2761 replies to this topic

[invalidusername]

I am forever having memory issues!! But as Hat said, you would have a lot of other symptoms if a tumour was involved. If memory was a result, it would be in the brain and then you would almost certainly have headaches, visual disturbances, seizures, nausea and plenty of other potentials. 

[Axlejames]

Good info thank you both spoke to my nurse yesterday and she agreed as well. Its most likely just another symptom of my anxiety that I had not noticed before. 

[Axlejames]

So I notice my anxiety goes up with pain. I have had lower back pain for about a week or two and its been weighing on me. Then recently i was told about a woman I knew that had back pain and found out she  had cancer. That freaked me out and triggered my anxiety. I just keep focusing on the pain. I think I hurt it sneezing which is stupid i know but apparently as I get older I am 39 now this is the norm. Anyways hanging in there the best I can any advice

[fishinghat]

Hurting ones self while sneezing or getting out of bed in the morning is fairly frequent. Of course any pain, which is a stress factor, will increase anxiety.  Back pain goes away slowly so just don't strain yourself too much, use an anti-inflammatory like voltaren or a nsaids (Aleve, etc).. Give it time.

[Axlejames]

Have not posted in awhile. Been overwhelmed lately with life. As I ask myself how I am doing it is difficult to put into words. I am bored yet have no ambition to change anything. Recently got a great pay raise at work and yet no joy or happiness comes from it not even the fact that it brings more creature comfort. I dont know how to put into words what I am feeling other than spinning my wheels the things I want to do I cant seem to get to do. Life it seems at the moment has lost meaning and as I sit here at work on a satuday again all i can do is dwell on the negative I cannot see the positive. Again I am unsure of my future unsure of life/death unsure of it all. its Like I am wading through mud waiting for what I do not know just waiting. I am a soldier with no battle no enemy I feel useless pointless I cannot connect no matter how I try. I am a lost soul but lost in what I cannot tell you. 

[fishinghat]

Depersonalization/Depression? Way beyond me. You need a great therapist to help AJ.

[Axlejames]

Depersonalization/Depression? Way beyond me. You need a great therapist to help AJ.

Feels good just sharing I do have a psychologist I see my friend. Just wanted to update you guys. I appreciate you my friend 

[invalidusername]

"I am a soldier with no battle no enemy"

 

That is a really amazing way of putting this feeling. I have been in this position before. 

 

You dwell on the negative and cannot see the positive. The first begets the second. I know how you feel. All things have lost meaning. It is not that you are depressed exactly, but with no positive consequences for your actions, what is the point? 

 

Am I right?

 

Sometimes this position of neutrality can be worse than being depressed as you know when you are depressed that you have the positive windows, but with this, there is only one window and the scenery never changes. Essentially it is a form of anhedonia. This is the inability to feel emotions. You can focus on the negative without feeling really low, but there is nothing to pull you out the other side.

 

Does this sound familiar to you AJ?

[Axlejames]

"I am a soldier with no battle no enemy"

 

That is a really amazing way of putting this feeling. I have been in this position before. 

 

You dwell on the negative and cannot see the positive. The first begets the second. I know how you feel. All things have lost meaning. It is not that you are depressed exactly, but with no positive consequences for your actions, what is the point? 

 

Am I right?

 

Sometimes this position of neutrality can be worse than being depressed as you know when you are depressed that you have the positive windows, but with this, there is only one window and the scenery never changes. Essentially it is a form of anhedonia. This is the inability to feel emotions. You can focus on the negative without feeling really low, but there is nothing to pull you out the other side.

 

Does this sound familiar to you AJ?

Yes dead on 

[invalidusername]

Glad to hear that.

 

So now I can tell you that I too, have been through these phases during recovery, and whilst it seems like this is as good as it gets, I am proof that it does get better. 

 

Your brain simply "forgets" how to calibrate emotional feels when psychotropic drugs are being pushed and pulled from your system. 

 

But again - I have been there - convinced that this was my new "normal". Glad to say that it is not. Never forget the knowledge of brain plasticity. Contrary to what was though a few years back, the brain continues changing, regrowing pathways, neurons... to adapt to its environment. YOU have the power to get where you want to. Might not be today, nor tomorrow, but it is there and you WILL get there.

[Axlejames]

Wife has been getting me to work out again in the morning nothing major just easy stuff. Been feeling better with that. Been thinking more and more about death and if there is a soul or why we are here. Sometimes I can get it under control other times not so much I wish I could decide what I actually believe 

[invalidusername]

It is that mess we call a brain that screws things up. You are not your brain. 

 

Reach deep inside - you know what you believe.

[Axlejames]

I have noticed a pattern that has helped me excessive stress = Anxiety + Depression. Knowing this helps me because when I feel overwhelmed by stress I can prepare for the uptick of Anxiety by doing things to unwind and then prepare for the invevitable mood drop. I cant always control the stress but I can hopefully get better at my response to it. God bless

[Axlejames]

And now we hit the existential stuff again. So had a couple of stressful days this past week led to uptick anxiety now last night and today just down in the dumps and thinking bout life death and the hereafter. 

[invalidusername]

It seems that stress and anxiety is a trigger for the existential stuff. This is what you need to focus on. The bottom line is that all the stuff that your brain tells you when you are anxious is complete bollocks!! Seriously. 

