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[anton_chigurh]

Brain zaps diminished. Anger getting better. Stomach still a mess.

Mostly I'm starting to feel like I'm waking up. Not nirvana yet ;-) but I had a pretty good day and got lots done. I've been so lethargic since I started Cymbalta 18 months ago but really though the trade off was OK. I didn't feel depressed. Well actually, i think I did. Today i hiked for an hour with one daughter (27 lbs) in a backpack and the other (47 lbs) walking with me. I live in the city but have 33 acres of wooded trails in my front yard. And i have not walked in those woods more than twice since starting Cymbalta. I've had no dreams or hopes. It's like the drug put a wet towel on my soul. AND I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOOD! I aslo clean out and washed my car.

I think my wife is starting to like me a bit again. The week has been a bit rough on her (and my daughters) with my quick anger etc. I've really tried to keep it at bay but it feels like i see it coming on and can't stop it. It's like an entity that won't listen to me. Very strange. On Friday i 'tricked' a friend into spending the day with me. I just needed a buffer between me and my kids. I was a good thing.

Anyway, That's my first week off this crap.

[anton_chigurh]

And i forgot....

I played one of my electric guitars for a few hours. I've been playing acoustic only and in five or ten minute stretches and not more. Kinda gave up on my passion to play. Been gigging about once a month and not rehearsing at all. Not like me one bit. Historically i play hours a day. I get lst in it. Today i did that for the first time on months. One funny thing is that in this 'dark' period of cymbalta I have accumulated a lot of new gear. Some pretty cool stuff. But just to own it, not for the passion to play. Today i just plugged my old strat into my old delux and fell in love with the simplicity of it all over again. I did use a wah too. The real McCoy!

anyway... thanks for listening to me blather about getting and feeling better.