I'm so sorry Whosthat. Do you feel like the medications have helped you at all or have your mental issues gotten worse since taking them? What did you originally take them for?
No medicine has ever helped me save clonazepam. It makes you a different person. It stops me thinking so inwardly and let’s me appreciate the world. Instead of passing someone with dread- what will I say, do they think I’m a loser, they think I’m a loser, say something you worthless coward, you don’t fit in, etc- I’d pass with confidence, looking forward to talking, but not completely dependent upon it for equanimity. Really even when I am not on benzos and manage to say something, it’s never good enough. I’m a brutal critic of myself. That’s probably even giving myself too much intellectual credit. Emotions run my world. They dance and flail around in my body as they push and pull me here and there, breaking things, screaming, begging for attention. Never know exactly where I’ll end up but basicallly assured it will be some fresh or familiar hell.
Fairly recently I have become a bit sickened by clonazepam. Headaches, very severe inability to focus or concentrate, nausea, bodily pain, etc. It actually seems to simultaneously help alleviate all of the symptoms I just mentioned. Perhaps it’s when I take too much I feel ill. Or my body is dependent. I only started it again a few weeks ago after having been off for months.