26 replies to this topic

[tomitsu]

Today is now day 25 off cymbalta. About 7 days into the wd I was prescribed more drugs for anxiety and insomnia. I am now on day 6 of depression, fear and apathy. I am the president of my company and am a real hard worker never taking time off because I love what I do along with my husband....now I'm a bed ridden depressed person. The fear is intense, the depression is one I have never ever felt in my life, anxiety I thought I had before cymbalta is so intense my stomach hurts and I can hardly see past the next day. As I said, I was running both anchorage and Los Angeles locations and now I am running nothing. I was also in charge of all social media...now there's no "me"....I am nothing. I am only a shell - if feels like thd real me is inside trapped trying to get free...
Yesterday I went for a run because my sister was in a coma as of the last few weeks and is fighting for her life. I thought that if I ran a few miles I might feel better. I have never ran the way I did yesterday - I felt numb, like a robot. I just ran and ran. It was the scariest thing ever. Today as I write this I am in bed and my husband is picking up a prescription for Cymbalta 30mg...I'm on Xanax and Buspar as of 3/13/2012. I don't know anything else...I'm desperate and cannot live like this. I was a go getter and a sociable and kind person now I'm nothing....

[TXcounselor]

That sounds awful, Tomitsu. Do you have a good support system? Does your doctor really seem to listen to you? It does sound like life as you know it sucks right now but having gone through sheer hell before myself, I truly believe that there will be some way to overcome this. I didn't believe it while I was in hell, I just had to trust a wise person who told me the same...she had been through it too...and she was right. I'm not through the Cymbalta hell yet (I had to get back on 20 mg after trying to stop 30 mg a day) but I'm still limping through. I'm just going to try slower this time. I think we all need different things at different times and while I wholeheartedly think Cymbalta is evil, I wonder if now might not be the best time to go through the withdrawal with your sister in a coma? Prayers for both of you...Hang in there.

[tomitsu]

Thanks for your input. I believe my timing was just off. I'm hoping to get rid of cymbalta once in for all but don't know when. I'm a mess!!!!

[tomitsu]

I'm not giving up just yet. I'm going to fight. The last 6 days have been a living hell. I am feeling deep and dark depression. I've never been depressed like this EVER!! I used to get bluesy but this is pure hell.
I have feelings of being trapped and tunnel vision. I cannot see beyond hours - cannot see the big picture at all. I used to be very socially active online and thru my biz....now last 4 days have been spent struggling. I never miss a day at my business which I run with my dear husband...now I am bed ridden and depressed. My sister is recovering so she is no longer the cause of my depression. I had the Cymbalta prescription for 30 mg filled today...it's staring at me on my nightstand....but decided to wait. My husband and I had a long chat and decided that I should continue to stay off. He has given my the peace of mind to not worry abiut the biz for a few days.. There I am...wish me luck.

[tomitsu]

By the way I don't have a doctor who knows about this drug....I'm the one telling him what I want really. He says he's not a therapist or psychiatrist and cannot advise me. I don't even know who or where to go for help.

[TXcounselor]

Just because you can't see the light doesn't mean it's not there anymore...it just means you can't see it. I have been there and my counseling supervisor made me believe her that I would see light again and she was right. Hang in there. Maybe you should try to find a counselor/psychologist or psychiatrist. They would probably hear you out more than an MD. Hugs.

[tomitsu]

Thank you. I nearly gave in... My husband reminded me how far I had come. The cymbalta prescription at 30mg is on my nightstand and I know it's there but I'm not going to open it. I'll continue to fight.

I started to take my cognitive aminos and my thyroid meds again plus my multi vitamins. It seems that my mood is elevated a bit..thanks!!

[happyzapynot]

Tomitsu, I am so sorry for what you are suffering. Apathy was the most insidious side effects of Cymbalta for me. IMO it is as dangerous as suicidal ideation. Klonadine has helped me tremendously. You may want to check into it. You are not alone in your suffering. You WILL escape from this prison. Hang on and do as much research as much as you possibly can. Print out the info from this link and take it to a pharmacist: https://www.accessda...atch-online.htm My psychiatrist had never heard of 'brain zaps!' I told him if he didn't know about brain zaps then he didn't know about Cymbalta withdrawal. I fired him yesterday. IMO they all follow the party line and parrot the pretty words of Eli Lilly. And they make a living from it. The information on the accessdata.fda.gov link is priceless.

