16 replies to this topic

[Sarah J]

Today I talked to a friend of mine via email about the fact that sometimes it is easier to offer your help others than to ask for help. There is a fear that if you ask, that you will not receive support.

I do get angry when I see how many people have doctors that discount what we feel. Why would we bother to tell a doctor that we are not feeling well if it isn't true? Why do doctors tell people that what they are feeling isn't real? I know that if my old doctor actually acknowledged even one iota of what I was feeling during the worst, that it would have been an easier experience for me, because the way I felt during Cymbalta withdrawal, to me, really was what depression is, nor was it how I was before I took it.

51 days antidepressant free - so I guess I have beaten the Cymbalta monster and the other antidepressant monster. Things are going well and I am functioning and I am not emotionally falling apart. The return of the "depression" that my old doctor tried to convince me I had is just not true.

But now that I am through this (and everybody else, you will get through it too) I am now faced with who I am without antidepressants. This is a good thing, it is where I wanted to be. But instead of feeling like I am on top of the world, I guess you could say I just "feel" again. Feeling level is not a bad thing. I guess this is just a down kind of day for me, not in a "withdrawal" kind of way, but a human being feeling kind of way.

So, any kind words would be great, even though I am technically through the withdrawal. I don't feel like it is depression returning, I am just tired after the hard work and the ordeal of going through all of this. Thanks for listening.

[Sarah J]

Thanks Greybeard, I am using some of your approaches, soft lights, candles, nice music to try to get through. Society does suck sometimes and people can be cruel and clueless, thoughtless. Sometimes I wish I could be one of those people who I like to call "blissfully ignorant" those people who always seem to be "happy" because they are shallow and don't care about issues that affect how everybody lives. My husband has a nickname for me "Marianas" derived from the Marianas Trench, the deepest fault in the ocean because I think things to the nth degree, that is just who I am, I can accept that.

I had been feeling so decent and I am very grateful for that. One of the reasons that the wonder drug Cymbalta was prescribed to me was to "help" me manage migraines, which Cymbalta never did a thing for. I have been fighting them off for the past week and today was having a great day and when I was driving down the road, my neighbors were burning their trash, and I mean everything, even plastic. Well, this was a great migraine trigger for me and by 4 pm, my head felt like it was exploding. I had to take my migraine medication, which now, I hate to take anything. But rather than risk having a 4-5 day ordeal, I took the medication. And it makes me feel weak that I can't "wish the migraine away with positive thoughts". The migraines were in my life before Cymbalta, I don't know why I expected them to be magically gone without it. Just feels like a downer, especially since it has been so incredibly beautiful. And I hated having to take my migraine medication because if it isn't from nature, I don't really want to ingest it.

And I am surrounded by nature. Today I saw hummingbirds, herons, pelicans and my screech owl is hanging out in trees outside of my house. Lots of little things to make me appreciate life, but being in pain sucks. My dogs keep bringing me box turtles, which is sweet and funny at the same time, they are hunting up one of the slowest creatures on earth! And Lori, if you read this, my perennials are kicking butt this year, even some of the annuals I planted last year came back up, which is a bonus.

To continue with tonight's "bitch-fest" I am going to add that my oldest dog has been really sick with Pancreatitis. He is doing much better now, but my sleep is being really disturbed because he has to go out every 1.5 hours all night long, which I am glad to do because he is healing, but not sleeping well is taking a toll on me as well.

Thanks again for your kind words. It is kind of shocking to realize that even though I have made it over a huge hurdle getting through the withdrawal, I am really just a human being who has human experiences and feelings. And feeling things again is good, but again, it is a kind of a new experience again, it has been 3.5 years that I went being numb!

I too am an isolator, where I sometimes am so disenchanted with people and their selfishness that I seclude myself to keep myself "safe" which I know is not the healthiest thing to do, but sometimes it is necessary for me to get by. The only person I can be is myself and try everyday to make it a good environment for myself and everybody I come in contact with.

I am so glad to know that there are now many success stories out there. I really could not find one when I started this journey and it warms my heart to know that we have all contributed to something that people will find in the future and know that there is hope, in getting over Cymbalta.

Again, thanks Greybeard. I really do have a good appreciation for all things, both positive and negative, because in life there has to be a balance of the two. It is unreasonable to think that everything is going to be "idyllic" every day all day. It is about the ups and downs.

[schmb01]

Sarah, you said so much that rings true with me. Asking for support is not as natural for me as providing it, but I think your post very clearly illustrates that it is good to reach out to people. I'm sure your friend got the message that it is okay to ask for support. She is lucky to have you!

