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Starting My Taper Again


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#121 Lovey

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Posted 03 February 2020 - 12:13 PM

Hi FH!! Hug to you too!

#122 Lovey

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Posted 03 February 2020 - 06:03 PM

Ok so real talk, I'm kind of in the pits here. Major anger! I am seeking a helper but its really big so its scary.

#123 fishinghat

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Posted 03 February 2020 - 06:09 PM

Don't feel bad. I went through that stage too. Anger and hate. I beat on my boat, my yard, etc. The one thing that helped, but it wasn't easy, was to walk until I was exhausted. That got rid of the anger but left me exhausted for hours.


#124 Lovey

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Posted 03 February 2020 - 07:23 PM

Thx fh. I need to do something physical I think. I will do it tomorrow as I am physically and emotionally drained today. But still angry lol. I am so mad at how differently my life might have turned out had my parents not been so awful and had I not had major traumatic events so early in life. Literally any advice is welcome!

#125 invalidusername

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Posted 03 February 2020 - 07:43 PM

Go careful with that H... that is therapist territory. Beating 10 bales of s*&t out of something will give some temporary relief, but that sort of thing should be spoken through with a professional when you are comfortable to do so...


#126 Lovey

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Posted 03 February 2020 - 08:18 PM

Iun, I have gotten almost nowhere with my therapist. i am thinking about trying someone else maybe. she seems too young and inexperienced to tackle this beast so far. We have spent many sessions on this topic with no real resolution. She says really generic, lame shit like, "its a journey "

#127 Lovey

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Posted 03 February 2020 - 08:20 PM

She is 25 or 26 and its her first year as a licensed therapist. I asked if she would please share an experience when she felt so angry as I have tried to describe the devastation I briefly touched on in my previous post and she said she was very angry when her cat jumped onto the kitchen counter.

#128 Lovey

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Posted 03 February 2020 - 08:25 PM

I am 44, and been in and out of therapy for 30 years. I am ready to be done with this shitshow. Nobody seems to know how to help me. Many, if not all of my close family and a few close friends have turned out to be very unstable, as it turns out. I was accosted via 10 consecutive emails by someone who I thought was a friend for 18 years this past weekend. She called me a liar and said the painting I made for her looked like I rushed through it and any child could have done it. So I'm down 2 good "friends", her and her husband. people be so crazy.

#129 Mxpro32

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Posted 03 February 2020 - 09:04 PM

Yeah, I wouldn't be able to see a young counselor with no life experience either. I'm sorry to hear about the issue with your friend. Hopefully you can salvage it. Fortunately my particular hell hasn't involved a lot of anger other than my quasi-psychotic early days of withdrawal. I had periods of screaming and kicking the shit out of some cardboard boxes then. I still get really pissed and anxious when difficult customers aren't appreciative of all the extra help I give them. For some reason that sets me off. Anyway, I'm sorry you are in the pits.

#130 invalidusername

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Posted 03 February 2020 - 09:09 PM

Good grief H... that's a lot to be taking on, and I would certainly think about changing the therapist. Although I did have a therapist who was on her "training" as part of her degree who turned out to be very good, there are plenty out there that just aren't a good match - irrespective of age and experience. But that "angry" example just made me laugh - sorry I know it isn't funny under the circumstances, but seriously?! 


#131 Lovey

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Posted 03 February 2020 - 09:26 PM

I know, I laughed too! Like incredulously! Really? That's the worst you've got??? There is lacking a relatability for me here, obviously! Omg.

#132 Mxpro32

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Posted 03 February 2020 - 09:28 PM

Lol. I wish I could have seen your face when she said that.

#133 Lovey

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Posted 03 February 2020 - 09:30 PM

Mxpro, kicking boxes sound awesome right now. I'm putting on my to do list for tomorrow. Lol. I hate to have to start from scratch with a new person(therapist) but we may be at a standstill. I was concerned this might happen but I wanted to give her a shot. She has helped, somewhat. She is kind and a good listener. She always paraphrases what I say back to me whenever I am done speaking. Reflective listening it's called I think but it just annoys me. Like you are a really bad parrot! Lol jk it helps hearing what I say reflected back to me SOMETIMES, but not EVERY time! I mentioned it to her so she has pulled back on it a bit. Still, it feels formulaic.

#134 Lovey

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Posted 03 February 2020 - 09:33 PM

Mxpro, I was laughing-crying. Seriously. It was her follow up to , "its a journey" an "anger journey"??? I had just had it by that point and literally laughing and crying alternately. She just looked at me like, is this happening? Oh boy.

#135 Mxpro32

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Posted 03 February 2020 - 10:11 PM

I fired my counselor and have been seeing a new one. Couldn't be happier about it. I was referred to her by a friend. She is very intuitive and insightful. I feel like we get right to the meat without wasted time. I hope you find the same.

#136 Lovey

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Posted 04 February 2020 - 04:38 AM

Thank you. Me too.

#137 fishinghat

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Posted 04 February 2020 - 10:07 AM

I was blessed with a superb therapist on my first shot. She was excellent at teaching coping skills.

 

She told me once it is a journey and I said no, a trip to the grocery store is a journey this is a $%#&* problem. She never used that term again.  lol


#138 Lovey

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Posted 04 February 2020 - 10:15 AM

I'll let you guys know how it goes. I'm headed there in a half hour. Fh that is awesome!

#139 Lovey

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Posted 04 February 2020 - 12:43 PM

We have parted ways. I will be talking to someone else.

#140 invalidusername

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Posted 04 February 2020 - 05:34 PM

Oh my word - I needed to read that today guys! Hat - that was hilarious!

 

I am also blessed with my therapist. She did such a good job with me today. I turned up in such a state and she calmed me down and got me to a point where I wasn't tensing so much. We then did some exercises of embracing the fear that I was feeling and watching how the emotions changed. It was so tough, but she kept me going and going and it really did help. 

 

We got to the end and it was 20 past the hour. I said, "What happened to these 25 minutes? This is your lunchtime."

 

"Let me worry about my lunchtime", she said.


#141 frog

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Posted 04 February 2020 - 05:39 PM

Your therapists sound great! My therapist and I are still new to each other (I've seen her 4 times I think and 3 of them I was a complete sobbing mess) I've also never had a therapist before so I don't totally know what to look for. She's very young, she's just getting her hours still for now which doesn't necessarily bother me as I figure that means she's going to be more eager to do a good job. She's very kind and reassuring and definitely listens to what I'm saying. I don't know that I'm totally getting anything out of it yet, but I don't know if that's because she's more inexperienced or because I'm just upside down and confused myself right now or what. Any tips would be awesome!


#142 invalidusername

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Posted 04 February 2020 - 05:57 PM

My therapist is truly amazing - this is my second time around with her - and her along with my Kratom and this forum are my three lifesavers.

 

If you are new to the therapist it can take a few sessions to start to feel relief, this is why the 8 "token" sessions you get with the NHS here in the UK is a damn joke as you are just starting to get on board with it all and then its "ooops - that's all we have time for - see you in 9 months". 

 

But speaking from my own experience, you generally know within the first few minutes as you get a "vibe" from the therapist, the room, the environment and so forth. But this might be because I have had my fair share. At one point, I even went to one that was £75 for 45 minutes (circa $100USD). You'd think at that price she would be epic, but I just didn't get it. She was spouting lines out of a 50 cents meditation book at me. Go get a stone from the beach on the way home. Hold it every morning. Hear the sea in it.... all the while I am wanting to throw it at my head...





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