13 replies to this topic

[Ramona80]

I'm finding myself asking myself "why am I even doing this?" And wondering if I should just go back on the full dose of Cymbalta. The crying spells have hit me. One was Friday night, and now here again on Sunday morning. After I got out of the shower this morning I just started getting dark, sad thoughts. "What if?" thoughts. I am so incredibly sad as I'm typing this, and have been crying for over an hour. OMG, how do you get through this? I feel like I've lost control of not only how my body feels, but now my emotions, too. I just feel completely overwhelmed.

 

I need any reassurance anyone has. 

[Cse70]

What dose are you on?

I had those feelings when I tried to taper too quickly and they immediately went away when I restarted.

Hang in there!

[TryinginFL]

Ramona,

 

Since I am a cold turkey survivor, I am probably not the best one to answer you, however I cried at the drop of a hat - very often!

 

I still cry very easily if something is very sad, very beautiful or just because I am lonely.  You'll be OK!

 

Whenever you need to cry, just do it - until it all comes out - most of us have.

 

Liz

[thismoment]

Ramona80

". . . wondering if I should just go back on the full dose of Cymbalta."

I understand, and perhaps going back on an antidepressant is the healthiest solution. People stop meds for a variety of reasons, but for a successful withdrawal-- in all senses of the word, the person has to be ready to be off the drug. Psychiatric drugs help some people achieve a quality of life they can't otherwise achieve.

There is no moral judgement to be made about seeking to enhance quality of life.

Should you decide to re-instate, you should wean back on-- go slow. And understand that re-instatement is not guaranteed to take you to the same condition of mind you had while on the meds. You may need a different med-- therefore work with the physician for re-instatement plans.

On the other hand, staying off IS difficult-- it's nasty, painful, and there's lots of crying-- and even moments of rage! But many have fought through it and perhaps you can do it too-- only you can know that. If you choose to stay off, this community is compassionate and empathetic-- we know how it feels. We are here for you whatever you choose-- there is no right or wrong, there's only quality of life.

Take care.

[Ramona80]

Thank you, thank you for your comments. I feel so vulnerable right now. I feel like this medication, and the weaning from it, has taken me out of control of my day to day life. I don't know one day to the next how it'll be. I thought the physical effects were bad, but the deep sadness that hit me this morning - that was something else altogether.

 

Having gone down from 60mg to 50 mg, the doctor had me add in 10 mg of Celexa, which I took for a week, before my doc. decided to up that to 20 mg. I began the 20 mg dose Friday night. I had insomnia that night. Because of this, I decided to switch to taking the Celexa in the morning, (so instead of taking it Sat. night I waited till Sun. morning). I woke up feeling OK, albeit a little early, so I went back to bed a little later. After waking up from a 1-hr nap I felt dizzy, took a shower, and then the sad thoughts and crying began. I don't know if this could have been from the 10-hour lag in getting my Celexa in my system. 

 

I've been having anxiety returning, also, in the past few days. 

 

I just wonder....if I stick it out, will I ever get over this? Are there people who never get over it? I am feeling scared and vulnerable right now. As a parent, it feels all the more scary.

 

P.S. - My psychiatrist said that in 10 years of prescribing patients Cymbalta, I'm the first one she's ever seen with problems coming off it.

[thismoment]

Ramona80

 

What you are feeling and what you are describing is the withdrawal we all went through-- the physical effects, the crying, the uncertainty, the self-doubt, the anxiety, the depression, and the rage. It's all part of it. 

 

It's important that you know this isn't unusual; having said that, clearly your psychiatrist would disagree . . .

 

". . . if I stick it out, will I ever get over this?" The odds are well in your favour of getting off it and feeling normal when it's all done-- but it takes time, and that's the part that many find difficult. People want to know "how long?", and "will I be the same person that I was before I took the drugs?". The answer to each of these questions is totally unsatisfactory because the questions can't be answered.

 

The first question-- If you assign a timeline, a must-be-done-by date, you will be disappointed because it's different for everybody depending on his or her unique circumstances. Should the pre-conceived timeline arrive and you are still having symptoms it feels like a failure. Therefore, the mind state of expectation is counter-productive. You have to let it all go and just go minute-to-minute, hour-to-hour, day-to-day, week-to-week, and month-to-month-- it's like growing up: remember how when you were 14 you wanted so much to be 16? You have to forget about the passage of time and the outcome that's anticipated-- let all that go.

 

The second question-- "Will I be the same as I was?" The answer is, of course not-- because everything is changing every moment, and even if you'd been asleep for 2 years you'd wake up a different person-- very similar, but different. If you are awaiting the arrival of the exact same person you used to be, you will be disappointed. But yes, you will feel normal and you'll want to get on with building your life, loving, finding joy, flourishing! 

 

This is withdrawal, and it's nasty. Even if your psychiatrist is telling the truth-- that within her set of persons withdrawing from Cymbalta, you are the first to have withdrawal issues-- she still has to take it seriously because this is new information. But there I go thinking a doctor would view the information in the light of the scientific ethic-- it's easy to forget that physicians are NOT scientists. Therefore she might not take you seriously; hopefully that isn't the case.

