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#1321 invalidusername

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Posted 05 February 2020 - 05:39 PM

Hi Pol...

 

Thank you for your kind words. I need the forum now more than ever! Knowing I am surrounded by my CW family helps me more that I could put into words. I have very faith in my therapist - I just wish I could afford to see her more than a week at a time!!

 

Prayers are very gratefully received at the moment to expedite whatever on earth I am going through at the moment...

 

Bless you my dear one,

 

IUN


#1322 invalidusername

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Posted 05 February 2020 - 06:34 PM

Hey brother...

 

Well it did get worse unfortunately. I woke after around 4 hours and couldn't get back to sleep and just lay there with the experiences of my previous withdrawals - just like you have felt vulnerable about. This is exactly what happened almost every time. I would never have trouble sleeping, but would wake once and that would be it. Too tired and too scared to move. It was one of the worst mornings for months. Goodness knows what is going on in my brain. 

 

I had a client at 4pm and managed to pick myself up for that, and then had an hour back at home during which I did these exercises that my therapist showed me. I embraced the fear and just let it in. It turned into sadness, and I did the same, and before I knew it, I was asleep - only for about 20 minutes, but I then felt a bit better to go to my second client. The sadness crept back in and that horrible feeling you get in the stomach that accompanies depression. Still no appetite, but ate my lunch and as I write, it is still the same. Feel like a visitor to the earth and just want to go home. Amazing what three days of this sort of stuff can do. How you got through your years of it I will (hopefully) never know.

 

All that is keeping me going is the knowledge that it must pass. It cannot stay like this for much longer. I have just got to get the fear under control to prevent it from stringing it out longer. I dare not tell the doctor or go to the hospital. That is the last thing I need on my record. 

 

Maybe it didn't help only having 2 1/2 hours of time booked for today, but left it like that as I though I might need a mid-week break. The self-compassion is a difficult one as I would do anything to turn back the clock and not have gone near that stuff. I have just got to ride this through. Just wish I knew how much longer I have got left!! Minutes pass like hours when you feel like this - as you of course know.

 

I know you understand what you are doing with this reduction, but I really hope you don't have any problems with it. Are you not using a micro scale to get the weight more accurate. Very difficult to eye-ball milligrams here and there for sure. This is what I will have to do with my Citalopram when the time comes. 

 

Sorry this has all been a bit one sided again, but I really need to tell you and I know that you will understand. No support down here at all. Family have grown tired of it, doctor knows nothing about anything and if I go to hospital I will only get pushed over to the awful mental health team which is the last thing I want. Just wish I could see my therapist more often!

 

GAIL'S CORNER - Something very unusual happened. A while ago I had to fix the ABS on my car as it was cutting in and out as and when it felt like it and it was making me so upset as I knew the job wasn't easy. This was some time ago, and it all of a sudden came back right now when it is the last thing I need. I was hitting the steering wheel and screaming out to God to fix my car!! PLEASE!!! I carried on driving home and it was still doing it getting me so low. But then yesterday, it didn't return. OK, I thought, just a short journey, it'll come back. No it didn't for the rest of the day. And again today, still no sign of it....

 

Much love to you both

 

God Bless


#1323 LDN

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Posted 05 February 2020 - 10:59 PM

Oh brother so sorry! You will get through this!! I am here for 100%!! We are in this together!! This is withdrawal related and will not last! This is so so horrific for you to go through but it won't last! I have seen so many times I really horrible depression quite rapidly disappear. I think what you have right now is similar to what I had with my ketamine. I was super depressed for a few days, obviously induced by the ketamine messing around with my brain, but then it settled pretty quickly and soon i had forgotten about it! 

 

I am so happy your therapist is there to help you through this! Just stick in there and you will be back with her next week before you know it!! It is fantastic you are already putting into practice some of the stuff she went through with you! 

 

Also just a massive well done for getting through the day!! Show yourself some serious love for that!! I am so so proud of you! You should be really proud of yourself brother! Of course you would love to turn back the clock, but how many times in life could we say that?? We can't do that, so you just have to be as present as possible. You and me will have moments we wish we could back and change in this life brother, that is being human. You were perfectly entitled to try something new. If you had never tried new stuff, you would never have found the Kratom right?? Think how much that has helped!!! In life we have to try things that could go well or could go bad. It is part of being human and being on earth. I think you need to see rather than 'I wish I didn't do it', but 'this is part of life'. As I say without trying new things, you would never have got onto the Kratom!!! 

 

2 1/2 hours out in your state is superb stuff! Again I am so so proud of you!! Bursting with pride! I really hope you can see for yourself how brave you are right now!! Coming on the forum!! Fantastic stuff man!! 

 

There is a bigger picture at play here!! This is all just part of our - EARTH EXPERIENCE!! WE ARE SPIRITUAL BEINGS HAVING A HUMAN EXPERIENCE!!! There is a plan and no doubt something good will come of this!! As long as there is love in your heart brother that is the main thing!!! The summerland is waiting for us brother - but until it is our time we have to spread the love as best we can!!! 

