28 replies to this topic

[ShadyLady]

I am day 18 off the 'crack' & desperate to know if anyone else is/has experienced nightmares continuing this long? I'm not talking garden variety bad dreams...they are so horrible I am believing this has to be a prelude to a complete breakdown or some kind of demonic possession... It is as if there are 2 people living inside my head, one I'm somewhat familiar with during this withdrawal & the other is a force I cannot even describe in words. I awake every couple of hours from these vivid, 3D horror shows. By day I am so exhausted that I dose off & boom more 'day'mares. I DO NOT want to see a psych as I know a script will be written for this 'new' brain issue. I never had dreams, good or bad, the ten years I took this shit or at least never remembered any. I am too ashamed to even discuss the 'mares' with close friends as I am afraid they may feel I am psychotic & have snapped.

Anyone willing to share or relate to this topic?? I am scared...

[FiveNotions]

I didn't have nightmares, Cym, but lots of others do/did....it's the serotonin ... your brain is readjusting to regulating it's own level of serotonin.... and the nightmares are perfect examples of some of the "sparks" that fly as your brain fixes its circuitry...

Here's a link to a recent post by AnotherMind... nightmares...

https://www.cymbalta...ares#entry41709

You can find tons of other mentions of nightmares if you go to the home page and search using the search box in the upper right corner...

I, on the other hand, had really really vivid dreams while on the poison...never nightmares, but fun stuff...and I actually miss them!

Yep, it's that pesky serotonin... hang in there... you're not going nuts, you don't have a brain tumor, you're just getting off of Cymbalta...

It's a wild ride, ain't it?! Hang in there...and keep talking about the nightmares...it may help you get through them... and it'll certainly let you vent/rant a healthy bit!

[thismoment]

CymSik

 

Day 18.  

 

Hang on CS, you're NOT going crazy, psychotic, or loopy!! These macabre vivid dreams are well-documented in Cymbalta withdrawal. Even doppelgänger dreams where you encounter yourself. I had doppelgänger dreams where I murdered myself every night for the better part of a week!

 

I was terrified by the doppelgänger dreams, but there were others that were Super 3-D and very exciting, as FN notes. 

 

In your life, the best and worst you will ever know will come out of your own mind.

 

I think these 3-D Horror Shows lasted about the same length of time as the Brain Zaps- about a week. Hopefully they will relax into something more banal that you can even enjoy. You are going to be alright, but I understand the dreams are scary just now. 

[FiveNotions]

wow, TM.... doppelganger...murdering yourself....wouldn't a psychotherapist just love to get their hands on that.... new Benz, mansion in Provence...whoo hoo!

[ShadyLady]

Well, shithouse house, TM...my dear, you come up with words that nail CYM s/es to a tee!! Doppelgänger!! I am not sure if, according to Merriam Webs def., I am 'someone who looks like someone else' or 'a ghost that looks like a living person' :/ I do know, in these mind altering dreams, I have murdered ex-husband(s) yeah, plural, with heads, limbs & personal body parts littering a vast, post apocalyptic landscape. My grandkids have then slaughtered me but I don't die, I keep trying to get up & fight back but then pretend I'm dead as the force to fight them back seems too weak! Ugghh, shivering at thinking about these dreams. Still can't believe these nightmares can be serotonin reworking itself!

'I Have a Dream,' ain't looking so promising right now...

Thought I had researched nightmares, FN, but apparently whatever I read didn't stick to any cerebral material! Well, now I start today's reading circles on the C word s/es of nightmares. I am still brain zapping, though much less frequent than the first 12 days, so that is good news to add to the Silver Linings Playbook of positive change...

I wish I could trade some of the nightmares for some of the other less emotionally painful withdrawal/discontinuation(?) symptoms. Kinda like barter this for that, but then who would want the nightmares that make you sweat, scream, shake & tremor in fear that might be the core of who you really are:(((((??

[ShadyLady]

Oops...meant to say 'shithouse mouse!' that really is important:0 or maybe 'shithouse house' is perfect for Cym d/c symptoms!

