2 replies to this topic

[Pattie317]

Almost 30 years ago, I had a failed suicide attempt. I was sent to a psychiatrist who immediately put me on an antidepressant.  I was diagnosed as "bipolar" (or chemically unbalanced) even though there was little discussion about me or what was going on in my life and absolutely no blood tests or medical screening.  I have since taken a plethora of prescription cocktails from Lithium to Cymbalta.  Inbetween there was Prozac, Effexor, Wellbutrin, Neurontin, etc. etc.)  About 10 years ago, Attention Deficit Disorder was added to my "mental illnesses" and I've taken Ritalin, Concerta, and Adderall every day since.  Prior to the suicide incident, I had a very full and functional life and never remember being "sad" a day in my life.  However, I had a "Type A" overachiever personality which I guess was interpreted as "manic." I did not realize then what I realize now ... that I was being verbally abused and controlled by my husband.  However, the pills put me in zombie-mode and made life a little more bearable.  Now 30 years later, I am no longer "me" and don't know how to get it back. I have tried to quit taking medications; but when I do, I can do nothing but cry and/or sleep. I'm starting to realize I may have turned into a crazy person, because I have alienated myself from my friends and family.  My concern is now ... once I do stop taking these medications, will I ever be normal again? Thanks to ANYONE for some help.

[fishinghat]

Welcome to the site Pattie. I can't tell you if you will ever be normal again or not  or if you will ever be medicine free but... These medicines you listed control a number of neurotransmitters and have been obviously for years. You will have to go very...did I say very?...I mean extremely slow. Each time you cut down a medicine your body has to learn to regain control of that neurotransmitter. If you search the internet you will find sites like this one on nearly every drug that will give you good ideas on how fast to cut back and how to deal with the withdrawal symptoms. I am currently cutting back on my lorazepam. It takes my body around 4 weeks to adjust to cutting back 1/2 gram! Then I get to cut back another 1/2 gram. These kind of efforts vary from person to person on how long it takes so it is important to go slow and be ready to adjust to the result. Having said that, you CAN, with time, come a long ways. You may never be pill free but you can sure make a big dent in it and feel a lot more like yourself.  Your depression will have to be monitored closely though. You can't and shouldn't allow yourself to feel suicidal again. I hope you have a good doctor that you can work with on this so he can monitor how you are doing. I wish you the best of luck and the greatest of patience. Let us know if we can help.

[mimimia]

I'm asking myself the same question Pattie. With much less years spent on anti-depressants I'm still having trouble adjusting after coming off Cymbalta 14 weeks ago. It started for me in January 2005 after being diagnosed with breast cancer. The surgeon suggested I take an anti-depressant. Then in 08 I was dx'd with fibromyalgia and that doctor suggested I take Cymbalta for it. In addition to the wellbutrin I was already on. Then they added xanax any time I said I was stressed. And if I had muscle pain they would suggest muscle relaxer's. Until it got to the point that I needed a 7 day pill case with 4 compartments for each day. 

I had just gotten married in 2004 to a man very different from me. And all these mood altering drugs made that transition easier. Then I realized I had no friends. I had spun a cocoon around myself and was living an isolated life with just him and my children. I rarely spent time with my siblings or friends I had before my marriage. Because they lived a lifestyle that my husband didn't approve of. 

After coming off the cymbalta in April I realized that I had nothing left of ME. January my 17 year old daughter moved to live with her dad full time instead of the shared parenting we had. I now never see her. She hated living with my husband. My son had done the same thing back in 06 but I didn't admit why. Now I'm on disability and stuck. Even IF I can ever get back to who I was it'd be nearly impossible to live that way while living with a man that essentially turned me into a Stepford Wife. Don't get me wrong, I do love him. And he is a good and decent man. I was willing to marry someone different than me because my life needed a change. But had I kept working, not gone on all the drugs I probably wouldn't have stayed with him. 

 

I'm not sure I can ever figure out who I was to get back to where I would have been had I not taken these drugs.