I dont know how to thank all of the people who responded to my post about the guns. Today I was in the register of deeds office trying to get something recorded. I am being given a major beurocratic run around. I snapped. I knew even when the rage was running through me that it was not really me but the meds. didnt help tho. I swear if I was still packing you would be hearing about this on the evening/breaking news. I left the building, got into my truck and ran over the stop sign at the entrance to the parking lot. fortunately I dont guess that anyone saw that. it took me a full hour to calm myself down. bad bad stuff. MOK
RAGE!
Started by mokincaid, Aug 19 2008 03:42 PM
3 replies to this topic
#2
CathyH
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Posted 21 August 2008 - 10:45 AM
Hi everyone......I did have a problem with rage and aggression during my withdrawals. Man, was I pissed!!!!! It felt awful. I started to become afraid that this was part of my personality. I was popping off at anyone and everyone. Throwing things across the room, etc. I could even feel it welling up inside me, over something or nothing. It was explosive.
I found that it is not part of my personality, thank God. Today is day 56, and the intense anger is gone. I still have "attitude", but I know that is a part of me. I have always been that way, and I don't like to be crossed (who does), and I usually let it be known how I feel about it.
About kids: My fourteen year old is a huge trigger for me. His attitude is typical for his age, and I try to stay away from yelling matches, too. It's very difficult. Here's my rant about that: I'm sick to death of being the out-dated, stupid, don't know what's going on parent. Like I don't have ANY life experience, don't remember what it's like to be a teenager. I'm sick of it. They do everything they can to make me feel stupid, and talk circles around me like I'm dumb as a box of rocks. I have had 19 electroshocks in the last 2 years (my bad), and I don't process info as quickly as I used to (cognition issues). So, I have to take a step back and think about what is being asked of me, and they take advantage of that, but just because I have to take a little extra time to process stuff, they just run right over me, and I'm left with feeling shitty. It's so freaking frustrating. I love them with all my heart, but sometimes I just wish they would GROW THE HELL UP. End rant.
CathyH
I found that it is not part of my personality, thank God. Today is day 56, and the intense anger is gone. I still have "attitude", but I know that is a part of me. I have always been that way, and I don't like to be crossed (who does), and I usually let it be known how I feel about it.
About kids: My fourteen year old is a huge trigger for me. His attitude is typical for his age, and I try to stay away from yelling matches, too. It's very difficult. Here's my rant about that: I'm sick to death of being the out-dated, stupid, don't know what's going on parent. Like I don't have ANY life experience, don't remember what it's like to be a teenager. I'm sick of it. They do everything they can to make me feel stupid, and talk circles around me like I'm dumb as a box of rocks. I have had 19 electroshocks in the last 2 years (my bad), and I don't process info as quickly as I used to (cognition issues). So, I have to take a step back and think about what is being asked of me, and they take advantage of that, but just because I have to take a little extra time to process stuff, they just run right over me, and I'm left with feeling shitty. It's so freaking frustrating. I love them with all my heart, but sometimes I just wish they would GROW THE HELL UP. End rant.
CathyH
#3
CathyH
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Posted 27 August 2008 - 09:53 AM
DC.......I hope you are right about that. It feels like I'm in the tunnel again, and can't see the light quite yet. Four years to go, and I know they aren't going to be easy. I'm going to try to focus on the good moments.
I've also been having some trouble with my 17 year old lately, which is very rare. He and I tend to get along famously. I hate arguing with him. It's even more upsetting than going at it with my 14 year old.
One thing my husband said yesterday that really helped: I have successfully taught them the basics in life: How to treat people, how to show love for people, what is right and wrong, what is expected of them, the things that are important in life, I've showered love on them always, constantly re-inforced the good things about them, dealt with the negative, tried to teach them to seperate behavior from the actual person, and more. I have not been perfect at any of this. I've done the best I can with it. My kids have always been the center of my world, and I have put an enormous effort into being a good mom.
But now, they are at an age where it is their responsibility to put these things into action. Not that I am not still there for whatever is needed at the time, and to continue to reinforce. But it is basically up to them. It is time for me to take a couple of steps back, and let them try on their own. That is so hard for me. So hard.
The thing is, is that if I don't do that at this point, I will be inhibiting them in their own personal growth. If I continue to hang onto them tightly, and don't start treating them as "adults becoming", it will stunt their growth. I never knew this time would come so soon. It's heart-breaking to me, but has to be done. I have to learn to let go somewhat, or maybe even alot. I realize that my youngest is only 14, but he is very different from my oldest, who is somewhat of a late bloomer. My 14 year old is not. Totally different kid.
Anyway, that's all for my long winded kid stuff. I just know that i love my boys more than anything in the world, and I am confident that they know that.
CathyH
I've also been having some trouble with my 17 year old lately, which is very rare. He and I tend to get along famously. I hate arguing with him. It's even more upsetting than going at it with my 14 year old.