 

As I have said before you are helping so many people while are in this human experience!! All the forum, the old man the other day, your clients!!! The world needs your love right now man!!! Think of how many people your love has helped!!! God clearly wants you down here spreading the love and what a heart of love you have!! 

 

This is all just preparing us for the Summerland! The more love we can foster in our hearts and share and spread, then the more ready we will be for the HUGE love we will face in the Summerland! This is all part of a plan!!!

 

And man never apologise!! This what it is all about - sharing exactly how we feel!! I am always here for you!! We are in this together!! I understand from experience exactly what you are going through and want to do anything I can do help! Just wish I could do more!! But I will be praying for you brother!!

 
So today I had therapy and other than that just resting as still feel run down and a bit burnt out. Just weak really. 
 
I love you so much brother!! 
 
God Bless!!

#1324 invalidusername

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Posted 06 February 2020 - 06:49 PM

Evening brother...

 

Thanks again for an encouraging message, and I am glad to report that as the day has gone on today, I have really improved. Morning was still quite difficult, but I did my exercises that my therapist explained, but it was so difficult with all the building noise going on. I could feel it sort of working, and it is so difficult to make you stay in the moment and let the fear wash over you, but I kept saying to myself that I have to feel it if I am to cure it. This is very much like Claire Weekes and her anxiety methods - this I can relate to.

 

I really hope that my experience serves as a warning to others though. That stuff is sure not to be trifled with. Even at smaller doses I don't think it should be used. It is a medicene moreover a natural herb. I now can't believe that you can buy it so readily over the Internet. You might as well be buying heroine off a bloke on eBay! 

 

I liked reading what you said about the Kratom and you are absolutely correct. I don't know where I would have been without it - particularly these last few days. But I should say that I have always remained sensible with this stuff. I have never let my faily allowance get anywhere close to double figures as I know this is where the trouble starts. On the very few occasions where I have taken it twice, the morning dose is always half that of the evening as it is on an empty stomach. 

 

Got to that state during the afternoon where my mood was swinging so quickly one way and the next. I was thinking whether or not to wash the car between clients, and I just couldn't make my mind up - and this then led to a bit of anxiety perhaps inevitably. I have done this many times before. I need to make a decision and stick to it, otherwise this always happens. 

 

I hope you have been resting if you have felt a little burnt out. I know you are always at therapy, but feel I need to also pass on a congrats. Sometimes these things can still be difficult regardless of them being routine. It is, after all, something that you do not have control over. A walk for example, if you don't feel like it, you can write it off, but not commitments. This is what can be tough, so you always need to recognise. So how has today gone?

 

Apologies Gail, but feel I need a breather this evening. Head is a bit empty for corner content this evening. Also been a really busy week on the forum, which is a good thing as it has kept me occupied. It reminds me that I am never in this alone, and I think it is useful for others who are going through withdrawal to occasionally see that those of us who are well on the recovery road still need to take things very slow and easy and watch what we do. 

 

Still been picturing this Summerland scene that we have been speaking of - down to the last detail, the length of the grass exactly, how soft the earthy underfoot is, the temperature of the air, the amazing quality of the air - not that we breathe, but can feel it all the same. I long to be surrounded by this permanent feeling of love and joy wherever you go. To never have to worry about falling ill, or the limits of these darn shells! the mind boggles, but this is our school for now and it is important that we learn what we set out to do. Us three have really done a number on ourselves with this lifetime, but we need to think how amazing it will be having gone through this and how we can help continue to help when we get to the Other Side...

 

Much much love to you both,

 

God Bless


#1325 LDN

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Posted 06 February 2020 - 11:21 PM

Hey brother! Oh so happy today was a better! I was confident with would happen and so happy it has played like that!!! You have been so brave and a massive bravo from me! I think you handled this period with such courage! As I said I just really hope you can realise how well you are handling things and give yourself some love!! You need to remember that spreading the love, means to yourself!!!! I will mentioning this because you really should be so proud of yourself!! I am certainly massively proud of you!! 

 

My day was again very very non eventful. Woke up completely knackered. Had the funniest dream, that wait for it.............I was a cat walk model!!!! LOL!!! Just making laugh to think about it!!! So then was so tired all day. Brief walks and then siesta which was longer than usual. And now pretty much back to bed. Quite anti-climatic at the moment. But I can't complain, things being boring is so much better than things being bad! Just know I need a lot of rest at the moment. A bit overwhelmed with my friends and my poetry, both take up a lot of time. Happy I'm doing both as it part of my recovery but they take a lot of energy! Especially the poetry, endless messages to reply to and I was invited to join a group of writers, which is great but means I have to reply whenever they post a poem! So slightly pressurised situation! 

 

Yeah I am so looking forward to the Summerland but as I have experienced before, the veil can be lifted once in a while in this human experience and we get a taste of what is to come! And the work we are doing here will hold us in such good stead for when we are called home!! I have no doubt we will be happy we went though all this once we can see the full picture once we are home!! 

 

Great stuff with carrying on with your therapists methods!! It one of those things you have to keep practicing and it gets easier and easier!! This is an exciting time for you man! I think it will really help you going forward! 

