34 replies to this topic

[thismoment]

Gail

 

Let's do an experiment: Do you drive? If so, have you felt road rage recently?

[gail]

Thismoment, no road rage, just impatience, cursing, but no rage. I forget it in a few seconds.

 

Continue please.

[thismoment]

Gail

 

Let's say you become impatient for the traffic to get moving faster, and then you cursed at a driver who pulled in front of you and failed to signal.

 

All behaviour is mind-building; it's a form of practice that's establishing what the default behaviour (the mind's first choice) will be. Not only do you become what you pay attention to, you become what you practice.

 

One of the pillars of Mindfulness is the objective to remain in the moment. There are three places your mind can be: in the past; in the future; or in the moment. But of course we spend most waking hours either in the past or in the future: we re-play scenarios from the past where we alter dialogue and storyline; we exchange winners and losers. Then we warp into the future where we transport those scenarios across time and we find ourselves playing out the same storylines and losing the same argument in the future too.

 

But none of that is real; neither the past nor the future is real- the only reality is to be found in the moment, right now.

 

I'm impatient because traffic isn't moving fast enough. I imagine I'll be late for work. I imagine the boss will say something nasty to me. I imagine I'm going to miss my appointment. I admonish myself for sleeping too late- I took too long to get dressed, and I didn't plan adequately. I'm an idiot!  And now that so-and-so just pulled in front and didn't even signal. I mumble, "Hey dumb-ass where did you learn to drive?"

 

The situation cannot be altered from within the traffic jam; it's all beyond our control. Yet we engage the situation and become attached to it and build internal stories and outcomes; we judge the other driver, we judge and convict our boss, we judge our own behaviour; we flip from past to future and from future to past; we DO NOT accept the situation even though we cannot alter it. And then we say, "I'm an idiot!"- which is a fused thought from which there is no escape.

 

This is mind-training, but not healthy mind-training.

 

Mindfulness, however, teaches us acceptance of conditions we cannot alter. Mindfulness is the defused, non-attached, non-judgemental, deliberate awareness of experiential events as they happen in the moment. Watch thoughts come and go, but don't engage; don't follow the storyline.

 

I can't alter the condition of the traffic- I detach. I accept it. I remain present. I don't judge the other driver- maybe she is on the way to the hospital to see her little girl who is suffering from leukaemia- I can't know. I don't engage with the other driver. Tomorrow I will allow more time. "Sometimes I'm not happy with my planning. But I can fix that."

[GonnaMakeIt]

I’m so unbelievably sad right now.  I once had a mind that could follow all of this.  I had been a legal secretary for 27+ years before taking a voluntary lay-off package mainly because I couldn’t function at work anymore.  I did a REALLY good job at covering up the fact that I couldn’t function for a while but it was getting worse by the day and had I stayed, I probably would have been fired.  In all my years, I had never received a bad evaluation and in fact, almost always had perfect evaluations (having ADD, that is quite an accomplishment if I do say so myself - hee hee).  For the last 11 years, I worked with the most demanding and difficult attorney (everyone feared/no one wanted to work with) who thought I was the “greatest/most efficient/smartest assistant in the world” (completely serious but I still have to laugh - hahahahahaha), who was devastated when I took the package but who also understood and was more concerned about my health than I ever believed.

 

Anyway, to get to the point, I know that it’s only been a few weeks and going cold turkey is my own doing (still, without informing any of my doctors as I just do not trust any doctor right now!) but I am so unbelievably frustrated that I feel as though my brain is gone forever!  That being said, thank you all for explaining this in terms that this dummy can somewhat understand until my ADD mind started wandering ….

[gail]

Thismoment,

 

Mindfulness, however, teaches us acceptance of conditions we cannot alter. Mindfulness is the defused, non-attached, non-judgemental, deliberate awareness of experiential events as they happen in the moment. Watch thoughts come and go, but don't engage; don't follow the storyline.

 

I can't alter the condition of the traffic- I detach. I accept it. I remain present. I don't judge the other driver- maybe she is on the way to the hospital to see her little girl who is suffering from leukaemia- I can't know. I don't engage with the other driver. Tomorrow I will allow more time. "Sometimes I'm not happy with my planning. But I can fix that."

.

This is something I have been practicing, in the last few days.

 

Just coming back from a client, I had this anxiety strike me, still have it. I cannot alter this. How uneasy it is to practice in those times when the mind wants to go nuts, meaning, I cant think straight. Well, who can in this situation, the only thing I could do, was keep repeating to myself that this will pass, wont last, never lasts, breathe, let it be. Just the same I went to the library to get William's book. All the while conscious of this uneasy feeling.

 

To tell you the truth, it does nothing to alleviate the anxiety. But, I also repeated, yes, you are getting better and better, instead of I'll always be like this. A beginning.

 

Is that what you call being present? Anyways, at those moments, I cannot be in the future nor in the past. The mind freezes right there in the moment.

 

Looking forward to have a peek at Williams 's book this afternoon, while bathing in the sun, if the clouds decide to take another direction. Thanks TM.