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3 Months In And Suffering And No Idea Where To Go...


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#91 invalidusername

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Posted 15 October 2018 - 08:19 AM

OK - so quick update.

 

On Friday evening I had a 15mg dose of Citalopram (as had 20mg in the morning) and no Dulox in the evening. Then Saturday morning started 10mg Dulox and the 30mg Citalopram in the evening. Overall, I am very glad to report a comfortable weekend. I am seeing anxiety setting in around early evening though. 

 

At the moment, it just seems that my baseline for tolerance has been lowered quite a lot. That it doesn't take much at all to set me off for either depression or anxiety, so my nerves are on full alert. Guess I am still waiting for the Citalopram to take hold, and obviously fighting the withdrawal.

 

Wife was also VERY bad yesterday. Trying to maintain a better mood while playing therapist is not easy.

 

Very glad I decided to stay on 10mg for a while. I am feeling very fragile. 


#92 juli

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Posted 15 October 2018 - 01:10 PM

I was fragile for quite a while.  Not like I couldn't function but small things set me off.  I tried to go on a diet a few times and my body was having none of it.  Thankfully my body is tolerating a calorie deficit now.  It's just time and patience.  I also found that if I caught a bug or virus my anxiety would rear its ugly head.  Things are better now that the Lexapro is in full effect.

 

Hang in there.


#93 invalidusername

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Posted 15 October 2018 - 03:57 PM

Thanks Juli...

 

It is just that - the little things. I had a day off yesterday and was quite welcomed. But I had to nip out around 7pm - only for about 20 minutes and I thought "hey, I haven't been out today, hope I don't get anxious". And there you have it. That was all it needed!! Fortunately, it dissipated over the following hour and wasn't anything that was going to stop me doing things as you saw. So glad that Lexapro worked for you - and I am considering a switch as I have heard so much about it.

 

Had you tried many others before? And were you using the Lex as a prop to then come off meds altogether, or was it a switch?

 

Hugs.


#94 juli

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Posted 15 October 2018 - 04:45 PM

Hi used Lexapro to cross-taper off of Cymbalta.  It worked quite well.  I have also been on Citalopram and Prozac in the past and they worked well but I think Lexapro has been the best.


#95 gail

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Posted 15 October 2018 - 04:56 PM

Hi IUN,

I get you Scrat as you describe the way anxiety started. You know what you're talking about.

Same happened to me this morning, all was ok, and I had prepared my laundry bag for it to be done today. I was in pain and the hamster started running in my head with hundreds of thoughts. Keep in mind that I have to go down to floor zero and I'm on the fourth floor.

That was the biggest attack in a long time. Couldn't answer the phone, could not settle my mind, Ativan was like a sugar pill. 45 minutes like this to calm down. I was so tired from it, I went to bed. I love hand washing, so that's what I did. Going crazy over something like this...GAD, a pest. I'm thinking here that citalopram is beginning to kick in. Supper!

#96 invalidusername

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Posted 15 October 2018 - 06:22 PM

Good to see another "up-vote" for Escitalopram/Lexapro. Thanks Juli.
 
...and my dear Gail.
 
It does really tucker you out doesn't it! Feel like you have run a marathon... There have been times when the doorbell has been disconnected as one buzz of that and it is game over. You have my every sympathy and here's hoping to a better tomorrow for you. 

#97 invalidusername

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Posted 17 October 2018 - 07:25 AM

Quick update - now on day 5 of drop to 10mg of Dulox.

 

Surprisingly, the last four days have not been too bad. I have had a few nasty moments of anxiety, and as my confidence is severely shaken from weeks of withdrawal, I anticipate something bad happening at the slightest thing.... and it arrived.

 

The building joining the apartment block where I live is being renovated and they have started work this week. They are smashing down walls, using buzz-saws, throwing debris out the windows into the street. The noise is getting unbearable. Wakes me in the morning, my concentration is all but gone. I am walking around wearing ear plugs.

 

Held it together for Monday and Tuesday, but today is proving a lot more difficult. 


#98 fishinghat

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Posted 17 October 2018 - 08:39 AM

When I have to deal with noise issues (which really bother me0 I use a Bose noise cancelling headset. They are amazing. They reduce noise by around 85 to 90%. I would highly recommend them.


#99 invalidusername

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Posted 17 October 2018 - 09:00 AM

Small world - I used to work for Bose! I agree, they are very good.

