110 replies to this topic

[thismoment]

xman

 

Are you encountering some wave troughs? What do you mean 'I am having a difficult time coping. . . on the brink of not being able to function'? What are the symptoms?

[xman]

Emotional-tearful, loss of appetite along w/weight loss (I know most would say great!), I want to pick up a few things and RUN! That is counter to my usual, routine persona.

[fishinghat]

Hey xman. I hate to hear that your problems are so bad. Just a note concerning the Wellbutrin. It is for depression only and does not treat anxiety.

[FiveNotions]

Xman, I'm on wellbutrin xl 300 mg...have been for years...it works well for me....

It is not an ssri or snri....it's an sdri.....selective dopamine re uptake inhibitor.....my chronic issue has always been lack of energy, motivation...zip, drive, etc....that's the dopamine factor....it acts very differently from the ssri and snri class....

It can also cause anxiety in individuals who aren't low on dopamine....it never did that for me...just made me able to get out of bed and enjoy life....

Are you meeting with a therapist regularly? What you've got going on are some huge life changes...getting off cymbalta...huge change....loss of a dearly beloved pet...huge....etc....

My own suggestion is to try therapy before adding another drug....the drugs just patch up the wounded and send us back out to the battlefield..lu healed but artificially feeling like we're invincible....

That's the mistake I made with Zoloft last week....I caved in to the easy solution....what I need is therapy...so I'm going to get off the Zoloft....

Have you had a good cry...or ten...about your dog? Do you have someone near and dear to talk all this out with...?

[xman]

THanks FiveNotions-Yes I can't stop crying.

 

No I do not see a therapist. 20 years ago I was on a tricyclic for severe depression.  During my youth I spent some time seeing several therapist and feel like it was money not well spent. Another time in my life I had a stalker (15 years ago) and they tried the EMRD (sp), the rapid eye movement therapy, without success. It just took time to get over the trauma and drama.

 

Do I have chronic depression or dopamine related deficeincy? I do not know. I use to be a happy go lucky, rose colored glasses in place, HOPE kind of person. Now I don't even recognize myself.

 

 I am older and should be much wiser :~) I have tried to submerge myself in the Mindful  and Awareness Based practices and surround self with the positive. Alas, the wall has come down and I do not feel the positive.

[FiveNotions]

Xman, I too am older now....I would say that we are indeed wise...wiser....wisdom doesn't mean perfect happiness, no problems...it means making use of what we've learned in our lives...and sharing it with others....I don't know about you, but I've always had to go through the school of hard knocks to learn anything....so a lot of my wisdom grows out of the knocks I've had....

And you've had some doozies, just the ones you mentioned so far....the death of you beloved dog may have triggered the old unprocessed emotions from the stalker trauma...who know...what I do know is that therapy...with someone we trust....does wonders....it is indeed hard to find a good, compatible therapist, but please do try....you need a safe place to vent what you've been carrying around with you all these years....when I say that, I'm also talking to myself!

It occurs to me that it might be hard to do mindfulness and awareness practices when what we end up being mindful of is the pain....

Also, what you've come through with the cymbalta has allowed all this to rise to the surface...the bandaid got yanked off....the wall came down...it's what happened to me and caused my meltdown last week....I became absolutely overwhelmed with all my garbage that I'd never dealt with...I have a lot of closets that now need to be cleaned! ;-)

I'm going to make an appointment tomorrow with the therapist available at my clinic...it'll be only 15 minutes, and I'll have to wait weeks, but it's a step in the right direction....I'm also going to contact narcotics anonymous....I think antidepressant survivors qualify...if so, I would love to have those meetings to go to....kindred souls!

Be gentle with yourself....

[inajam]

So, another 2 days have passed without any improvement yet even though i thought at one point it may be improving (typical trick of this crap) in particular the zaps, but now stomach issues, sometimes slurring my words, balance issues (anyone else get/had these please let me know i'd be grateful??) as well as the norm.  Hope to have a positive visit with my doctor, as mentioned, this afternoon, and will have to really summon up some strength to tell him i'm not happy about how the whole situation has been handled and changes are needed to achieve progress (decided to take someone along with me for support on this one occasion, although more they have insisted more out of/due to concern).  I'm still here anyway so that's a good thing, and I am trying to accept that the situation is what it is and not of my doing.  However, i find it really difficult to believe i am like this.  I have had to take medication for years, unfortunately it was the hand I was dealt as a youngster (which makes this all the worse) and have never, ever experienced a withdrawal, switch, whatever you want to call it, as awful/bad as this.  

