I'm finding myself very confused about what I'm feeling. I don't feel "right", that's for sure. But I don't really understand what is med withdrawal and what is just me, depressed and under-medicated.
I really wish I hadn't ever raised my dose to 90mg. Before that (well, before last summer's traumas), I was actually doing really well on the 60s, so it is strange to feel so NOT right when I am on 60mg again.
Something I'm noticing as I'm lowering my dose: my drive to get things done is sort of...missing. This is bizarre because I'm naturally a really driven over-achiever sort of person. But now I'm doing the minimum just to get by, and sort of noticing in a slightly hazy way that I probably ought to get up and do all the things but...I can't quite care.
I'm still functioning as a mom; I can pull myself together for short periods to get a load of laundry started, or take a child to rehearsal, or to excitedly praise the toddler for his potty training success. It just doesn't last.
Also a factor now is a really huge family disappointment (we thought we were going to be able to move to Oregon this summer - a lifelong dream of mine - but we can't after all).
AND yesterday my father in law was told by his doctors to go home and contact hospice. His cancer has made him unable to eat or drink and he has been in the ER and hospital three times in the last two weeks. He is only 62, and he is dying, and our family is trying to come to terms with that. My husband and I have to tell the kids tomorrow.
Now that I write all that, well of course I'd be feeling crummy. Sigh.
Emily