Today I saw my doctor and told him about how I was withdrawing from Cymblata. That initially I didn't mean to just stop taking it. Day 1 after not taking it I felt great, and able to get so much more done and had motivation. But the longer I have been off it the worse I have been feeling.
He said - sounds like a return of your general symptoms. Mood swings, irritability, anger. Well, the time I saw him I had been coming off Wellbutrin, which I now know turns me into a violent, self-harming, paranoid, horrible person.
I have no long history with this doctor as I just moved states 7 months ago.
So I tried to explain, I don't know how much of this is me or meds. He said it was hard to know. But he believed I was better on the Cymbalta.
So long story short - instead of getting back on Cymbalta I am now going to try Lexapro. Starting on 5mg today then upping to 10mg after a week.
I tried to mention to him how I felt the need to drink more on Cymbalta and couldn't seem to feel how the alcohol was effecting me. (I'm sure the Ativan isn't helping in that situation either...)
And he basically said he's never heard of meds causing or driving people to drink. When I told him I found out stuff online about ppl saying the same thing, he basically dismissed it all and doesn't believe that these meds could at all cause that.
Then he basically said that anyone with addictions looks for something to blame whenever they had a relapse.
I just don't really know who to trust or believe about this stuff. I've never been labeled an alcoholic, never had any addiction problems. Although I have had dependency problems with being on meds for prolong periods of times then trying to get off. Including tramadol.
I feel so awful and I'm getting ready to start back for my bachelors so I need something to stabilize. I thought I was doing ok cold turkey until yesterday. It is too much.
Hopefully the Lexapro helps. I'm going to do the recommended stay on a stabilizer for some time to let some normalcy enter my life and stability. Actually.. who cares about normal. I just want stable!
I'm still having a really hard time trusting that this is good for me. Or that being on meds is ok. I don't really trust doctors. But Idk that I should trust complete strangers on the internet either who talk about this stuff. How am I to know everyone simply isn't blaming their inability to function properly on the meds not doing their job? and then when they relapse or revert back to old coping mechanisms it's just not a part of the depression? and I'm not trying to say I am any better or above anyone here. I just don't know if I can trust myself even with this. Am I just acting this way cause I don't want to do the hard work and just want to cave into myself and moods? Or do the meds cause this? I have no clue.