 

I am really looking forward to showing this stuff from my book, when I have the energy!! Just so knackered right now!! 

 

I will be praying as usual man! 

 

Love you so much brother! 

 

God Bless!


#1326 invalidusername

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Posted 07 February 2020 - 07:13 PM

Hey brother....

 

Thanks for the words of support. Glad to say that today also saw a bit more improvement. I'd say 75% back to where I was. Morning was still a but difficult, but I did manage to get a couple of hours in on the car which is a positive. Strange thing is that I did have one hour where the depression came back at me - around 6.30pm. Right when I was doing the car. I should have been enjoying myself, but it just hit me and I was thinking... this sucks. I make the decision to do this and I end up depressed. Soon after I got home, I was fine again. Very strange. Might just be residual of the withdrawal. Or perhaps my brain was expecting stress as I was working on the car....

 

Glad you are seeing the positive of a non-eventful day. Some times that is what is needed. And what on earth was with that dream man?! Can you remember any further details? That would be so funny!

 

And here is LDN sporting the latest from the Eli Lilly line. We particularly like the beads that accessorise the blue and yellow ensemble. :D

 

I have seen a lot of activity on the poem front - it is good to get that interaction, but just go careful that you don't overdo it. You can still burnout from the comfort of your own bed you know! This is why I have taken a step back from things this evening. I think the car has perhaps set my brain on alert despite there being no problems. I am in a very vulnerable state and I am probably expecting something to come of the work I did in the next day or so - even though it is very unlikely. We really must be careful.

 

How has it been going with the catching up with the friends? Has it remained remote or has there been any visits? The group of writers sounds good, but as you say, watch the pressure. All the glitz and glamour! I am insanely proud of you for taking this leap, and for your sister for her part to play in it. There is a big hug with her name on it when I meet her. 

 

GAIL'S CORNER - Well this is a continuation of this scene we have going. I love thinking about this. Been thinking about the flying that Gailage often mentions. Seems so strange that we can manoeuvre in these so many ways. I had a thought today that we were at our field and we had a flying race!! Last one to the big oak tree is a dog poo!! LOL. I'm also picturing Gail's garden. It is just like the one in the movie "The Secret Garden". It has this lovely ornate stone building with ivy growing all over and the biggest roses you've ever seen, and some of them are this deep rich blue-violet. I know they don't exist here, but they do in her garden! 

 

Well also knackered myself as well after the car work, but glad I got out and about in the fresh air. Hope this will aid a good sleep tonight. Look forward to reading you when I wake up!

 

Much much love

 

God Bless


#1327 LDN

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Posted 07 February 2020 - 11:32 PM

Hey man! So feeling actually pretty depressed tonight. Burn out from all these extra pressures you mentioned! I can be tough to switch off, thinking I have to do this and have to do that! 

 

Again very uneventful day. Up and then short walks and then back to sleep. Woke so tired again! I have got to be honest my brain is a bit dead right now so sorry if this message isn't the greatest! The depression is digging in a bit as well!! 

 

Haha my dream! Well I can remember them doing the makeup and clothes and hair! Some new designer range LOL!! Yeah Eli Lily range LOL!!! 

 

Really happy to hear you are continuing to feel a bit better! Fantastic to hear! And you deserve so much credit for that since I think you have handled yourself so well!! You followed through on the techniques of your therapist, you kept going and again showed such bravery!! What an inspiration you are to me brother!! 

 

So sorry for tonight my brother! Really need to work on slowing things down a bit!! In terms of friends none have visited yet but just email contact! 

 

I hope you have a fantastic weekend and get in some good rest! Remember even if it boring or frustrating it will be doing you a lot of good!! I need to heed that advice myself!!! 

 

GAIL'S CORNER - 

I was in a really really bad depression winter 2018. I was out in the garden and feeling horrific. So so depressed. Then a a little bird flew into the garden and was perched on the fence! Suddenly I had this feeling 'this is God'. I just had this feeling the bird was God. He had come to give me some hope in my despair. Very quickly the bird flew off, but I was ecstatic!! Almost jumping up and down with joy! Something magic had happened beyond words!! It lifted me up so much this experience and gave me so much strength to deal with the depression I was facing! It was a moment of divine intervention to me! I was such a beautiful experience!!

 

I love you so much brother! 

 

God Bless!


#1328 gail

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Posted 08 February 2020 - 09:09 AM

GAIL'S CORNER

2009, July. I was going for my favorite trip. Carleton, near the Gaspe Coast. About 9 hours from here. Alone of course. I was anxious to get there , go down the steps and see the sea just in front of me. Eureka,, at last. But what was astounding was the brightness of the stones.

I had my bag full, the orange was the çolor of an orange, all was magnafied. I was happy like a child to see all those colors.

Time for bed , and I'll check them tomorrow.to my surprise, they had lost their luminosity.

I continued my search just the same, found a huge green Jasper and a big rock full of fossiles. A beautiful trip.
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#1329 invalidusername

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Posted 08 February 2020 - 06:20 PM

Hey brother.... and Gailage...