 

". . . if I stick it out . . ." If you stick it out there are no guarantees regarding the outcome; it's a commitment you simply have to undertake believing there is value in doing it. I'm better off for having stuck it out, as are many others that posted on the forum. But it's not for everybody and there's no judgement attached to that fact. You simply have to want something different than what you have and be prepared to endure some difficulty for some months until the storm subsides-- and it will subside.

 

Take care.

[Ramona80]

Thanks for the responses, it means so much to me. Thanks for being on this site to talk with people like me. I feel so alone in this right now, and it's all just been overwhelming entering into this process. 

 

I want to try to get off the Cymbalta because not only did I have bad side effects, but I really don't think I was getting enough REM sleep on it. Not only was I always exhausted, but my sleep patterns were off, and I constantly had dark circles under my eyes. I just felt like a mess, all the time, functioning only on a fraction of the energy and mental capacity I previously had. I didn't think it was healthy to continue like that. Not to mention the fact that the daytime naps pretty much amounted to me sleeping much of the day away. 

 

I want to try to continue on weaning. I mentioned the bead counting to my doctor when I had a phone call with her on Friday night, and her response was she thought I should stay off websites that talk about things like that, because they will just scare me. I *need* her to continue prescribing my medications. But it doesn't sound like she will be open to the bead counting method. Just to make matters more complicated. I have an appointment with her later this week.

[TryinginFL]

Ramona,

 

Just let her continue to prescribe and you just don't mention this site to her again.  She is obviously one of the asshat Dr.s who have no clue regarding the withdrawal.  Unfortunately this is the rule rather than the exception.  Just continue getting the RX's so that you can continue the bead counting.  In the meantime, I suggest that you look for a new Dr.

 

I am currently on my 3rd PCP as the last one wanted to put me back on the crap after I had been off for 4 months and he claimed that he had studied all of the aspects of the SNRI's.  Yeah, right!  He was one of those who thought he was a god and needless to say, I never went back!

 

Things will work out - just keep the weaning slow... you can do this!

 

Liz 

[thismoment]

Hi Ramona

 

Just ask the doctor what procedure Eli Lilly (the manufacturer) recommends for withdrawing, and ask for a copy of that literature. The notes to the physician will indicate that slow weaning is required, but the instructions contain a contradiction: They say to wean off slowly, and they also say don't open the capsules.

 

Bead-counting is the only method of achieving a consistent taper without large drops in dosage. There are companies that will tailor dosages to achieve a gentle weaning regimen and they do this by opening the capsules and counting (or weighing) the beads.

 

http://www.fda.gov/d..../UCM172866.pdf

 

You can also google Compounding Pharmacy in your area and they will put together a proper tapering regimen for you.

 

 

1. Pharmacy compounding is the art and science of preparing personalized medications for patients. Compounded medications are made based on a practitioners prescription in which individual ingredients are mixed together in the exact strength and dosage form required by the patient.

[Ramona80]

Thanks so much for the info. I will look into this tonight. 

 

Also, just wanted to add that I never mentioned this specific site to the doctor, or any others for that matter, but just mentioned that I had read online about people who had such trouble with withdrawals, that bead counting was the only way they could do it.

 

It is very upsetting that there seems to be such a gap between what the doctors know about medications, and what withdrawal sufferers know about them. It's a shame that there isn't a way to bridge that gap. 

[Cse70]

My therapist told me something to remember:

Today's psychiatrists use only their pen and RX pad to treat patients. They don't spend time to work with coping skills and talk therapy.

So, if your psychiatrist is not spending time to offer something other than RX, perhaps a counselor might help.

[TryinginFL]

I have never gone to a psychiatrist - they only want to push pills and do no therapy

 

I have been seeing a PHD therapist for over 5 years now and am pleased with the results as well as not having any pills thrown at me...

[Sis]

Ramona,

 

    Its been a little over 4 months since my last dose. I spent most of January and February fighting the darkest feelings I have ever had, and I have had some dark times in my life. At any moment I would suddenly experience a crashing wave of profound sadness and the tears would pour forth. There have been a number of times in my life when my depression was severe so I am familiar with my mood-scape. But, during the withdrawal from Cymbalta the deep depression and crying jags felt like an attack, or a seizure. These episodes felt foreign, unnatural, alien to my usual self.

   Over the last couple of weeks these episodes have come upon me less frequently and they have become less intense. As you read the posts on this site you will begin to get a sense of the general trajectory. For me that knowledge has been a literal life saver. I hope it provides you with the same comfort, knowledge, and empowerment.

   One last suggestion....if you aren't familiar with Beverly Cleary's series featuring Ramona Quimby, then it might be worth a read, even though its for young readers. Ramona is a great role model for all girls, even those of that are partly grown up.

 

Hoping for Better Days for You, Sis

[FiveNotions]

Ramona, hang in there ! What you're describing is soooo typical for this process ... you are vulnerable, you are going to cry at the drop of a hat (possibly become enraged, too) ... you are going to feel anxiety ... hell, you're going to feel absolutely everything .... it's all sort of "hyper-reality" during the first few months ...

 

I'm trying to catch up on reading all your posts, but from the ones I've read, you really are doing great ! Just keep talking to the wonderful folks here ... I look back at last year, when I was just getting off the drug, and I realize that I would not have made it without this place, these people ...