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Embaressed By Outbursts Ofrage


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#1 DinCA

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Posted 01 August 2013 - 02:12 PM

hello...any one having rage..then the shame after rage thing?  First I want to know how you are dealing with it or any advice...second...I thought that if  we had a place to "confess"  and vent...maybe it would help us, as I am sure there are some of you who may be able to relate and can be understanding.

I am feeling rather ashamed of myself today.  Went on another rampage  this time I verbally attacked the girls on the phone at the doctors office.  Actually this is the second or third time these poor girls have had to deal with my impatience and anger in this month of withdrawls.  And each time I know, .....5 minutes later I know,...  what I did and feel like crap for doing it. 

Normally when the anger hits me so badly it has more to do with being impatient and I can keep myself in check.  But when it comes to trying to deal with the doctor, I realized today that I lose it every time.  I realized today that it is because I REALLY am mad at my doctor.  I blame her for giving me this crap.  I blame her for not knowing anything about this poison she so happily hands out like freakin candy, I blame her for not helping me thru the withdrawls as well.  I am just so very angery at this woman for putting me thru hell all these months and never once catching all the problems I was having as side effects.

 

I havent seen my doc since accidentally starting withdrawls.  my last pill was sometime around the begining of last month. I havent seen her in a couple of months.   And for one reason or another...usually me...I cant make my appt.  First  the doctor said, via her assistant over the phone, withdrawls only last a week so I should be over it....no appt neccessary....  :blink:  WRONG.  Then, as I hit bottom 2 weeks ago, I  tried to make an appt.  told the girl I was desperate and in bad emotional state and in my cymbalta confusion thought the girl told me NEXT wednseday was the soonest she could get me in.  I went off,  but am not sure how bad that one really was.  turned out she meant THAT wednesday...I missed the appt. (altho I am happy that I didnt get in at that time because I'd have agreed to just about anything at that point...including another round of cymbalta)

 

todays episode was  calling to say I was running 5 minutes behind and asked would I still be able to get in to see her today.....no,  they said, which was fine.  was put on hold and thought I was waiting to make another appt.  over 10 minutes later someone new comes on and says doctor cant see you today, you have to talk to the main office for an appt.........that was it.  I snapped, " I already knew that...now I have to wait 10 or 15 more to go back and make an appt.?     she told me she just talked to the doctor....I said...did you actually get off your butt, walk to the back of the building and ask the doctor, herself,  the same question we already had an answer too???? well no....she says....YES I KNOW you didnt,   I say...and it went on from there. 

AT some point I caught myself.....realized THIS IS NOT ME .  I was shocked at myself and I tried to tell her...I am having a problem with rage right now..I hope you have a really nice day.....she thought I was just being more sarcastic.  Obviously...it did not end well.

Lord, I feel like a hump of poop!!   I feel guilty that I ruined someone elses day, ashamed that I could behave in such a way,and yes.. still a litle pissed off that my doctor doesnt get ANY of this.  She gets to sit in her little room where she pushes ppl thru in 5 minutes sessions by handing them a med and saying "try this one"...all the while these innocents on the phone in the front of the building have to take crap from ppl like me.  I am so ashamed of myself that I want to just forget it and find another doctor (jnow instead of later like I planned)  just so I dont ever have to show my face around there again.

The thing is ... that is NOT who I am.  I did call back the first time and ask that they tell the girl who made the "wednesday" appt..that I was sincerely sorry.  I WILL make amends for this episode of  craziness as well....at some point.  I am just sooo embareesed by it.   AND I am just now realizing had I just gone ahead to the office...not called....I have NEVER been in that waiting room for any less than 30 minutes, before being taken to the exam room...EVER...30 minutes is a QUICK  wait in fact, in all the years I have been going there.  If I hadnt called I would probably be getting into to the exam room right about now to wait another 30 minutes for the doctor  to get to me...for my 5 minute session. 

 

My new thing is RESPONCIBILITY in getting well.  I am trying to focus less on how I got into this totally screwed up state and focus more on how I am going to clean up the mess that I have woken up standing in.  There is such a thin line there sometimes tho.  it is too easy to cross over and say.... Cymbalta made me do it.  So I think that, for me,  making ammends at times like this is ESSENTIAL.  In the meantime...anyone know a GOOD doctor????


