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[GMM03]

I have been on 60mg Cymbalta and this is day 3 without it. I got a new job and lost my state insurance. I get benefits in October. I would have to pay out of pocket and I'm not paying that much man, f*** that. Not to mention, being on Cymbalta renders me numb and zombified and I don't like that. I got depression because I used to abuse drugs and alcohol. As of Sept 17th I will have 3 years of complete, consecutive sobriety. I feel like it is time to quit depression medication because my depression came from substances I haven't used in years. I lost my benefits last year briefly without my knowledge and couldn't pay out of pocket and had to quit cold turkey until FINALLY a week later they kicked my benefits back on and I RAN to the pharmacy. I'm tired of this stuff.
HERE COMES THE FUN!
It is day 3 and I am irritable, my vision(picture of the world around me through my eyes) shifts uncontrollably, especially when I move my eyes and head. It's like everything shifts that I am looking at. I am on edge and the electrical impulses that shoot throughout my body are, without a doubt, the most uncomfortable and unnatural feeling I've ever experienced. I feel like I am 'literally' in hell. It feels like nothing around me is real, like I'm in an alternate dimension and, thank GOD I KNOW it is the withdrawal and that keeps my mind at ease but sometimes I have to reassure myself of this because I start to feel like I'm going crazy and am going to die. I'd rather be depressed than feel what I am feeling right now. Sometimes it feels like if I am watching a funny show and I laugh, it makes it MORE uncomfortable or if I think of something sad I start balling my eyes out. The crazy thing is that I was happy to be crying! I haven't cried on cymbalta except once during a very traumatic experience. I feel like I want to eat everything in sight but I'm nauseous at the same time. I am getting advice that I should stay on it. I am afraid to NOT take this medication because I just got the best job I've ever had as a drug/alcohol counselor(heh heh) and I'm afraid I'll go psycho crazy-go-nuts and lose it. Or, even worse, relapse on drugs and alcohol.
Like I've stated, I absolutely DREAD this condition of withdrawal. Cold turkey, weaning off, all sounds like we get the same damn symptoms either way. I am so done with this.