This feeling thing really is something strange. I've been on something for depression for over 5 years, and getting used to having any kind of feeling is actually scary sometimes. I'm never sure if what I'm feeling is "okay" or if I am rambling, or overreacting. Getting to know ourselves again is almost like meeting a new person, and honestly, I've been afraid that I won't like who I am.

You have brought a lot of solace into my life during this time frame, and I hope I can offer you the same. Take it slow, enjoy your surroundings, which sound beautiful, and turn in your neighbors for burning toxic substances! Nasty smells are such a big headache trigger.

Greybeard, thanks to you too for being here for everyone. You have brought a sense of calm to many people, and as we know, when we are feeling frantic and out of control, we need that calm.

Above all else, we will be okay, and if we are feeling scared, we must continue to come here and meet with our friends.

[Lori]

It is kinda awesome though, that we dont seem to need to go to bed to escape our feelings like we used to. Even if things become hectic, or get us down, we just deal with it like everyone else does. I hope all of you got a good nights rest last night, including Sarah J's dog. I hope soon both of you will be sleeping through the night.

YEAH for your plants and flowers, Sarah J!!! Your annuals from last year remind me of us.... Even though we had to face doom and despair, we are still striving hard to live again, to live a normal life. I have had to face fear this week, especially not knowing what I would find once we got to my sons house (ex husbands house). I was terrified! I thanked God when I saw the two of them walking down the road towards us. I was afraid yesterday and Tuesday, helping them pack their room before his dad came home. We met him yesterday (him going home and us leaving). They will be living with us for the next 2-4 weeks. I am thankful my boyfriend was able to get him a job working with him on his truck, with his crew.

Sometimes we dont realize how far we have come with the Cymbalta, but my son told me yesterday, he was so relieved being in a nice, loving and peaceful invironment versus at his dads house. MY HOUSE? PEACEFUL AND LOVING? Guess I AM getting better...and I have all of you to thank...each and every one of you have given me something I will never forget.

Speaking of your perennials, Sarah J, my boyfriend has brought me home perennials every day this week from one house or another from his work. He knows this stuff with my son and his wife has been a bit rough, so he brought me more plants and flowers....The ones he brought me yesterday are HUGE, the kind elderly gentleman told him to take what he wanted....so he did. NOW I have time to go calm myself in my garden again, well these are so big, they will be going in the ground here and there....my sons wife has gotten involved with helping me, and that has helped her and I to become closer, and this weekend or next, my boyfriend wants to take my son fishing, just the two of them...and that makes me soar inside. My son told him that he had been more of a father than his own dad.....but that he could not admit that for a long time because he actually resented it. Simply because his own dad is so mean, cold and abusive and he wishes he wasnt.

Anyway,I am happy for those of you who may be having blah days, just because you are having normal emotions, normal feelings and normal thoughts again. Everyone has bad days, but I think most of us know where we have been, where we have come from, and KNOW that its just a 'not as good a day as most' and that we will get through that day as well. We all know how to STOP and take time to take pleasure in the little things in life, we know how to take care of ourselves, and I think we all learned a valuable lesson via all the heartache and pain we have dealt with. I will never take advantage of the simple pleasures this life has to offer, again.

God bless all of you and again, I thank you for all you have given me.
Lori

[Sarah J]

Lori, schmb01 and Greybeard,

Again thank all of your for your thoughtful replies. It is always really helpful to be reminded of how far we have come along. At least the things I am feeling now are not as Greybeard put it "cymbalta fueled emotions" they are the real deal. And by virtue of me having to take my migraine medication, that really upset me yesterday because I just wanted to feel "me" and not be drugged. I do feel spaced out this morning, but a migraine is not a walk in the park but the good thing is, I know that it will go away soon!

schmb01 - you have been such a great supporter of everybody, and you are right, finding out who you "are" again is almost like meeting somebody new. Personally, I hate to ask for help and find it really hard to do so, but I am glad that I had everybody here yesterday to "talk" to.

Lori, I have no doubt that you do everything within your power to make your home a peaceful and loving environment, don't be so shocked to have somebody tell you that, be glad that your son is finding solace in your home. All of you have made some really obvious improvement over the past few weeks, and it is important to not forget that when we live our everyday lives. I am glad that you sound so much better Lori, enjoy planting your new flowers. Digging in the dirt is one of the best ways to connect yourself to the earth and planting things and cultivating them to grow, is an awesome experience. Perennials are so great because you get to "flower shop" in your own yard when it comes time to split them up and in this crappy economy, being able to get plants that you did not have to buy is a huge bonus!

Carlos, my sick dog, only needed to go out twice last night, so I did get some sleep. Today is so incredibly beautiful that it does make me happy to be alive, just to feel the sun and see the clear blue sky.

