Posted 28 July 2014 - 04:44 PM
I am sooo angry, confused, lost & hopeless from my experience of calling to arrange an appointment with a therapist!! First, I call MAP through my insurance company for a referral. That telephone call lasts 1 hr 10min because after explaining my need & discussing stopping the Crack! 6 wks ago, I am told I speaking to the Michigan office & they need to transfer me to the California office. UUURRRGHG:(((( then phone call is disconnected, no shit!, but then the California office called me back. So, I repeat my tale of woe with the most basic, elementary words & emotions I can muster because my brain is busted from the Cschit! and Ms. Sweetcheeks:( is confused why I need to see a therapist instead of a psychiatrist! WTF! After semi-losing my mind & starting to swear with my new found, post Crack! Overwhelming urge of swearing like I have Tourette's Syndrome, seriously, she questions if I might be better in a residential treatment program! Wtf, again?! Am I hearing this correctly? I hate myself for breaking down & crying but "I want to see a psychologist to discuss this new mental clarity but need to learn some new life skills for coping & managing the remaining ruins of long term SSNRI use!" "Hmmm, okay, I will send you a list of (4) within a 25 mile radius of where you live. Will that help you?" I respond kinda:s, "You bet, Cheeks, I thank you for your time & addressing my request."
Receive the email list. Look up the therapists that are referred, 2 male & 2 female, nice balance except I asked specifically for a female therapist after being asked about domestic violence issues as per the questions Cheeks told me she needed to ask, in confidentiality, per their company policies. I call the two female therapists and, of course get recorded messages for both. One is not taking new patients at this time, per her recorded message & the other is "temporarily unavailable" whatever the hell that means! So, I am now over the edge from this 'Positively Negative' (think I will start a new topic!) experience of the day unable to stop crying & take 1/2 Xanax as my 'worse half' comes home for lunch & is so pissed off at me for calling to get some therapy as "Surely, you should be past this by now, how f'ing crazy are you?!" I slither in to my bedroom & curl up in the fetal position and ponder his question and wonder the same damn thing!! My comfort was my two little dogs in the space between my chin & knees licking my tears & loving me unconditionally in my total f'dupness state of existence...
I'll make this last part shorter, as I know this is monotonous to read, sorry:/ I just need to vent & try to begin expressing my emotions instead of dwelling in the shame of this nightmare alone!
The therapist who's message stated she was not taking any new patients calls me! I was not able to leave a message on her voicemail as that wasn't an option in her recorded message! Weird right!? So, we talk for 45 minutes about my need for therapy, her need to make sure after the 6 free sessions, on my part, that ValueOptions will continue paying for treatment as I 'will most likely need it for a long, if not lifetime, because in her experience/understanding "no one is able to stop anti-depressants after having been on them for lengthy periods of time, i.e. 2 years or more & we will need to work together with my psychiatrist for an assessment plan, blah, blah blah." But, she agreed to "fit me in, though she is not accepting new patients" after I call insurance back to make sure they will continue to pay after the initial free six sessions & then text her with that confirmatio! True story, no shitschky!!
I really need some encouragement from my buddies here as I am sinking into my rabbit hole of despair!! I do not know what to do. Is there hope for all of us who have stopped the dope & just a select few over the long term discontinuation? Who in the medical community is willing to acknowledge, research and/or even listen to our cries for help beyond the anti-depressants??
Any shared experiences, ideas, thoughts or comments from anyone going through the resistance of the medical community in dealing with this would really help ease this worn out, way faring soul...thanks, Rebecca