[tomitsu]

Thank you! Thank you! I just woke up from going to bed at 9pm I had to take half a Xanax..I cannot take a full Xanax. I was prescribed to take 0.25 mg while I'm on the W/D process. It's been a helluva week!!!!!
You are right the apathy and the thoughts of of just ending it all were there hand in hand. I never threatened to harm myself. I thought about it. I never understood why someone would committ suicide...or shall I say I never really looked at it deep enough only felt naively, "could life be that bad?".... I lost my dear friend to suicide, she was in a lot of physical pain + anxiety over losing control. For the first time I understood why...the loss of hope, the loss of self.....that was me. I am slowly coming back just like my husband said I would. Unfortunately I was alone all 10 days dealing with this.....but he was calling me and I him to let him know how I was. I bought this book for my sister called "How to Be Sick"..well it ended up helping me to accept what I was dealing with. I'm not home yet...but damn it I can see the light just a tad brighter today.
Thank you to this site!!! I always came here daily from my iPhone.....to reach out for hope. I found truth and reality not just more lies from docs.

[tomitsu]

I will fill out that form!! Thanks for that..maybe you should make that a topic?? So more people will take that action

[TXcounselor]

Glad you see some light. It IS there! Just a note about the FDA form - I filled it out yesterday and it asks for info from your Cymbalta bottle (lot #, etc) so if you haven't thrown it away, don't. I got about 45 minutes into the form and my computer froze and I lost it all, so I'm going to do it again today (this is important!) and maybe put the longer description in a word doc, then copy and paste in case I lose it again. I think advocating for ourselves and everyone else going through this helps us feel better and hopefully will lead to change. Good luck.

[tomitsu]

Last couple of days I have seen improvement in my dark and deep depression from last week. What an amazing difference. It's definitely a part of the process of withdrawals from cymbalta. I could not see beyond hours. I am back tending to my business as of Saturday March 31, which was not easy. I was full of anxiety and uncertainty of driving into work and sitting at my desk. But with the help and support of my dear husband I managed to take the steps to get through my first day back. Sunday April 1st was my second day at my office. There was a lot of pressure to get a project done which meant having me write creatively. I feared my cognitive function was not up to task. It was not at 100% but I did the best I could and not without anxiety, and by that I mean stomach pains/physical discomfort. I made it. Monday I returned to my office but my day started out waking up with anxiety again but no depression. I actually was motivated to work. The day was okay but my brain was still having issues concentrating. But stomach dictated my day. I'm not all there yet but am grateful not to be depressed and out of my bed finally. I have a ways to go. I hope I never need to go back on cymbalta!!

[happyzapynot]

Last couple of days I have seen improvement in my dark and deep depression from last week. What an amazing difference. It's definitely a part of the process of withdrawals from cymbalta. I could not see beyond hours. I am back tending to my business as of Saturday March 31, which was not easy. I was full of anxiety and uncertainty of driving into work and sitting at my desk. But with the help and support of my dear husband I managed to take the steps to get through my first day back. Sunday April 1st was my second day at my office. There was a lot of pressure to get a project done which meant having me write creatively. I feared my cognitive function was not up to task. It was not at 100% but I did the best I could and not without anxiety, and by that I mean stomach pains/physical discomfort. I made it. Monday I returned to my office but my day started out waking up with anxiety again but no depression. I actually was motivated to work. The day was okay but my brain was still having issues concentrating. But stomach dictated my day. I'm not all there yet but am grateful not to be depressed and out of my bed finally. I have a ways to go. I hope I never need to go back on cymbalta!!

So glad that you were able to get back to work!!! Sounds like you have turned a corner and there wasn't an 18 wheeler in the other lane. Have you tried a tincture of German chamomile for your gut? Gotu kola is supposed to help with anxiety but I haven't tried it yet. Passion flower, too, has calming and healing properties.
Hope your progress continues by leaps and bounds. Please keep us posted because we're pulling for you!

[tomitsu]

So far each day is getting better. I have to get to bed early now. I like it. I have less time to worry. The Xanax helps me sleep. Some mornings I wake up with a slight tummy ache. But it fades. I am brighter and motivated to get back to life. I still have crying episodes and will cry over silly things like songs or movies. But this is okay because while on Cymbalta I was without any emotion. I think my brain is resetting itself. I think Cymbalta robbed me and countless others of our spirits. That alone makes me so angry! More updates tomorrow....sleepy.