 

I haven't really said exactly how i feel about the situation overall before, (because i'm so angry, upset, sad, hopeless and now suffering with feelings of loneliness), that i'm afraid my fellow colleagues, it would include far too much questionable language and too many expletives to be allowed as a post, that's how it would come out and I don't want to do that, but it makes me feel like that.  The fact is no one should ever be put in this position in the first place and yet here i am, hoping my brain will 're-wire' itself properly, although i don't know for certain if that will happen properly and that my new medication will help me with my original problems!  It is madness. Total, utter, madness, that i'm living in a world where this type of situation is allowed to be created in the first place and even worse, continued.

 

Forgive my rambling on please everyone it just came out i'm afraid coz i'm just sitting here on my own thinking.

 

Will see what today brings and just hope its good coz if it ain't then that's probably my job gone and who know's where I will be left at...?

 

If you read this I hope I haven't offended or upset anyone, and if you respond please be gentle as I am 'living on the edge'/feeling fragile right now.  Also, thank you for respecting and not judging.

 

BTW, I may decide not to post again on here after today because I may feel I have exhausted all the support I can get/be given, but thanks always anyway.  Its just the way I feel right now.

 

Take care, inajam

Well quite honestly the whole damn mess is just getting too much for me, encouragement helps and is appreciated, but its change i want, crave.  The 'expert/professional' I have seen over the last few days have offered little or no real positivity for me to grasp, so now i have to try and find a psychiatrist (an NHS one would be ideal coz then i could continue seeing them). I don't really have the money to go private, coz i ain't at work and even that is an almighty task in itself would you believe!  Apparently you have to be suffering with 'serious' mental health problems to see them.  It is just plain stupid and ridiculous, it feels slow and painful atm.

 

Rambling over and will have to just see what happens, but things have to improve coz i can't take much more, I don't know who i am and have no life

 

inajam

[xman]

FiveNotions, I really appreciate your passing on your personal wisdom from the school of hard knocks. I think, after reading your post, you are right in terms of seeking out expert help. That will be a challenge but may not be optional. I wonder about live support groups. I'm not much of a talker when it comes to self but perhaps this could be part of healing. You always have thought-provoking words and ideas!
I actually do have the benzo's that I believe it was ThisMoment and others who have advocated their ability to help out on an as needed basis.
Thank you to all!
Wishing inajam better times ahead.

[xman]

And thank you FH. 10-4.

[FiveNotions]

This nice thing about the Al-Anon 12 step programs I've attended, years ago, is that one isn't expected to talk...I spent months just listening to what others had to say.....totally no pressure, no hassle, no stress...the hardest moment was when I went to my very first meeting...and saying my name...and then the surprise of everyone greeting, in a chorus, by name! Kind of like here, but in person!

[FiveNotions]

Back to my current issue of starting Zoloft when I didn't need to....just an update....all the symptoms I reported, and freaked out about, turned out to be from the lunesta 3 mg that I quit....cold turkey again....anyway, it took four days for them to show up full blown....BUT they are sooo much easier than crapalta....I'm using Valium, 2 mg per day, to compensate, plus gaba 750 mg once a day....and I'm still functioning....in fact, I'm about to go out to run errands....

However, as to the Zoloft....what I have noted since just day two is....increased bp and tachycardia....which is continuing...and has put me back on the old meds...

This is a side effect of the Zoloft as well as the cymbalta....and I can't live with it....so, as soon as I'm through the, seemingly minimal,lunesta withdrawal...it's bye bye Zoloft....

I'll stick with the Valium as my benzo of choice...and get down to a minimal or no dose...keep it on hand just in case....

Also, I now remember asking the witch doc for Valium instead of the lorazepam (clonazepam?).early on...he said Valium wasn't effective and insisted on giving me the other....aaaargh,,,,,,,

[fishinghat]

FN

 

Well there is no doubt that lorazepam is a lot stronger and more effective BUT why take such an aggressive benzo if the Valium works?

[FiveNotions]

Just read that one should not drink grapefruit juice while taking Zoloft...bad interaction.....and that's my favorite juice....

[fishinghat]

FN

 

That applies to Buspar as well.

[inajam]

FiveNotions, I really appreciate your passing on your personal wisdom from the school of hard knocks. I think, after reading your post, you are right in terms of seeking out expert help. That will be a challenge but may not be optional. I wonder about live support groups. I'm not much of a talker when it comes to self but perhaps this could be part of healing. You always have thought-provoking words and ideas!
I actually do have the benzo's that I believe it was ThisMoment and others who have advocated their ability to help out on an as needed basis.
Thank you to all!
Wishing inajam better times ahead.