 

When you are better, you think back to when you were at your worst and think to yourself... "did I really think that was going to happen?!". 

 

The thoughts are SYMPTOMS. Just like a cough is with the flu. It is just people don't put the two together.

[Axlejames]

Existential anxiety is regular anxieties crazy uncle. 

[Axlejames]

How to break the pattern ? Any ideas  Stress ---> Anxiety --> Depression. I am in the Depression phase again and not sure how to pick myself up feels more physical tho ideas Love ya guys 

[fishinghat]

Hi AJ. best thing is CBT to learn coping skills. Takes sometimes but will teach you techniques to slow down and/or reverse these episodes.

[invalidusername]

Hey AJ... As Hat said CBT is right at the core of these things, but the trouble is finding the right person to guide you through this.

 

That very circle you mention is exactly what I went through for a while before things started evening out. The stress would lead to anxiety and then when I calmed down, you get the depression. then the depression DOES end, and you have a bit of normal back until you hit the stress part again.

 

The way out is to stop it at the source - the STRESS. I was forever overdoing it and ending back in this cycle. True enough, I managed to take more each time, so sometimes I would get a week, another time 2 weeks, but it would always come around because I overdid it.

 

It is very tough to learn, but you are your quickest way out of this. Set yourself a time to switch off and tools down each day. Get an app on your phone which rings every hour and take 10 deep breaths - WHATEVER you are doing. DO IT. You will find that the beeps start to annoy you each hour and you start thinking - I will do my breaths in the next hour, or the next and before you know it, you are just plain ignoring them. THIS is when the stress has got you again.

 

Try it and you will see exactly how it works the way I said!! It is all in the discipline. 

 

So again, CBT is a good way forward, but it is YOU who needs to put the work in. The therapist can only pave the way. So give yourself a head start with the above. 

 

Please give it a go - it helped me - and I so rarely hit that cycle now.

 

Take care.

[Axlejames]

Depression is here 

[Axlejames]

Was only one day so that is good. Feeling better today just a rough day yesterday but I look at it like being sick need to care for myself a little better 

[Axlejames]

Merry Christmas my friends and God bless. I hope this time of year brings you many many blessings. Love ya guys

[invalidusername]

...and a very Merry Christmas to you and your family AJ. Time for peace all over the world after another difficult year.

 

Here's to a better 2022 for us all. Stay strong and enjoy the holidays with those you love.

 

IUN

[Axlejames]

Been stressed out again from work definetly plays a role in my mental health surprise surprise, however this go round I am more aware of what is causing the issues and at least with that knowledge I can try and do things to help myself. How is everyone else 

[fishinghat]

Sounds like progress to me!!

 

I am doing well but very busy (nothing new there).

[invalidusername]

It is all about awareness AJ. And as Hat says - it sounds like progress. As we say here, forewarned is forearmed. The best defence is having the best offence. You see this stuff coming before it strikes too hard, and you deal with it. Well done.

 

How am I doing?

 

I don't want to start!! Just be thankful you are not in the UK with our health system at the moment...

[Axlejames]

I am sorry bud hopefully it all turns the corner soon. I still hope you are doing well and yes awareness right now is key for me. 

It is all about awareness AJ. And as Hat says - it sounds like progress. As we say here, forewarned is forearmed. The best defence is having the best offence. You see this stuff coming before it strikes too hard, and you deal with it. Well done.

 

How am I doing?

 

I don't want to start!! Just be thankful you are not in the UK with our health system at the moment...

[Axlejames]

Looking to update and for some advice. I have been doing a bit better lately My pills were supposed to be split from 100 to 50 on Zoloft , however I struggled with that so talked to my Dr. and he got the VA pharmacy to give me 50 mg. After being on a solid 50 I have been feeling a bit more positive and stable. I am doing Ok heading to Florida again next month for a family vacation well earned for sure. Now for the Advice I was taking 5mg of Adderall and I ran out a few weeks ago I did not refill because I am worried about long term effects on my physically the problem is there is no real clear studies on long term effects of prescribed adderall. If you abuse there are effects but I dont abuse it. Long story short I decided to try and take my normal 10mg that I have been taking for the last 10 + years the issue I have is I get anxious because i worry about the effects , however the benefit of taking it out weighs this. Do you think maybe if i take it regularly for a few weeks the anxiety will subside? anyways God bless. lots of love 

[fishinghat]

Change one thing at a time AJ. Go back on the Adderall at your normal dose. Once the Zoloft is dealt with then you can worry about the Adderall. One problem at a time. Just my opinion.

[invalidusername]

Hat's opinion.. and mine.

 

I totally get where you are coming from AJ. But the concern of the Adderall is not nearly as big as you think. 5mg is such a small dose. You really do not have anything to worry about it - as you say, you are not abusing it. You are, and always have been, very strong.

 

The only thing I will add to Hat's post is potentially to put any further drop on hold during the vacation period. Resume on your return where you will most likely be in a stronger place.

 

You are doing very well. I went on a weekend break for my research last November. It was tough. Granted less of a vacation as I had to engage with all these pointy heads and concentrate - something where I am more in control would have been better I feel!

 

Take care brother

 

IUN