 

Will double up on the message today! Looks like it has been a very tough week for us three musketeers with the depression! I am really sorry to hear you have "not been left out" LDN. I think you are right that it can be all the pressures. They can sit at the back of your mind and gnaw away without you knowing. Good thing that you managed some walks all the same. I hope that you have managed to find some time today to let your brain let loose and float free into some other-worldly thinking.

 

I have been to my friends today and done another couple of hours on the car. Other than that I have been looking after the wife - she has got really bad again. She has got it all. Can't have any noise, getting irate with me over nothing, lost appetite and really going to town on the valium. I just don't know what to do. 

 

She says that she simply does not have the energy to get well... but without sounding nasty, that is what the depression will have us believe am I right? Not like you brother with your Lymes - that is a different kettle o' fish. I really want to help, but can't do anything without getting shouted at or entering into a conversation that will pull me into the same vortex - I am not THAT strong. I really wish she would consider another counsellor. Those last four sessions were her record. She had only managed three before that with the other two. This does make my progress very difficult and gets me down. 

 

These exercises are still quite tough. This morning was on of those where you wake any think "oh no, another day... I really cannot be bothered". Everything seems like such a task. I know that once I get movement, it usually gets better, but I am so tired of still having these moments. I let myself feel it as though it were fear and I find myself tensing... then let the tension go... then it will come back... and so I continue. Eventually, I feel quite exhausted by it all, but the thinking doesn't worry me quite as much. Today I did an hour without realising it! I really hope this will pay off as it is very very tough. But I can at least report back to the therapist - see what she has to say...

 

But back to your own side of things. I really hope that there was some perspective from it today - whether it was the whole pressure thing or something else. I know you can deal better with these things that I when you do not know what it going on. Perhaps a bit of biological going on from the dropage? What is the latest there?

 

GAIL'S CORNER - That was a lovely image that you put in my head Gail - thank you. The colours are what really excite me about getting to the Other Side. I like to think of it that here on earth we are seeing everything in black and white, and all the sound we hear is in a very low quality mono signal... and in the Summerland we have our eyes open to colour and the most blissful sounds that we have forgotten since our trip to earth. 

 

That reminds me of a little anecdotal story - I forget where it came from. But it was a little girl who asked her grandfather I think, what the world was like before it had colour? The grandfather asked what she meant... and the girl replied... I have seen the photos of when you were younger and everything was black and white!

 

Much love to you both.

 

God Bless


#1330 LDN

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Posted 08 February 2020 - 11:34 PM

Hey man! Another day of depression for me. Plus my mum went into A and E because she had been feeling some bad pains in her bowels. I woke to an empty house and found out through text my brother and sister were with my mum in A and E. She is spending the night there. If she came home, then went back, she would count as discharged and have to start over again tomorrow, so was best for her to stay the night. My dad drove back from the country. It moments like today when I hate being so weak, tired and disabled. I would have loved to have gone with her, but I am just too weak to be spending a day in A and E. Too much sensory overload. It is what it is. A tick bit me, that is nature and I have to just accept it. Thankfully I am improving and my brain works, though very very slow!!! But if you could pray for my mum that would me the world to me! Thank you brother! She should be home tomorrow. 

 

Anyway being depressed already and then add it the stress of that and it wasn't a great day. I think it is very likely my depression is linked to me overdoing the poetry stuff. I am in a way regretting it because I feel I just don't have the energy for it. And it is something that I feel really needs a lot of energy to be done well. I don't like doing things in half measures. My therapist told me my thinking was all or nothing, and that is how I am. I either want to work work work on my account or wait till I am strong enough too! So now I am thinking it was a mistake to start it and I should have waited another year or so, when I would have had more energy to make a good go of it. But for sure, I think this caused my depression. The stress on my shoulders is exactly what I have been trying to avoid!!! The benefit system in this country is so dehumanising for the disabled, so I have no money, other than from parents. If I tried to get benefits, almost certainly they would turn me down and I would have to take them to court. But I am in no state for a court case right now!! It is sad when you have somebody like me who is so weak, and therefore denied the ability to work, but there is basically no humane system in place to give you some autonomy. I am of course very lucky I have my parents.

 

But to have the NHS tell you your illness is fake, well what can I do? Every time I go I have to lie to them! I can't say I feel very welcome by this countries approach to chronic illness and disability! Anyway you have faced much much worse than me, so I apologise for indulging in my sadness at the NHS, but I know you would understand! I mean Germany and America have no problem accepting Lyme, so why does this country think it knows better? Sometimes you have listen to the experts and stop thinking you know best without having done the research. Plus they hate anything alternative the NHS. Just drugs. In France the do homeopathy on the universal health service! 

 

Sorry for the rant, but I know you will understand. Anyway I have somehow slow my self down next few days. I am surprised my energy is still so low, but I think that initial burst of manic energy when I started reducing my dose has really taken it's toll. I had to cope with too much energy than my body could handle and now I seeing the crash from it. 

