9 replies to this topic

[Cjmansf]

Gosh, it's been a little while since I've checked in. I've been lurking but haven't posted in a while. I know that I've made some progress but it's so up and down at times it's hard to discern. I would say the bigger breakthroughs now are:

Slightly reduced depression/hopelessness
Reduced agitation and irritability
Significantly less suicidal thoughts

There are days that some of this returns a little but it doesn't seem to be like it was just weeks ago. I am finding it a little easier to keep my mood up as well. Even though there is improvement I still don't feel myself most days. Spells of vision haziness, pressure behind my eyes, moments of that fight or flight feeling which is likely adrenaline dysfunction, periods of anger/agitation (not as bad as before), periods of hopeless/negative thoughts (also not as bad as before). Brain fog/confusion still comes and goes but again, not to the degree it use to be. I no longer forget words as I'm trying to speak them or lose my train of thought altogether. One thing that remains nearly the same is songs repeating in my head. This is more an annoyance than anything. I have noticed that I can sometimes stop it by thinking about the ending of the song over and over. I've also noticed that as of the last few days, the sensation of things tasting a little off with excess saliva has returned. As well as some slight bit of burning in my left forearm. I had these things weeks ago. So yes, the yo-yo effect as I like to call it, still happens. Something that I still cannot really do is exercise. This really is hard for me because I feel it could help so much! Running my usual pace, if even for a mile and a half, still makes me feel horrible for half of the next day or more. Flu like symptoms, which I end up having to try to sleep off. I had thought it might be due to blood sugar, so I got a meter and tested for a couple weeks. Everything checked out ok. I guess I just need more time. I swear I've read on here somewhere that the ability to exercise regularly was one of the last things to return to normal. For now I will just keep a healthy diet and take vitamins. I do take walks to help with keeping as active as I can. For the first time, getting back to a normal lifestyle complete with full time job seems a little more attainable.

[gail]

Good morning CJ,

Slow improvement, but it's there. That is good. Thinking of one of your posts a few weeks ago, I should say big improvement!

As they say, wax and wane, progress is not linear, this proves to be true.

This is an experience that no one forgets, never!

Thank you CJ for such a detailed update, with which you will be able to compare notes later on. Looking forward for the next one!

[fishinghat]

The good news CJ is that you will soon be turning to the corner to even more stability. Usually at the 6 to 8 months point things start to really get better. Hang in there, you are almost there.

[jenibee]

Hi Cjmansf

I will be off for one month on August 3rd.  Exercise is very difficult for me and it's really disturbing!  I get completely exhausted doing walks or runs that I used to do very easily.  Even beginning to wonder if there is something else wrong with me that is making exercise difficult, so slightly relieved to see someone else struggling with exercise.  I will bring this up to my dr. and see what he thinks, but feel fairly certain that it is just one of the many withdrawal symptoms.  This is crazy stuff for sure.  I hope I never have to take any more of these nasty drugs. Fingers crossed and good luck to you as well. 5--1/2 months is spectacular!

[fishinghat]

You might find this research enlightening. Chronic adrenergic state is a fancy name for chronic anxiety.

"Respiratory – The hyperadrenergic state usually produces hyperventilation (an increase in frequency and depth of respiration) in order to supply oxygen for the increase in metabolism. In the chronic adrenergic state the increase in respiration eventually causes hypocapnea (decreased CO2 in the blood stream). This decrease in CO2 levels cause alkalosis (elevated pH) of the blood and respiratory system. At an elevated pH the hemoglobin increases its affinity for oxygen (the Bohr Effect). This causes an increase in the hyperventilation if physical activity continues, thereby continuing or worsening the hypocapnea. Once severe hypocapnea occurs it can be maintained by even normal breathing. Those with a chronic adrenergic state often show this breathing pattern. The increase in hemoglobin affinity to oxygen decreases the amount of oxygen available to the cells and increases muscle fatigue and cerebral perfusion. This helps account for the diagnosis of chronic fatigue syndrome and exercise intolerance in the chronic adrenergic state.

[Cjmansf]

Sorry I didn't get back to this sooner. I've have a very rough few days. For reasons unrelated to withdrawal. You are absolutely right Gail. Wax and wane. I hope to look back on this someday and really be able to learn and grow. Just not there yet. FH I'm very hopeful for the days and weeks to come. I try to be cautious with my enthusiasm as to not be let down. There's always the steps back that happen. I did attempt some cardio yesterday. Ran a 1/4 mile and walked 2 miles. My body still did not feel right but my hope was to start very small. My heart rate still took longer to recover and I felt off for hours after. I'll keep trying, slow and steady.

[fishinghat]

"Ran a 1/4 mile and walked 2 miles. My body still did not feel right but my hope was to start very small. My heart rate still took longer to recover and I felt off for hours after. I'll keep trying, slow and steady."

Right, slow but steady. Just listen to what your body tells you. Don't forget to skip your exercises once or twice a week as it will take your body longer than normal to recover. I am very proud of you. You are doing great.

[Farfaraway]

Cj! I’m right there with you, coming up on 5 months in a couple of days. A lot of things have gotten better but still some problems, I’m trying to push through them. Started CBT yesterday so hopefully that will give me some answers. Keep fighting I know I will!

[fishinghat]

CBT was great help to me. I have practiced my CBT techniques for over 17 years and it won't cure my anxiety but it sure helps a lot. It is effective enough to help reduce the amount meds I take.

[Cjmansf]

Good to hear from you farfar. Congratulations on how far you've come! Very glad to hear you are still fighting. I hope the CBT give you that extra positive push that we all need. Things are very very off and on the last few days. Just trying to be patient, stay busy and limit the rough patches.