Haha yeah so today my next exposure was a pop up to Scotland to see NM, I'm really stepping it up right now!! Just got back lol! No today just a day off really, walk to Tesco but didn't go in, just give myself time to breathe. Didn't feel great physically but mentally not too bad.
In terms of what you say about the apathy. I had that very strongly recently, and now it seems to have lifted. But it was with me for a good while. Like you say I just didn't really care about anything, could hear that the earth had a few days left and I would just shrug. Felt it impossible to show enthusiasm or energy or excitement, just a zombie state, was really getting worried at how long it was with me. But now It's definitely lifted so I hope that gives you hope. My depression really has picked up in the last few days, after months and months of bogged down. I guess that the thing with depression it can hang around for ages but it always goes. Like you say you just have to be damn damn patient. What I will say is I found that patience to be something that the more you practice the easier it gets. But still so tough of course.
Delighted the book came, I really enjoyed it and was sort of nodding the whole way through. The way he talks of Jesus is really beautiful as well. He was banned from his homeland for most of his life, just for advocating peace. Very humble and gentle. I hope it helps!
I'm reading about Jesus right now and the idea of self-sacrifice. It's really liberating, just to not feel bound by conventions and norms but free yourself and look to find that inner harmony. When your faith is strong, there is nothing else to compare it to. Why search and worry for perfection in this life, when it will pale in comparison to the next life. So what I have limitations through disabilities, if I have God what more do I need? A healthy soul is so much important than a healthy body. I could be fully able bodied but if my life has no meaning other than materialistic things, I wouldn't be content and wanting something more. Through being ill I have been able to study and look within myself in ways that would just be impossible, if I was always busy. I just want to explore my mind and become closer to God, everything else in comparison seems so futile. What you said about your house burning down and not worrying was wonderful. So so few people would be as enlightened as that, it's actually really beautiful for me to have met someone like you. I mean non attachment to worldly possessions is such an advanced state of mind. It's like when Jesus said give all your money away and follow me and the rich man couldn't. Nowadays with consumerism culture, it lovely for me to meet someone who is beyond that.
It's just so cool that we met at such a point of spiritual transformation in my life. We're just on such a same wavelength, and I'm sure there is a spiritual history between us. Some would say it is amazing 'coincidence', but from my spiritual reading and our conversations it's more than that if you know what I mean? Sorry not expressing myself too well!
This is just a lovely, sacred place. So thank you to all on here.
I hope you have a chilled weekend ahead. As always prayers to you and your wife.
Love to you brother