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Disturbing Random Thoughts When Half-Awake


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#1 invalidusername

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Posted 16 January 2019 - 09:57 AM

I have mentioned this briefly in my post before, but feel it needs its own thread. This is very difficult for me to speak about openly because I feel that I am the only one who has this problem and that I will be seen as a little "strange". But in the interest of anyone else who may find it in the future...
 
So when I start to wake, in that phase between asleep and awake, I have random thoughts pop into my head. When I think on them, I then categorise them into anxious, stessful or depressing. As soon as I find the trail to the right category, I get a hit of a bad feeling... a mini moment of dread I suppose. I often forget these thoughts but I made a point of remembering a couple. One was a jar of water, but had a small animal in it and I was drinking from it - I said they were random! Then I think, what has happened to this animal, why am I drinking it.. I am twisted, there is something wrong with me.. BAM. Then I had a thought about a bus driving in circles until it tipped over. I thought, what a horrible thing for people on the bus and BAM.
 
I try breathing exercises, forcing myself to think about other things, but nothing works. I always end up the same way.
 
If I force myself awake, these will stop. So why don't I do this? Because then the "normal" thoughts start about the day ahead. "I need to get shopping", "I have to see this person and I don't want to", "my anxiety is too bad to let me do things I want to".. etc. So I make a subconcious choice to stay in the random thought state. Of course it makes me feel bad when I do fully wake. 
 
It seems like I am so overly sensitive to my emotions or something and I know this is more one for a shrink, but this has only started since I started coming off the Cymbalta, so others may have experienced this... just maybe??

#2 fishinghat

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Posted 16 January 2019 - 10:11 AM

Obtrusive thoughts and very weird and/or lucid dreams are common to nearly all withdrawals. While disturbing and strange they are not easily controlled. This is probably the remnant product of our synapses still trying to rewire themselves. Benzos have been shown to actually make these worse as they make it impossible for us to reach rem sleep.

#3 invalidusername

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Posted 16 January 2019 - 10:21 AM

They are indeed obtrusive. However, I do sleep well and often without problem now. In fact I had a very pleasant dream last night, and it is only when I drift in this half-awake state that I seem to have the problem. It is like my conscious mind is waking up and half taking over or something? 

 

The resultant feeling is one of discomfort I suppose. Disturbed maybe. 

 

Because I feel my lowest in the morning, i have difficultly doing anything - even making that first cup of tea - as I do religiously for the wife and I. So I figure I will try to sleep a little more, but the above then ensues. I remember trying to read instead when I am in this state, but I read a couple of sentences, and then drift. Jerk awake. Read the same two sentences. Drift. Jerk awake and so on and so on. This is itself is very unpleasant, so I again choose the above as an alternative.


#4 gail

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Posted 16 January 2019 - 01:00 PM

Scrat,

Here's my experience. I must say that it lasted a long time. Till surgery 2016. I think that being on opiates helps this shit from happening.

So here it is, i'm sleeping peacefully, then the mind wakes up before my body does. I want to sleep again, it's so comfortable. And then, I can't explain what happens, doom, anxiety, no clear image. It's a battle between the two, then I need to get up to chase whatever it is away.

The few hours following this is uneasy. And then, as I say. I reenter the real world and the previous is all gone till the next time.

I think that I can relate to you in a way. Mucho lovage Scratage

#5 invalidusername

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Posted 16 January 2019 - 04:27 PM

Thanks Sid...

 

Yes - it does go after a while but it sure is uncomfortable til it does. But it is such a strange phenomenon. I found one other post online about it earlier, and people were describing it as a form of OCD. But as I said, it is random thoughts - thoughts which would "normally" not happen, and if they did, you would simply think "where on earth has that come from?" and instantly forget it. 

 

I think what you say that the mind wakes before the body is a good way to describe it. Still so very very strange.

 

Thanks again for your input my dearest Siddage.

 

Much lovage.


#6 gail

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Posted 17 January 2019 - 12:16 PM

Scrat, for your eyes only...I had the worst night ever with real bad dreams, all night. I got up crying non stop, still not in my body. It took two hours to get past that with the help of Benadryl. Oh man, the worst gloom in a long time.

My depressed phase, after a five day break, seems to come back.

Fishinghat, I bought some fennel seeds yesterday to see if I was retaining water. I had two big cups, can this nightmarish night be due to that? Thank you Fisherman!

#7 fishinghat

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Posted 17 January 2019 - 12:27 PM

It is possible.

#8 invalidusername

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Posted 17 January 2019 - 03:38 PM

Awwww... my poor Sid.

 

I am so sorry to hear of your bad shortcomings. Foods can do strange things to our moods for sure, and there is a lot of evidence that suggests spicy food can, and does, give bad dreams. So is fennel that far removed...?

 

Maybe if that is the case, this will not be a precursor to a "phase" and may be gone soon. I certainly hope so. I am still having many moments of dysphoria which is getting to me. Not sure if it is still the remnants of the Lyrica, one of the two withdrawals or the Lexapro! I will just carry on not taking anything else - that was it can only be the Lexapro after a while!

 

Anyway - please keep in touch and let me know how you go after the fennel seeds. It is not a nice way to be sure, but you can try the same again during a better phase and see if it does the same thing. Self-experimentation and all that :)

 

Lots of lovage being sent to you as I type!

 

Scratage


#9 gail

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Posted 17 January 2019 - 06:43 PM

Scrattage, the fennel will stay on the cupboard for quite a while. I will pass for the self experimentation.

It scared the shit out of me. Nothing new was added to the diet or perhaps it's from the phase. So fragile again.

Real happy for your wife to have done all those things. While you were... something a brick. Can't find the entire phrase. It will be used in the forum for sure. Shitting a brick?????

#10 invalidusername

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Posted 17 January 2019 - 07:55 PM

LOL - yes, shitting a brick is the phrase used :)

 

i am very proud of the wife for what she has done today. We had a roast dinner to celebrate her acheivement... and an epsom salt bath.

 

I can well understand passing on the experiment though. Really sounds likes something you don't want to go through again - and I sincerely hope you do not. Only natural to feel fragile after such a scare too. Should be out of your system now, so I hope you will have nothing of the sort tonight.


#11 invalidusername

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Posted 22 January 2019 - 09:13 AM

A quick update on this thread. I had a couple of days where these thoughts didn't occur - likely due to the fact that I had to get straight on with my day as soon as I woke, so they didn't have a chance, but feeling as tired as I am at the moment, it is not the ideal way to start the day.

 

So, the last two days saw them return and yesterday and this morning they were a little dulled down. I was still having scenes of odd looking houses - again random things - and I still felt mildly uncomfortable, but not quite as bad as before. Even though I was half asleep, I could tell myself they weren't real somehow. Again each time the "uncomfortable" hits, I would jolt awake, to then drift back to a semi-awake state.

 

They also only lasted about 40 minutes, and then my thoughts became the usual waking ones tinged with anxiety or depression. Again, not ideal! I am going to try with some calming music and/or meditation if they occur again to see if that helps...


#12 fishinghat

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Posted 22 January 2019 - 09:41 AM

Time and patience.


#13 invalidusername

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Posted 22 January 2019 - 09:49 AM

Yes... I can see it improving. 

 

I just don't like the combination of this and my physical symptoms at the moment as it brings on the psychological symptoms. Just want a chance and the energy to get past this all...





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