[TXcounselor]

Glad you're feeling a little better! You can do this!

[happyzapynot]

So far each day is getting better. I have to get to bed early now. I like it. I have less time to worry. The Xanax helps me sleep. Some mornings I wake up with a slight tummy ache. But it fades. I am brighter and motivated to get back to life. I still have crying episodes and will cry over silly things like songs or movies. But this is okay because while on Cymbalta I was without any emotion. I think my brain is resetting itself. I think Cymbalta robbed me and countless others of our spirits. That alone makes me so angry! More updates tomorrow....sleepy.

Tomitsuo, so glad you are feeling better!! I totally agree that our brains are resetting themselves. Crying over 'silly things' isn't silly at all. As you said, $ymbalta has robbed us of honest emotion for so long. When i think of the number of people who are on either SSRIs or SNRIs I can't help but think there is more behind it than just the poor judgment of the medical profession.
"Every day, in every way, we're getting better and better!"

[tomitsu]

Thanks HappyZapyNot! Truly Cymbalta has hijacked our minds and souls!! I am angry as hell! I also found out that my sister in law is on this medication. My brother was very intrigued about this website but most importantly about my hell. I am helping to inform him of all the horrors that they need to know about. I only found out about them because I am just that kind of person. I question everything and always think there are ways to improve ones life...there I went and here I am. It's not easy I am battling it as I write this....more soon!

[tomitsu]

Today I am having depression again. I did not go to office again. I woke up feeling fear and anxiety. It came out of nowhere...well actually I should mention that my husband is going out of town tomorrow for 7 days. It's causing me great stress and anxiety. This will be the first time I'll be totally alone. I'm afraid of causing myself harm. Im afraid period. I have a lot of fear again. My emotions today have been all over the place. My husband held me.

[happyzapynot]

Today I am having depression again. I did not go to office again. I woke up feeling fear and anxiety. It came out of nowhere...well actually I should mention that my husband is going out of town tomorrow for 7 days. It's causing me great stress and anxiety. This will be the first time I'll be totally alone. I'm afraid of causing myself harm. Im afraid period. I have a lot of fear again. My emotions today have been all over the place. My husband held me.

Maybe today has been as bad as it will get. If you feel like you may harm yourself please call someone. A suicide attempt could land you in a psych ward where you will be separated from all that is familiar and comforting. It was a horrible experience for me. A SUCCESSFUL suicide attempt is not an option, OK?
Just remind yourself that it is the wretched $ymbalta talking to your brain. It is NOT your old familiar brain talking to YOU. Remind yourself of that. Write it down and keep it with you: "Brain, I love you. You love me. We have a wonderful future together. We'll get through this without harming ourselves. We can do it if we work together!"
Tell you brain out loud, in your own voice, to disregard the $ymbalta induced ideas of self harm. Tell your brain to plan for a bright future and assure it that you will not poison it again in the future. Maybe you even need to apologize to your brain and speak reassuring words to it.
The worst part of your withdrawal may very well be over. You're a smart woman. Find ways to reassure the scared child within you. You WILL overcome this!
I'm keeping you in my prayers. Please keep us posted. People care about you and want to see your life fully restored.

[tomitsu]

Oh my God if you are there....please give me strength. I don't ask for wealth or material things. I only ask for my health back. I am truly sorry that I thought somehow that a pill might fix my life. I was so wrong. I do not want to leave this life by my own doing. I never wanted to. I love my life and my husband who is my best friend. I need to be here; there are so many people and animals that rely on me. I am in a lot of pain. My mind is heavy and my heart is broken. I am feeling desperate again. I feel I am suffocating. Thank you to this forum for all of your amazing support. Tomorrow I have to be strong - I am on my own at the office. I'm at home now after leaving my husband at the airport. I have to put on a brave face for him...because he's off to fly a mission in Alaska. I cannot be a worry to him. It's a tough time. I have also been feeling a lot of weird buzzing in my head. Also more irritable bowel type symptoms. Not able to focus. Behind this facade I am in a lot of pain and anxiety. The other day I had to do a media video for our company; I had to read a script which I wrote and I had to on camera! I was dying inside....and smiling on the outside. After 6 hours of all this production I wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep.
I regret every single pill of Cymbalta I placed on my tongue. I am sorry that I let this drug take my life and turn it upside down. How could I have let this happen?

