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2 Months Off After Somewhat Slow Taper. Really Struggling


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#811 Mxpro32

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Posted 03 August 2020 - 12:16 PM

Overall I have been I guess. It feels like I have been taking steps backwards though. The anxiety has been decently bad for a while, but I attribute that to the Klonopin withdrawal. The depression has been mostly gone till this week. It feels different though. It's like anxiety depression. I'm restless, anxious, depressed, and really tired.

#812 Mxpro32

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Posted 03 August 2020 - 12:19 PM

I feel like the insomnia is taking a toll, but I can never tell if the depression causes the insomnia or the other way around.  my nerves still feel fried too.  upset customers set me off.  I'm always anxious and feeling like something bad is going to happen or I'm screwed somehow.  


#813 fishinghat

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Posted 03 August 2020 - 01:06 PM

There is this phenomena called "benzo fatigue". It is an overwhelming tiredness that feels like you haven't slept in days. Hard to get motivated, in fact hard to even get up and move. The one thing you can do is stay on the same dose of Benzo for 3 weeks minimum and see how much this resolves. Doing the benzo this soon after the Cymbalta withdrawal makes it even tougher. Take a break for awhile and just see what happens. 


#814 Mxpro32

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Posted 03 August 2020 - 02:07 PM

yeah, I was wondering what the effect of dealing with two withdrawals simultaneously would be.  I would have waited, but the klonopin was making me depressed.  another thing I just remembered.  I tried the magnesium threonate for a couple days before the stretch of depression.  then I read some people were becoming dependent on it and couldn't sleep without it so I stopped.  then I went into 4 days of depression.  the 2 days I was on it I slept really well, but I was taking it in the morning too so I felt pretty drowsy all day.  I wonder if that has anything to do with it.  


#815 Mxpro32

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Posted 03 August 2020 - 02:27 PM

what are your thoughts on the 50mg trazodone i've been taking for sleep?  it works well to get me to sleep.  is there any potential for that interfering with my healing from the other meds?  its so weird.  I've been constipated like I was with my early depression, and my difficulty swallowing has been really bad again.  I feel like i'm choking every time I take a bite.  


#816 fishinghat

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Posted 03 August 2020 - 03:14 PM

 The magnesium threonate is a good bet too. 

 

There shouldn't be an issue with the trazadone keeping you from healing. 

 

The difficulty swallowing brings us back to the benzo withdrawal and anxiety. I still think a 3 week break in benzo withdrawal would do wonders.


#817 Mxpro32

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Posted 03 August 2020 - 06:53 PM

I think I will do that.  today hasn't really materialized the depression I thought was coming.  its more of a fear, panic, anxiety, with a feeling of impending doom.  I feel like I want to run away, but there is nowhere I can run to get away from my internal struggles.  then if I'm able to breathe and actually relax for a minute I start yawning and feel like I'm going to fall asleep.  I think I'm really exhausted from not sleeping well and the adrenaline is the only thing keeping me awake.  sorry for complaining so much.  Its just nice to have somewhere to get it out.  


#818 fishinghat

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Posted 04 August 2020 - 07:59 AM

"I think I'm really exhausted from not sleeping well and the adrenaline is the only thing keeping me awake."

 

That is exactly what happens.

 

Don't worry about the complaining. That is what we are here for. I too used up a lot of forum space and time doing the same thing.


#819 Mxpro32

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Posted 04 August 2020 - 03:44 PM

I think the combination of bad anxiety and exhaustion from not sleeping is leading to the depression.  my anxiety is pretty bad today, but I can't stop yawning and feeling like I'm going to fall asleep.  exhaustion and anxiety is not my favorite combo


#820 fishinghat

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Posted 04 August 2020 - 05:30 PM

Patience Mxpro. It will fade.


#821 Mxpro32

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Posted 04 August 2020 - 05:52 PM

Patience Mxpro. It will fade.

