Kmrek - you have so much of my sympathy here. Your words describe your torment well. The only advice I can offer you is to try to remember as best you can that this anxiety is not you; it is a very tired brain. The brain does adapt, this is without doubt; it is the speed at which it adapts that is always at question. When people go on antidepressants, it is a boost for what the brain can do on its own given time. I rue the day that I was ever convinced to start taking them.
I really am with you on whether or not you can live a life without them though. There is a long struggle ahead and even then you are in a place where you cannot convince yourself if all that work would be the best thing. I am not going to try and convince you either way.
I am also at a crossroads with my own medication. Having had so many different meds pumped through my system, I have also become over sensitive both physically and mentally. Each feed off each other. It might be that I have to consider "something" to aid me to come off them, but again, I know it is going to be such a struggle, but staying where I am is also not an option. Whilst my mood isn't directly in trouble at present dose, my physical symptoms are, and it is THAT which causes anxiety/depression.
Please feel free to rant away - I am here to listen... and if we can support each other that way, even in the slightest, then all the better