[thismoment]

CymSik

 

Nightly 3-D Family Slaughter Show!!

 

We'll be setting up some bleachers in the moonlight and everybody is invited! Bring Gramma, bring the kids in their Jammies, bring the puppies and kitties! These nightmares have officially been aired-out now, so the knives and axes have been changed from carbon steel to rubber: there is NOTHING to fear!

 

At the end of the show there will be a C-Word (Cymbalta) Side-Effects Exchange Bar- swap a nightmare for an evening of brain zaps; swap a migraine for a day of fatigue; swap your diarrhoea for my nausea (you can throw up in your oatmeal and I can shit myself).

 

It all fades away folks, and you will look back on this period of your life in a morbid kind of nostalgia. Hang in there kids!

[FiveNotions]

Well, I went back through my notes and posts .... and here's something I'd forgotten, that helped me with the brain zaps, body shakes and sleep issues (mine was insomnia).... any cough syrup that contains "Dextromethorphan" ... "DMX" ....

here's a link to my post and a similar post from someone else...

https://www.cymbalta...quil#entry41276

https://www.cymbalta...phan#entry32696

I used both Robitussin and Nyquil ... not together! But the Nyquil worked best for me...including helping me to sleep...

DMX boosts serotonin in the brain, so there's a warning about serotonin syndrome if taking it along with ssri's...

http://en.wikipedia....extromethorphan

Here's an interesting journal article...abstract only..

Dextromethorphan as a potential rapid-acting antidepressant
http://yadda.icm.edu...a5-c4b4c9df95ee
Dextromethorphan shares pharmacological properties in common with antidepressants and,
in particular, ketamine, a drug with demonstrated rapid-acting antidepressant activity.

[ShadyLady]

OMG, TM...Your posts (all!) have such depth & mind blowing insight, but the COMIC RELIEF you have shared with me & others, I'm sure, speaks louder to me that I can still roar with laughter even in the face of such tragic consequences of a drug I didn't plan on 'tripping' on in trying to get off of it!! Took a few 'trips' in the 70's, but C withdrawal trumps those elective ones without a doubt!

I need to get off the floor, wipe the tears of laughter & move my fat ass toward something physical & less cerebral than the nightmare moments. Swimming @ the old folks pool...think that will help move some of the mental terror downstream?! Haven't moved a muscle in weeks toward any physical activity for fear it will bring on or, God forbid, more disconcerting symptoms than what is already at hand.

I am printing out your post & taping it to my nightstand lamp to remind me this too shall pass & maybe it will settle me down after I wake from these '3D Slaughter Shows!'

[FiveNotions]

Great idea, TM! Morbid nostalgia.... side effects exchange bar.... HAHAHAHAHA

There is no freakin' way anyone who hasn't gone through this can really comprehend, understand, empathize with, "grok" what it's like.... we are the only ones who we can share all this stuff with... and get some great laughs out of it along the way....

I'm actually thankful that I'm unemployed, live alone and have no close family .... no one who would have had to put up with me while I go through this process.... to be a spectator to my antics ... yikes...

And I feel truly sorry for my one close friend who prefers the "drugged up" me...wants that person back ... I've done my best to walk him through what I've been experiencing, but there's no way an outsider can deal with this...

Hey.... TM....in addition to your activity ideas... how 'bout a dating service for crapalta survivors? Granted, it's a small niche for the business, but think of all the really interesting "first date" stories we'd get ... ;-)

[ShadyLady]

You are ever vigilant, FN, in researching & providing links to help those of us who can't seem to help themselves:( as we launch off this initial pad of withdrawing of this poison. I haven't been much of a 'praying kind of gal' until this experience...I DO say a prayer for you daily that God blesses you in abundance for ALL you contribute to this forum & how much you have personally eased my pain & suffering. I was thinking God wasn't hearing my cries for help & then I realized He has been answering them through you & other gentle souls since I found this site (no accident in my belief).

SO, T H A N K Y O U for heeding the call, that I believe He planted in you, to guide other precious souls through this man made nightmare into a new light of possibilities beyond the 'needle(CYM) & the damage done' (hmmm, Neil Young? song) ...

