8 replies to this topic

[kooky]

hi everyone!
if you see any blips or &*!^$% in my sentences it’s because my brain is zapping even as I type. yes, I too am a fellow sufferer of the evil cymbalta, and I’m sorry there are so many others with the same problem. but I have to admit, it’s good to know I’m not alone. I’ve had major depression all my life, along with about 75% of my family on my mother’s side. our family is crammed with everything from bipolar to schizophrenia... so I guess you could say I’m one of the lucky ones! everything is relative.
I started taking Zoloft at age 41, about 6 years ago, it was like turning on a light switch. unfortunately that was short-lived, after awhile I began to notice the reappearance of old symptoms and what I call “flatlining”. I finally decided I needed to start over, and during the last year I’ve been playing an exhausting game of musical meds with my doctor. cymbalta was our last experiment. by last week my stomach was in shreds and I was so burned out and fatigued from the sleep problems and nightmares I dumped the pills in the trash. this is day 5 of withdrawal and aside from feeling like someone is trying to jumpstart my brain, I’m not doing too bad. after 30 years of clinical depression you sort of learn how to ride things out, and keeping a sense of humor can be life-saving. but I’m now beginning to wonder if I even want to use any of these drugs anymore. I’ve lived with depression long enough to know it always comes back, sometimes with a vengeance—but are these medicines really the answer? if you look on other websites you will see, perhaps to a lesser degree than cymbalta, many of the same complaints about other meds. what do we really know about what they do to our bodies and minds in the long run? I’ve even thought of telling my doctor I want to go off until I start to notice depression symptoms, and then only take a low dose of Zoloft for 2 months until I’m stabilized, and wean myself off again. sort of the “as-needed” plan. but I know my doctor won’t go for it, doctors think it’s much safer to experiment with 50 different mind-numbing, gut-rotting drugs than take the risk of trusting me to know what I need when I need it.

I’ve been thru some dark times and have learned to grieve what’s been lost while rejoicing in what I have. I’ve literally come full circle from a place of wanting to die to wanting to live. I don’t want to slip back into the pit of depression, but I’m tired of being a lab rat. If any of you out there have experience with long-term depression and can offer any advice—what foods to eat, supplements to take, doctor to see, nuthouse to join... anything I can use that might help in deciding my next course of action, I’d appreciate it.

[kooky]

thanks jp, it's good to hear that from you. i know your story and i don't doubt you're no stranger to pain. i've picked up a lot of good tools thru the years too, from everyone from counselors to friends and family, I’d be lost without them. and yes, i know the depression always comes back, but i also know the darkest times don't last forever. if there is one phrase that sums up what has gotten me thru, it's "this too shall pass." it's the support and encouragement from people like yourself, and all the other suffering souls on this site, that can make all the difference.
yep, i took zoloft for quite awhile too, and the withdrawals were nothing like cymbalta, but the efficacy just didn't seem to last. btw, have you ever been fully evaluated by a psychiatric doctor when you were not drinking? it's impossible for any doctor to form an accurate diagnosis on a patient who is drinking as the alcohol changes the whole chemical structure of the brain. even without a chemical imbalance like depression or bipolar in the picture, alcohol can make you feel and do things you would never normally do (like keying your boyfriend’s car!). it’s a common self-medication but it's a real devil mixed with drugs like cymbalta. once you’ve gotten all those other elements eliminated from your system, then maybe a good doctor can give you a proper diagnosis and rule out any other possibilities. only with an accurate diagnosis can you decide the proper treatment.

well, I bought some Dramamine today, I read somewhere it helps the “brain shocks” and vertigo, so far I’ve been using benedryl and that seems to help too. again, thanks for your kind words, it’s amazing what a comfort it is just to know there is someone out there who gets it. even with all it's travails life is too good not to fight for it. take care of yourself and keep up the good fight!

Grace, kooky1

[Sarah J]

kooky - I wrote you a reply earlier, but my electricity went down. Maybe the post did go through, but I don't see it. So forgive me if I am repeating myself.

I got through the withdrawal and am antidepressant free now for about 36 days, I am forgetting the number of days off and that is good, it means I am able to forget it more. Well, I wanted to tell you good luck with all of this, and if you were able to come off of Zoloft with no problem, if the Cymbalta stuff gets bad for you, it might help you to jump on it to help with the potential nasty stuff (that does not always happen to everybody).

