Hi people i am new to this sight , im glad i found this sight and somewhat bewildered at the medical doctors who have us hooked on their medication for one reason or another .
My Story is i have been on antidepressants in one form or another for many years .
I am 52 now and would have been on them for at least 25 years .
I was on Zoloft for around 10 years till they seemingly stopped working then my doctor moved me
to Cymbalta 60 mg (morning)
I also take Mirtazipine 30 mg at night time ( antidepressant )
i also take Nitrazepam 5 mg at night time ( sleeping tablet )
I was prescribed Cymbalta for depression and Mirtazipine (which is also a antidepressant) for chronic insomnia
i take Nitrazepam for Chronic Imsomnia also .
What a mess . I started taking Nitrazepam to help me sleep as i was living with my partner at the time a snorer and to help me
sleep i would use ear plugs , but after awhile i would get ear infections so i innocently thought i'll try sleeping tablets .
I want to come OFF all this S**t , i cannot retain information , is still get depressed (although my faith helps)
I have tried to cut down from 60 mg to 30 mg before and my mood became very somber so i went back up to 60mg .
( although the bead counting method sounds hopeful )
Being on these meds for so long and my psychiatrist and Doctor told me " you will be on them for life , think of them as a supplement "
And after reading the horror stories on here and just how close i have come to suicide in the past , i fear coming of these things .
If i dont now take sleeping tablets i will be up for days , i dont like laying awake for hours
regurgitating past mistakes , dissecting things i could have done differently like a broken record .
I function (just) with these things , and to be honest i would like to know what life would be like without them , i've had the brain zaps if i miss a dose
for example , but i havent come off them , only down to 30mg which my mood went down .
I have twin boys aged 7 i share care of 50/50 Fri-Fri who can be naughty at times , their normal boys and i do NOT want to take out
withdrawal moods on them .
And being close to suicide in the past , i mean standing on a chair with a rope around my neck close ( while on antidepressants ) i fear myself .
I wish i NEVER started this poison , i am on a disability pension , i cant hold down a job , i tried to study but couldnt retain information ,
Insomnia leaves me incapacitated , taking a nap during the day . So i am at my wits end .
Do i try to overcome this mountain of medication and hope for a poison free life or do i stay on them for life ?
Just thinking out loud i guess as these have been a part of my life for so long .
Thankyou ALL ...