How Would You Rate Your Families Support?
Posted 04 March 2008 - 09:44 PM
Posted 07 March 2008 - 02:06 AM
:evil: this is how I feel all the time!
Posted 08 March 2008 - 01:23 PM
I questioned the new psychiatrist about how a SUCCESSFUL Cymbalta wean should go.
She said: If the dosage is reduced slowly and correctly, you should feel slight withdrawal (never uncomfortable to the point where you feel like you are losing your mind) for the first week and relief by the middle of the second. If you go longer and feel like you are losing your mind and can't control your emotions, you need to stabilize yourself, my new shrink did not recommend my going back on Cymbalta because if I did and tried to discontinue, I would probably have a hard time again.
I am not a doctor, but the new and old doctor said that the Cymbalta leaves your body in 3 to 5 days. Cymbalta is out of your body now. What is going on is that your brain receptors are not able to fire correctly. I sincerely hope that you can allow yourself to be put on a SMALL dose of another less invasive anti-depressant to balance yourself out. I was feeling better the day after I took the first dose of the Celexa. My new doctor is working with me to wean me off slowly.
So, from my new doctor's advice above and my personal experience, please know that if you are feeling as badly as you say, it could be very beneficial for you to do a medical switch to another anti-depressant, balance out and wean slowly. I am so grateful that I did and in researching Celexa, (which, buy the way is a Sam's Club $4 prescription for 30 days) it does not seem to have the nightmarish withdrawal syndrome that the dreaded Cymbalta does. I feel so much better now and hopeful that in the next month or so, I will be anti-depressant free. The Celexa did not even hurt my head, make me feel sick or anything like Cymbalta did in the beginning.
You are at three weeks, without some sort of support, this could continue, I pray for you that it doesn't, but please, do not suffer, as my new doctor said, if you aren't feeling significantly better by 3 weeks, it only means that your brain chemistry is having a really hard time readjusting, it does not mean you are not a strong person, you are a strong person for holding out this long. A very strong person and I do admire you for making it this long if you feel anything like I did. You do not deserve to feel that way and have the right to work through this with some support. A strong steely will is great, but at 3 weeks, please get some support. A good doctor will not make you take more Cymbalta after coming this long off of it. Many people on the forum have "switched" successfully using Prozac. My new shrink did not want to use Prozac because I was so "agitated" from my brains not firing properly for almost a month and a half.
Best of luck to you, and please, I understand, I was in your shoes a few weeks ago, refusing to NEVER again take another anti-depressant, but just got to the point where I knew that my brain was not going to make it all alone without some help. And now that I have it, I wish that I did not wait 45 days. A few more days and I think I would have ended up in the hospital.
Please let us all know how you are doing. Please, don't do what I did. With some help and the strong will you have already demonstrated, you will be feeling better soon.
Posted 09 March 2008 - 07:56 PM
Posted 11 March 2008 - 12:03 PM
I have been dealing with chronic pain for almost 3 years. He's not too sensitive. He gets nasty when we fight. But when we're not fighting, he can be great to hang out with. It's a love/hate relationship. I love him, but I hate living with him. He doesn't help me too much (except the laundry -which he rubs in my face all the time). I really could use some help cleaning (because of the pain).
I need to get a job, so I can get my life back in order. And hire some help. This cymbalta thing is crazy. I would walk away from him, or let it got before, now I just want to scream right in his face!!!!!
Posted 12 March 2008 - 08:34 AM
My husband used to do the "take a pill" or "you are a psycho" thing. These approaches have helped my husband and I communicate a little better:
1) Remind him that nobody gets up in the morning and says, "I want to be miserable, in pain and unbearable today". You are taking steps towards being healthier and that his kindness would be appreciated. Seems simple, but they do need to be reminded to be nice to others who are feeling low. Chances are, he might be feeling low and inadequate in the fact that he can't find the "magic button" to help you, his wife, and it manifests in anger.
2) I tell my husband as calmly as I can that until he receives his PHD in Psychiatry, he really is not qualified to diagnose me on a mental basis, or prescribe me medication. This statement always stops him in his tracks and since I have been using it, he really has softened up quite a bit and I hear that horrid "take a pill" statement less often these days.
This is not a bash to the men who post and read on this site at all. But there are some men that would just love to "snap their fingers to snap you out of it". Sensitivity is hard for some men, especially when their wife and partner is not doing well and they are confused about how to approach helping you. You guys got together hopefully because you were friends and had fun together. He might be confused about how to get back to that point with you during this trying time.
Verbal abuse is abuse, you may need to see a counselor. But sometimes with "not very sensitive men" their "caring" comes out as anger, and in your case, I hope it is only because he feels helpless trying to help you, the woman he vowed to stay with for life.
