2 replies to this topic

[katiemac]

I've been suffering from depression and anxiety since I was about 12 years old. It wasn't until my family found out about my self-harming at the age of 15 that I was able to get actual medical help, a proper diagnosis and support. I have been on varying amounts of prozac side then, until about 6 months ago when I began to notice that regardless of the dosage, it just wasn't working the way it used to. My mood dropped severely, after a 2 year period of being completely self-harm free, I started again, life once again became that bleak misery that I had previously associated with my high school years, and my college marks went from high As to Ds and Fs. It was then recommended by my counsellor and my college's doctor that I try using Cymbalta, as they had both been hearing good things about this drug and its effects on other students they were treating. At this point I was desperate, so I excitedly agreed to begin taking this new drug. I wanted my life back. I wanted to be able to create art again and enjoy my classes, and Cymbalta seemed to be the ticket back to normal.

Starting was hell. I got to experience the joys of basically every side effect listed on Eli Lilly's cute little write up, and several that weren't. I was having doubts, maybe this wasn't going to work the way I had been told. My mother is a pharmacist, so I trolled any resources I could get my paws on to read up on the drug. Lo and behold, I stumbled upon this little gem of a website. The panic began to set in, but I continued to take Cymbalta daily as prescribed (60 mg). Over the winter break, I traveled home to spend my holidays with the family. My mum immediately noticed I was acting off, despite having been on Cymbalta for well over 6 weeks. I was over sleeping, then cycling through bouts of insomnia. Then my prescription ran out. It started with pins and needles in my left hand. It spread to the rest of my left side, then began on my right. Headaches, brain snaps, bouts of anger and even physical violence (I have never been a violent person, this scared the hell out of me). Luckily I was able to get a refill, but I knew then that this drug had way too much of a hold on me. I resolved to get off of it as soon as possible.

I feel so cheated. I already lost a semester to depression, and now I can see that through withdrawing from this stupid drug, I'm about to lose another, possibly more... And I'm sure everyone here knows that post-secondary schooling isn't cheap. My professors and department head have been made aware of my situation, but there are only so many strings they can pull. And living several hours away from my family, the only real support I have are a few friends who I'm sure have enough problems without me throwing mine into the mix.

To summarize, I am in the process of taking myself off of Cymbalta, I have made an appointment to discuss this with the prescribing doctor, but I am not too sure how receptive he will be to the idea. Any advice, suggestions or support would be greatly appreciated. I'm only 20 and I want to live my life and create art again.....even if lately I'd rather just curl up under a rock a die.

[Jenni]

Hello. You poor thing. Definitely get your doctor's support to come off it. Go to him with print outs of your research. Let's face it, he is going to give more weight to a more academic website/research paper than he will to this site. We are not scientific! Also, rehearse what you are going to say to him. Rehearse it out loud, preferably with a friend. Don't assume that he is going to be against you - nobody bothered going through med school just for a job at the end. Ask him what the alternatives are to Cymbalta. You may not get the same side-effects from a different drug.

My father is someone who gets every side effect under the sun from any medication he ever takes. He accidentally went cold turkey from Effexor because he went overseas on holiday and forgot his medicine bag (including heart meds, blood pressure meds and Effexor). He says that he had two days of feeling pretty bad and then was fine. So, while nobody would ever advise going cold turkey on any meds, some people don't get the awful side effects. Chances are that those people don't feeel the need to Google until they find this website so we never hear about them. I didn't look for support until I was about to go from 30 to zero (I started out at 90) because I felt a bit rough but could cope ok.

It is possible,under the appropriate specialist supervision, to go from Cymbalta on to a different drug with no tapering off. It might be bumpy but more manageable. I am thinking of fluoxetine as I know that can be done.

Don't write off all meds as one way of helping you with your long term depression. I come from a family of depressives and was first treated for anxiety when I was 18 and a student. You do deserve to enjoy life. Keep nagging your doctor for help

{{}}

[smena]

hİ,
My story is very similar to yours aldough my family was not so aware of you. i can't tell anything for sure dough i hadnt have a doctor at that time but i started crying especially before sleeping at the age of 8, with no reason. just felt always so fucking sad. The whole world was one big misery of saddnes and nothing could cure it. then at age of 12 i started self-harming. i think its so f... sad that someone so young doing stuff like this without knowing why.. i didnt think about it. i just knew i had all this anger in me which i could never express. i blame my dad for it for we were never aloud to express anything. not even happinnes. as if he would get jelous or smething. he was the only one to rule the moods in the house. i didnt know how to get angry.
so i cut. it was the only thing that gave me strangely joy. well not exactly joy but relieve.
my parents knew i was cutting. i always had my own crises of crying, hitting my head on the wall in my room. i never showed it. thay didnt react to my cuttings.one day at the age of 16 i had cut too much and too deep. not the vain but the arms. and they didnt take me to a hospital. i remember my mom telling my father and hiis response was that it was probably one of the usual cuts. next day they looked at it and took me to hospital. 15 stiches. i can still count them. i am sure they wouldnt look so big now if we went on time. Then when i saw the faces of the nurses i realized what i did was well huh.. not ok.
The hospital recomended me going to their psycholog which was stupidityly expensive and equally stupid!
so i dropped that. but i hold my self off cutting. i realised people can see it and i will have them life time and they dont look at me in a good way...so thats another thing to deal with hah...
after i harmed my self a few small times. never like before. oh but i realized now that i found other ways to harm myself i could say.
like taking pills. but they all happened in a crises where i couldnt control my self, as if i hold it so much in me that a second me took things over.

