Been Off For 8 Weeks
Posted 11 September 2020 - 07:11 AM
So... I need to remember, you are 6 hours behind me and LDN.
I am usually awake til at least 3-4am GMT which will be around 10pm for you, but LDN is usually an hour later than me, so you at least have people here up 'til 11pm your time.
Don't feel bad about taking the Xanax when you need it. There are time when it is called for, and that is one of them. You are sensible enough to know not to take too frequently, but do not let it go the other way in letting it prevent you taking it at all. A lot of people who do not suffer from mental health are given benzos for use when going to the dentist, so to deprive yourself from them when you feel this way is not right. This is what they should be used for.
It is when people use them just to "chill out" or similar that there is a problem.
I myself took one on Sunday because I had to drive to the hospital because they had left my suicidal wife next to a tray of surgical instruments. I considered that a necessity! Haven't taken one since. But there are times...
Hope to hear from you soon...
Posted 11 September 2020 - 04:31 PM
It's been overcast for a few days and I'm definitely feeling it.... ManI was feeling pretty good there for a while and was really encouraged.... seasonal effective disorder is real. Crap. to be fair I do have a lot of other challenges going on but somehow when the sun's out those don't feel quite as heavy. I need to force interactions with people friends. And not isolate. Again that's difficult when you're feeling down of course but that is maybe part of the solution to get out there and be with others. And sometimes I just need to get some extra rest and try again later. How are you guys all doing?
Posted 11 September 2020 - 05:59 PM
Weather can always have some effects in that respect. I have felt quite flat today - not very motivated, but just got on with work. The whole week has been a real test mentally and emotionally, so it is difficult to see the point of doing anything for me. Very much a blah feeling that has been following me around for some time.
But I have taken a small dose of Kratom to get me into a good headspace to kickstart my meditation as having difficulty slowing the though process down from work. But it is kicking in and making me a lot better. I know it is still frowned upon in some places, but much better that than looking at the bottom of a bottle every night...
Posted 11 September 2020 - 07:38 PM
I am feeling lots of anger simmering up to the surface. Anger, pain, grief. Part of the healing. I'm doing the hard work of healing so it's not a surprise.
Meditation, exercise, arting, and fun is my prescription for myself. Always nice to hear from you.
Posted 12 September 2020 - 04:13 PM
Another blah day. But I guess it is going to be a while considering everything that has been going on recently.
Kratom is an opiod but far from a hallucinogen. It is way safer that "the leaf". Not judging those that use it, but it can be a lot more addictive. Same with wine - no harm in a glass of an evening, but I prefer to steer clear of alcohol altogether. Much easier to be able to confidently say "no" to that question when questioned. Too much stigma attached to that in the health system and the police over here.
One friend had one pint, lost control in the snow and hit a brand new parked car. Cost him a year ban and had to take a loan of £14,000 to pay off the insurance and he wasn't covered due to that ONE pint. He hadn't eaten all day so even though he was as good as stone cold sober, the tests said otherwise. I tried to help the poor guy in court as a character witness, but still had the book thrown at him.
Great what you are doing at the moment. I really wish I could find more enjoyment at the moment. All I can do is work as it is something that has to be done. I am starting to feel a bit better into the evening, but still little motivation to do anything for myself.
Posted 12 September 2020 - 11:01 PM
I went to a farmer's market today even though it was raining and it was nice to get out and talk to some people and pick up a few things to cook I also went for a walk in the evening I feel glad I got two bits of exercise in today. Had a difficult phone conversation with my mom It left me feeling a bit sad and disappointed for her because she seems to be in a cloud of negativity but I have to keep my distance because I can't fix her and it's not my job.... She has to want to change and God can help her. Good night I'll talk to you soon I hope also big hello to LDN thinking of you hoping you're enjoying some nice fresh air and deep breaths and beautiful lovely clouds. Fishing hat my best to you have a good rest Good night all
Posted 13 September 2020 - 05:34 PM
That is life my darling... it is just those of us who have been subject to mental health previously tend to be that little bit more sensitive. But great that you have this extra work in the pipeline. I still have the last work that you did a while back in my inbox. Some lovely work too. I didn't even know about layers and such - apart from those that I use when I do my digital art, but with paint - or water colours (is that what you use?), I have no clue at all...!