Best to you.
Posted 12 March 2008 - 04:04 PM
Posted 05 May 2008 - 09:55 AM
I thank you Sarah J for the above post! My boyfriend is mad at me, wont speak to me...ignoring me....thats the worst thing he can do to me...but anyway, I have not made life easy on him lately. My family supports me, everyone does. I was raised in the church. Being in a christian family is all so new to Jamie but he seems to crave it. He strives to be an awesome man and I thank him so much for it, but lets face it, he is a man. And I say that with alot of love in my heart. Its the same thing as I do. I am angry!! At who? Just my situation and I cant fix it, so I take it all out on my boyfriend. He cant fix me either. Men tend to think that they should be able to fix everything. He has always told me, God gave him big shoulders so that he can take care of everything...but he cant. He is angry. He is now being sarcastic with me. The poor guy has had enough.
My parents, my siblings, my children are all supportive in their own way. Hey Greybeard, I have been a good girl so far today, and have not bothered him at all and he left the house at 5:25 this morning, and he just sent me a text, checking on me. So hopefully this will be a good day for us, thanks for your encouragment. But my family has been great! Their prayers, their support, their love....amazing! My brother was just on the phone to me, helping me, giving me advice, and he has a big thing going on at work right now but he took the time to help get me turned around in the right direction. Well, he was more or less preaching, and I dont know how many of you go that route or believe in that route but I dont see any other way out of this mess than through God. I am taking advice from those who tell what supplements to take, or what foods are good for us. I am seeking advice from you who have been where I am, but I am also having to lean on God. My brother was giving some great advice and if anyone wants to know exactly what he said, you are more than welcomed to send me a private message and I will answer you.
I have a song that runs through my head all the time....all the time!! Be still and know that I am God. I was telling my brother about it and he asked me if I knew what it meant. I said yea, well I think it means, just be still be quiet and let God work in our lives. Yes and no....it means STOP STRUGGLEING!!!! I cant fix this for you if you dont let go!!! Let it go. Its like driving your car into a ditch. We cant touch it, we must leave it alone. We cant try to pull it out, we have to let God do it. To go on about our lives (what lives?) and to forget our car is stuck in the ditch.....and when God says its time, He will get the car out and give it back to you. Sounds simple but hard to do. Yes, my family has been very supportive BUT ringing my neck has entered their minds too. :cry: My family mean the world to me as you can see from my myspace.
Let me close out this post with this short story. I think it was Friday afternoon, my boyfriend was down right mean, with sarcasm. I realized the truth hurts BAD!!! I sat in a chair in the living room thinking, how much I just wanted to die. Selfish? How is that selfish when you feel like you are the one causing everyone the problems....Lori disappears, so do their problems....right? Well, I was sitting and analyzing, flirting with the thoughts of suicide, if you will....all three of my sleeping dogs came flying out of their bed, as if someone were at the door, and jumped in my lap, got comfortable and went to sleep. ALL THREE!!! I was telling my brother about it, and he said well did it work? Well, yea...I was in awe! How did they know what I was thinking? I know they are perceptive, but not that perceptive.
Posted 05 May 2008 - 06:35 PM
Everyone, except my son, live quite a ways away so it is hard to even see them.
My "true family" are my kitties, Spot and his brother Spike. They are very understanding because they are happy with me even when I yell for no reason. They give love unconditionally, as do dogs.
- Cloudy513 likes this
Posted 06 May 2008 - 05:47 AM
My boyfriend on the other hand, who just texted me to make sure his daughter was good for me this morning, seemed confused when he came home in a good mood yesterday! LOL Not sure, when he opened the door if I was going to be in a snit. LOL I wasn't so he did not know how to react at first, but he finally settled down to dinner and tv. I know with his two buddies being in another state, it has gotten him down too, because when one of them called him yesterday evening it perked him up even more.
I guess he feels like he has to deal with me on his own without their support, but they are only a phone call away. He has my parents, my daughter and my brother to talk to, but its not the same having two friends to turn to, people who do not love me like my family does. He values their opinion because they are on the outside looking in.
I hope you are having a better day today. I feel as though I will.
Posted 06 May 2008 - 09:44 AM
I should clear one big thing up. My hubby was actually my ex-hubby when he commited suicide. I still cared about him and loved him. I don't know where things went that bad in his life that he did that. I wished he had spoken with me more honestly when we did speak, because just maybe I could have helped him. His family had never had to deal with someone stuck in a deep, hardcore depression, so I am sure they just left him alone. When I was having suicidal thoughts last month, I would talk to the hubby, yes, talk to him and tell him that I would be joining him soon. Glad I did not follow through with my thoughts now . I do believe it is a selfish act to do to those who love you.