at the age of 18 i got raped from back and beaten up while i was at camping. ofcourse that didnt do anything easier. thats a whole other process but now its my cymbalta meeting story..
we always had family problems but they got insanely worse as everytime i didnt think it could get worse my father always got more creative than me. he is old comparing to my age and he started getting more crazy and forgetfull.. i coulnt focuse in school. i went to like 4 university. i can only hold on 2 years max. then always i had a breakdown. this last time i was very determined until i figured my father was harming my mom while i was away. everything went wrong again. one day listening to my fathers loong insulting hiper loud speaches to my mom i flipped. i tried so much holding myself out of it.My father uses zanax. so i went and took a brand new pack got all the little pills out and got them somehow in with a glass of water. then smashing the glass on the floor. realising enjoying it i started smashin every single glass and crying screaming just animalic sounds.
my mom came down. my dad too. my dad just looked then turned his head back to my moms and continiued argueing! amazing. really. some people should get locked in hospitals so all others around doesnt get mental too... so. me passing out. me taken to hospital. me waking up 2 days later naked with all these tubes. i remembered kurt cobain for a second when i realised later that i was so angry at these tubes i took them off bleeding but didnt give a crap.
then i calmed down. a woman died in the intense care unit. i was like why on earth should i even experience more s.it when i have enough. this time i really got scared from my self. i thought i could never have a normal life. i could as well die and wont need to live like a drama f.. queen all the time.
sorry my language. its because of the anger. anger is good. anger should go out to leave that person never to come back. thats how normal people deal with stuff i guess.
Well , my mom got really scared this time. she tried to find a doctor. the first one was psycholog and she sould yearn very often aldough she did have some good points time to time/ when she didnt have to yearn : )
She told me i need to go to psychiatrist, cause she cant prescribe. she lead me to a super s..hole expensive guy. he literally listened or maybe talked to me like 8 minutes. then prescribed 30mg lamictal and off he went with his sport car. Leaving me to pay 150 euros. no no no this in not ok pluss we cant afford it.
Then my mom found someone else.I am still with him. well i am now living in berlin. but i sen him updates etc. he thing i trust with him is that he is not only clever he is also openminded and knows about people and individuals. he never once charged me seeing i needed help pluss i was kind of a victim too.
He prescribed me Cymbalta 60mg. and Lamictal 50 mg. i am bipolar. mostly depression ruled bipolar.
the first month was not good like you said too. it was not very pleasing. but i was kind a enjoying that i was at least trying something and it might be the solution and someone was now taking care of me. i trusted him. I also had the sleeping problem i must say. i still have. some times i sleep 2 days the i dont sleep at all. i cant contole it. well he recenlty prescribed very light zanax to regulate my sleep. which i take half.
but there was a time in the begining where i sleept like really deep but enjoyable too , it felt very sweet. i told him. we tried ti get off cymbalta to try something else but i could only hold on for 4 days. then i continiued normal doses. then everything went well. i am also in art just like you and my parents are also artists. Then after a few months i started my own tshirt brand which is still going very well. it was the first time in my life that i hold on to one project without forgetting about it. it went so well. i was so happy. in my life i could always see my potential as becoming a normal person. and this image i could always see right infront of my nose. but like a dog chasing its own tail i tried and tried and blamed my self always. because people blames too. this is not my caracter this is not me! dont blame me.
first time in my life i could feel i was actually living by the clock, without hours, days passing beneath my feets.living everything one at a time and not with multiple opposite feelings at one time. i was that girl, the girl acheaving her pottential. i am sure many of you fing this very similar and not fair at all... but as people dont understand. this is like a physical illness. we did not sign up for this. just like physical illness. we would all have it much better if people understood this. Actually this situation is very much like middle ages. we have developed so many things but yet very basic and important stuff people skip.. there are doctors,universities,studies etc. for what? entellectual satisfaction? We have so manu psychiatrists and they are useless! they are just the ... kissing slaves o the biggest mafia so called medicine industry..

sorry i went out off topic. i am new at forums..

my point is now its been more that 1.5 years with cymbalta. still sometimes haveing ups and downs but i can see them,control and follow them.
recently i was without my meds like you because i didnt have more. cause i moved to berlin. my mom sent me a pack right on time but germany took my pack... rrrr its illegal to send meds. then i had my doctor to fax my recipts to the pharmact but cymbalta alone costed 80 euro! rent coming up i had to suffer it untill a friend comes with my meds. it was sooooo much tougher than i thought. oh my god its one of the most unpleasent horrific thing to experience...
my flatmate was shocked and trying to help me since i am in a foreign country. still havent registered, no insurence. i was crying in the pharmacy, i just realised when they told me i was having panic attack. i couldnt go out of home. trying to ease it with zanax which didnt help at all. then i read forums. and was everyone has it the same.

i now got my medicine.. feeling a bit sleepy but omg i am alive!!!
i am trying to find out WHAT it is that makes this medicine so hard to get off. Why can't we just know more when we are the ones to use it. why dont they inform us with this stuff. i am very happy with my meds , i feel it saved mylife. aldough as my doctor also tells me meds are not enough alone, i should also have theraphy with him. but now its impossible. he himself recommended i leave my city and family. i enjoy knowing less people less problem in a new city.
but now i am scared of this medicine too. 5-6 days without cymbalta was horrific!!!
what do we do with this. i will go around with my med box always full of them from now on. wow i cant imagine this thing happening to me again. i wont write what i lived because i dont want to even talk about it right now.
i want to know what i take in to my body and nothing i read is enough! maybe we should make a research and collect them here. i might coy paste this in a new topic.

i am kinda feeling good but also alone at the same time reading to similar stories. like why cant my friends know what we have been living.. why does still some people tell me 'heyyy why depressed, you are in berlin have fun!' and i am like --*%+E'@W^+!'*'&/?(_@+'!!! : )