Big Cyber Hug, Rebecca

[ShadyLady]

FN..there is a dating service for active (whatever that means;) SSRI/SSNRI users!! It came up as an ad when I was reading a link!! Get a visual on that?

[FiveNotions]

CymSik, you've brought tears, good ones I assure you, to my eyes...thank you for your oh so kind words... today's been a tough day (freaking out about finding a job and keeping a roof over my head stuff)...and you've just given me a huge "lift"!

and, OMG ... I was just joking... there really is this dating service?

I'm off to google it now!

[thismoment]

FN

Remember the Bits and Bites teevee ads? We could modify the script.

BITS AND BITES DISCONTINUATION DATING

"Hi. Me again with Bits and Bites Discontinuation Dating. Stickin my hand in the bag and comin’ out with a new handful. Well, what have we got here? 3 hours with Rita who is 4 days into cold turkey and 3 sheets to the wind from chugging 5 martinis in 2 hours and telling the waiter 3 times to bugger off and stop pissing in the drinks! Delicious! Next handful, a whole new ballgame. You can’t get enough of Bits and Bites Discontinuation Dating because your brain never knows till’ its all over. Bits and Bites by Cymbalta: every handful is different. Yeah!”

[FiveNotions]

Wow, this is actually wonderful.... I read the "success stories" and got teary eyed again....

http://www.nolongerlonely.com/

I don't think it's the one you found, Cym, but what a genuinely wonderful idea...

[TryinginFL]

TM...

 

LOL - great stuff!

[TryinginFL]

FN...

 

Just checked that out....OMG

 

Guess you can find whatever you're looking for on the internet!

 

I agree w/CS - you are surely the answer for people looking for help!   Your compassion and dedication does not go unnoticed

 

Love you, Gal  

[FiveNotions]

aaaw, gee TFL ... now I'm teary eyed again.... thank you ....

[MichB]

CymSik,

Your post about nightmares is interesting to say the least! Dreams (& nightmares) intrigue me. I haven't had any nm's yet but a few very bizarre, vivid dreams. I am one of those people that loves true crime, criminals, etc. That stuff has always fascinated me. Always wonder what makes people like that tick. My ex is a cop too so I've seen and heard about some messed up shit!

Were you serious about how bad they are for you? I went through a very long and extremely scary divorce. It was the most stressful time of my life and I think the stress brought on nightmares. I know this poison causes the nightmares but maybe you are under a huge amount of stress as well which only accentuates the experiences??

I'm trying very hard to keep my stress level low since I knew nightmares were a possibility.
Keep your night light on girl!! Good luck to you!!

TM,
You are hilarious! OMG! You should write a book about cymbalta and the havoc it wreaks on our mind, bodies and souls!
Or...better yet, we could contact Bravo network and pitch a reality series starring all of us!!
Haha 😂

FN,
Thanks for posting all of the links. I'm going to check them out later.
And I second what CymSik said. She hit the nail on the head. You have been here for me every day since I first posted. You're a doll!! 😘

[thismoment]

MichB

 

I've always found it interesting that your mind can't tell the difference between what's real and what's imagined. Nightmares are imagined, but if we measure our emotional responses to them, it's as if they were real: heart rate through the roof, sweating profusely, writhing around defensively, and screaming out loud- just same as when the real threat were right in front of you! Interesting.

 

Stress is stress, real or imagined!

 

This real vs imaginary always gets me thinking about  belief (not in any particular sense), when compared to less resolved mind states like wishing or hoping. There's a big difference in your mind state between hoping you've won the 30 million-dollar lottery, and actually believing you've won it!

