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#31 gail

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Posted 16 December 2019 - 09:04 AM

HRK,

I don't write much but know that I'm following you.
For the last month, I too have been seeing at the corner of my eye, people,birds, but it's allmy imagination. I think. I'm not in withdrawal, come back to see us. Lovage!

#32 Lovey

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Posted 16 December 2019 - 10:04 AM

Thank you gail! It's unnerving for sure, having this happen. Processing visual information is very challenging at times right now. light and shadow. Movement, placement of objects...a little OCD type of thing happening for me. If something is displaced it feels extremely uncomfortable.

#33 Lovey

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Posted 17 December 2019 - 10:52 PM

We had sun today! Hallelujah! My check engine light has been on for a few days in my car and it went off today. I'm calling it a win! I do need an oil change. That sometimes causes the light to go on. Will get that done soon. I am relieved to have several days off coming up for the holidays/holidaze.... my art career is gaining some momentum and it's exciting! Looking forward to being self employed. Had a very good counseling session today. That's my update. Trying to put more emphasis on the good is so good and healthy.

#34 invalidusername

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Posted 18 December 2019 - 11:29 AM

My check brain light has been on for a few days!!

 

Glad to hear some great news from you H... and do your very best to relax while you have the chance...


#35 Lovey

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    Trying to get off of this poisonous drug. Need support and help!Down from 120mg to 7mg.
    Am currently taking 18 beads 2x per day. A split dose method. 4 am and 4 pm. Pausing to stabilize.

Posted 18 December 2019 - 01:17 PM

Hahahaha so funny! Ok, I will do some "downtime" today. Thx dear heart.

#36 invalidusername

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Posted 18 December 2019 - 03:54 PM

Shame you aren't any closer as I have loads of code readers for automotive management systems. Saves me a fortune....


#37 Lovey

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    Am currently taking 18 beads 2x per day. A split dose method. 4 am and 4 pm. Pausing to stabilize.

Posted 18 December 2019 - 07:50 PM

I should like to invest in one. Which do you recommend?

#38 invalidusername

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Posted 18 December 2019 - 08:08 PM

what is the make/model/year of your vehicle?


#39 Lovey

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Posted 18 December 2019 - 08:22 PM

I sent u a message

#40 Lovey

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    Trying to get off of this poisonous drug. Need support and help!Down from 120mg to 7mg.
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Posted 22 December 2019 - 04:54 PM

Uh oh, feeling holiday sadness....loneliness:'(

Send help.

#41 fishinghat

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Posted 22 December 2019 - 05:19 PM

Don't worry hrk. Santa is coming!!

(I can't believe I said that.)

#42 Lovey

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    Trying to get off of this poisonous drug. Need support and help!Down from 120mg to 7mg.
    Am currently taking 18 beads 2x per day. A split dose method. 4 am and 4 pm. Pausing to stabilize.

Posted 22 December 2019 - 05:28 PM

Having a tough time. I am so irritable that the smallest sound is annoying to me. I feel so neurotic! People seem to love fiddling with things while talking to me. Is this normal? Are they nervous? Haha oh man...

#43 fishinghat

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Posted 22 December 2019 - 05:37 PM

You know hrk, after going through this you will often, and I mean often, notice signs of anxiety and depression in other people who may not even realize that they have an issue.

#44 invalidusername

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Posted 22 December 2019 - 05:50 PM

Hat is spot on... you really do pick up more on people when they are nervous after it has taken you in itself - the fingers in the hair, the clicking of the fingernails... 

 

Should it help, my mrs is exactly the same as you this evening H. Even typing this she is getting annoyed. It was the stress of the Christmas food delivery. Stranger at the door, checking all the stuff, arranging the freezer... it was all too much for her. 

 

You are never alone in this big ol' world H. Always here for you... probably going through something similar :)


#45 Lovey

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Posted 22 December 2019 - 07:12 PM

Thanks both. I'm safely home now but the loneliness has followed me here! Haha oh my. My tablet (ipad type device) has been misplaced in my home somewhere for 24 hours and I'm low key trying not to panic.

#46 Lovey

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    Am currently taking 18 beads 2x per day. A split dose method. 4 am and 4 pm. Pausing to stabilize.

Posted 22 December 2019 - 07:20 PM

Just found my tablet! Woohoo! Thx again for the kind insightful words. Off to veg out.

#47 invalidusername

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Posted 22 December 2019 - 07:23 PM

Yes - those little things I am talking about :)

 

Time out now H. Put the world on hold and have some you time.


