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[sick of it]

Hello to all. I call us the survivors. There is life after cymbalta. I have been off of it for 9 months, but I still very much feel like a victim. To this day I have bouts of amnesia of moments that occured while taking this drug, but it gets better every day. I am praying for everyone of you. I am looking for people who would like to share their story on this subject for a book. As a victim I feel helpless unless I fight back. My way is through pen and paper. We all have a voice and its time we are heard. If you are interested in this please contact me by my email on my profile. Here's my story. I'm a single mother of 3, and I was misdiagnoised with fibro. I was in constant pain and my quality of life was diminishing. I am a Union Laborer, and I do not have time in my life for pain, so my doctor put me on cymbalta, although I was not depressed, then the muscle relaxers were perscribed, and so on, until I was on 6 medications to treat this condition, and nothing worked. With each script I felt worse. When I complained I was called adrug seeker. I became overwelmed and severly depressed. I seperated from the love of my life and wreaked havock on everyone in the family. Violent outbursts became an everyday occurance. Out of guilt and desperation I sank lower. I ruined my life, deeply hurt the man I loved, became the type of mother I would have called DCFS on, and no ability to think, no power of control over myself or thoughts. I soon started having visions of slicing my wrists, and thought hey there's an idea. SICK..yes I know. I devised a plan. I called a family member for a gun, stock piled all of my wonder drugs into a single bottle and collected a razor blade from the exacto knife in my tool box. It would be 3 days before I received the gun, so I composed a letter to our police dept, that explained where my body could be found. In the woods away from my home, I could not damage my childen further. On the day of my planned execusion, my brothers car broke down, and he could not bring me the gun. ( he was bringing it to me because I do not have a permit, but I was having a squirrel problem and I lived in the country) I was in such a deep funk that I didn't relize that I was out of my cymbalta script. The day I did not wake up and place a pill in my mouth, my body was sick as hell but my mind was clearer. And kept getting clearer, but the withdrawls were crippling. I had terrible sweats, I felt frozen to the bone, the dreams were insane, and I couldn't pull myself out of a sleep if I tried. I had a friend pick up the script, and I broke my dosage in half. I would open the capsule and dump about half out then put it back together and take it. Even at 30 mg the ride was devistating. I stuck it out with prayer for courage complete this journey. Two weeks I went to the doctor and relizingthis time they couldn't talk me out of quiting this medicine, they gave me the lowest dose. 20 mg. Well when I relized that it wasn't much different with it as comparedbto without I just quite all togther. I did it alone, and no one understood what I was going through on or withdrawling from the drug. That was gut wrentching, no one cared about the crazy girl who didn't leave her bedroom for almost a year, except to work and by groceries. It was a hell of a ride but I'm here, and all of the weight I had gained from the drug has shed. I went to to the Mayo Clinic and found out all of my problems were horrmonal. I changed my eating habits. Lowered my sugar, and increased my protein, started taking a special birth control for my condition, made a few other life adjustments, and I haven't felt better. I have also helped a few others off of the drugs doctors so freely give out including pain killers, helped them make some diatary adjustment, and they too have regained a quality of life. Thank you for taking the time to read my story, I believe it is a miracle I'm here to write it. Since this I have also been blessed with a beautiful grandaughter. My daughter is young, what would she do without me, and look at what I would have missed out on? There is way to much to this story to include it all, but if I wish for others to share with me, I should share first. Once again best of luck and if you want to be a part of this fight please let me know. Sassytwin@hotmail.com.

Edited by sick of it, 13 November 2010 - 01:10 AM.