[ShadyLady]

Mich...Yes, I am serious about the nightmares. I have no control over them, just an active participant:(( The stress level is low as I have checked out of most contact with friends & my crappy hubby is keeping his distance, watching the beast from afar as I pace the cage of the discontinuation off this shit!! I, too, was a true crime junkie...read tc books before the ID channel brought all of the true crime shows!! Never thought about any association between the nightmares & the tc crap!! I never even had dreams, much less nightmares, that I ever remembered before stopping the C-word:((

The bummer is, during the time I'm awake, I keep thinking about the nightmares & who I really am at the core!! The brain re-wiring the serotonin FN spoke about is hard for me to accept...I am thinking I am a sick, demented soul or that some force of darkness entered my soul through the C shit...exorcism time, maybe:///

[thismoment]

CymSik

 

The best and worst you will ever know will come out of your own mind. For me, anxiety trauma is far beyond the horror of the nightmares. And it comes out of my mind; I don't know how or why it was fostered or where it came from, but it's me. I'm not evil, but my mind is capable of generating real evil toward itself.

 

An exorcism may actually be more helpful for some people than more medication. I don't think you are not possessed by an evil entity- it's just discontinuation and it will pass.

[ShadyLady]

TM...don't get me started again;) HAHAHA,,before I take another ssri/ssnri I will find a demon buster!! 'The best and worst you will ever know come out of your own mind' I've written your words on scraps of this n that:). That statement troubles me as I felt we had some control over our mind!! What is it, just a glob of good, bad & awful that we can't control? I want to get out of my head & move physically. But so far, leg cramps along with brain zaps upset any physical movement that could have any benefit on getting out of all the committee meetings going on...i am not living in the moment at all, it is tomorrow that I'm gonna turn the corner & the worst of this will be over. Patience, I know, but c'mon it seems there is a 'snack bar' of new shit cropping up when I think I have conquered one more of the nasty s/e's whoaaa...spider like crawls on the skin, diaper rash:( or fat thigh rubbing, tingling finger tips, return of dizziness & holding walls to walk, this is just so damned insane! It isnt like there are options either! Nothing to go back on to ease this explosion of mind blowing symptoms of unease!!

[thismoment]

CymSik

 

Somebody far more eloquent than I once said, "When you're up to your ass in alligators it's hard to remember that your initial objective was to drain the swamp!" And so it is, you're smacking alligators right now, but one day you will be able to get back to managing the wetland. 

 

We have no control whatsoever of what gets said inside our heads; that voice just blabbers on, and most of it is unhelpful, judgemental, critical, negative, admonishing bullshit! You have no control over your mind in the moment, but you can influence how it will behave in the future by what you practice now- you become what you pay attention to. This is neuroplasticity, the brain-changing mechanism of the old axiom, practice makes perfect.

 

The primary purpose of Mindfulness meditation is to insert spaces into the relentless verbal automaticity inside your head. With practice, the spaces get longer and there is more quietness; with yet more practice some peace is possible. It's said that when the voice is silenced there is enlightenment. I don't know about enlightenment just now because I'm happy for even 2 seconds of space within the lifelong rant I endure in every waking hour- even for 2 seconds to just get it to shut the fuck up!

 

And often it's more than a "snack bar of new shit cropping up", it's the Monster Smorgasbord at Barf Days in the Shitz Carleton!

 

Skin-crawling, diaper rash, tingling fingertips, hand-walking the wall . . . wow! You got a lot of really good ones! I do remember hand-walking the wall and falling over trying to get my socks on; I got the skin-crawling (is crawling the only gait skin knows? You never hear of skin jogging or skin skipping- although I've heard of skin-walkers in aboriginal folklore). The skin-crawling, diaper rash, and tingling fingertips do sound like they belong within the same discontinuation period- an unfortunate, unholy trinity.

[MichB]

CymSik,

I must apologize to you. I re-read my post. I was
not questioning that you are having nightmares.
I was asking if you were really murdering ex husbands
and watching your grand kids killing you, but in a
tongue in cheek kind of question. I have a bad way of
expressing myself at times. Now more than before.
I've noticed some people on here add a little humor
here and there to deal with these awful symptoms.
I try to as well sometimes.

I am not trying to gain any kind of sick excitement
from your awful experiences. As I said, dreams and
nightmares do intrigue me. Mainly because they're so
hard to understand. I wonder how our subconscious
conjures up this crap. And as I'm seeing, this poison
has made them worse and in some cases, makes the
dreams more vivid and somewhat cool dare I say.