That's how I got through this, I found it absurd to take one to get off of another, but it worked like a charm for me. I had been on Cymbalta 3.5 years, never having taken anything else and when I came off, it was harsh, but I thought I made it through and then the emotional stuff hit me hard, and I could not keep waiting for the "magic day" that might not have come. Plus, during Cymbalta withdrawal, the emotional meltdown I had was nothing like I had ever felt, even worse than before Cymbalta. Oh yeah, the regulars here will get sick of seeing my "story" again, but I know that in the beginning of withdrawal, this site can be daunting to try to figure out. After 45 days cold turkey, I found a new doctor, they gave me Celexa and I weaned off of that over about 40 days. When I came off of Celexa, it was millions of times easier than Cymbalta withdrawal. I wish I knew the scientific reason as to why, but my best guess is that Celexa is an SSRI and Cymbalta was an SNRI. And, my brains kind of "turned back on" while I was doing a dose drop from Celexa, and that was when I knew I would make it through.

I had done tons of talk therapy in my 20s and early 30s (I am 40 now). Wish I would have been brave enough to go through the therapy instead of letting my docs talk me into Cymbalta, but that is what I did, I can't change it. And now I do talk therapy and go to acupuncture every six weeks (at the same time I started Celexa, I also went to acupuncture, which I can say the acupuncture did help me, but not in a magic bullet kind of way, I just would notice after the treatments that my overall outlook on things would just change positively).

Anyway, best of luck to you and hope it is quick for you.

[Lori]

I wish both of you lots of luck, JP27 and Kooky. I think I too, have dealt with depression on and off most of my life. Mine would more than likely stem from being molested when I was 5 by a non-blood related uncle. (But thats for another message board) For the most part my life has been great, up until I married. Adultry and abuse would bring out the depression. IF the withdrawals become too much, you may want to consider another anti depressant with less withdrawal side effects. I am doing great with a Great Day product and that helped me alot. I have also given this to God to take care of for me, and I have many people praying for me. My parents report back to their Sunday School class with updates in regards to me, but they have been told not to get off their knees just yet, cuz I am still needing their prayers. It does get easier, and if you do not fall back on anything to get you through the withdrawals, YOU WILL STILL GET THROUGH THIS!!! There are alot of people on this message board who did not fall back on anything but better foods and supplements.

Kooky, under "Lets talk about something else"....under encouragment, I think, I posted "This too shall pass"......and it will!! Good luck to you all and you are always in my prayers.

Lori

[kooky]

Lori, you're right, I told my doctor to put me back on the lowest dose of zoloft to get me over the hump. it's already helped with the head-shocks and vertigo, which is the worst part of the withdrawals. i'm still droopy, irritable and headachy but, i'm used to that. it sounds like you've had your share of hardship as well, i hope you found someone qualified to help you talk some of that scarier stuff thru with. talk therapy can change your whole perception if you find a good counselor, but you usually have to weed thru a few fruitcakes to find one, i tell you, some of them need therapy more than their patients! :shock: but like you, i have wonderful and understanding friends and family that support me every shaky step of the way, their love and prayers have made all the difference. No one said this life would be easy, but He promises to stay with us, "even to the end of the age."

JP, yes, your mother's illness may have saved you from yourself. it does sound like there is an underlying cause for the episodes of rage, that is not normally a common symptom of major depression. once you feel like you've got a handle on things with the cymbalta withdrawal, if you find you are still experiencing a lot of anxiety or rage it might not be a bad idea to get a second opinion. whereas you can take an x-ray to find a broken bone, finding what's broken in the brain isn't nearly as easy. sometimes you need to do a lot exploring to dig out the real culprit, whether it be depression, bipolar, PTSD or any number of things that can cause our engines to misfire. it's better to find out now and get the right treatment than be taking the right meds for the wrong illness!

best wishes to you for good health and thanks for your thoughtful replies, we're all in this together!

[Lori]

I tell ya', Kooky, you are so right about the talk therapy. I do know of someone who is willing to help me, especially when I was going through the worst of Cymbalta withdrawal. My underlying issues I have from my past were amplified to a very unhealthy, out of control level. Since I have been taking the Great Day product, my fears and insecurities are still there but they are controllable. But controllable or not, I want them removed from my head and mind so I can live a happy normal life. I deserve to live that life without causing heartache to those who love me. Looking back now, I see that I have become the verbal abuser, and that is not who I am. I WILL get that therapy very soon, because I deserve it and so does my boyfriend who has dealt with a very terrified, insecure, non trusting woman. I am sure the medication you are taking has taken the edge off and I am so glad you went that route. That medication should be much easier to come off of.

I wish you much luck, happy thoughts and the desire to continue to fight Cymbalta. There is life after Cymbalta.