 

 

I sure hope so.  I am really struggling with the idea that I'm broken forever.  its starting to freak me out


#822 invalidusername

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Posted 04 August 2020 - 06:34 PM

MX... Apologies for absence for a couple of days, but just to jump in here with my 10 cents.

 

Whenever I have had a bout of stress-induced anxiety, it seems to always follow with some depression. Thankfully that seems to be the marker of the end. But despite their being two sides of the coin, it makes sense that you will get low as a result of having to deal with so much anxiety. It rarely goes the other way I find.

 

The best and only way to deal with depression is to treat it like a wave. Just let it come. There is nothing you can do, so jut let it come. It is such a difficult one to learn, but if you let it be, you soon learn to forget that it is there. The more attention you give it, the longer your mindset stays focused on it. 

 

I know it is so difficult to ignore, but acceptance is the key. 

 

Having read through your post over the last couple of days, I can see a pattern for it emerging, but even so, better not to question where and when and why it came about as that will only end up feeding it. Just feel it, welcome it and let it be and it will pass on.

 

It can't rain all the time.


#823 Mxpro32

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Posted 04 August 2020 - 08:10 PM

MX... Apologies for absence for a couple of days, but just to jump in here with my 10 cents.

Whenever I have had a bout of stress-induced anxiety, it seems to always follow with some depression. Thankfully that seems to be the marker of the end. But despite their being two sides of the coin, it makes sense that you will get low as a result of having to deal with so much anxiety. It rarely goes the other way I find.

The best and only way to deal with depression is to treat it like a wave. Just let it come. There is nothing you can do, so jut let it come. It is such a difficult one to learn, but if you let it be, you soon learn to forget that it is there. The more attention you give it, the longer your mindset stays focused on it.

I know it is so difficult to ignore, but acceptance is the key.

Having read through your post over the last couple of days, I can see a pattern for it emerging, but even so, better not to question where and when and why it came about as that will only end up feeding it. Just feel it, welcome it and let it be and it will pass on.

It can't rain all the time.


What pattern are you seeing?

#824 invalidusername

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Posted 05 August 2020 - 06:42 PM

It is the calm that you had after your four bad days. Then you had a lift from it, and correct me if I am wrong, but you would have been feeling very vulnerable during this time as a result of that feeling better. Not quite sure how long it would last, whether it would continue, looking over your shoulder for triggers that could prematurely set it off. Am I right so far?

 

So it is a classic example of never having any downtime  despite there being better days. You are not giving yourself a breather.

 

There is no blame, nor should there be any guilt. It is all part of the process. Eventually, you will just let these things happen and think "well there is nothing I can do, I have tried everything" and it will gradually play less on your mind.

 

Just being aware of this will help bring that all important time further forward.


#825 Mxpro32

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Posted 05 August 2020 - 10:52 PM

That sounds about right. The depression scared me so I was worried about it even when I was feeling better. I feel significantly better today as well. I'm trying not to think about it.

#826 invalidusername

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Posted 06 August 2020 - 06:38 PM

Well done... and glad to hear the better days are coming closer together.

 

It will even out in due course. I was in your position for a while myself... I know whereof I speak!


#827 Mxpro32

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Posted 06 August 2020 - 07:18 PM

I think I am at a point, where recognizing when I have a thought or emotion that could lead to a downward spiral and addressing it is helpful.  I think my system is still fried and on edge which makes my reaction to the thoughts and emotions quicker and more powerful, but practicing mindfulness to prevent the original stimulus from triggering a cascade of negative thoughts which triggers a cascade of negative emotion can stop it from spiraling.  I started reading my mindfulness meditation book again and there are a lot of good reminders.  like the concept of being mode vs doing mode.  learning to just BE and not try to solve every negative emotion that comes up with the problem solving doing mode.  the quickness that a stressful thought can send me into panic, or a sad thought can send me into deep sadness is astounding.  I have a hair trigger.  but that also means I'm starting to get some control if I can become aware enough to see the initial that that creates the reaction.  I think mindfulness and meditation will help me to do that.  

