. I am not sure how some clients would deal with the information. As much as I would like to think they would be compassionate about it, you just don't know how some would react. They might not like being around someone like that, so it is better all round that they do not know. Some I have chosen to tell, those that I know would be fine about it - and most of those have suffered from mental illness themselves. In fact, I have 2 clients who are themselves depressed and 3 who are bipolar would you believe!! So when I see them, things are very comfortable. But it wouldn't be nearly as comfortable for people to know if they haven't "been there and done that". Not the same. I am sure you will agree.
Again, don't torment yourself too much about these social interactions. Don't forget that you still SEE plenty of people, albeit not on a social footing, but the exposure is fairly similar. So you are doing well. Just being around people is a big thing. Not always engaging with them. I actually find it much easier to engage that just be around people. I get quite uncomfortable.
It is nuts how the typing can hurt your arms so much. Makes me feel bad that you are writing these journal essays for the forum! And what you say about cabin fever and at the same time needing to rest is EXACTLY where I am a lot of the time. Not quite as bad as you, but when energy levels go, then you need to rest, but I just can't. I need to do something.
Speaking of which, my something for today was going to be difficult as I couldn't see anything that might help. So I left 20 minutes early for first client and I went to walked to the therapy place again - the route I need to take. I then stayed there for 5 minutes before heading back to the car. I just watched the people go about their everyday stuff. Felt a bit uncomfortable, but nothing I couldn't deal with. Probably helped knowing that I could just up and leave when I wanted, and that it was at a time when I chose. The therapy session itself is... wait for it.. early morning again. Not a lot I can do about it, but I am going to suffer for 10-12 weeks now. I know it is for the best, but I really did not want this. I will speak to my therapist on the first session and ask if there is anyone that might be able to swap their time on that day. Even an hour or two would make a massive difference. Not just in the sleep I will be getting, but the mood that will have stabalised by that time. If I just jump out of bed and get straight on with something, I feel bloody awful. Will have to see what can be done...
Right. Rest time again. I do hope that you have been able to find some better times today man. And if you need a break with the arms, then do it. Don't worry. I don't want to cause you any more pain!!
Much love brother
Posted Yesterday, 11:07 PM
Hey man such bad exhaustion here unfortunately! My arms are hurting so much and it is really getting me down the pain. I normally don't have a problem typing but I am just so weak right now I have no idea what is happening! I feel so so limited by this body. It is just holds me back so much! I have a brain full of ideas but I can't write them out because of the pain!!! I do check the word count of my posts and can see they are a bit down.
Anxiety is fine, but just lingering depression and this horrible weakness and fatigue! I have never had this pain in my arms before so i have no idea what is going on! So frustrating when I have all these ideas I want to talk about!!! I hope tomorrow night I have more energy.
I am really getting so down about my weakness. I feel I am being held back so much with this body. And I am making so little progress. I was tried so many different treatments and here I still am! Every single day I spend so much time doing all my treatments and that is simply to keep me at this very very low baseline! It's almost not the worth the effort of all the stretches and sauna etc but without I would be in bed all day. My dad tells me I have 'full time job' with all my treatments everyday!! Then I have all these appointments to go to again simply to maintain this low baseline of energy!
I really appreciate the kindness of my doctors but at the same time by far the biggest thing that has helped is the meditation/mindfulness and I found that! I must repeat all my doctors as humans are really lovely people but in terms of results here I am still so fatigued! But there are many other people like me with Chronic fatigue, ME, Lyme who are in the same boat or worse.
Anyway it is what it is - I'm only on earth for learning and to spread love, I'm not here for selfish reasons! If I was selfish I would never have agreed to to this LOL!! So I have to trust God's plan, and the bigger spiritual picture! I have a job here, I am not exactly sure what but I know I am here for a reason and there is a plan and I must let it play out! If this is what God wants then I accept. No earthly pleasure can match the joy of God that awaits. I am a spiritual being having a human experience.
I think you just caught me at a really bad time today because of my frustration at feeling so weak and in pain at the start of the post. So i apologise my brother! It's just I have been resting for a week now and I feel like I am getting more tired!! Also I forgot to tell you my stomach pains have been pretty bad the last two nights. I don't mind that but it doesn't help.
I think sometimes when you rest you get more tired initially, if that makes sense? When you are doing exposures, you are so turned on and up for it, your firing on all cylinders. But when people like you and me say lets rest, we get more fatigued and low and apathetic because we don't have that motivation. I know right now I MUST rest but in the process of resting I'm obviously not got any adrenaline going or anything like that so the mood and energy lowers. It's like when you do exposures and they go so much easier than you think, because we are up for it, but then when we have rest it's unenjoyable because we have switched ourselves off. I often experience a good exposure and then a few bad days of resting, that is quite a common occurrence and I think this is what is happening now on just a much bigger scale. I did a whole load of exposures for months and now it is my first proper full on rest. You obviously have that sort of high of all these exposures and then the flatness of just doing basically nothing when for months I had stuff on just non stop. So I can understand the flatness, that makes a lot of sense. But the fatigue getting worse is a bit weird but I suppose all this sleep I am having is maybe lulling me into a very sedative state. I'm getting near 12 hours a day right now and that is a lot and that my body maybe has just got stuck in this very slow rhythm, so when I try and turn myself on like in the evening for this post it's much harder than usual. Does that makes sense? Basically I'm more rusty because I have so sedentary for these last few weeks.
Again apologies for all that - thinking out loud!!!
Man so impressed about you going back to the therapy building! Sensational! Really proud of you brother!! So happy and excited you are keeping up such positive work! I do feel back for being so ranty when you are being so inspirational I must be honest. But it is just so nice to read for me!
Ah man that is annoying about the morning but I reckon if you see if someone can swap that might work out, since most people don't have the issue we have with mornings. My therapist sometimes moves things around. So I would say for you to see what they say in the first session and go from there.
Also I think that is really nice you our so close to some of your clients that you know about their mental health, that must be really cool to physically know people who are going through issues similar to what we go through. I definitely agree with you it is one of those things were people who have experienced it personally makes a huge difference!
Ironically my arms aren't as bad as at the start now, which backs up that my system needs some oiling and is maybe a bit rusty from all that sleep! Thanks for putting up with me today!
Love you so much brother!
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