Enough of my tirade for now.
HERE'S TO A GREAT DAY TODAY AND AN EVEN BETTER ONE TOMORROW!!!!
Posted 06 May 2008 - 10:00 AM
Posted 06 May 2008 - 10:37 AM
I have 3 grandsons-1 is almost 12, and the twins are 13. There grandad on mom's side killed himself when they were babies by driving high speed into a concrete barrier. Then the EX-hubby shot himself just a few short years ago. So my precious grandkids have no grandfather due to there selfish acts. I won't do that to them, or to my son. Or to my brothers and sister. Nope. Not me. Not anymore.
Lori, are you saying that you now have fleeting thoughts of suicide? If you do, please email me ASAP. I am home most of the time and check emails on regular basis. I'm no counselor, but I've been there!
Prayers are with you!
Mary in Denver
Posted 06 May 2008 - 06:02 PM
Posted 06 May 2008 - 06:27 PM
Posted 11 August 2008 - 01:58 PM
Posted 11 August 2008 - 07:09 PM
My mom and sister are my main family support, but they don't really "get it" either. My sister keeps saying things like "you're not right...you need to find a different medication...you need therapy because something is seriously wrong with you." Well, duh!! You try taking a jillion different anti-depressants over 8 years, then suffer major withdrawal! Nobody is quite "right" when they have just come off this crazy drug!!
I truly believe that our bodies need time to heal physically from the trauma of Cymbalta. I know I still have "issues" that I need to deal with in order to have good mental health, but geez...give me some time to recover physically! Just pat me on the head and tell me it will all be okay...that's what I need right now!!
That is why this forum is so great...everybody here "gets it"! We can all help each other through the worst times, then hopefully our friends and families will be waiting with open arms, ready to welcome us back to "normal life."
Posted 15 September 2008 - 06:57 PM
Posted 23 October 2009 - 01:31 PM
I have never had any support during all of this except for I go to my AA meetings. It hard for me
to get close to people still, as I just feel like I am not acting right, or talking right. I am still
foggy, and had thought it was my vision, but now know it's not that.
This has been the only place I do get supportt.
Posted 24 October 2009 - 06:08 AM
Sounds like it is your family that is screwed up. How dare they judge you like that? Whatever happened to actually SUPPORTING you, to empathising, to trying to put themselves in your shoes? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
On the other hand.. my family really IS loopy! LOL. I mean it! Mental illness is rife. My uncle has bipolar 1, his sister (my mother) has bipolar 2 and GAD, I have Major Depressive Disorder and GAD, and my younger sister has bipolar 1 and GAD. I have a brother but he has managed to escape from all this :-I BUT... we are all very supportive of one another. We understand that the difficulties are genuine and we have all worked hard to learn how to cope with our particular disorders. So.... I put it you that is your family that has the problem...and that you are the victim here. I bet none of your family members has ever challenged anything that your drs have said or done???????????
Thinking of you
Posted 24 October 2009 - 03:09 PM
Can I make a suggestion? Don't tell your family what you're doing. I know from personal experience that you think you're saying something perfectly reasonable, but the response leaves you wondering why you bothered. Just don't. You're perpetually believing that by sharing the person is going to respond.
I'm quite close to both of my (older) sisters, but have told neither than I'm on HRT, much less anti-depressants. They wouldn't approve and my reasons for doing so in the first place would get lost due to their opinion that I went for the wrong solution. What I would have been looking for is affirmation of doing my best before resorting to the chemicals, but they'd hear it from the other perspective. So I just don't bother.
We (six kids) weren't brought up with 'love' as a feature, either. It was an existence more than anything else - lots have worse, but lots have better, too. My father wouldn't even drive me to my secondary school formal. I've no idea why, when I look back. He had too much alcohol in him most of the time but that wouldn't have stopped him driving - he weaved his way home from the pub most nights. I had to ask a friend if their parent could pick me up. Forty years later I can still feel the humiliation of having to make up an excuse for needing a lift. This is but one tiny example of what millions of people grow up with - a long way short of abuse, but nowhere near enough communication and love to become adults easy in their own skin.
My mother never said 'I love you', is always critical, rabbits on about all the awful things people do (like park in front of her house so that her friends drive by, think she's already got visitors so don't call in !!!!!!!!!!!!!!) (But of course in another conversation she has so friends anyway !!!, no one ever visits, this to our faces when we've spent five hours driving on a Sunday to see her).