#2 DinCA

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Posted 01 August 2013 - 02:21 PM

lol   that is supposed to be Embareesed by outbursts OF  RAGE    not ofrage :rolleyes:


#3 lady2882Nancy

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Posted 01 August 2013 - 02:38 PM

Hey DinCA

 

IT IS NOT YOU!!!! IT IS THE FREAKING %#*@#* CRAPALTA AGAIN.

Yes unfortunately loosing it big time is very common with Crapalta withdrawals and we tend to loose it big time with those we have some resentment towards, like DUH the Moron doctors who give us this crap and then don't think we should be having side effects so don't help us. The Moron I see was not helpful either. I do think that he is a good doctor for some things but I will NEVER TRUST him to prescribe meds to me again. I figure that since he didn't understand that this CRAP screwed me up then he obviously doesn't understand me or do enough research on the meds he prescribes. Either way I won't be his guinea pig ever again.

 

Now that I have got that out of the way. What to do about the rage is the thing you need to know.

 

Exercise helps just be careful not to overdo it. LOL like that is possible when you are so angry :angry: . I have walked on my treadmill in a rage and actually made it go faster than it is supposed to :(   .

 

Basically what I have found is that the emotional overload is caused by lack of neurotransmitters in the brain and not enough GABA which is the feel good amino acid we all need to avoid mood swings.

 

There are ways to deal with this.

1. Avoid people and things that make us emotional or stressed (great if you are a hermit) until the brain balances itself.

2. Warn everyone you have contact with that this is a side effects of withdrawing and hope they understand (not bad if you want to rid yourself of some friends lol)

3. Get on another SSRI med with a longer half life for a month or so to deal with this then taper off it.

4. Take a natural amino acid supplement to balance the moods like GABA or L-theanine (make sure it is suntheanine) which the brain turns into GABA, so you feel better.

 

I couldn't get GABA locally so went with the L-theanine and woohoo it helps with depression and anxiety as well as the Crapalta rages. If you can get GABA supplements I know they work well too.

 

I am hoping at this point that you have gotten a chuckle out of some of what I have typed here as well as have some ideas of how to deal with your Crapalta Rage.

 

Take care of you and don't forget to "Breathe" :hug:


#4 fishinghat

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Posted 01 August 2013 - 05:02 PM

Lady Nancy is right (as usual). Lots of rage with the withdrawal. My emotional swings were all over the place. This will settle down with time so hang in there.


#5 DinCA

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Posted 01 August 2013 - 05:14 PM

Hi LadyNancy

Thank you...again :)   

Man!   it seems that I get shocked on a daily basis by what this crap is and has been doing to me.

This is by far the most embarrassing.  not that I cant be a "B" around that certain time of the month.....but this was ridiculous. 

 

Hey...I read somewhere here this morning a post you made where you questioned why so many women over the age of 40 were having such a bad time of it......I am wondering if it isnt that thing we talked about before about how crapalta also makes some pre-existing conditions 100 times worse.  I am thinking that maybe it hits menopause the same way.  what ever stage we might be at.  I was almost considered out of the PRE menopausal phase when I started cymbalta...then my cycle came back...like over night, as I remember it.  I quit cymbalta and ...poof...they are gone again...well so far.  just a thought.

 

Thanks for your advise...you are so right

 

I have always tended to be a hermit in times of stress or depression, so that part will be easy to do...I mean staying away from ppl.  Unfortunately I felt like I needed to be seeing a doc while I deal with the aftermath of crapalta.  I am now back to ...ummm...I might consider even thinking about  it again  next week....maybe..... when I feel a little more myself.....maybe.

I cant get another med with out actually seeing a doc, unfortunately.  and I am still in that "never again"  state of mind.  and I want to make it really clear to everyone...I dont judge any one who is taking another to help get off this one...or for any reason.   I , personally, just cant let go of the fear that I have developed of these drugs after all this has happened.  I am near phobic of any meds that effect the brain in any way. 

 

I have gotten the other supplements that you suggested, but I will go look for the suntheanine today.  and my therapist agrees with you on the excercise, and also that sweating this crap out of your system is important.  I had read that here...but I dont think I really got it.