 

the latter part of yesterday I was pretty calm, and I slept pretty calm as well.  I woke up early, but not in an anxious state like I have been.  then I laid there for a while in and out of sleep and was overcome by a rush of adrenaline and anxiety.  it was a strange mixup of my usual pattern.  overall, today has been pretty good though.  


#828 ubetchaMN

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Posted 07 August 2020 - 10:27 AM

Hello, new to this forum but I would like to let everybody know on this thread that you have been a tremendous help and you have brought me quite a bit of relief knowing that what I am going through is not unusual and there IS other people out there in the same boat. 

 

short story(long) I am 40 years old happily married to a supporting wife and I have wonderful children.   I was on 60mg Cymbalta for over 12 years, worked fine only issue was the constant fatigue.  I wanted to see if "grass was greener on the other side" and find a different anti-depressant that would be as effective but not make me so tired. Trusting my PA since he was suppose to be the "expert", he had me taper in a 4 week span to Prozac.  This created major panic attacks and anxiety and so I quickly switched back thinking the problem would be taken care of.  Obviously it wasn't and I continued living in a world of high anxiety, derealization and panic all awhile he kept increasing the Cymbalta to 120mg.  With no trust or confidence in this PA and at the end of my rope, I opted to go back  to my childhood Psychiatrist (who practices in another state) who was willing to take me on again and has helped me slowly tapper off and onto another anti-depressant (Pristiq) while also taking 20 mg of Librium at bedtime while I navigate these waters.  I have been Cymbalta free for 5 1/2 months but I have had a roller coater ride with anxiety in the process.  I would go a couple days feeling fine and thinking it was all behind me to get hit out of the blue with an anxious episode. Looking back, I have made a lot of progress during this timeframe,  I do CBT and mindful meditation and I still continue to have anxious episodes but not nearly as severe and or long to recover from.  I have been able to go a week or two feeling like my old self but my biggest fear was exactly what was described in this thread, that the rest of my life will be like this and there is NO LIGHT at the end of the tunnel.  I don't consider my self suicidal but there was a time at my lowest point where I could see someone feeling like this and thinking that there were no options left.

 

Hearing from you that it can take up to 2 years (hopefully less) is so extremely reassuring. I have been obsessively searching all ends of the internet and could never find an answer on "how long until my brain "heals" or get back to what I consider normal until I found this thread.

 

I have accepted the fact that I will probably always be on an anti-depressant and that is just who I am and I should not be embarrassed about it. I know the risks of long term benzo usage but I am hopeful once I get this under control I can safely and slowly tackle getting off that.

 

Again, thank you so much for being vulnerable and putting into words what you all were going through for me to read and take comfort from.


#829 fishinghat

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Posted 07 August 2020 - 11:15 AM

 

 

welcome ubetchaMN.

 

Glad to hear that you have gotten off the Cymbalta. I assume that your dr informed you that Pristiq also has a significant withdrawal. 

 

i would say that now it is a waiting game to see how far you settle down. The progress will be a little like a rollercoaster but should get better. Try to minimize your stressful activities and get plenty of rest and you should be OK. don't worry about whether you will be on antidepressants the rest of your life. You can deal with that decision when the dust settles. 

 

Let us know if there is anything we can do to help and please feel free to come back anytime for any reason.


#830 Mxpro32

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Posted 07 August 2020 - 12:47 PM

apparently I was on pristiq 4 years ago before I started the cymbalta.  my insurance stopped covering the pristiq.  I don't remember having any issues with the switch, but I remember being happier on the pristiq.  cymbalta numbed me out and made me exhausted all the time.  


#831 ubetchaMN

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Posted 07 August 2020 - 01:58 PM

Thank you so much for the information and kindness.  My doctor and I did not talk about the Pristiq withdrawals but we chose it because I had a Genesight test done and it was one of the medications that showed to be the most compatible with my gene makeup.  I assume if I ever get to the point of getting off of it the tapering process will look much different then what I did for Cymbalta and hopefully the withdrawal process will not be unbearable.  At the very least I will be my own advocate to make sure it goes extremely slow.





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