6 replies to this topic

[snowdrops]

Hi me again. I read a post that did something similar to this and i thought it might help someone else like it helped me............and to be honest want to feel not alone so it helps to be on this site!!!!anyone else like me when you holed up in your room want to know your not alone............oh well.sad maybe! anyway story so far. Hopes it helps someone else toothers helped me.

Day one. Dont know whats wrong, Nausea and running to the loo.
Day two. Presume I have stomach bug. Look at meds in the morning. Cant take them.NIggling at the back of my mind .what am i doing? Leave work think im ill....not really i discover it gets worse
Day three. Now i really cant take my meds. Desperate dizzness. Slurring words. Fatigue overwhelming. Go into work to tell my boss. Hes concerned. He looking at me trying to figure out what the ???? Eyes feel like their drooping. Can barley focus to read. MY bosses reaction spurs me to the doctor. By now I know whats causing this.Brain zaps and mad attention to electrical noises mobile phones freak me. hearing them everywhere
So off to the doctor with me thinking this is crazy. refuse to entertain the idea of any other meds. Getiingoff this stuff even though I stress it served me well when i needed it. Locum doc. Dosen,t argue. I lay my case on the table ask for a cert. Im not in a job that would responsibly see me walking round like this
Day four. Cant get out of bed. Mad food cravings...fatty food. Everthing goes right through me. HAve the shakes. Brain zaps, ring in the ears want to dieeeee,
Day five. Boy do I re start to think this. Find this site. Try to stay calm. Have come this far not going back. Back to doctor. Gives me senetimil or something. Take one. Now Im dopped!!end to that. Start taking pain killers as in ifobrufen that helps a bit and loads of motillium and arretez. Mise as well be eating smarties. HIbernate. Try to be positive, Tears and sobs kick in.Bouts of maina. Extreme night sweats
Day six. emmh feel like someone has dopped me for last two years . Major awakening vibe .like waking up. Intriged. How on earth didnt I cop on. Where have I been for last two years. Did no one miss me gone!!!Got slight libido thing going, Also a positive and intriguing to say the least. Very chatty.....then very ill and merry go round goes
Day seven. could black out. Mad protein fatty food urges. Confused dazed and sick. Again and again questioning what am i doing. Have a bit of its my birthday feeling. Begin to feel proud of myself.
Day eight....most of day in bed. absolutely exhausted.
DAy nine. A bit better bad cramps in morning. Light headed ness. Lost my temper with the children which isnt me. bailed out as good practice and here i am. things on the up though. Realise I have to back to work though even though realistic im not able for. Have set myself a goal. Friday. Got to live with this for a while but nothing can be as bad as the first few days. This intrigues me ...absolutely no physcological urge to take a tablet. would you believe the evening sun here in ireland has just shone straight at me while im on the computer in my room. Thats a sign isnt it??? ill keep u posted. I know when I startrd this journey my main question was when does this end. I wont entertain the idea that it doesnt. Everything ends at sometime. there has to be hope.

[snowdrops]

So been to the head shrink... fell awful calling her that because shes actually lovely and I find my visits to her very beneficial. Ive been seeing her for the last three years and at the moment i see her every sick weeks..i think they call it maintence. I have to say if you can find agood counselor....and that may take work ...........it is really worth it. pricey but worth it. seeing this lady has helped me enormously. Had a really good good cry which helped a lot. Feel ok if i rest alot at the moment. Heaches and dizzness have eased hugely and that a major plus....forliz i made a phone call...whey hey. Still getting rid of it. Going to work tomorrow adn bit nervous about that. GOing to stay away from people. Not fully up to that. Fingers crossed for me tomorrow.Thanks for your kind wourds houdi. As my sons say...you rock !!!

[snowdrops]

Day 9/1o not relaly sure. Very tried, Particularly in the morning. Headache dull as have dizzness. Bit fuzzy. Stomach a lot improved, Still have to check myself and slow down and ignore thing. But its definately improving. Know this can go up and down so hoping tomorrow clearish for me to go back to work . If I get any way pressurized and my words muudle, My son has his first school tomorrow and i want to be there waying as he goes off and available for excitied accounted when he steps off that bus. Guys ill make myself well for this. wish me look and be thinking of me. THis important to me i dont want to look like the drunk/stoned mammy i feel at times.fingers crossed and itll go well

[Jules]

Good luck snowdrops! I hope you're able to function enough to make it through your son's school and work!

[Houdi]

snowdrops: I am sending all my spare energy and strength your way. Tomorrow, let us know how you are doing, even if only a short blurb....Blessings to you, Houdi :)

[snowdrops]

hi all. I achieved ny goal got to work and school. (hello Jules Smiley here) It was interesting. work that is started off very slow and sluggish, bit motified i was out for so long everyone wanted to know why. told my friend and he had me in kinks laughing,he hurt his knee years ago and had to tke as he says somepretty s*** strong pain meds. Then when he came off he had withdrawel war stories so we were going oh yeah id that to thing. then he wanted me to hold my hands up and he couldnt help himself at the dts (drinkers tremble ----------we have a lot lot of here in ireland, it used to be like a right of passage, mad i now) it really helped to have a friend to trust and confide in and he pretty much covered my back for the day so id not to interact with too many people. If you have someone you trust in work I cant advice enough to tell them whats happening. Makes it easier I think, work can be mine field when going through this and you have to be carefully to not say too much. sad i know. me at the moment still not with it and i dont really trust my behaviour at the minute, BUT REACHED MY GOAL AND SURVIVED AND HAD A LAUGH SO YEAhhhhhhh!

[snowdrops]

Hello again, just an up date. All going well. Dizzness gone as is most of stomach upset. Feel really good for the most of the time. Better than i have done in long long time. Wayyyy more energy. Stiil have vague memory recall difficulties and serious muscle ache which frustrating, Had very odd anger freak out for me this morning though....which isnt me. I have found in the last few days myself getting unreasonably worked up over things. Its usually in the morning. Was on cymbalta for anxiety and depression. Have had few little anxiety attacks .which when happens kinda freaks me. have to reason myself through them. dont usually last though. If I was me watching me from an outsiders view id be watching for....did she fall back into deep depression, did she get emotional......boy yes i am and i do. just seen last greys anotomy here and so upset by it. Oh my god o mally!!!no it not real but had me in floods. also id want to see did the person fall apart(ie would it happen to me really!!!!)

Heres the deal ....i wouldnt reccomend this to anyone...cold turkey i ment. I went to counselling for two years, alternative therapy, cognitive therapy, bought every self help book going......in ten years time i will still be doing that ...i have to!.I kinda figure if id a heart attack id still be trying my best to prevent one ten years later wouldnt i?same with my mental health. And ,i am afraid i will become an emotional wreck (too..he he)and i am watching each day but when or if it happens im not going to panic( im hoping). Im going to look at my options and go back on meds if I need them. I am proud of myself for getting this far.(A bit like what the x factor contestants say). I had bad days and weeks on meds( and i remember them well!) and i will have them off them. so even im seeing how its going!!!keep you posted.