Farmers market again!! Well done you! And ironically, I had difficulty with my parents today. My sister and her side of the family are causing stress for them, but I get the brunt of their anger as my sister can never put a foot wrong. Golden child my ass....
Like I have always said, friends are the new family of the 21st century. LDN and Hat are far closer to family than my sister will ever be. Maybe you can be my surrogate sister!!
Right - back to the rounds. Busy forum day today. Hope the rest of your day went well.
Much Lovey love!
Posted 14 September 2020 - 05:21 PM
Right - I can see what you mean by the layers - similar to what I do in Photoshop, but at least with a PC you can undo your errors if they occur! But Yes, I can see if would be sky first and trees, and the perspective looks great for the house.
I really love those sort of houses - you would never find that sort of thing in the UK, but you could probably by that house for the cost of a 3 bedroom house over here. Too much prime real-estate going on over here.
I really do understand the issue with the family. It is a long story, but after everything that my sister has done to hurt people, to bankrupt people and so much more, and my parents still can't see her for the mistakes she makes. Yet I get no support whatsoever regardless of the fact that I struggle with my wife and the bills working as much as I can, and my parents have just opened up their home to my sister, brother-in-law and child because they are too lazy to get off their fat asses and work like the rest of us.
They said that they were hit by COVID - but who hasn't?! The government has put enough in place to see people through - but they have spend that money. Makes me so f*^&king angry!!!
Consider you my sister my dear H.
Gail is obviously the other sister, but she is now blissfully Home and helping us all from her lofty presence.
Posted 14 September 2020 - 10:54 PM
Hey Lovey I am doing ok thank you! Going back to the city tomorrow! Just for a week! Then back to the country and the fresh air and sheep!
I am feeling very run down to be honest! A lot of things have build up and it is a bit of perfect storm right now! Flattest and most low I have felt for a good long time! But this is how it works for me, with my chronic fatigue I do get run down from time to time. I try and stay as active as possible these days and socialise and get out the house, but the downside is that it builds up and you get crashes once in a while. They don't last too long but still not too fun!
I loved your line - 'Meditation, exercise, arting, and fun is my prescription for myself'. I love that! Very much same for me but just with my poetry! Just trying to focus on my relationship with God and being creative!
Really really enjoy reading your messages! Sorry not to reply sooner but have been overwhelmed and exhausted!
Also do you mind if IUN sends me your art work photo? I would love to see what you are up to! I love art!
Anyway you are doing great!!
Lots of love and prayers to you my friend!
Thinking of you!! I am rooting for you!!!
Posted 15 September 2020 - 01:44 PM
Thanks both for such positive sweet words of encouragement. I write poetry too!! It's so amazing what the mind can dream up and unfold with choice words. Think about things that make you happy. Lots of love!
Posted 15 September 2020 - 09:33 PM
Posted 16 September 2020 - 06:29 AM
I came across a post on Facebook asking for words for English or Scottish or Irish land openings like where a tree line falls between a meadow things like that and found such beautiful words what words do you know for these types of things like Glenn or thoroughfare alee... These conjure up in images of bliss and delight
Interesting post! Beautiful words is something that interests me a lot - particularly where people can appreciate the word when divorced from its meaning.
These words are quite old English or Gaelic. A Glenn is typically Scottish and a thoroughfare is and English passage that would permit access between land. But we also have pastures, combes, brooks, moors... you often find all these words in classic literature, but they were very much attributed to areas within the UK. Moors are in the North-east and South-west for example, combes are Welsh, brooks although typically used for small streams originated in Yorkshire I believe...
Posted 18 September 2020 - 10:20 PM
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