 

I am so sorry about your wife brother. I really hope she can give therapy a proper go, like you say. It can take a lot of sessions to get a breakthrough, it not something that works after only a few sessions. Maybe she is expecting something to happen in the first few sessions and then loses hope. I have never heard of anybody just getting better from a few sessions of therapy. Does she know she has to give it time? I really will be praying for her. I was so happy when you said she did 2 hours of work and went to the shops. That shows what she is capable of!!! She can do it!! It is just about getting over this mental block! I am really hopeful she can do it! It is just about maybe something small shifting and then everything will fall into place. Her going out to the shops on her own shows that. Also getting her handbag stolen was so sad and must have really re-enforced her fear of the outside. As I say I really think it is a chaos theory moment. Just something tiny needs to shift and her whole approach can change. I have seen this myself in my own recovery. 

 

These exercises can be really tough man, so well done for sticking at it! See what your therapist says, but from my experience it does get much easier after a while and the benefit is massive! Anyway really proud of your bravery, brother!! 

 

Love you so much brother!

 

God Bless


#1331 LDN

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Posted 08 February 2020 - 11:37 PM

Gail that story was so beautiful!!! Wow! I love your stories my princess!!! I want to share some moments like this with you in the Summerland!

 

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!


#1332 gail

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Posted 09 February 2020 - 06:47 AM

Prayers for Mrs Scrat and you my Scrat. I was thinking that it was high time that Jesus came to town. All that suffering is too much. I visionize Jesus coming through the clouds and put an end to all this. Besides prayers, nothing much we can do, but wait it out.

It hurts so much to see others suffer, myself included. We're talking about millions here. I so wish that I could cure everyone with mental illness. First thing I ask in my prayers.

I AM A spiritual being living a human experience. What a $%#@\, sorry!
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#1333 gail

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Posted 09 February 2020 - 07:14 AM

GÀILS CORNER

I'm floating on a cloud, I can see my forum friends on other nearby clouds. Relaxed, enjoying angel music, so soft. This is the Summerland spa. We can bounce from one cloud to another, the one that appeals to us.

A pair of wings on my side, I put them on and off I go to the most beautiful turquoise sea. Swimming in that sea is like being in heaven, what am I saying, I am in heaven. Dolphins taking me for rides. I talk to my friends by telepathy. They all come flying to my site. Tears of happiness here and there. Happy people, no sickness, no wars, just love, peace and smiles.

FREE AT LAST. London was so excited that he jumped in the sea, forgetting to remove his wings. DONT WORRY , LOOK! HE can fly with no wings. Same for all of us. No phones, no TV, nothing disturbing and Scrat, no cars only the happy wife.

At last, we're home. Thank you God!
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#1334 invalidusername

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Posted 09 February 2020 - 06:24 PM

Hey brother and sister!

 

Gailage, that is a lovely scene!! Trust LDN to forget his wings!! Way to go man!! LOL. And interestingly enough, when we swim or bathe in the Summerland, we don't come out of the water dripping wet like we do here. We come out and we are the same as when we went in as we are energy, not matter. We still feel the water in the same way, except more. I have read a fair few accounts of this. 

 

The one thing I am having real trouble with is the cars part! We don't need transport of course. But I will have the opportunity to keep doing stuff with cars when I cross over until it is out of my system. It won't go straight away, so I will need some time!! But this is the same for everything, with the exception of drink and drugs... that is a big no-no over there....

 

Thank you for this account Gail. It was a lovely read when I woke.

 

So next important thing on the agenda... LDN... your mum. I immediately stopped mid-message and sent a prayer her way. I could feel the family as the hospital - the patience, the anticipation. Please do update... is you are able. God bless her. I sincerely hope everything is alright.

 

And I think you are right about this depression. You have done what I did when I got over-excited with the car and all things related. It is a wonderful thing that you are doing with the poetry - seriously is - but you are learning to walk again with it all. Goodness, I was a few months and I couldn't get it right and was in and out of recovery. Burnout can come so quickly, there are a few skills there to do with your "all or nothing" approach as your therapist said. I still have plenty of that in me!!

 

That said, I had to drop something off to a client today on my way to see my parents. The client "trapped" me and took over an hour of my time. Obviously they had to pay the extra, but I didn't care. This was NOT a day for work. I had to write the parents trip off as I didn't want to drive that far and back - especially with the weather we have had - 70mph winds down here!! So I could easily have pushed myself and carried on, but I saw that as enough and went home for more of a rest. I am slowly learning.

 

I am sure your sister would step in and help somewhere? She clearly has a handle on this social stuff - maybe some inter-family delegation!!? LOL. Seriously though, yes, you need to limit the time you do this stuff. The probably is, it is an "always-on" technology. You cannot escape it 24/7 - just like texts and emails etc. The 21st century stress! We need to know how to control it, otherwise it will take over! You were telling me so many times over the last few weeks - you need to take a leaf out of that wonderful book yourself man. You know it all, you have told me yourself... but putting it into practise is a whole other ball game isn't it!!

 

Right. Time to get the last bit of relaxing in before the week starts again. I am glad to say that I have a bit of time off mid week which will be great for me. I intend to keep it that way too. I still have some borrowed time from the last burnout that I need owing... I cannot forget this.