 

And sweetie...you have given me more than one chuckle since we started talking...and in reading some of your other posts as well.   I VERY MUCH appreciate you.   and your great sense of humor.  you have been a life saver these past couple of weeks. 

Some day I will tell you all about it...but one of your posts literally brought me back from the edge. ..literally.

 

BIG HUG


#6 DinCA

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Posted 01 August 2013 - 05:18 PM

Thanks Fishinghat.  it seems to help 50% just knowing it will go away.  I think that part is really important for us all to here and remember...this too shall pass.

How are you doing?

 

oh and its nice to see ya again :)


#7 fishinghat

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Posted 01 August 2013 - 05:33 PM

Thanks for asking. I am 50% off the lorazepam they had to give me. I started to have some agitation and so I stayed at that level for an extra week. I seemed to be settling down now so probably next week I will again get back to tapering off of that stuff.

 

You habg in there. I know it is tough but you can do this. Just keep reminding yourself that it is the crapalta and not you. I remember I lived nearly entirely in isolation (except for my wife) for about 4 weeks. I was afraid I would rip someones head off or start crying if I got in public. The medicine from hell!!


#8 DinCA

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Posted 01 August 2013 - 06:40 PM

Fishinghat

I did the crying thing in the middle of the 7-11 parking lot last week...but it was in my car and not a fraction as embarasing as my asking the girl on the phone today if she actually got up off her arse, .   I am not even sure where that came from.  

 

From what I have read here....some of the spouses are heaven sent....others not so much.    I think we should all get together when we are through this and start an annual awards show...an award going to everyone who had to go thru all this crap, another award to those spouses and significant others who stood brave and strong beside the ppl they love,    and maybe one to Eli Lily for being the face of pure evil....and maybe  an award of ignorance to some of the doctors.  Instead of the Emmy's ...we can call the statue...the crappy  :D


#9 fishinghat

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Posted 01 August 2013 - 08:08 PM

I am impressed with your idea....and in total agreement. Do you think we can get Eli Lilley to sponsor the show? lol


#10 lady2882Nancy

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Posted 01 August 2013 - 08:52 PM

Oh Wow DinCA what a great idea.

 

I love the name of the award. The Crappy - I burst out laughing and hubbie had to come and see what I was laughing so hard about. He likes the name of the award too.

 

Fishinghat - What a good idea for a sponsor. I definitely think we should hit Eli Lilly up to cover the costs. We will let you get that set up. lol

 

My hubbie has had a few moments when he wasn't really supportive but for the most part I think he deserves an award for taking care of me. Or maybe he just needs a break from dealing with me lol.

 

Have a good night everyone :hug:


#11 DinCA

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Posted 01 August 2013 - 08:55 PM

HA!  that is funny 

Idk Fishinghat...I think if enough cymbalta zombies show up in the lobby at the Eli Lily building...and we are all in rage mode....then yes...they probably will sponser us.


#12 DinCA

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Posted 01 August 2013 - 08:57 PM

I think we are on to something my friends.

 

Hope you both have a nice night too


#13 spr

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Posted 01 August 2013 - 11:47 PM

