4 replies to this topic

[emoothart]

I'm finding myself very confused about what I'm feeling.  I don't feel "right", that's for sure.  But I don't really understand what is med withdrawal and what is just me, depressed and under-medicated.

 

I really wish I hadn't ever raised my dose to 90mg.  Before that (well, before last summer's traumas), I was actually doing really well on the 60s, so it is strange to feel so NOT right when I am on 60mg again.  

 

Something I'm noticing as I'm lowering my dose: my drive to get things done is sort of...missing.  This is bizarre because I'm naturally a really driven over-achiever sort of person.  But now I'm doing the minimum just to get by, and sort of noticing in a slightly hazy way that I probably ought to get up and do all the things but...I can't quite care.  

 

I'm still functioning as a mom; I can pull myself together for short periods to get a load of laundry started, or take a child to rehearsal, or to excitedly praise the toddler for his potty training success.  It just doesn't last.  

 

Also a factor now is a really huge family disappointment (we thought we were going to be able to move to Oregon this summer - a lifelong dream of mine - but we can't after all).

 

AND yesterday my father in law was told by his doctors to go home and contact hospice.  His cancer has made him unable to eat or drink and he has been in the ER and hospital three times in the last two weeks.  He is only 62, and he is dying, and our family is trying to come to terms with that.  My husband and I have to tell the kids tomorrow.  

 

Now that I write all that, well of course I'd be feeling crummy. Sigh. 

 

Emily

[fishinghat]

You ask some good questions Emoot. Unluckily it is hard to tell the difference between side effects, withdrawal or return of symptoms. Many of the symptoms are similar for all three. My therapist had me do a journal each day will how much of the day I suffered from the main 5 or 6 symptoms. I could then look back at the end of the month and begin to tell if I was improving. Side effects tend to fade slowly as you come off the medicine, withdrawal tends to get worse for a period of time followed by a stead but erratic improvement. Once your symptoms stabilize then that can be attributed to your old symptoms returning. Now while that was just a guideline she gave me I found it to be fairly accurate. improvement. Remember, nerves heal slowly. With nerve damage it frequently takes 2 or 3 years for nerve cells to recover. You just took away their security blanket and they are lost. They have to relearn how to control the neurotransmitters. This is a slow traumatic event. Some more than others.

 

My sympathies on your father-in-law. God Bless

[Raven72]

Our dearest sweet Emily,

 

I can so relate to what you are going through right now.  For the past going on three weeks now I have been having what my husband calls a relapse period.  We both knew it would happen when I decided to stop the medicine cold turkey. But here the past week I have felt myself wondering if it was medication or is it really me.

 

So, I will pray for you if you will pray for me.

 

God Bless,

Raven

[FiveNotions]

And I will add both of you to my "intensive prayer" list ... and your FIL, Emily ... 

[emoothart]

Thank you all for your prayers and kind words!  Raven, of course I will pray for you too.