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Waking Up.. From Withdrawal

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#1 DThiessen


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Posted 12 March 2020 - 07:01 PM

Hey everyone - just wanted to share something that has happened to me and see if anyone else has had a similar experience when they were almost healed / done withdrawal / coming around the bend... and also to encourage those of you just starting the journey.


After being on AD's for 8 years, then spending another mid-withdrawal time on Cymbalta for 3 months, I lost myself.

I forgot even what people were truly meaning when they were on AD's they became a different person. I forgot because I was that "different" person for so long I actually thought that was just who I was now. I was never scared by it I just thought genuinely I was who I was. 


Well that is not true.


It is roughly 7 months of off of everything and what I have been experiencing the last 3 weeks or so is like something I have never experienced again.

I will try to describe it briefly....


Pure days where I feel like "myself" again - I don't say this lightly.  I feel like my soul and personality is waking up from a long, bad dream of sorts. I literally know just NOW that I had been in a severe, severe brain fog the WHOLE time while on AD's and through MUCH of the harshest months of withdrawal. It feels surreal and euphoric simply because I am finding me again and I didn't even know I lost it, I just didn't even know. Some people may feel that is unnerving, but I am so comforted by it. I can smell things again and it provokes emotions and memories and I can feel things again. It is insane. Pure insanity and I am loving it.  I have heard few things here and there about people feeling similar, but I never really listened because I didn't understand it. Until NOW


NO - I am NOT on anything at all, no meds, no THC, no coffee barely, nothing to make me "high" or "elated" - no nothing. It probably sounds like I could be based on this explanation but I am NOT. I am just overwhelmed by he fact that my brain did not lose its ability to feel, hear, smell and touch - I mean that - even TOUCH feels differently to me. I can feel it and sense it. It is like I was dead on the AD's.


My creativity and passion for life is back and I didn't even realize it was gone - memories are flooding back all day like a movie reel right up until I started the AD. I don't remember much while on the AD - and I am okay with that, If it somehow blunted my ability to remember, feel, etc, whatever - because everything outside of the AD timeframe is beautiful and I am not looking back - only forward.


My family and friends are even saying I look and sound different - but in a good way they assure me. I can see my daughters face - not just look at her -  but SEE her - and it makes me cry. I can hear the birds singing out side - actually hear. I literally feel like I am waking up from death. 


It is so sad what the drug took away from me for so many years of my young adult life ( 18 to 26) but from it I have learned so much and it has only made me appreciate this life so much more. 


The capacity the brain to heal like this is beyond amazing - it is shocking - and awesome. I literally thought I was never going to heal - like I felt 100% certain about it. And look at me now. I am getting somewhere and I can only thank God for that. 




#2 DThiessen


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Posted 12 March 2020 - 08:35 PM

Also note to everyone on this journey - there is a LOT of information out there (even some on this very site) that may be from someone who is also dealing with severe hypochondria and/or other underlying and ongoing medical conditions in which the post negative things about "not healing ever" , etc.


Listen to the SOUND advice. You will find it. FH and IUN are good examples of this. They literally at times I feel saved my life with their knowledge. 

#3 fishinghat


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Posted 13 March 2020 - 08:49 AM

God Bless you DT. I am so happy for you. Please remember that you will be very sensitive to stress for awhile so don't over do it. Try and relax and enjoy the liberation from "drug control".

#4 gail


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Posted 15 March 2020 - 08:25 AM


A beautiful and inspiring post, one of the few that I have read in the last six years. Touching, you give us hope and it happened without you forcing anything.

Don't overdo it, so you don't have crashes. It's like waking from a nightmare to find you in heaven. You are blessed my friend, with love, Gail

#5 Mxpro32


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Posted 21 March 2020 - 04:44 PM

That's exactly how I feel in my good stretches. The leather steering wheel felt fantastic in my hands. Like you described, I was actually seeing my kids and other people and felt more connected. A back rub from my wife felt wonderful. Sex was way more intimate and pleasurable. I literally cried like one of those babies who has their hearing corrected and hears their mom's voice for the first time. Having genuine appropriate emotions. I'm pretty sure klonopin took that back from me, but it's returning again as I taper off. It's wonderful to feel alive.

I am still very sensitive to stress though. Hoping that fades with time.

I'm also trying not to miss the portion of my life and time with my kids that I "missed". It feels like it wasn't even me and those aren't my memories from that time period. My creativity was gone and I felt like I was going through the motions.

#6 DThiessen


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Posted 25 March 2020 - 02:51 PM

Mxpro yes exaclty right down to the steering wheel and crying as if all these first times are happening! Isnt is crazy? It's awesome and great and sad that weve had to miss time in our life under the drugs control.

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