3 replies to this topic

[AngryZappingAnarchist]

I started on a 30mg dose per day of cymbalta for major depressive disorder.
I started back a bit over 2 years ago, when my wife first decided to leave our 2 daughters & myself.
My ex has fetal alcohol syndrome & has had a horrifically traumatic life.
When she first left, I realized that being solely responsible for 2 & 3 year olds on my own was difficult in many ways, not the least of which was money.
I started cymbalta & at the same time I quit smoking due to the morals of wasting so much money (my kids money) on such a stupid habit. I still use a vaporizer (e-cig) but with very little nicotine, to this day.
Cymbalta & the pride I felt from getting off of the expensive, stinky smokes, made me feel good at first.

Over the last two years, my ex has returned & left again, I have lost count of how many times.
Each time, I let her back in & she leaves again. I hurt but not only do I hurt, the girls hurt & I have to get them through, help get them through their emotional trauma.
Through this cycle, my daily dosage went up incrementally, until I was on 120mg per day.

Last year when I was on 60mg p/d. I started to experience some testicular pain. I was diagnosed with an Inguinal hernia, It was rather painful & constant. The ultra sound also picked up some small testicular cysts.
By the time I had an operation to repair the problem, I was up to 120mg p/d. The dosage increase happened on new years day, after my ex, told myself & the kids that she was "just going down the shop to get some milk & kinda surprise eggs for the girls....She gave me a kiss told me, "she loved me" & then didn't come back........lol
Next day, I was about an hour away from reporting her missing to the cops, when I managed to find a photo of her on Facebook, partying like it was 1999.....

This is hard to write & keep only to the topic of cymbalta, without going into the circumstances of my personal life...

After my operation, I was home after one night in hospital back to full parenting duties as best as I could manage.

After over 8 weeks, my testicles were still hurting. My Dr (whom I have a bit of a crush on lol......by the way it wasn't her that put me on the evil stuff), sent me for another ultra sound.
Result was that I had a lot more testicular cysts than when I had the first ultra sound & I had also developed a "complex cyst" in one kidney.
I discovered for myself (My Dr didnt know), that side effects from cymbalta may include testicular pain..... I also discovered that cymbalta had been linked to ovarian cysts.
At that same time, it was like even when I took my 120mg, I would still experience the familiar withdrawal symptoms; nearly constant brain zaps, horrific traumatizing vivid nightmares.
Difficulty getting to sleep, it would take literally hours of laying in bed before I would drift off into my nightmares.
I forgot to mention restless legs.....I still wake up with tired legs.......

So I seriously needed to get off this crap ASAP.
I started cutting back by removing the little pellets from 60mg caps, about 30 pellets at a time, so a reduction of about 10%. The withdrawals just from that small decrease were absolutely horrible to say the least.
I kept decreasing by about 10% per week until I was on 2x 30mg p/d. By that time the withdrawals were pretty unbearable. I was so sick of feeling how I felt (including the testicular pain) that I decided that I didnt want to prolong it anymore & so just stopped taking it all together.
That was about a month ago. The brain zaps have faded to near zero, my testicles don't hurt anymore, I sleep better. However Im having extreme anxiety attacks, Im tempted to get some benzos..... but that would increase my depression which is already pretty unbearable. My restless legs, seem to have an agenda of their own...
I have packed on a heap of weight, really quickly, through binge eating & drinking beer - Being drunk provided a temporary escape from the zaps. m********, I found took the edge off the zaps & gave me a great nights sleep but I cant afford that stuff & I worry about the potential legal repercussions.
Right now I am so depressed that if I didn't have my kids to look after, I would go & score myself a hot shot of heroin & just end it all. I seriously wish I was dead, though I am not actually suicidal, I am not going to act on the feeling.... it is a promise.

I have driven people away from me, maybe Im just naturally an a-hole but I reckon cymbalta has played a big part in it too.
Missing doses in the past has coincided with great upheaval in my relationships with extended family & friends. Missing doses, in combination with alcohol has caused me to have had to crap beaten out of me.

Right now, I am considering asking my ex to come stay at my place, to look after the girls & our pets & check myself into psych ward.

[fishinghat]

That drop rate is a faster than we normally recommend. Generally we recommend a drop rate of about 4 or 5% a week (3 beads a day give or take depending on how many beads in your capsules) but some of us have had to go as slow as 1 bead dropped every day. This stuff van be a real tough journey. It requires a lot of time and patience. You may need to go back up a few beads, stabilize and then wean at a slower rate.

[gail]

Hi,

How I understand that you had enough and went ct. A lot of problems in paradise!

Some take a low dose of Prozac or Zoloft to ease the withdrawal.

A study was made showing that during withdrawal, some had success taking a 20mg from time to time to help when things got too bad.

For anxiety, clonidine by prescription is good. Benadryl also helps with anxiety.

In withdrawal, we all wish that death would take us, you are not alone with that. It is hell on earth.

Best wishes from Canada. Come by anytime to vent, to talk or whatever the need.

[AngryZappingAnarchist]

Thanks
It is a little bit too late fishinghat, as I have been totally without taking for more than 3 weeks now. The zaps have all but gone. I would not risk going back there by taking even a few beads.

I have a Dr appointment in 2 more days. The Dr I am seeing is not the Dr who originally put me on cymbalta.
So Gail, when I see this Dr, I am going to talk to her about meds that may help me get through this. Problem is that the clinic she works at has a "no prescription for drugs of addiction" policy. I am more knowledgeable on the topic of cymbalta than my Dr is lol. She actually said "They best way to quit anything, is cold turkey...."
Her way of getting me to taper off was that she wanted me to take 2 x 30mg p/d, rather than the 2 x 60mg p/d, I explained to her that that was too rapid, she fails to understand. I guess that I will find out on Wednesday if she will actually write me a script for something that actually helps.
Failing that, I have another Dr. (who originally prescribed cymbalta to me), who will write me a script for almost anything I ask him for. It is just that to go see him means nearly an hours trip each way & as my car is out of action, I would need to get someone to drive me & my 3&4 year old kids.

Everyday is a challenge. I long for each day to just be over, so that I can sleep.
Speaking of sleep, my sleep last night was actually pretty decent, though I have woken with a bit of a headache.
Today, I am going to endeavor to keep myself busy.