One thing my husband said yesterday that really helped: I have successfully taught them the basics in life: How to treat people, how to show love for people, what is right and wrong, what is expected of them, the things that are important in life, I've showered love on them always, constantly re-inforced the good things about them, dealt with the negative, tried to teach them to seperate behavior from the actual person, and more. I have not been perfect at any of this. I've done the best I can with it. My kids have always been the center of my world, and I have put an enormous effort into being a good mom.
But now, they are at an age where it is their responsibility to put these things into action. Not that I am not still there for whatever is needed at the time, and to continue to reinforce. But it is basically up to them. It is time for me to take a couple of steps back, and let them try on their own. That is so hard for me. So hard.
The thing is, is that if I don't do that at this point, I will be inhibiting them in their own personal growth. If I continue to hang onto them tightly, and don't start treating them as "adults becoming", it will stunt their growth. I never knew this time would come so soon. It's heart-breaking to me, but has to be done. I have to learn to let go somewhat, or maybe even alot. I realize that my youngest is only 14, but he is very different from my oldest, who is somewhat of a late bloomer. My 14 year old is not. Totally different kid.
Anyway, that's all for my long winded kid stuff. I just know that i love my boys more than anything in the world, and I am confident that they know that.
CathyH
#4
doviine
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Posted 28 August 2008 - 03:33 AM
Thank goodness, it's not personality disintegration... I was exactly as mean as I wanted to be with a verizon wireless rep - felt like she was deliberately repeating stupid answers to my repetitive questions. REALITY CHECK ---- that IS in my personality....depression
is the socially acceptable form of rage - I haven't been on/off antidepressants for 25 years just for the fun of it.
So, sure it's the withdrawal - clogged synapses uncorking. Makes me wonder about serotonin/norepinephrine depletion.. I speculate the trauma leading to depression/rage, encoded on those neurotransmitters, was supposed to be sucked into oblivion.. do they recycle, producing the semi-short-lived relief only to replay the same emotions detached from reality causing increased vulnerability
in the absence of progressive coping skills? Excuse the run-on.
Just seems self-defeating to me. After the verizon call which I made while looking for movies, I thought I was going to lose my
video store membership for throwing my I.D. down on the counter in response to having been asked for it first time ever. The
guy obviously was roused by my audible hostility on the cell phone and general inconsiderateness of fellow customers - especially
in small town NH where even positive self-expression is viewed as invasive.
Or the female cop who refused to "forgive" my parking ticket because adrenaline made me TELL her I was there to have it dismissed. Waited two days to talk to the Chief who finally was able to overcome the bias I had created in the small dept and
scratch the ticket (I did tone down while talking to him though -- proof of selective control).
Seeing how I elicited these responses exercised the faculty of reason and so am growing once more and getting a grip.
I am going to do everything possible to avoid brain altering chemicals.
My eyesight is improving. I still forget to eat. I started smoking again after off for a year. Invested in Gevalia and can feel my
gut rotting after avoiding all caffeine except chocolate for over a decade. I have confidence I will find my path once again.
Have been publicly exposing pedophiles on two social sites with a vengeance - I'm not the only one though. I am mad at the
stupidity of a planet overrun by sociopaths - so, so mad at all inanity. Suddenly I am judge and jury???
This is poorly written - just had to get it out - thanks breakfast blend. May we all heal our poor overworked and confused histamines and whatever else.
is the socially acceptable form of rage - I haven't been on/off antidepressants for 25 years just for the fun of it.
So, sure it's the withdrawal - clogged synapses uncorking. Makes me wonder about serotonin/norepinephrine depletion.. I speculate the trauma leading to depression/rage, encoded on those neurotransmitters, was supposed to be sucked into oblivion.. do they recycle, producing the semi-short-lived relief only to replay the same emotions detached from reality causing increased vulnerability
in the absence of progressive coping skills? Excuse the run-on.
Just seems self-defeating to me. After the verizon call which I made while looking for movies, I thought I was going to lose my
video store membership for throwing my I.D. down on the counter in response to having been asked for it first time ever. The
guy obviously was roused by my audible hostility on the cell phone and general inconsiderateness of fellow customers - especially
in small town NH where even positive self-expression is viewed as invasive.
Or the female cop who refused to "forgive" my parking ticket because adrenaline made me TELL her I was there to have it dismissed. Waited two days to talk to the Chief who finally was able to overcome the bias I had created in the small dept and
scratch the ticket (I did tone down while talking to him though -- proof of selective control).
Seeing how I elicited these responses exercised the faculty of reason and so am growing once more and getting a grip.
I am going to do everything possible to avoid brain altering chemicals.
My eyesight is improving. I still forget to eat. I started smoking again after off for a year. Invested in Gevalia and can feel my
gut rotting after avoiding all caffeine except chocolate for over a decade. I have confidence I will find my path once again.
Have been publicly exposing pedophiles on two social sites with a vengeance - I'm not the only one though. I am mad at the
stupidity of a planet overrun by sociopaths - so, so mad at all inanity. Suddenly I am judge and jury???
This is poorly written - just had to get it out - thanks breakfast blend. May we all heal our poor overworked and confused histamines and whatever else.
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