Thanks xman, me too, it just feels like too much too take atm.  I sincerely pray things turn around for you real soon.  Take care, inajam

[FiveNotions]

Good morning forum friends, and I DO mean *good morning*!

I seem to have pulled out of my (partly self-induced) tailspin. And once again, in large part thanks to your support and wisdom!

I slept through the whole night...shortly after 11 pm until now, 9 am, with just one "bathroom break"....and I did it without the lunesta, without the Valium, and without being bothered by lunesta withdrawal. I just woke up, feeling clear-headed and calm! All I used was gaba and tryptophan. This was my best night of sleep...long, deep and with a full dream cycle (all good ones...tad weird, but fun weird) since the day I went cold turkey of the poison early last December!

(I'm still adding my caution about amino acids...not things to be taken without reading up on, trying one at a time, and starting at low doses to watch how they affect you.)

I'm going to take 1 mg of the Valium, to keep a bit of it in my system as I further stabilize, watch myself for any reappearing signs of lunesta issues or anxiety, and take it easy today while I settle back in. As long as all goes well, I'll take the other 1 mg. before bed, and have myself off the "must take daily" Valium schtick.

Quitting the Zoloft is now my plan.....I cut back from 50 mg to about 35 yesterday.....by the shaving technique that Fishinghat told me to use, and that I'm pretty sure Carleeta used for the Ambien. (Speaking of which, I sure do miss her and hope we hear from hear with all the news pretty soon!) FH suggested I could go to 25, but I decided to go less, just in case). I'm going to taper by this amount spread over the rest of the week. (FH, is this an ok approach?)

I have some other observations I want to share here, but I need some time to mull over what happened in the run-up to and during the last 6 days.

I simply have no way to express how eternally grateful I am to each and every on of you for helping me, yet again, get through, yet another, tailspin! Xoxo

[TryinginFL]

FN - what wonderful and exciting news!!  It appears that the sun has broken through for you!

 

May you have a calming and happy day!

 

Love, hugs and prayers,

Liz

[fishinghat]

Wow, that is great news FN. Sounds like the lunesta withdrawal will be minimal, Don't be suprised if your sleep still fluctuates some. Yea 35 mg is fine on the Zoloft. You were only on 50 for a few days. But stay on the 35 for a while. Zoloft is slow to react with its withdrawal.

 

Yes that is what Carletta did on her Ambien and things seem to go pretty well for her.

 And youo are right, I miss Carletta's "Yippeeee" lol

 

You are off to a good start.

[inajam]

Good morning forum friends, and I DO mean *good morning*!

I seem to have pulled out of my (partly self-induced) tailspin. And once again, in large part thanks to your support and wisdom!

I slept through the whole night...shortly after 11 pm until now, 9 am, with just one "bathroom break"....and I did it without the lunesta, without the Valium, and without being bothered by lunesta withdrawal. I just woke up, feeling clear-headed and calm! All I used was gaba and tryptophan. This was my best night of sleep...long, deep and with a full dream cycle (all good ones...tad weird, but fun weird) since the day I went cold turkey of the poison early last December!

(I'm still adding my caution about amino acids...not things to be taken without reading up on, trying one at a time, and starting at low doses to watch how they affect you.)

I'm going to take 1 mg of the Valium, to keep a bit of it in my system as I further stabilize, watch myself for any reappearing signs of lunesta issues or anxiety, and take it easy today while I settle back in. As long as all goes well, I'll take the other 1 mg. before bed, and have myself off the "must take daily" Valium schtick.

Quitting the Zoloft is now my plan.....I cut back from 50 mg to about 35 yesterday.....by the shaving technique that Fishinghat told me to use, and that I'm pretty sure Carleeta used for the Ambien. (Speaking of which, I sure do miss her and hope we hear from hear with all the news pretty soon!) FH suggested I could go to 25, but I decided to go less, just in case). I'm going to taper by this amount spread over the rest of the week. (FH, is this an ok approach?)

I have some other observations I want to share here, but I need some time to mull over what happened in the run-up to and during the last 6 days.

I simply have no way to express how eternally grateful I am to each and every on of you for helping me, yet again, get through, yet another, tailspin! Xoxo

I am really pleased for you FN, long may it continue.

[FiveNotions]

PS...a note Ito my long screed earlier this morning...about using gaba and tryptophan...

Having read all the research about this stuff not working because it doesn't pass throughout the blood-brain barrier....

Either my BB barrier is like Swiss cheese, or it's all placebo effect.

Either way, I'm okay with that....it's how I feel that matters to me.

[thismoment]

FN

 

Good work!