Some background: I've been on Cymbalta for 20 months for major depression and anxiety. About a year on 30, and the last period on 60 mg.
Before taking the drug, I had terrible times sleeping and was experiencing rushing thoughts, and the idea of suicide would pop up in my head frequently - not in any kind of ideation way, but the concept would just bubble in and out, sometimes several times a day, which was a bit worrying and certainly annoying. I found Cymbalta cleared my head, as though the storm in my frontal lobe had disappated. I didn't have any really notable side effects when starting, apart from some nights with difficulty sleeping due to a kind of manic feeling. It did not help my sleeping, nor my depression really. I have not been able to give two sh*ts about anything for a couple of years now, and it affects my working life as well as personal life. I've also had the wonderful weight gain many people discuss. On the whole, my side effects have been very minimal, but the part where I don't care about anything in the world is so awful, I feel like I'd trade it for all kinds of other symptoms. And I'd love to just be able to sleep like a healthy person - it's either 12 hours or 2 with me.
A few days ago I ran out of meds. Something in me said to hell with it, we're getting off this time. I know that not only is it inadvisable to stop abruptly, but that doing it without an awful lot of premeditation is also rash. So I'm trying to be as good to myself in other ways as possible. I have told many of my friends exactly what I'm doing and feeling, and have even scheduled time to get out of the house and meet them, go see a film, etc, and they're not allowed to let me off the hook.
I am going off all alcohol for the next few weeks at least, trying to tire myself out before a decent bedtime, and go to work, but to keep my life mostly simple. Day 1:
The first day without meds, I only felt a bit more anxious in the evening. The same as any time I accidentally missed a dose.
I also had bad dreams.
Day 2:
Basically like the first day, only the anxiety in the evening was accompanied with feeling a bit foggy in the brain. I can still work and concentrate when I need to do something - I was in the middle of a performance project, and had no trouble doing public speaking - just felt rather averse to performing before the show. Feeling much more antisocial.
Trouble sleeping, nodded off around 7:00 am.
Bad dreams: check.
Day 3:
Brain fog: quite a lot of it. I can concentrate when needed, but I feel I have to steel myself for the effort.
Vertigo: a feeling like being a bit dizzy much of the time, and when walking through town, it's like there's a separation between what my eyes see and what my brain perceives. It's annoying but so far not so frustrating as to make me lose my temper.
Antisocial feeling much stronger, but once I do mix with people, it's okay. Slightly more irritable than usual.
Random, short bouts of crying.
Bad dreams: oh yes. At this point the nightmares almost make me laugh, because they are *so* obviously about very basic fears - death of a loved one, getting kicked out of my house unexpectedly, etc.
Sleeping: got to sleep early, slept a lovely 9 hours. With only slightly disturbing dreams.
Day 4:
Waking up a bit tough - nothing unusual for me in the past 2 years.
Brain fog: it's ON. I'm at work but trying to focus on my tasks and minimize contact with colleagues. I feel like I'm not quite here in some ways. On the way to work I didn't want to look others in the eye.
Vertigo: check. A fairly constant, low-level feeling. It's a wee bit like being hung over without any pain or nausea.
Strong awareness of bodily tension.
Thoughts racing occasionally.
Runny nose!
I could also mention the optimism: all of the symptoms I'm having I am so far able to classify under "temporary, it's the drug, I can do this, it will get better" in my head.