#48 Lovey

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    Am currently taking 18 beads 2x per day. A split dose method. 4 am and 4 pm. Pausing to stabilize.

Posted 24 December 2019 - 09:17 PM

I feel guilty about leaving early tonight from our Christmas eve party. My family wanted me to go to mass with them and watch a movie after at their house. The thing is, my sister has strong scents around her house and I got a headache. A large, somewhat nervous, pacing dog was in the mix too adding to my feeling agitation. Sister and mom are very critical and not empathetic by nature. It did not feel like an environment I could handle any longer.

#49 Lovey

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Posted 24 December 2019 - 09:20 PM

I'm so sad things aren't different. That I am so uncomfortable around the two of them. They don't understand my sensitivities and act like I am imagining my troubles. Eye rolls and shoulder shrugs from them. How to find my peace with this?

#50 gail

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Posted 25 December 2019 - 09:12 AM

Hi its hrk here. Did a very deep therapy session today at counseling etc. Feel very vulnerable and sensitive. oh boy. Also feel removed from my body too. I am watching myself perform actions that need done, so to speak... so odd. Taking itcas easy as I can. Have work this evening from 4-8. The sun is shining bright today. It's nice. Trying to get grounded in the present. Any tips? Going to put on music.


Lovey, nice name. I too could use tips to stay in the present moment. Anyone? Thank you.

#51 fishinghat

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Posted 25 December 2019 - 09:13 AM

You made a wise decision Lovey. Do not worry about not bein g able to deal with them. They obviously do not try to "deal" with your condition. It is most difficult to overcome ignorance and right now you are better off trying not too. Sorry to be so blunt.

#52 invalidusername

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Posted 25 December 2019 - 10:03 AM

Lovey... I have been through something similar with my family this Christmas. I have been uninvited from Christmas dinner this year in case I have a seizure (as I did last year) and that would not be nice for my nephew of 6 years. Pardon me for having a mental illness and the inconvenience that it causes!! Not only does my sister not understand my illness, but she doesn't even realise that she makes it worse with her self-centered actions. My parents won't intervene as she can do nothing wrong in their eyes. I feel very much an outcast in my family - like the leprosy sufferers in biblical times. Always comes to a head this time of year. You are not alone - my sympathies...

 

..and as Hat said, you did the right thing. No question. You did well with what you did - that is all anyone can ask of you - particularly yourself.


#53 Lovey

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Posted 25 December 2019 - 07:58 PM

I am at my laptop so can write a little more easily.  IUN, I hope you and I both can find a way to be a little less affected by our family's bad treatment.  Easier said than done, obviously... It is definitely an uphill walk, with little respite.  I am loving them more from afar. Painful because i miss out on the little ones (kids)  too as a byproduct. 

 

fishinghat, thanks for chiming in as you did. I don't mind what you thought sounded blunt.  It was what I needed to hear. They just don't have the capacity or desire at this point to learn about me and believe the reality of my struggles.  Easier to skim past it as "my problem" instead of trying to understand.  They too have their own very huge problems in terms of mental health but neither seeks counseling to resolve, only medication to mask.  

 

gail, hi dear! How are you feeling? The day is winding down here now.  I did very good "taking it easy".  No chores, no significant cooking or running around.  I pushed myself to take a little walk and sat to pray with Jesus in the church this evening.  It was exceptionally wonderful when no one else was around, I spoke out loud to Him. I am home now writing to my online friends (you guys :).... and made a cup of fresh lemon and ginger tea.  I am a very introspective, thoughtful and deep thinking kind of person. This is fine and good, but I need balance so I'm not too lost in the windings of my mind. There are many wonderful memories and places of imagination and future-planning and such where I am trying to place more of my energies!  And then..... there are the darker places, with painful memories, hurt feelings, fearful thoughts, dread, anxiety.... you get it.... These places are ok to look at, and learn from but not to stay at.  They are sticky though aren't they? 

It's a real training kind of thing, learning to tame the mind.  When I get too far into it all, and need to get out, some things that I try are: going to another room, calling a friend, journaling, listening to music, writing a poem or a to-do list, really anything different than laying there or sitting there worrying and ruminating.  Placing myself in an activity. Stretching my body a little, taking a bath or shower, pushing my feet into the ground. Speaking/praying out loud..... all good things. Reading a chapter of a book, listening to a podcast. Making cookies! I really like that one! 