 

I have had music on to help. The issue is the sub-bass noise, which unfortunately, not even the very best noise cancelling apparel can ease as it is heard through the vibrations within the body and not just the ears. Fortunately, I am off to work soon - albeit in a very anxious state, but hopefully, this will help. It just worries me how long this will keep going. It is a big building and in need of a lot of work. I just hope they work fast.... currently playing havoc with my wife's OCD... bless her.


#100 invalidusername

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Posted 20 October 2018 - 04:52 PM

Happy to say that this has been a good week!!

 

Although the wife has been very bad, I have been able to maintain a relatively "normal" mood. Still a bit of a black cloud following me around, but this could do with the car causing problems for the last few days.

 

Will see how the next few days goes as the 10mg drop sets in, but I will not move just yet as I am enjoying being stable!!


#101 invalidusername

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Posted 24 October 2018 - 07:04 AM

OK, so my update....

 

Week has been mediocre thus far. I have been feeling a lot of stress which won't have helped. Power steering pipe split on the car on Friday - had to wait for part to arrive yesterday, so was on tender hooks while driving. Had to stop every 3-4 miles to top up fluid. The noise it was making caused people to turn and look as it was horrific. Then lower ball joint went on Saturday.

 

I managed to fix ball joint at the weekend, and pipe turned up yesterday, and it took 7 hours to do that job. Wife was bad throughout as she cannot handle stress at all.

 

Upshot being that anxiety has been higher, and have not been sleeping well. All the stress is coming out in my dreams and causing panic on wake - and then cannot/scared to fall back to sleep.

 

Having had this all occur a week after my dose drop to 10mg won't have helped as I usually start to get effects 7-10 days after.

 

Still, I am carrying on. See how it goes and try to pay it no mind. 


#102 juli

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Posted 24 October 2018 - 10:36 AM

Hang in there!  You are doing great.


#103 invalidusername

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Posted 24 October 2018 - 03:27 PM

Thanks Juli. Today was a day for support. I do feel better now despite so GI issues lurking. Trying not to think too far ahead and predict the (negative) future. Keep telling myself that tomorrow is a new day - and it will be what it will. Any amount of worrying will only compound to any issues of the same...

 

45 beads now... 7 less than 10mg dose. I know I am approaching the dodgy territory now, so will take it sloooooow.


#104 fishinghat

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Posted 24 October 2018 - 05:16 PM

"45 beads now... 7 less than 10mg dose. I know I am approaching the dodgy territory now, so will take it sloooooow."

You have come a long way IUN. You will make it.

#105 invalidusername

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Posted 24 October 2018 - 06:56 PM

Cheers 'hat.

 

I've got your magic words in my sticky note library.... "time and patience" :)


#106 invalidusername

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Posted 26 October 2018 - 06:26 AM

I'm in a lot of bother guys.

 

Woke up to horrible dread, and then shakes, confusion, lolling eyes - complete comatose. I can barely type this.

 

13 days after 20 to 10 drop and I had hoped that the 30 Citalopram would be helping. I just can't function....


#107 gail

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Posted 26 October 2018 - 06:46 AM

Oh Scrat, sorry that you have to go through this shit. What you have just described, that was my way of life for so many nights, I was scared to go to bed. Not the comatose part though, I took a benzo when this happened and crawled into a ball on my sofa. And, oops, all was back to near normal.

Fishinghat has lived his own hell also. Glad to say that I no longer have this and have fallen in love with my bed.

How high can you go up with Citalopram?

#108 invalidusername

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Posted 26 October 2018 - 06:56 AM

Gail, gail, gail. So nice to hear from you.

 

This is horrible. I can't move from the bed. I am getting full body jerks now and feel I could hurl at any given minute. It always seems to be around 12 days that this happens. Same when I went 60>30, and again 30>20. Wife can't take it when I am like this. She has taken Benzo to calm down, but I worry to take anything at the moment.

 

If I call for medical help, they will take me into hospital, which will only make me feel worse. This is for sure a very bad withdrawal trip.

 

I could go up to 40mg on Citalopram, but this is the max dose. I worry to do that. Never been there before.

 

Feel sooooo shit. So much pity for you guys having also gone thru all this.


#109 gail

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Posted 26 October 2018 - 07:20 AM

We'll Scrat, seeing that it happens 12 days after each drop, you know that it will subside. And taking a benzo could ease you down.

I wouldn't go to the hospital since you've been in that state before.

Now Scrat, exchange a benzo for your nut with your wife. Or send it to me, I'll take care of it till you need it back.