 

Love and lovage to you both

 

God Bless


#1335 LDN

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Posted 09 February 2020 - 10:19 PM

Hey brother! Thank so much for your prayers! My mum is still in tonight as they couldn't do some scans till tomorrow, so she had to stay in. She couldn't come home and then go in for the scans, she can only have them if she stays in. My dad was with her today. Hopefully she is home tomorrow. 

 

I had some bad depression throughout the day. Burn out leads to that. Obviously my mum being in hospital is an added stress. I don't feel good. Very flat and fed up of being so weak. My whole body has become very tense the last few days. A lot of pain in my lower skull and neck. My back hurts a lot. I feel so so weak. Sorry you have caught me in a bad state tonight. I have cabin fever a bit because I have been sleeping a lot last few days but then I know I can't do anything because I have to rest. So I feel just immense frustration. It is really hard to simultaneously make progress but also not overdo things. Again sorry but I can't lie to you brother! 

 

Also I am withdrawing at the moment and I had some anxiety linked to that today as well. 

 

I am really happy you had a good day! And a massive well done for not pushing yourself and taking care of yourself like that! I was proud to read that! 

 

I hope you have a good day tomorrow and sorry again for not being grumpy tonight!! LOL! 

 

Love you so much brother!

 

God Bless!


#1336 LDN

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Posted 09 February 2020 - 10:23 PM

OH WOW!!! GAIL THAT WAS STUNNING!! 

 

I will read and re-read that over and over again!!! I could cry with joy just thinking of it!!! 

 

I want to go now!!! I can't wait for this moment!!! 

 

FREE AT LAST!!!!!!!!!!! JOY AND PEACE AND SMILES!!!!!!! YES MY LOVE!!!!!

 

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH GAIL!!!!!!


#1337 invalidusername

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Posted 10 February 2020 - 06:25 PM

Evening brother...

 

PM coming your way - sorry for our following folk - be back tomorrow!!


#1338 gail

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Posted 11 February 2020 - 06:52 AM

GAIL'S CORNER

Were back from our swimming episode. For the sake of the story, we might have bodies. We join together to decide what we will do next. I invite them all to my tiny and all white chapel. We all agree.

500 feet height, this is my chapel and a visitor comes often. He is there with his long white robe. Stays for hours. One day, we will gather our courage to speak to him. There is a kind of pale aura surrounding him. So we pray for each other, mind you that Mrs Scrat is with us and looks happy, also Mrs London till she's well. That makes, six of us looking for peace.

The men go fishing so we can eat and we ladies look for something to make a salad. Done, our cook is Scrat Tonite. And the man with the robe comes to us, we invite him to eat. Wait, he says, I will fetch a bottle of wine that was left here a long time ago.

Is this who we think it is? We'll find out when he comes back. Mrs Scrat gathers her courage to ask who he is. His answer I AM YOUR FRIEND. nothing more comes out of his mouth. He even brought fresh bread. With the wine, we are having a good time and laughing. And then He speaks and asks us what has brought us at the turquoise sea.

We're spiritual beings being homesick for our real home. We suffer a lot with mental issues and needed a fresh start. And London asks if he is Jesus? Yes, I am Jesus. Can you heal us Jesus?

I will take you one by one to the chapel. First, Mrs London, go back home, nothing serious. The five others follow him in the chapel. Since we all suffer from the same ailments, Jesus touches our shoulder and head. You are now free and liberated from these ailment. Gratitude, tears of joy and love. We have met the Master, all jumping in joy. At last free of those awful ailments that poisoned our life.

But what can we do in return? Just bring him to me. Pray for each other and all those suffering mental issues. He then rose, and on a cloud, he vanished saying that he'll be back.i turned around to see great smiles, I could feel the gratitude in all, including myself.

Back to the turquoise Waters with the dolphins. Mrs London went back on her invisible wings
We will stay a few days extra. That was a request from Mrs Scrat. We all agreed!

#1339 invalidusername

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Posted 11 February 2020 - 07:04 PM

Gailage... my dear...
 
I have been looking forward to your message all day. I started reading it and thought, I will wait until I have finished for the day so I can end by reflecting on these wonderful words you have written today. My wife was so touched that you have written her into your corner today. She thanks you so much! And I am out of likes!! I will remember to like tomorrow. But I have saved this in my email!
 
I am in this white chapel with you, it is wonderful and the ceiling reaches into the sky! It it is made of some kind of marble, but when the light shines in some places, I can see purples and blues.... like a pearl. It is magnificent. We worry that the floor will be cold, but it is nothing like this. Everything about being here is comfortable.
 
Lovely that I am cooking for you. And you girls have found some amazing herbs from the nearby woodland - that we have never tasted before, but we have been told they are all safe to eat. The wine is also wonderful and goes so well with all the food. There just seems to be enough food for so many people somehow. We all eat until we are happy and fed sat on the banks of the turquoise sea. 
 