[happyzapynot]

Oh my God if you are there....please give me strength. I don't ask for wealth or material things. I only ask for my health back. I am truly sorry that I thought somehow that a pill might fix my life. I was so wrong. I do not want to leave this life by my own doing. I never wanted to. I love my life and my husband who is my best friend. I need to be here; there are so many people and animals that rely on me. I am in a lot of pain. My mind is heavy and my heart is broken. I am feeling desperate again. I feel I am suffocating. Thank you to this forum for all of your amazing support. Tomorrow I have to be strong - I am on my own at the office. I'm at home now after leaving my husband at the airport. I have to put on a brave face for him...because he's off to fly a mission in Alaska. I cannot be a worry to him. It's a tough time. I have also been feeling a lot of weird buzzing in my head. Also more irritable bowel type symptoms. Not able to focus. Behind this facade I am in a lot of pain and anxiety. The other day I had to do a media video for our company; I had to read a script which I wrote and I had to on camera! I was dying inside....and smiling on the outside. After 6 hours of all this production I wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep.
I regret every single pill of Cymbalta I placed on my tongue. I am sorry that I let this drug take my life and turn it upside down. How could I have let this happen?

We let this happen because we thought we were helping ourselves by taking a drug. We made a big mistake. Big, but still correctable. Reminds me of the first dentist I worked for when i was just 18 years old. I expressed my concern about making a mistake and he told me "You can't do anything that I can't fix." [I believe that relates to the legal term "responeat superior":'The master is responsible for the servant.']We CAN fix this, just not as quickly as we'd like. We are the responsible adult (masters) and the horrible fellings are our servants. $ymbalta has caused the two roles to become mixed and tangled. Withdrawal is a disambiguation process that puts thoughts and emotions back in their place. It's slow. But it is working.
This experience is painful and distressig but it is also temporary.We will not feel like this for ever. Our brains will eventually rewire and adjust.
Sometimes we can't take things 'one day at a time.' Sometimes we have to take them one second at a time.
It FEELS like we are being consumed, devoured by the awful feelings. But we really are not. It's a bluff, an act. Feelings have a way of taking front and center stage. But they are NOT the star of the show. You can put them in their place one minute at a time.

[tomitsu]

Thank you! I will take your powerful message with me along my journey. I hope many others see this thread and can learn how evil this drug is. It has me in its clutches..as I fight to free myself I can only be stronger. I will fight for my precious life...

[tomitsu]

Have you heard of these people?
http://www.pointofre...m/about_us.html
Might be of help to someone?

[tomitsu]

The past 11 days have been up and down. I have been depressed and happy. Last Friday, Saturday and Sunday I was walking and running. I felt good about myself. Today I feel such anger and sadness. So much I cried driving home from work..I wanted to take a handful of Xanax I swear I did!!! I don't know what will happen to me. I am a useless human being...
I don't think I can make it if this is what life will be like after Cymbalta.

[happyzapynot]

The past 11 days have been up and down. I have been depressed and happy. Last Friday, Saturday and Sunday I was walking and running. I felt good about myself. Today I feel such anger and sadness. So much I cried driving home from work..I wanted to take a handful of Xanax I swear I did!!! I don't know what will happen to me. I am a useless human being...
I don't think I can make it if this is what life will be like after Cymbalta.

My sentiments exactly. I'm concerned that the junk has pushed me into fibromyalgia. You aren't useless, you just feel useless. It's going to take time for all of us to get over the damage.

[tomitsu]

Well I am fed up! I am angry. I am an anxiety ridden depressed 42 year old! I am trying Neurofeedback tomorrow. Will see if it works.

[tomitsu]

I want to die!! I want to take a handful of Xanax and I don't know why!!!! I have so much to be grateful for and so much to live for. Why am I feeling like this? I cannot go to work because I'm a useless mess. I cannot focus and I cannot contain my sobbing and sadness. It's all too much. Arghhhh!!! I'm fighting so hard!! I am!!
My dog of 13 years - my baby is fighting for his life - he had major surgery for bloat and spleen removal. I have no idea how but my instincts told me he was not right and at 2am I grabbed him and off we went to ER. Had I waited an hour he would have died!! I am now struggling with all of this. Thank god I did not take Xanax that night. I would have slept through this and he would have died.