Thanks again for an encouraging message, and I am glad to report that as the day has gone on today, I have really improved. Morning was still quite difficult, but I did my exercises that my therapist explained, but it was so difficult with all the building noise going on. I could feel it sort of working, and it is so difficult to make you stay in the moment and let the fear wash over you, but I kept saying to myself that I have to feel it if I am to cure it. This is very much like Claire Weekes and her anxiety methods - this I can relate to.
I really hope that my experience serves as a warning to others though. That stuff is sure not to be trifled with. Even at smaller doses I don't think it should be used. It is a medicene moreover a natural herb. I now can't believe that you can buy it so readily over the Internet. You might as well be buying heroine off a bloke on eBay!
I liked reading what you said about the Kratom and you are absolutely correct. I don't know where I would have been without it - particularly these last few days. But I should say that I have always remained sensible with this stuff. I have never let my faily allowance get anywhere close to double figures as I know this is where the trouble starts. On the very few occasions where I have taken it twice, the morning dose is always half that of the evening as it is on an empty stomach.
Got to that state during the afternoon where my mood was swinging so quickly one way and the next. I was thinking whether or not to wash the car between clients, and I just couldn't make my mind up - and this then led to a bit of anxiety perhaps inevitably. I have done this many times before. I need to make a decision and stick to it, otherwise this always happens.
I hope you have been resting if you have felt a little burnt out. I know you are always at therapy, but feel I need to also pass on a congrats. Sometimes these things can still be difficult regardless of them being routine. It is, after all, something that you do not have control over. A walk for example, if you don't feel like it, you can write it off, but not commitments. This is what can be tough, so you always need to recognise. So how has today gone?
Apologies Gail, but feel I need a breather this evening. Head is a bit empty for corner content this evening. Also been a really busy week on the forum, which is a good thing as it has kept me occupied. It reminds me that I am never in this alone, and I think it is useful for others who are going through withdrawal to occasionally see that those of us who are well on the recovery road still need to take things very slow and easy and watch what we do.
Still been picturing this Summerland scene that we have been speaking of - down to the last detail, the length of the grass exactly, how soft the earthy underfoot is, the temperature of the air, the amazing quality of the air - not that we breathe, but can feel it all the same. I long to be surrounded by this permanent feeling of love and joy wherever you go. To never have to worry about falling ill, or the limits of these darn shells! the mind boggles, but this is our school for now and it is important that we learn what we set out to do. Us three have really done a number on ourselves with this lifetime, but we need to think how amazing it will be having gone through this and how we can help continue to help when we get to the Other Side...
Much much love to you both,