Before my story - 46 male, 30 mg cymbalta once daily for 9 years coupled with welbutrin. Off Cymbalta cold turkey for six weeks. After looking at some of the posts I had no idea how high some folks' dosages are. I'm so thankful mine was so low. I didn't refill for several days and thought huh? This isn't so bad. It wasn't for about 2 weeks. I never got the zaps, but my gosh, my mind was racing all of the time and my rage was out of control. I even told my boss to get out of my office and leave me alone or I would knock his block off. My boss! The nicest guy ever. I tried to make it into a joke afterwards. Thank goodness he is so nice. I have been getting testosterone shots for a few months so my partner and I chalked it up to that. I didn't tell my partner that i had stopped taking them because i knew he would insist i get back on them. I confessed this past weekend after a huge blow up. we talked about me getting back on, but after this long we think i should ride along to completion of the detox (if you will). Once I started reading this site it all became clear. Any little thing would set me off. I got worked up into a rage one day just folding laundry. Laundry! We have 2 young children and unfortunately I went off my bean one day when they spilled something in the car, one called me "ugly boy" - well I think she was talking about my outbursts, kA pow! I started shaking and chewing her out about calling names. I was actually afraid I would hit her. I kept my verbal tirade going all the way to summer camp. My partner and I (together 14 years) have never argued so violently while going through this. Disclaimer: I stopped Wellbutrin around the same time. I started back on it over the weekend because I truly worried I would physically harm one of my family members. Im going to wait a few months to drop Wellbutrin, and then in a more practical way. Anyway, I woke up today feeling brand new. My thoughts have been clearer than they have been for years, before sometimes I would completely get lost in the middle of a conversation. I don't want to sound trite, but I have never felt so calm and (and I hate this word) a sense of "well being". I can't describe it really. I don't know if it is the Wellbutrin kicking in, another crazy side effect, or that I'm truly losing it. Is this what it feels like to have maniac depression? Is this the high and I will bottom out? It is all very scary. Anyway, I just hope this feeling stays and the rage is gone. I started to get riled up tonight but was immediately able to calm down and be rational. MAJOR STEP. With rage once I got started - things got really bad. I think the best we can do is apologize for behavior with our loved ones. Our kids are too young to understand, I just hope they haven't been damaged emotionally. As for strangers, etc. okay to be embarrassed, but you know what? We have bigger problems going on, so we can't dwell on the episodic tantrums too long. Cruel? Maybe but we have to focus on getting well. The thing is, my general practitioner prescribed them for me. I mentioned one day I was depressed and bam! She starts all brands of antidepressants until we found the right cocktail for me. All these years, and no oversight by a psychiatrist or psychologist. I've been hooked ever since. I've tried stopping several times, but would last about 3-4 days.

Okay since you mentioned this as being a confessional, here is the craziest thing I have done. I was the leader of a local Meet Up group for families with LGBT parents in our area to meet, make friends, go on outings together so that our kids could meet other families and realize there are lots of other families like us. So, the bitching and moaning from the members about the location for outings, times, etc. was overwhelming. Too, for one event we had 35 families scheduled to attend. Only 3 showed up, so I was over it. My term as leader was coming up, I wasn't going to say I was stepping down until after the last event. So, I woke up that morning in a foul mood because I just plain didn't want to go because of how I was feeling. Since several families had bought tickets to attend (in advance) I had that weighing on me. As leader, you have to show up early at a place You have designated, act happy, smile and laugh at appropriate times. I concocted this story that my partners mother was gravely ill and we were rushing out of town could someone please volunteer to be the host. I would give them my tickets to pick up at the counter (and this was pricey, I was giving away 4 tix worth $80). I send the email to those scheduled to attend. After several hours of no one volunteering (something I dwelt on and stewed) I finally get an email from someone willing to do it. I thank her and gave her instructions on obtaining my tix. Her response was she didn't want them, she already had hers. Well I took that as such an insult, my response was that my mother-in-law had died en route, I was having to deal with breaking the news to my kids, and that I was so over the group that eff them they could have it. I immediately removed myself not only as leader but as a member period. The thing is, all of it was a bold faced lie, but how dare she be so rude and ungrateful when MIL had just died? I was worked up into the craziest rage I had actually taken on those emotions as if true! So was it rude, yeah, was I a jerk ? (totally). But the hell of getting through the coming weeks, wasting time on it would have been pointless. If I ever see someone from the group again I will explain, but I have to focus on getting my family back to a point that they don't run and hide when they see me coming.

#14 DinCA

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Posted 02 August 2013 - 02:56 AM

sprI am so glad I checked my mail before trying to get some sleep.

Your story hit home for me. 

But first...I want to tell you that kids are stronger than we give them credit for.  We think we protect them by not explaining things to them.  We think they are too young to understand.  I, personally, disagree.  A childs mind is creative and often fills in the blanks that we adults purposefully leave blank.  Too often their creativity causes them long standing problems in these situations, becuase they never reallllly understood what really happened.  .   maybe sitting them down and explaining might help your family tremendously.  I think what helps heal most Adults of some childhood happenings is going back and and being able to see it thru adult eyes.  and how wonderful would it be in those situations, if someone had given us the truth to begin with.   just my own opinion.