I so hope that I didn't offend you. I feel bad for you
and was asking details because I'm amazed and want
to prepare myself in case I experience the same type.
I've had the nightmares years ago as I mentioned but
nothing in the context of yours.

I understand why you have checked out with friends.
it sadly feels easier to do that than deal with their reactions
because most people do not understand what we are
going through. Either that, or they lack empathy.
I don't talk to anyone much about my life with cymbalta
because nobody I know can comprehend and they couldn't
be bothered.
Since being diagnosed with hypothyroidism, fibro and
now the poison withdrawals, I have checked out. I don't
care to socialize with people while I'm such a mess!

Once I get through this I hope to be a happier me and
appreciate life so much more.
Again, please accept my apology. I'm here to listen
and offer support in the best way I can.

Mich

[ShadyLady]

Hey, Mich...you're my kinda gal;))) No apology needed! This 'trip' is total comedy & tragedy...if I don't laugh at myself & some others here who lighten the negative weight of weaning/stopping this poison with some humor I will surely fall into the abyss of despair:((

I, too, have hypothyroidism(Hashimoto's Syndrome) & fibro/cfs!! Seems many members here share these fun 'syndromes'...i hate that word, syndrome!! Nevertheless, it is the hand we are dealt & I am trying to learn to play my cards better!! Expressing myself on this site is hhaaaarrrdd!! Some have a beautiful way with words that explains most everything I have felt & feel, so most days I just read & relate, click 'likes' & read the links that FiveNotions faithfully posts for us to delve deeper into what is happening to us C folk!!

So, you're in good company with me, Sister Friend....Keep posting as Your Story is just as important & needed as everyone else who courageously becomes a member here & begins to let their mind spill out the toxins that no one who has not been Cym'd could possibly understand. This site has saved me from myself:/

[MichB]

CymSik,

Goodness I needed to hear that!! Not a good day
for me. Thank you so much for the positive words!

Mich

[ShadyLady]

TM...A Way With Words should be your handle on this site;). I can't believe you are speaking of the "life long rant" as your posts are seem so focused & intentional with words that are liquid chocolate for the the mind of this reader..."relentless verbal automaticity" took me in a search of the mindfulness meditation you have spoken about in other posts. Am I too soon in this mire of this crap to understand MBT because it seems like a whole new esoteric concept for this ant's brain:/ I was in sales from the time I was 19yrs old, licensed realtor since the mid 80's & thought I was a successful, social, intelligent & mindful:) person BEFORE; 1)Starting the C-word & taking it for 10 years (yeah, one of the first lab rats when it 'hit' the market) 2) Stopping the shit drug & 3) Reading the posts by the scholars here of their journey through the C channel of withdrawal/discontinuation that are so beautifully worded & written with such seeming ease of expression. I am now seeing the nuclear fallout effects of being off this drug & what has been ripped away from a mind/life that others use to speak of being envious...Karma?! I am so uncertain about what I even hope to experience on the other side of life without the crap of which you have two years experience.

Sorry, Rambling Rose here just goes on tangents & never seems to get my thoughts or feelings expressed in any sort of meaning I want to convey. So, I look to you & others here that have logged so many months & even years past this devastation & moved toward a life that has meaning, acceptance & still stay members encouraging/counseling the newbies toward a sense of dignity, self esteem & hope while we are trying to "drain the swamp" of C shit. I have to click 'Post' without reading this first or I am sure I will delete it as it is senseless complaining...

Positive for the day; Your posts today with the compassion & humor you provided me in letting go for a few minutes to laugh & feel alive in the midst of these relentless mind games & physical torment. Day 20 tomorrow! Yippee;)

[FiveNotions]

I love what you write, CS....and how you write it.... you're hilariously funny, with whacky imagery, a sharp tongue and wit... and a heart of gold.... and, you've got the wildest avatar I've ever seen ... I chuckle every time I see it!

ok, I'm going to sign off now and try going back to bed... almost wish I had picked up that refill of the lunesta that I quit taking last month... I prolly should keep some on hand for times like tonight... either that or just hit myself in the head with the cast iron frying pan...

nighty-nite!