I can see that once the Master has left us that we all enjoy the stillness as we look over the land around us under a sky that is slowly reaching dusk and there are amazing oranges and pinks everywhere. Then... suddenly.... the orbs appear and give us some extra light. They come from nowhere and just appear. They fill us with more energy and joy. We lay together... still... being present and enjoying every moment.
 
Gail... thank you again for this lovely post. I don't want to call it a story because stories sound like they cannot come true, but this will come true. We will be here together one day. I know this sea. I have not seen your chapel yet, but I will be asking for it to be shown to me. I will let you know when I do.
 
Much much lovage... and then more...

#1340 LDN

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Posted 11 February 2020 - 10:21 PM

GAIL SO SO BEAUTIFUL!! I LOVE IT!! I WILL NEED TO READ IT MANY TIMES TO TAKE IT ALL IN! 

 

YOU ARE A TRULY SPECIAL PERSON MY LOVE!!! 

 

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH GAIL AND GOD BLESS!


#1341 LDN

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Posted 11 February 2020 - 10:24 PM

Hi fishinghat, I was just wondering if having stomach cramps and diarrhea could be possibly related to my reducing my dose of Chlopromazine? My gut feels not right at all! 

 

Thanks so much! 


#1342 fishinghat

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Posted 12 February 2020 - 09:48 AM

As Chlorpromazine interferes with Cymbalta absorption do yes it could cause some issues. I would suggest you hold at your present level until things subside. How far have you dropped and how fast are you dropping? Chlorpromazine does not have an extreme withdrawal so you should recover quickly.
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#1343 LDN

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Posted 12 February 2020 - 10:17 PM

Hi fishinghat! So I am over a quarter down right now, around 5.5/8 left. I have been doing it slowly. It has been 3 weeks and a bit. I have felt ok today, I had some diarrhea. 

 

Thank you for your help! 

 

I hope you are well! 

 

Love and God Bless!


#1344 LDN

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Posted 12 February 2020 - 10:34 PM

Hey brother. So today I heard they found my cat this morning basically half dead this morning. Not sure what happened but she was found lying on the floor, with sick and eyes shut. She was taken to the vet straight away and while they got her temperature up, she wasn't improving and they suggested she be put down. So around 2 ish, she went to the Summerland! I am so happy for her to be honest, just the thought of her there! 

 

I was obviously very shocked by the news. I had my therapist at 2, so I was a bit all over the shop when I went in and at the end I was crying my eyes out! I was crying as me and my mum walked to the car through the streets. Tonight I cried some more. But she was 19/20 and I noticed a massive decline at Christmas. In the summer I didn't notice much change from the year before but when I was their at Christmas, she in the few months I had been away had gotten so much weaker. You could see everything was an effort and she slept most of the time, barely moving. She was such a feral cat she wouldn't have enjoyed being so weak and limited, so I am happy she is now at peace! I could sense the end was near if I am honest when I was down at Christmas. She had arthritis as well. Just jumping up to the sofa was such an effort. She really didn't seem to be enjoying being so limited by her shell. When her fellow cat died a few years ago she was so so sad about it, so it beautiful to think they are reunited. 

 

I am blessed to have shared such stunning memories with her and we had such a beautiful time together. But it was always tough leaving her, knowing how much she loved my company to be honest. I hated leaving her there. Now I know she is at peace in the Summerland! 

 

It was also interesting. This morning I heard my mum say on the phone to our friend in the country who found her 'take her to the vet straight away'. I was sleeping but heard it while half asleep. I didn't process it, but when my mum mentioned she had something to tell me I knew what it was. But then tonight I was telling my dad and he said that he was with my mum at the time she said that and the door to their room was closed, so it would have very strange for me to hear it! My door was shut and so was theirs. I heard nothing else! But I didn't dream it, because my mum said those exact words!! It think is something spiritual perhaps. Just my take. My dad was so shocked when I told him I heard it!

 

I had diarrhea again today, and also felt pretty weak. Mentally I feel weak as well. 

 

I need some rest now! 

 

Love you so much brother! 

 

God Bless!


#1345 gail

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Posted 13 February 2020 - 07:55 AM

GAILS CORNER. FOR lONDON WITH LOVE.

Our three days are over. We need to get back to Earth's reality. Of course, no one wants to leave.

We are all tanned and feel good and reinvigorated. We are so sad to leave.

And then, up in the sky, a big white bird is coming in our direction. At the same moment, our friend Jesus shows up and catches the envelope the bird dropped.

He sits down and reads it, tears are falling down his cheeks.

We all look at each other and wonder why he is crying.

Mrs Scrat then asks gently if there is something we can do to help.

Yes, there is. You all go down to the sea and wait for a new visitor.

Down we fly, we sit and wait and wait. Suddenly, here comes Chinchin, all perky and peppy, he sees his master and goes straight to him for cuddles. Inside themselves, they know but don't care to talk.

Their friend comes out from nowhere, looks at them, and says gently, you all know that Chinchin was nearing the end and here she is with us. A brave cat, a solitary cat, so loving that she chose London for Master, oh, how he loved him.

He will stay here at Summerland and will be well treated and loved. As for all of you, say your good byes, time is over for you here until your death.