I was soooo relieved reading your story.  that happens alot for me here, on this site.  I too,  told a rather large whopper...around week 2, I think.  Very uncharacteristic of me.   But I think, as we are all finding out....this drug knows no boundaries.  It seems to effect just about anything you can imagine.  And dont imagine too much or it will latch on to that too  :unsure:

I think you are probably right.  Alot of what is happening as far as other ppl go....I will let go of for now.   If I later feel the need to make ammends or rectify something...When I am better I will do just that.  In the meantime...yes, it is all I can do to deal with what is going on right now. 

My prescription came from a  general practitioner too.  It seems alot of ppl here got their handed to them by their family doctor.   But I am not so sure ANY doctor knows the whole story behind this drug. 

I too have crystal sharp moments or days of being very content to be here on planet earth, now.  It isnt all just hellish now.  I dont know if  that is what if feels like to be manic...but i DO appreciate and take advantage of  those times.... no matter where they come from.

Thank you so much for your brave post.  It amazes me everytime I think something is "just me"...someone here pipes up with the same problem and I dont feel so alone and crazy. 


#15 girlcat

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Posted 05 August 2013 - 06:02 PM

As a parent and retired teacher of 25 years, I will say, I agree that children are resilient and can handle more than you think,  But even little children understand:  I am sorry.  I was feeling badly.  I didn't mean to hurt you.  But be careful not to make a habit out of losing your temper.  I've apologized to my children as adults for something I thought I did wrong when they were children.  They have both said, no really, Mom, you were right to do that.  So, I'm very big on apologies.  When I was a child, a parent would never apologize for anything.  I taught my children that everyone makes mistakes.  So. . . everyone should say they are sorry/

 

And to the rage thing and shame, I had that too.  It was awful, and the way I handled it was to isolate myself, not a problem since I live alone now.  I was also embarassed.  I am known for being nice and patient.  It is day 40 for me.  I thought the withdrawal would never end, but it did.  I only have the occasional dizziness and insomnia.  The other 99 symptoms have finally gone away.  HOORAY!!!  Yes, there is an end to the withdrawal.  And yes, I'm a bit angry with my doctor also.  My mission is to tell everyone NEVER to take this horrible drug EVER!  I told the young man who repaired my computer yesterday, and my hairdresser today.


#16 DinCA

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Posted 06 August 2013 - 01:08 AM

Girlcat

I am with you on spreading the word.  I tell EVERYONE, too.  "if you know someone who is on it tell them to do some research....or ever might be offered it by their doc.....tell them to JUST SAY NO.  and if you know someone who is on it and not having any problems....warn them about the withdrawls......just tell everyone you know......SAY NO TO CYMBALTA!" 

I keep finding myself repeating the same two words since I got on this site...."ME TOO".  Every post I read seems to mention something new that I also have experienced or am experiencing.... but didnt consider a part of this. I feel some relief for a bit.   And invariably, I later scratch my head and wonder if I am just getting carried away.  There seems to be an endless array of symptoms and side effects to both taking it and stopping it.  There just seems like sooooooo much torture going on from this one little pill.  For the first few weeks I bounced back and forth daily...is it the pill or am i crazy.  Now, most days, I just tell myself to hang on a little longer because that too can be a desicioin I make later on....when I am over this.  Sometimes that is still hard.    SO I always appreciate reading all of your posts.   Thank you.

 


#17 DinCA

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Posted 08 August 2013 - 07:35 PM

Just a side note... I had to laugh a bit....it really isnt all that funny....it was more like an astounded laugh of "WTF????"...

 

After asking my doc for help the first time , in which I was told withdrawals only last a week so I should be "fine"....and my three failed attempts to get help from her in the hellish weeks since .....

 

I found out today  that she had refilled my prescription for cymbalta last week after my outburst  to the poor office girl on the phone. Apparently, she sees now that there might be a problem.   It has been sitting in the pharmacy waiting on the shelf for me since last week. 

 

It can stay right where it's at  

 

I am still scratching my head over this one.

  

I'd like to make the  first nomination for "The Crappy" award...