Hope that everybody out there has an enjoyable day and thank you all again.

[Lori]

I hope you are having a much better day today, Sarah J, and I THANK YOU for your kind words. Kind words do mean so much.
My Mama told me that a lady in her Sunday School class told her about Cinnamon as a 'happy drug'. Have any of you heard that? She puts about 1/4 teaspoon in her tea. I tried some this morning. I feel pretty positive today, and we are getting ready to go pick up my son and his wife from her aunts house, and they will be here for the next 2-4 weeks. I love my son very much, but you know how it is to join families again, after everyone is grown. We have a fairly large mobile home, but its only two bedroom, so my son and his wife get to spend the beginning of their wedded bliss on an air mattress in our living room... :roll: But like he said, the peace and love makes it worth the 'inconvenience'. But I thank you too for your kind words, everyones kind words. Next we will all be be using the BFF sign when we sign out. Just kidding...but you all have become very special to me. I have not yet caught up with all of the posts but I will eventually get there.

Has anyone else had trouble with your eyes or eye sight? My eye sight seems to be a bit more blurrier and they burn more, and I still look tired in my eyes, according to my family. Just wondering if anyone else had had the problem.

Have a WONDERFUL DAY and an AWESOME weekend!
I'll be back.
Lori

[CyMAD]

Today I talked to a friend of mine via email about the fact that sometimes it is easier to offer your help others than to ask for help. There is a fear that if you ask, that you will not receive support.

I am just tired after the hard work and the ordeal of going through all of this. Thanks for listening.

I am 110% totally impressed that you have been cymbalta-FREE for such a long time now. I am 16 days cymbalta free and can feel for anyone that has gone through this or currently going through it. GOOD JOB SARAH! You deserve to feel what you feel. I can imagine I will be very tired at the end of these horrible symptoms. It takes a very strong person to make it through this ordeal and THAT you are.

You find the energy to come here and reply to others and give them help and encouraging words and THAT is your GIVING spirit inside of you.
I know I speak for all of us to say "CONGRATULATIONS SARAH ! YOU DID IT! "

Don't feel at all bad about being tired after the whole ordeal of this effin monster.

You took action and should be commended.

Thank you for all your personal concern to help others also.

CyMAD

[CyMAD]

Has anyone else had trouble with your eyes or eye sight? My eye sight seems to be a bit more blurrier and they burn more, and I still look tired in my eyes, according to my family. Just wondering if anyone else had had the problem.

Lori

Yes Lori, I have the "tired eyes and blurry sight" also. Some days my family also comments on my looking "tired".
Just another symptom I guess. Probably because our bodies are going through hell. My new ANTI_DRUG-psychologist told me that during this withdrawal that every one of your "organ systems" are going through shock (HELL to be exact) and I would guess the tiredness of your body in general repairing itself has everything to do with that along with no restful sleep.

Have a good evening and hope you feel better everyday

[Lori]

Thank you CyMad, I sure hope you are feeling back to normal soon, too. I feel like everything else is kinda behind me, all but getting tired more easily, and the eye sight being alittle burrier than used to be. One other symtom, which could be due to being tired more easily, is when I am with alot of people and I dont get my alone time, it gets to me. Monday, we grilled at my parents, and we were there early to get everything started, and we were the last to leave, then we all went to the cemetary to honor some of our civil war family members, and by the time I got home, I was a bit aggitated, so its either the anxiety from being around people all day or being tired. Either way, things are SO MUCH BETTER than they used to be. I am NOW 51 days Cymbalta free!!! I hope everyone has a wonderful week, my week will probably be kinda busy still, but will check back as often as I can!!

God Bless You All,
Lori

[lmo1201]

Hi there, I totally understand about the doctors. I tell them I hurt and they just stare at me. I know they are thinking, well you like ok. I am 6 days off the Cymbalta, which I believe now made me sooo tired and really not the person I am. Before the Cymbalta, I was energetic even though my feet hurt. Now I have no enthusiasm for anything. My brain is frolicking in my head everytime I move, I had a migraine that brought tears to my eyes last night and today I am sick to my stomach. Oh well, it will be worth it to be myself again. How many days do you think it took? At least I feel some strength from sticking with it this time. I didi not tell my husband, he always encourages me to go back on a medication. I am sure it is easier for him that way. Glad that you are off finally and feeling good. Your thoughts have given me the strenghth to stick with it!!!!!