My husband's family is like yours; when I was cuddling my daughter at about 18 months, my father-in-law gazed over fondly and said 'you two have a great bond'. I was gobsmacked, I wasn't used to hearing that sort of stuff. I could easily go away for a weekend with my mother in law. An hour in the same room as my mother is too much. At least with my mother all six siblings have an identical view:
For a laugh: The oldest brother seems to have been designated as the poor bunny who's going to convince her (at 93 and living along) to have an emergency medallion (I don't want strangers in my house!!!) and seems to be making minute progress. He said that 'you CAN pass a camel through the eye of a needle, you just need to cut it into very small pieces, and once you've done that you have to work out how to put all the bits back together again'! Extra funny. We can at least all take consolation from the fact that the offspring are not split in their understanding of it all.
Posted 25 October 2009 - 01:45 AM
With my family, if you check any of their book shelves you'll find a ton of the "think yourself rich" type books. They're critical of themselves, and they're critical of others. Being the youngest, somehow I tended to be the target for a lot of the criticism. I remember being a child and being constantly asked "do you want to grow up to be like [brother]?" whenever I screwed up. When I replied "what's wrong with [brother]?" my mother hit the roof with a tirade that included every little thing he had ever done in his life. Unfortunately I was the type of child who would believe anything that adults told me, so I absorbed all of the criticism like a sponge.
There's no support in my family, there's basically no love, we're all strangers. I'm the only one who actually speaks to everybody. My nieces and nephews have never met each other. I'm glad to hear that your family is able to pull together. It's one of the reasons I want a child; my hubbys family is so loving and caring and it would be wonderful to bring up a child with their support.
Ahhhhhhhh. So no matter what you do, it will always be wrong. Well screw them. THEY are the ones with the problem here, not you. In fact, I have no doubt that they were 99.9% the cause of Drs feeling they needed to put you on medication in the first place. Why? Because you needed someone to love you. Someone to tell you that you are a good person. Someone to validate your feelings and make you feel good about yourself. Your family weren't going to do that and I can only assume that your DR interpreted it as mental illness.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I knew from a very young age that I was very lucky. There was a lot of warmth and encouragement in my house. We were hugged a lot and told how much we were loved. Dad used to make a point of telling us that we were all planned and wanted. He also thanked us when we did something good, off our own backs. Mum could be a little critical, but always for the right reasons. Always because she wanted the best for us. So... since I was very young, I was aware that I had something that others didn't. If I could, I'd be a family therapist because a lot of parents just don't know to parent and when a child gets sick (mentally I mean) it can actually be that they are symptomatic on behalf of the whole family system.
Anyhow, I have to agree with Debbie. The well is dry and it's unlikely you will ever find what you are looking for there. Maybe it's better to stick with the well you have - hubby's side of the family - and get your nourishment from them.
And us... of course!!
Posted 11 December 2009 - 04:13 AM
Still getting indifference unless it affects them.
I decided to stop my Cymbalta, 90mg, a week and a half ago. I couldn't sleep. I was up until 2 or 3, and had to get up at 6 to get my daughter to school. I had never heard of the withdrawal problems, I have quit Zoloft and Prozac cold turkey with no problems. I sat down to look up Cymbalta withdrawal, and I wanted to cry. I had problems since June, but not even my doctor suggested it might be a side effect. I have been talking to my husband and grown daughter for two days about how great it is to find out the reason and that there is hope for me. I'm down to 30mg. My husband has asked me both nights in an irritated voice, "Are you coming to bed tonight?" I asked him tonight if he had heard anything I had said for the last two nights, and he said yes, but wandered off cursing under his breath. I am having withdrawal, big time, asked my daughter to pick up something easy for supper. She didn't call, or come home until 9.
Ruth, next time your husband asks if you're coming to bed, just say 'no, thought I'd go outside and howl at the moon for a bit'.
Sorry, sometimes the only response to an unthinking question is absurdity. Answering sensibly actually validates the question as being somehow 'reasonable'. Other people are also often on 'automatic', too, with their own preoccupations. I'm not excusing his behaviour, just saying that whatever you've explained obviously hasn't got through to his subconscious. In the same way that parents (esp the primary carer - usually the mother) do with toddlers, giving them 'sidestream' attention, I think this also happens with partners.
They listen, make supportive noises, but 24 hours later forget that you're still 'in' the situation.
One of the things I noticed with withdrawal was that ordinary 'insults', like your daughter's behaviour, are somehow more intense. I don't know any other way to describe it.
The bad things were twice as bad, and the good things (when they finally started to happen) were twice as good. It's like a roller coaster, which eventually starts to plateau.
All I can suggest is don't expect too much of other people. This withdrawal is truly bizarre. Of course we can expect those around us who claim to care for us to see it from our perspective, but they can't actually put themselves in our shoes. That's why this drug is so obnoxious. I have no doubt it's been responsible for many relationship breakdowns.
Hang int there, and keep in touch, regards, Maureen.
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