I nominate my doctor for the award for best...(or worst ?)..Crapalta pusher....  Eli Lilly should be proud to have her on their team, and I think they both deserve to have a little gilded pile of poop of their own to take home and put on their mantelpiece.   :D


#18 lady2882Nancy

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Posted 12 August 2013 - 03:38 PM

Oh no

The Moron who is my doctor gets top place there as he still doesn't think that I could have possibly had any side effects from stopping this drug. He also believes that all the problems I had and continue to have are because I found this site and believed that I would have the side effects strongly enough that I did have all the side effects.

 

For some reason this Moron and the others in his profession that I have met so far seem to think that the internet and the information that is available on it is making us all sick because we believe every word we read on the internet.

 

A pretty stupid way of viewing the internet if you ask me and  a very insulting way of regarding ones patients. I am greatly insulted by this kind of attitude.

Of course Elli Lilly has all their prescribing information for their drugs online so I do realize that there is alot of lies on the internet LMAO

 

My hubbie did admit to me that if he read the possible side effects of his meds then he thinks he would have some of the side effects. Personally I don't understand how anyone could think like that as meds effect everyone differently so I don't believe that anyone would get every side effect listed when starting or stopping a med but that's me. I have taken meds that I didn't have any side effects from, not even the common ones.

 

Okay enough of a rant from me today lol

 

Take care


#19 DinCA

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Posted 13 August 2013 - 11:32 PM

LadyNancy,

You win...Your Dr. is a freakin idiot.

I read one of your posts (I think it was you anyway) that said there were 8000 members here...I thought.."EIGHT THOUSAND???!!"!....I had to go check it out myself...and am still saying..."EIGHT THOUSAND????!!!!    that is an awful lot of ppl, and I am sure it is nothing compared to those who did NOT get lucky and find thid site.  I am thinking it cant possibly just be that 8000 ppl happen to read on the internet that this drug might cause some problems and then they created the symptoms..sub-consciously or consciously.   I for one have spent the last year on the cymbalta roller coaster and didnt even know about the side effects or withdrawal problems until I was knee deep in hell.   soooo...

ya your Dr. beats mine...but not by much  :)

I just dont think that there is  really room for arrogance and ignorance in the health care system...but ther seems to be plenty.

 

On my "relapse" days I tend to wonder how much of this is in my head, but then I also think I am totally alone in all of this, and, once or twice in the thick of it, thought I would never be normal again.  HOWEVER...on my good days (which are coming more and more often all the time).....my mind is clear and I KNOW that I have some pretty great ppl supporting me now...some who are amazingly strong and patient enough to have held my hand thru some of the worst of it ...I also KNOW that This too shall pass.  There is an ever growing (albeit sometimes dim) light at the end of the tunnel.   I have changed some, ...personality wise... and some of that doesnt seem to be dwindling with the rest of the crapalta,  but that is ok too...some of it I kinda like.....

 

BUT I also know on those days that it wasn't all in my head when I went to emergency shortly after starting cymbalta for excruciating abdominal pain when I peed,  that I had a non stop runny nose from the beginning, that I have been dealing with tremors and nightmares off & on since starting it, as well as headaches and a drop in memory that was sometimes dangerous. that there were a few times while taking it that I couldn't carry on a conversation because of the confusion and fuzzy head...all cymbalta side effects ....and the list goes on....   OHHHH!!!  or that last week I went to get an eye exam to get new glasses because my eyes have gotten so bad this last year and not only did they get MUCH worse, but I needed a test for glaucoma that I also didnt know was a side effect of cymbalta. 

I dont mean for this to be another whine-fest....my point is that these things ARE NOT JUST IN OUR HEADS AND we did not create them off some  site on the internet.  THEY ARE VERY REAL and for your doctor to tell you otherwise is criminal. 


#20 DinCA

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Posted 13 August 2013 - 11:52 PM

Sorry...I hit post by mistake

Not only was I NOT done with my rant  but I didnt even get a chance to review and shorten the novel  :P

My point...

Nancy, (and everyone else)dont let that idiot get to you.  I dont think there is a person on this site who doesnt understand that each one of us is or has gone thru our own personalized vacation in hell.   I am just so done with the ignorance of some of these doctors...and some of the ppl in our lives who are the same way.  They dont have to understand...i mean how could they possibly understand without going thru it....But if they are going to just cause more stress ....then those ppl need to just step of the boat til this "F"ed up ride is over.  ...maybe we will come back around to them later when life is sunshine and puppy dogs again....maybe we wont.

