Been Off For 8 Weeks
Posted 14 February 2020 - 09:14 AM
But we had to euthananize him. When the first kid arrived, he could not take it and I had less time for him. He fell into depression, we tried many things, but at the end, he had to go.
Posted 14 February 2020 - 06:25 PM
So glad the weekend is here. This week has been really difficult, but I have managed OK. I think it could have been a lot worse had I not have taken time out. I am rally trying to find a balance here between work, study, me time, meditation etc. Very difficult. But I should have everything in place over the weekend. Unfortunately, it will be another busy day tomorrow, but I have nothing planned for Sunday and I intend to keep it that way.
Therefore my replies to the forum today and for next couple of days may be a little short, but I will maintain my presence here...
I was telling my cat about chinchin, and I think understood. They all know where they are going. Unlike us where our heads get filled up with all this unnecessary information that blocks our feelings, emotions and true knowledge of the Other Side, I am sure they don't suffer the same way. There are far more tuned in than we are. That's why I feel it would be far easier to be a cat sometimes!
Lovely story about all our fluffy friends! I cannot wait to see all my cats again. I cannot imagine anything more wonderful than a pet reunion!
Right - back to study... and I really need to get some meditation time in. I have been really lacking and it is coming through in my sleep as it always does. It goes within about an hour after waking, but I could really do without that tormenting hour wondering whether or not it will go...
Hope all is well - please keep me updated with everything!
Much love to you both.
Posted 14 February 2020 - 10:39 PM
Hello brother! Really pleased you are planning on taking some time out! This is very wise! Don't worry about posting on here if you have a break for a bit, just to clear your head!!
I am the same, sleeping a lot right now and head not working too fast, so I need to get in some rest. I have been walking a bit longer the last day or two in the garden which has been nice. I went to the pharmacist and a very brief stop at Sainsburys yesterday and today I made another brief trip to Sainsburys. So two smallish exposures which I came through well! But tonight I am feeling tired and my head just not so good!
I had a long sleep but I still woke completely knackered and found it so difficult to get out of bed but I had to get up to get some light. So really need to get in lots of sleep next few days.
I hope tomorrow isn't too demanding!! And definitely sounds good to keep Sunday completely off!!!
I know man animals reunion is such a beautiful thought!! We have so much to look forward to!!
I love you so much brother!
Posted 15 February 2020 - 08:35 AM
today, something different, more realistic. GRATITUDE will be the subject. To enumerate all the simple or big things that you are thankful for.
1- my morning coffee( when I don't vomit it like this morning) in a way, it was funny!
2- my friends at the forum, my kids
3- the forum itself. I love to help when I can!
4- my heating pad that comforts me
5- my tablet to play and connect via Hotmail
6- my electric foyer that warms the kitchen, where I spend all my time.
7- my comfortable bed to sleep reflect and cry
8- my financial budget which is enough
9- God, Jesus, the holy Spirit. I'd be lost without them, still am lost.
10-water to drink, to bathe
11-a comfortable but modest apartment.
12-eggs, strawberry pie with Greek yogurt.
13- I cry a lot, acceptance of tears, thank you
14- even though my cancer is advanced, I barely have any pain.
15- medication that I need.
I'll stop there, for now, if you wish to continue the list. Or if you have any ideas for other subjects, let us know, thank you London for this subject. Love!
- LDN likes this
Posted 15 February 2020 - 09:50 AM
This is a lovely idea Gailage. So many things we take for granted in this life... yes, even water, for the lovely bath I took last night. The air we breathe. So much that we need to stop and think about and be thankful for.
Heating pad sounds like a wonderful idea... Used to have one until it broke. Might need to get another one.
- gail likes this
Posted 15 February 2020 - 06:07 PM
Well had a bit of time out today - went to see my usual friend, but also had to make a 20 minute stop to a client unplanned. But I have caught up a bit on study which is making me feel a lot better as I was worrying that I was letting it slip. Still more to do, but it feels better to be active in getting the work done.
Excellent exposure news man. Mixing up your walk is a good thing. Change is what is what well all need to adopt on the road to recovery. It is the bit that I certainly struggle with, but start slow and work your way up. I am also starting to plan little things for a few days in advance and do my best not to concern myself about them. This is all part of normal day-to-day living and I need to start getting back there... after 2 years. Just make sure not to rush it.
Hope you managed to get a good bit of sleep last night. The weather was waking me up a few times last night. Not sure what it is like in the City, but down here the wind and rain is crazy! Can feel the whole place shake sometimes! The sea is also really violent - very glad that we are a good 200 feet above! Really feel for all those people up north who are stuck with all the flooding. I can but imagine what must be going through their minds at the moment waiting for their houses to be torn apart.
Had some good meditation time last night too, which resulted in less stressful sleep. It only seemed to affect me once I had woken up and saw it was morning. When I went back to sleep it started again, but was short lived. I will carry on with the meditation and I know it will improve.
However, I've got this weird head thing going on, ringing ears all the time, not my usual tinnitus, but the sort you get after you have been hit round the head. Not sure what it is or whether it is exhaustion manifesting. Can't be sure, but it is causing a little bit of anxiety from time to time, so hope it disappears soon.
Right - time for some rest... look forward to hearing from you.
Much love brother
Posted Yesterday, 02:29 AM
Which sea is it? Can you swim in it? Color of water? Do tourist go there? I'd love to have a picture of it.
You are right, change, we need change in our lives, specially us with mental issues.
I tend to be agorophobic, but yesterday and today, I was dying to go out and I did. Yeah!
Boy, was it cold! I'm grateful that I wanted to go out, things are looking up.
Grateful to have you on the forum. Lovage
- LDN likes this
Posted Yesterday, 04:09 PM
Hi again Gailage!
Things have certainly been better for sure. Today has been a bit difficult. Think I am having a mini burnout. Felt exhaustion coming all week and this morning I woke up as if I hadn't slept at all. Ears ringing, head full of cotton wool and dizziness. Also had tingling in feet and fingers which was odd and BP was up to around 136/90 which is a little high for me. All this caused a bit of anxiety, but I need to accept that some days are going to be like this during recovery.
The sea is the English channel, and you can indeed swim in it. The colour isn't as good as other seas, but in clear weather it can look quite nice. I will send you a photo to your email.
Very glad that you found the place to feel you needed to be outside - this is great! My wife is also very agorophobic and hardly goes out, but she also gets these moments where she must go and get some air. So great that you went out though... just watch the cold! Very very proud of you my sweetpea. Let's see what happens from here...
Posted Yesterday, 11:28 PM
Hey man, really hideous depression today. The pharmacist gave me a different brand of Chlorpromazine and it is a different size. So know when I am cutting it, I don't know exactly how much to take off. The last two days have been tough and today the depression was horrific. I don't know if due the different sized pill, I have taken more of than I planned and this has thrown me deep into a monster of depression. I honestly could hardly move and breath at one point. My body was completely frozen with it. Hellish.
I did managed my garden meditation and had a brief respite. I was feeling so awful and then had this image of my cat and my lost aunt on my shoulders. I touched them both and then felt a burst of joy. Then I had tears in my eyes, it was a deeply profound moment. I jumped up and sort felt a burst of adrenaline through my body. In that moment I felt safe and peaceful and excited! It didn't last but I am blessed to have had that!
The trauma of withdrawal is obviously hitting hard, as I have mentioned before to you.
I hope tomorrow goes well!
So much love
Posted Today, 07:43 AM
You are a spiritual being living human experience. You have a great relationship with God, this surely helps. And nothing lasts, you've been there before and you always come out of it. We all do. Love
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