HE SAYS, COME HERE Chinchin and he goes straight into his arms. Love is the name of the game.

So, before our way to Earth, we stop by for another cuddle. London is happy to see that his "lover" will be well taken care of.

And down we go, holding hands,first thing we know, we are in our own homes. We gather the courage to go on and wait our turn. Thank you Jesus, we will never forget this. Amen!

#1346 gail

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Posted 13 February 2020 - 04:05 PM

And where has Scrat moved to, not heard from you but I miss you.
FYI the chapel is made of wood with three large windows.nothing fancy at all but comfortable.
No place for more than fifteen. Lovage

#1347 invalidusername

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Posted 13 February 2020 - 06:40 PM

Gailage...

 

I'm still here, and wiping away tears from your story. I don't want to leave! It is so peaceful and tranquil up here and now having chinchin join us, it is such a wonderful atmosphere. I am so tired and in need of rest. Always the same when you are away from home, it is never enough...

 

Your stories are beautiful Gailage. You have a true talent for this.... thank you... bless you.

 

Much lovage.


#1348 invalidusername

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Posted 13 February 2020 - 06:50 PM

Hey man...

 

You know where I need to start this evening... and like you I am stuck. Both happy and sad. Either way, I am SO happy that you have had your time together. Maybe she was waiting for you - she knew that you would come and she wanted one more visit. But just like I said to Liz, all our furry friends stay exactly as they were with us down here and will be waiting for us when our time comes to join them.

 

Regarding what you heard - this is not at all strange. When I had to take my parents cat to the vet the same thing happened. My parents were on holiday and I had to sort things out. My sister got a call on day 2 saying she was improving, but then on day 3, just before 1pm, I heard someone say goodbye. I knew it was her. I rang my sister and she asked how I had found out as the vet had JUST called her. When you are that attached, this bond can exist.

 

I can't manage much more of a message tonight. I did have some time off, but this was because I had a meeting with my supervisor today which was around 90 minutes and really tires me out. Two clients, and then went to see some friends that I haven't seen in about 18 months. I was very weak, but I stayed there about an hour - little bit of anxiety, but it was something I haven't done and wanted to do. Something outside of my routine comfort zone. Thursday at 6pm, I would be with client x... and that is why I am comfortable, but not today. Got out the flat and did something different.

 

Need to rest - think I have had some sort of bug with the stomach - which is improving, but now the exhaustion. I am also finding I am getting very hungry quicker... must be a bug I think. See how we go tomorrow.

 

Prayers will be sent up for you all brother... time to bring the family together and thank God for such a wonderful life that was given to chinchin!

 

Much love.

 

God Bless.


#1349 LDN

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Posted 13 February 2020 - 11:38 PM

GAIL'S CORNER-

 

We are in the Summerland. It is me and Gail and IUN and his wife. We are down on the beach in the sun, the waves are so beautiful! Dolphins in the sea! 

 

Then comes Chin Chin, she comes to me and we cuddle. Then Gail and IUN cuddle her. Chin Chin tells me she has made a friend she wants me to meet! I say 'oh great!!! Who is it Chin Chin?'. She says it a surprise. So we wait and wait. 

 

Then a beautiful Boston Terrier is running towards us! Running so happily along the sand! We all feel overwhelmed with joy!!! 

 

Gail has tears of joy and shouts out 'KATOU'!!!!!!!!!!

 

Katou jumps onto Gail and they cuddle! We all cuddle Katou! Then Katou and Chin Chin play and have so much fun together!! They are best friends!!!! Katou is licking Chin Chin so much and she loves this!! 

 

We lie there on the beach and everything is perfect. We all start to cry with joy as Katou and Chin Chin have so much fun playing!!! 

 

We feel so much peace, and joy and happiness and love!!! SO MUCH LOVE! 

 

We could never in the wildest dreams have imagined a more beautiful moment!!! 

 

Every dream could come true on earth it would be close this joy we feel!!

 

Thank you Jesus! Amen!


#1350 LDN

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Posted 13 February 2020 - 11:47 PM

Hey brother! Yeah it was tough at times yesterday, a lot of tears as I have said. My whole family was hit hard by the news. My brother was very shaken. But today I have happy all day! I even talked to her in heaven in my prayers and waved to her. I just told how happy I was for her and I hope she was having a wonderful time! 

 

I hadn't been to the country at Christmas for 7 years and the 1st Christmas back is our last with her. It was meant to be I had one last Christmas with her. I know the love we shared will have made her last few months a lot easier and that is beautiful to know! What we shared together was something truly magical! We loved each other deeply. 

 

I am sorry about your stomach brother. But fantastic about that exposure today!! Amazing! That is huge man! To mix up your routine like that! WOW! And that was your choice as well!! I am so proud of you brother! Plus to do that on such a hectic day with speaking to your supervisor and then 2 clients! INCREDIBLE!! I really hope you can see how big a step this is!! Brilliant man!!! 

 

I am very tired here brother! Thanks for the love and support! 

 

I love you so much! 

 

God Bless!





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