Lori

[kooky]

i hear you lori--wouldn't it be great if we could just get a scalpel and surgically remove all those toxic memories, fears and shame from our brains like a bad tumor? we all have them, but traumatic pasts and chemical imbalances have a way of magnifiying by 1000 our otherwise manageable human frailties. there are no scalpels, but there are definitely some effective tools available to us if we are open to our options. i counseled with a wonderful woman for 3 years who gave me valuable tools in learning to handle tough situations, like this one. the irony is, i had to start taking medication (zoloft) in order to enable me to engage effectively in counseling, i was in too much pain to talk. once the meds brought up the pain threshhold, we made a great deal of progress.
you sound like someone who appreciates the love of those around you, and who desperately wants to break free and live life to the fullest. if your boyfriend has stuck by you thru the hellish nitemare of cymbalta, the best way you can thank him, and all who love you, is to take whatever steps you need to become a whole, strong, confident, trusting woman, and that doesn't happen overnight. be patient with yourself and give yourself room to grow, and everyone else will do the same.

[Lori]

Thank you, Kooky, I appreciate your post. Talk therapy is in my near future. Schmb01 mentioned a while back about reading and it seemed so hard for me to read ANYTHING. I used to read this book The Power of the Praying Wife..I always make a joke in saying I could not find a book entitled The Power of the Praying Woman Who Shacks up with her Boyfriend..... But ANYWAY....the book is awesome and I recommend it to anyone in a relationship. (Stormie Omartian also has many many books in regards to praying but she has also written the Power of the Praying Husband, the Praying Woman, the Praying Parent, the Praying Teen.....) I have started reading that book again, and until I can get the talk therapy, this book has helped me so much, it has helped my boyfriend too, and yes, I do owe him and my family to get past my past issues and to start living a full life again. Ever since we hit rock bottom a couple of weeks ago, things have been great between us. When I start feeling insecure, I stop and ask why? Figure it out? Who is at fault.....its always the ex husbands at fault.... :roll: but I usually have the power to refrain from allowing those crazy thoughts to occupy my mind any longer than 30 seconds. I know prayer works, I know that stopping and thinking FIRST before opening my mouth works, but I am also humble enough to know that talk therapy will be my ticket to a wonderful full life.

I am happy you found a good therapist. My BF's daughter has a great therapist and she is the one who is willing to work with me. She did warn me that she would not just sit and listen, as she does now, but as MY therapist, she would be showing me myself in a mirror, so to speak, she would have to be tough with me to follow advice she gives, she is goingto have to dig up hurtful memories, and it would be tough. I told her I was willing to go through what I had to go through to finally get these painful memories out of my head. Yea, I know they will not be out of my head, but I will learn how to manage them.

One thing that does hinder me from getting past the abuse is my BF's daughter. Just Monday morning, after I told her to stop sleeping on her glasses, she freaked out on me, and when I popped her tail to get her to stop and calm down, she punched me in the chest and in the jaw. We are also working really close with her therapist for that too. But it is hard for my flinching and throwing my hands up in defense to go away, as long as she does to me what she does. But I know we will get it worked out eventually.

BEAUTIFUL SUNDAY TO ALL OF YOU, and I hope all of you are taking full advantage of all the little things that will make you smile...from the heart.

[squarepeg27]

Hey Kooky and all else,

I enjoyed your post though I probably should have done my own rather than respond. However, I couldn't figure out how to do that. Blame it on my brain fog

. I'm lying here on going into day 6 of my "withdrawal" from 30 to zero and whilst reading what you so eloquently wrote, with the TV in the background, I heard that ever-so-revolting music accompanied by, "Where does depression hurt? Everywhere. Who does depression hurt? Everyone". Rather surreal.

I'm freaking out, to be honest. I started this to help with FM pain and OCD and if it helped with occasional depression, so be it, but I'm also on 500 mg. of Depakote -- have been for quite a while, so I count on that to care for any of my nuttiness. I'm rambling. Blame it on the brain zaps. Too frequent to count and though I applaud you, K, for your uplifting outlook, mine is rather grim at this point. I can barely function. I'm afraid to drive. I'm afraid in general. HELP!

Seeing how much is being written on this is what's really making me feel scared. It's like we were ALL unwittingly lab rats and now we're paying for it.

Can anyone here say they're actually over the withdrawals and that they feel normal now? How long did it take? When will it end? What makes it better? I am trying benedryl as I write but so far not helping. All I can say is that I refuse to start over. I can't face putting any more of the poison into my body so how much do I need to withstand? I need to know someone got over this. So far I can't find any evidence of that. 'peg