[Sarah J]

Hi there, I totally understand about the doctors. I tell them I hurt and they just stare at me. I know they are thinking, well you like ok. I am 6 days off the Cymbalta, which I believe now made me sooo tired and really not the person I am. Before the Cymbalta, I was energetic even though my feet hurt. Now I have no enthusiasm for anything. My brain is frolicking in my head everytime I move, I had a migraine that brought tears to my eyes last night and today I am sick to my stomach. Oh well, it will be worth it to be myself again. How many days do you think it took? At least I feel some strength from sticking with it this time. I didi not tell my husband, he always encourages me to go back on a medication. I am sure it is easier for him that way. Glad that you are off finally and feeling good. Your thoughts have given me the strenghth to stick with it!!!!!

Do you have anything to take for the migraine? I hope so, because the one I had the first week off was horrid. So sorry that you are in this position. It really is impossible for any of us to tell you how long it will take for you to feel better, because we all have very different brain chemistry. I hope that for you, it is over with quickly (well, for everybody else too).

You may not have told your husband, but he doesn't notice? I didn't tell mine either when I stopped, but it was evident something was really wrong with me. I had to jump onto another antidepressant to get over the Cymbalta withdrawal and when I weaned off of that 55 days ago, I never told my husband, and he didn't even notice. Because weaning off of that was really easy compared to Cymbalta. Why? I wish that I knew.

I hope that you are able to tell your husband and hopefully get some support, but then again, I understand not telling him as well. Whenever my husband wants to tell me to "take a pill" I gently remind him that until he has his PhD, he isn't qualified to medicate me!!

Hang in there, you will make it through, just don't try to do it alone.

[lmo1201]

Thanks for the response. I took half an antiaxiety pill my daughter gave me, and it put me to sleep. Thank goodness I am not working right now so I can go through this. The migraine hurt so bad I cried. After the tears it seemed to feel better. It sounds funny, but maybe crying and blowing my nose releived some kind of pressure...HA! I think my husband suspects something, but not sure yet. My Dad asked what was wrong and I told him. He was very supportive. I have an appointment with a neurologist the end of July and want to be drug free for the tests he may run. It has been ten years I just deal with a diagnosis with no explanation. I am living in a bigger area with maybe better neurologists now. I am hoping to get some answers. Funny you telling your husband he is not a PHD. My husband tells me I'm not one and I should listen to them.
Hopefully each day will get better. What was the antidepressant you took that helped? I am willing to try anything. I have read that dramamine helps....I think there is something called metrol for balance issues, I wonder if that would help the brain thing? Anyone know?

[schmb01]

I'm not sure if Sarah will be back on tonight, but she used Celexa to help with her withdrawal.

You said you haven't told your husband, but you did tell your Dad, and your daughter? I'm asking because very early on, there was one night in particular, I had to have someone just come be with me. I knew, common sense wise, that I was feeling withdrawal, but I was having a major meltdown, and I had to have someone around me. Just be sure someone is keeping an eye on you, okay?

[lmo1201]

I finally told my husband tonight. He said for me to do what I wanted. I did some more research and found some meds to help with the shaky brain. I think they are trying to rely on the the effect bbeing similar to vertigo. The medicine I was thinking of OTC is Meclazine? for vertigo. They also recommend Dramamine. Perscription meds to name a few are Klonopin and Valium. I can totally groove with the valium thing. Ha! I am taking 5mg of Elavil at night. I must be sensative to meds as this makes me sleep like never before. I even toyed with having sleep apnea because I never felt rested. Go figure, it is the Cymbalta!!!!!!! I feel so strong about my decision to quit, especially after reading other peoples input. Thank you all for the support I will keep it up and keep you posted!

[jeff3298]

Sarah,
you have been a blessing to me in so many ways. I have read your post and thank you for writting and being honest and bold enough to write. Life will be nice once I can "feel" again. I look forward to crying and be emotional, I used to be and I do miss that. Yes call me an odd ball male but I am being honest. Part one of my withdrawl is done, I am off the Cymbalta, the next step is Lexapro then Seraquel. A few more weeks and I hope to be where youare at Sarah, you give me and others hope!
Thank you Sarah for being you
Jeff

[Sarah J]

Thanks Jeff, you will be where I am. Congratulations on being off of Cymbalta now. Give yourself the time you need to come off of everything else, remember, this is not a race! It is life and you need to make sure you feel stable at each step!

Thank you Jeff for being you, you have so many good insights into life and your humorous outlook is always appreciated.

[lmo1201]

I am now on day eight and feel fantastic. I feel as though I lost a thousand days in one year. I still have the shaky brain thing, but not as bad. Every day is better. I wake up feeling clear headed, which has not happened in a year. My feet hurt the same, on the Cymbalta or not. Imagine that. I kept thinking the pain was better, but I guess I just got used to delaing with it. So, so glad I am off the meds. Hang in there, it does get better.