WHEWWW  THAT felt good  ;)  


#21 scrapbookqueen41

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 04:11 PM

As a parent and retired teacher of 25 years, I will say, I agree that children are resilient and can handle more than you think,  But even little children understand:  I am sorry.  I was feeling badly.  I didn't mean to hurt you.  But be careful not to make a habit out of losing your temper.  I've apologized to my children as adults for something I thought I did wrong when they were children.  They have both said, no really, Mom, you were right to do that.  So, I'm very big on apologies.  When I was a child, a parent would never apologize for anything.  I taught my children that everyone makes mistakes.  So. . . everyone should say they are sorry/

 

And to the rage thing and shame, I had that too.  It was awful, and the way I handled it was to isolate myself, not a problem since I live alone now.  I was also embarassed.  I am known for being nice and patient.  It is day 40 for me.  I thought the withdrawal would never end, but it did.  I only have the occasional dizziness and insomnia.  The other 99 symptoms have finally gone away.  HOORAY!!!  Yes, there is an end to the withdrawal.  And yes, I'm a bit angry with my doctor also.  My mission is to tell everyone NEVER to take this horrible drug EVER!  I told the young man who repaired my computer yesterday, and my hairdresser today.

I am so thankful to hear that there might be an end in site.


#22 DinCA

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Posted 22 August 2013 - 03:27 PM

My last post on this topic leaned a bit toward the "outbursts of rage" side.    As I am making my way thru the list of making amends for my sometimes appalling behavior  thru the whole cymbalta trip.....I kinda feel the need to apologize for getting carried away here.  I have apologized for my little whopper of a lie I told to someone early on thru the withdrawals...very embarrassing , and very humbling, but my apology was taken and accepted with grace and love. I am so very grateful for that.   I still need to see the girls at the old doctors office, but that will come.  I am thinking flowers, chocolate  and puppy dog eyes.   ???  :D

So...I am sorry for the previous rant...it was a bit ridiculous.  I am, however also grateful that I had somewhere to express my frustration at getting no help from my own doctor.   At my frustration that it is a known fact that at least 20% of cymbalta users have the side effects or later the discontinuance syndrome...yet still are not believed or understood.  And the rant here helped me to calm down enough to write the her an email stating why I wouldnt be returning to her. 

 

The search to find a new doctor is getting tiresome..I want a doctor who will help me get it all under control with less meds and more supplements and alternative therapies.  This old doc had me pumped up to phase 2 meds at one point while on cymbalta and now that the withdrawals are slowing down my pain is  sigificantly better than it has been since starting cymbalta...all I really want is to sit down with a Dr. and really get a good understanding of my own condition so that I can make better choices for my health.  I followed every word the last Dr. said without thinking for myself.  She would hand me a prescription and I would take it to the pharmacy immediately and just start taking it...no looking into it on my own. no thinking for myself.  Now that I am looking into some of the stuff I had been taking...I am kicking myself in the butt.  ....Cymbalta has at least given me that much...I am DONE with not being proactive in my own health care, DONE with leaving it up to some one else entirely to make decisions about MY body.   I hate that it took the hell that is cymbalta to take responsibility for my own body....but it is what it is.   I am there now.

 

Finding a new doc is proving to be  a pain in the arse.  they seem to lean one of two ways on the pain management ...either they want to give me even MORE meds  :blink:  or they do not do pain management in person at all.....huh?     yep...The ones I talked to today do no pain management at all in person...they have a little room where you sit in front of a computer and talk to some one  from an outsourced company over the internet for your first consultation...then it is all done electronically and over your computer...checking in and filling out forms.  From what I could gather it sounds to me like it has more to do with covering their butts for addicts and over doses.  idk  As I am becoming a bit of a Luddite this past year...I was disgusted, but that is just me.  I just know it is not for me.   And I am even more baffled at what  our help care system has become.

Anyway, thank you all for putting up with my outbursts and giving me a safe place to do it.  I do appreciate it. 


#23 DinCA

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Posted 22 August 2013 - 03:35 PM

I said it was "then done  over YOUR compute"r.....that isnt it...it is done in an empty office not at home...still all computerized.

just wanted to clarify  :)





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