#54 Lovey

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    Trying to get off of this poisonous drug. Need support and help!Down from 120mg to 7mg.
    Am currently taking 18 beads 2x per day. A split dose method. 4 am and 4 pm. Pausing to stabilize.

Posted 25 December 2019 - 08:22 PM

I've recently taken up my crochet/knitting again.  It's a very soothing and satisfying activity! Doing a simple single crochet back and forth is very calming and grounding.  YouTube can teach anyone to learn this skill.  You can make a potholder/ washcloth just to keep busy and it's useful too which is doubly nice.  Great for men and women alike.  Kids too. I am going to be revisiting the slow taper again after the new year and the holidaze are behind us.  

 

I am having more issue with the coating on my eyes being too thick and slimy and all around eye irritation and itchiness. I have been on Cymbalta about 2.5-3 years in total.  My highest dose was 120mg! Yuck!!! I am down to less than 10 mg. now.  My digital scale needs to be replaced.  I was cleaning it and was too aggressive and damaged it.  I shook it to try to get the white beads out that had fallen in the crack and also blew air into it and it is essentially ruined.  It is a sensitive scale which is what I need but did not realize you should not do the things I did there.  Oops.  Been bead counting past couple of days since it broke but I will probably purchase a replacement as I am very soon going to begin tapering again.  The bead size is inconsistent and I feel it is a more accurate way to get even results. IUN, I read your thread to BetterMary about pulverizing beads.  Very interesting.  I may go that route toward the end.  I currently take .02 mg ( roughly 19 beads), 2X per day to refresh everyone's memory. 

 

I guess I will start by taking 19 beads/am and 18 beads/ pm. For say, 5 days. Then 18/18, then 18/17, and so on.  Does this sound like a good approach.  It feel painstakingly slow but staying at the reduction for 5 days, seems like enough time? I don't know. Open to thoughts.  Now the days are going to be getting longer and more sun, so that will be a big boost. Just that knowledge is enough to lift my mood.  I am seriously considering relocating to Hawaii or a coastal warm place. I'm in the tundra of the midwestern U.S.  

 

Love to you all!

 

Getting organized tomorrow, and cleaning up from the Christmas crafting hurricane that came through my house this week!


#55 fishinghat

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Posted 26 December 2019 - 09:17 AM

Sounds like a good approach to me Lovey.

#56 invalidusername

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Posted 26 December 2019 - 10:22 AM

"They just don't have the capacity or desire at this point to learn about me and believe the reality of my struggles.  Easier to skim past it as "my problem" instead of trying to understand."

 

Oh my goodness. Yes. This is EXACTLY the situation here. My family have no idea just how difficult it is to live with my own issues, let alone having to care for my wife 24/7. My sister seems to think having a 6 year old child is just as bad - of not worse. That is the centre of her world. She can't possibly exposure the reality of "Uncle IUN's" condition to him. God forbid! She completely discounts how this makes me feel. My parents do not intervene and she can do no harm in their eyes. It is very painful sometimes. 

 

The suggestion I made to Mary was because she is using the big bead capsules, and cannot go to the smaller beads. The small beads that we all know aren't really designed for being pulped because of the coating. But the method you have described above for doing 2 a day is a good way forward - I would go with that.

 

May not be a hurricane over here in the UK, but the wind and rain sure is putting up a fight. I live almost in the middle of the city and there is barely a person outside. Usually on boxing day there are loads of people outside. It is going to be a long day here and I need to practise my acceptance.


#57 fishinghat

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Posted 26 December 2019 - 10:55 AM

Posted earlier...

"Absolutely it could be the magnesium. What form is it in? Magnesium oxide, carbonate, chelated....

Many have that reaction when their magnesium levels get too high. You may need to get them checked. You can also go without the magnesium for 4 or 4 days and see what happens. Remember to only change one thing at a time and see what happens before changing anything else."

About 7% of those taking magnesium have anxiety as a side effect. Now you have been taking it for awhile so the side effect issue probably is not a concern BUT high levels of magnesium in the blood almost always causes anxiety. The reason I mention that is your regular brand may have finally just got you to the high levels OR the new brand may be a form of magnesium that is readily absorbed and shot you high in magnesium very rapidly. What form is your current brand in?

#58 invalidusername

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Posted 26 December 2019 - 12:04 PM

...or conversely shot right down. But if it has come on quickly it is more likely a dose too high than too low, but as Hat said, we need details to confirm.





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