Fishinghat, calling Fishinghat! Don't worry. I won't give him your nut, he loves them.
I just want to hear what he's gonna say.

Sending white light to your brain now! Love!

#110 invalidusername

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Posted 26 October 2018 - 07:42 AM

Thank you so much, Sid.

 

Just so tired of this. I called the mental health team for support. They are meant to respond within a few minutes. Nearly 3 hours later....

 

Yes, it will subside. Just don't know how to go from here. I have 13 capsules left. My 10mg was 52 beads, Mon-Tues was 45 beads, yesterday and this morning was 40 beads. Just want this nightmare to end.

 

I know we were in this same place about two weeks ago. Aaarrrghhh this sucks.

 

White light is lovely... dear sweet Gail.


#111 pobes15

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Posted 26 October 2018 - 08:57 AM

Very sorry to hear about what you're going through IUN. It sounds much worse than what I am dealing with. 

 

Hoping for the best for you and that things start to get better soon.


#112 invalidusername

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Posted 26 October 2018 - 09:27 AM

Thanks Pobes.

 

Still in bed and cursing the mental health team. I called back at 2pm, and they had gone on lunch. I was told someone would call back as soon as they were back. Nothing by 3pm, so called again. I was just told that they were busy and would try to call back soon.

 

This is an emergency service specifically for mental health crisis. I am convulsing, shaking and loosing it - the wife cannot hold it together and I am trying to stop her from taking too many valiums. This was a lifeline, but it only makes it worse as they just do not care, nor understand.


#113 gail

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Posted 26 October 2018 - 09:43 AM

Ah Scrat, convulsing? Is that always there at each episodes?

In what part of the earth do you live for God's sake? UK. Incredible.

Let us know when they call. You think it would be better to get an ambulance and ride to the hospital?

#114 invalidusername

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Posted 26 October 2018 - 10:06 AM

Yes. I have convulsing when this happens.

 

I have had an ambulance out on both previous occasions and they have made a point of raising the issue with the mental health team, but it obviously has got them (and me) nowhere.

 

I worry if I do go to the hospital what they will pump me full of. They will take a blood sample, find the CBD oil traces no doubt, then think I have taken w**d or something. 

 

Honestly, I weep for people suffering mental health in the uk. I am going to try to get out soon I think. I need to get out of bed....


#115 invalidusername

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Posted 26 October 2018 - 10:09 AM

I have worked out that I am on 7.2mg as of yesterday, and I remember that everyone says that the last 10mg are the worst. 

 

So Sunday was the last 10mg, then it was around 8.6mg monday/tuesday.

 

Got to be honest - I am bloody scared.


#116 fishinghat

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Posted 26 October 2018 - 11:51 AM

Yep, way too fast scrat. Once below 10 all hell can break loose. Go back to 8.6, stabilize and then go to dropping around 0.1 mg per day. Time to slow way down.

#117 fishinghat

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Posted 26 October 2018 - 12:15 PM

"Yes, it will subside. Just don't know how to go from here. I have 13 capsules left. My 10mg was 52 beads, Mon-Tues was 45 beads, yesterday and this morning was 40 beads. Just want this nightmare to end."

Too fast. With only 13 capsules left not much of a choice though. I wish you could get some more capsules and slow down.

#118 fishinghat

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Posted 26 October 2018 - 12:17 PM

How long you been on the 20 mg of Citalopram?

#119 gail

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Posted 26 October 2018 - 12:20 PM

I'm with Fishinghat here, way to fast. That could have brought down this episode.

Wait to stabalize before dropping. The last 10-15mg are the worst if you go a touch too fast.
Yes, it can be scary. Go back up to 9mg or 9.5mg, like Now. You just add the missing beads and put them in a capsule. Stay there for a while.

I'll be taking good care of your nut, it'll be like my baby! You know how, me Sid, can be maternal! Keep posting!

#120 invalidusername

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Posted 26 October 2018 - 02:52 PM

Thanks guys... have just got back from work. Did a half day. I know I should be taking it easy, but staying in bed just makes me worse.

 

Home with the lovely wife now and resting.

 

Went onto 30mg Citalopram (what I was on before Dulox) when I dropped to 10mg Dulox... so 13 days ago.

 

OK. I really underestimated these last few mg. I have found some acid-resistant capsules on eBay, and they will be here well in time. Have more than enough beads to see me through. 

 

Feeling a little better to have got myself up and out, but driving was dicey so took back roads home and drive real slow.

 

Today really has scared me. So good to have you here to keep my nut safe!!!





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