So today was better. Therapy went really well. Was actually able to connect and feel present. Such a nice change! Physically feel very very weak but it comes and goes. In a lot of discomfort.
Yeah your description of depersonalisation is spot on. Feeling like living on a different planet to everybody else. Do you know how it is usually treated? I'm not sure if it is my drugs numbing me? The fact it is better some days than others makes me think it's more than just the drugs. I've never had it before.
Never worry about being negative. You've got to get things off your chest. Also so sorry to hear you had a bad day. It is definitely not cheating, it's so important not to push yourself too much. You need some relief. In the long term it's better to do things slowly. In summer I came off over 3 weeks and just refused to go back on and get relief. Eventually I pushed myself too much and now I'm on more than started with. I learned the hard way, it's not a competition and having relief is certainly not cheating. It's important to build slowly. This is what I'm learning. Like you say self-compassion is key. You often seem to be very hard on yourself, if you don't mind me saying, when in fact your doing amazing! I recognise myself from last summer in you - everything had to be perfect and it was black and white. I just really want you to know that your doing so well. You have your job, caring for your wife and dealing with withdrawal. All I've got is too look after myself. I heard someone say 'If I treated others like I treat myself, I would have no friends'. This is something I worked on a lot with my therapist - self love. I just really hope you can realise how brave, strong and inspiring you are! You inspire me a lot.
Re EMDR I've not had it, my but therapist does it, so maybe something in the future? I've heard great things about it. I can't wait till you can get your therapy. It sounds like your thoughts are very overwhelming. I've been there many times. Try and remember that there just thoughts. Fear feeds fear, so it's better to face up to the thoughts than try and escape them. I know it sounds hard but I find just letting them be helps a lot and not putting to much meaning on them. Have to read or studied Buddhism? I found it helped me mentally hugely. It really deals with thoughts and facing your fears. Very similar to CBT actually.
Brian Weiss sounds very interesting. I hadn't actually heard of him, but just had a look. Which books do you suggest? Thanks for all your suggestions. Crazy timing since I was just getting interested in this area!! How long have you been studying this topic and what got you into it, if you don't mind me asking? I'm reading that William James which is really interesting. It's a very scientific approach, but is very open-minded as well. It's more just about conversions and religious experience than NDE etc. but still good.
Yes lots and lots of prayers for our dear gail!!!!
Hope tomorrow is a good one for you. Such bravery you show, I'm a bit awestruck.
Love and God Bless