536 replies to this topic

[Carleeta]

Well, can I be negative?! Seems that when I get bad/negative news.. I get thrown into w/ds...AGAIN!!!! Dear step daughter lost her job yesterday, 7 year old grand daughter had an ultrasound on her liver today.... mother of said grand daughter went to my 84 year old dad wanting to borrow $$ for vacation....what???? When my Dad was trying to tell me that my daughter in law came to him to borrow money to take a vaca.... before he could get it all told.. I had this horrid pain shoot up my spine....low to high.. scared the crap outta me! I just knew someone had died or something! First time ever!!! Yes, my spine does ache since Cymbalta, more so at stressful times, but this shooting pain... I am scared. Yes, it's just dumb kids driving me nuts... this daughter in law... well I don't have a good relationship with my son or 2 grand daughters because of her, and she had the nerve to go behind my son, and myself to ask  for money for a vacation!! God help me!! Thank God my 84 year old Dad had the where with all to say no... Sorry y'all. I just had to rant..... And that's my negative plus it's rainy, dreary, and chilly here in SC and I feel like a real nutcase!!! Hugs to all! Sorry for the rant, but feels good to get it out!

Clara...omg what in the world was your daughter in law thinking?  You are actually handling this much better than I would.  I would be on the phone calling her and telling her exactly what I think.. (my Italian temper).  Please try and not be scared about this shooting pain, expecially when you feel it more during stressful times.  It's possible you are so tensed up and since you already have back pain, you are straining your muscles.  It's also possible the anxiety (stress) has you always in a tensed position which are causing your muscles to be tight all the time.  Did you suffer from back pain prior to Cymbalta?

 

You rant all you want.  You deserve to express your feeling because they belong to you...

 

Take care Clara and please keep us posted...

[TryinginFL]

Oh, Clara..

 

How awful for you!  I am so sorry to hear that you are now having pain again due to a, pardon me, stupid relative, who has the power to mess w/your family in such a way.  Sometimes we just can't believe what people can do.

 

I just rid myself of a narcissistic friend that I really didn't understand since I had met her while I was on the poison, and since my brain has been repairing itself I have begun to realize what she was doing to me.  It took a few years, unfortunately, but realize now that she could cause a good deal of my anxiety.

 

Do you think that it might be an anxiety attack at this time?  I have forgotten, please forgive me, but are you seeing a therapist? After my recent experience, I am happy that I have been.  Since this "friend" is now out of my life, I feel that the anxiety has gone down immensely.

 

Of course, I am not suggesting that you can get rid of your daughter-in-law (tho you would probably like to ), but working on the anxiety is so helpful - do you take anything when you have it?

 

I pray that your little granddaughter does not have anything seriously wrong with her - that is so sad.

 

I will keep you and your granddaughter in my thoughts and prayers, Clara

 

Liz

[Carleeta]

my negative today is I've moved my laptop to another room in my home where I could sit more comfortably,,,Oh no...this is making my upper back hurt more...then again that one spot on my upper back didn't have the trigger point shots in them...hmmmm. Either way, it still hurts...

[TryinginFL]

Carleeta...

 

Can you get back to the Dr. to get another shot or would you rather go back to your original laptop spot?  I'm sorry as I know what the pain can be like.  I have a fibro tender point on my left shoulder and it can give me fits!

 

Feel better and take care

[Carleeta]

Carleeta...

 

Can you get back to the Dr. to get another shot or would you rather go back to your original laptop spot?  I'm sorry as I know what the pain can be like.  I have a fibro tender point on my left shoulder and it can give me fits!

 

Feel better and take care

that's a wonderful idea.  I would like to keep my laptop where it is.. I have the CT Scan Monday and then I see him again a week later.  What I will do is see how long this pain lasts, and if I cannot take it any longer I will give his office a call and see if he can fit me in.  He told me not to be a stranger....lol

[TryinginFL]

Hey all!  Sorry to have to add my negatives but I went through one of the worst anxiety attacks I have ever had on Sat. the day I left for Seattle.  My friend was taking me to the airport and missed the turn off the interstate and instead of getting back on she thought she knew where she was.  NOT!!!  We drove around through traffic and traffic lites for 1 1/2 hrs  and I got to the airport 25 minutes before flight time.  Needless to say, they would not let me even go to the gate and my departure was changed to Orlando - Miami - Seattle.  I got into Seattle at 1215am (315am my time coming from the east coast) and I was a wreck.

 

I also need a wheelchair at the airport due to the osteoarthritis in my feet. I cannot walk all the way out to the gates.

 

On the way to the airport I started shaking and was in tears by the time we got there.  My friend paid the additional 75.00 for the airfare and I just could not calm down.  I had not eaten since breakfast and then was able to pick up a bag of Cheetos in Miami. Then there was the 6 hour flight to Seattle....  Starting crying on the flight a few times too - it was HIDEOUS!!! 

 

I have still not recovered and am having crying fits occasionally - at least my son went to work today.  I have my granddogs (2 Portuguese Water Dogs) and at this point prefer their company. 

 

We are to leave Wed. am for Honolulu and there is now a hurricane headed that way to hit Thurs.  (nite of cocktail party) or Friday (day of Wedding).  You know how sometimes you have premonitions regarding things???  I had the strongest feeling about NOT making this trip.  I really just want to go home.  I feel like a baby as I just want to cry.   I can thank the crap discontinuation for all of my horrible feelings as I have never felt like this since the day I lost my daughter.

 

I am going to up my Alprazolam by 1 mg to see if I can get myself under control. 

 

Thankfully my son left his laptop here for me to use this morning.  I really needed to RANT!!!!!  I am so sorry for dumping all this shit on all of you!   

[FiveNotions]

Hey, TFL, I just signed on, and read your post ... oh Sweet Lord, I'm so sorry this all happened to you!

[FiveNotions]

Yes, definitely get the alprazolam into you ... and soak in all the love you can from your grand-pups .... and, stay online here with us for as long as you want ... you're not ranting, you need to vent ... and you need to know that we all love you and we're right here for you!

 

Look, this may be off-base, if so, I apologize ... but I think you have every right to make a decision that your health (mental and/or physical), isn't going to allow you to make the trip the rest of the way to Hawaii ... maybe just telling yourself that will help take some of the pressure off you and ease the sense of panic ....maybe just telling your sons that you may need to decide not to go would give you some "breathing room"? I'm sure they would/will totally understand ...

 

Also, today is just Monday ... you've got all day today and all day tomorrow to do nothing ... to nap (with the pooches on the bed, of course!) .... talk to us ... whatever ... 

 

I'm praying for you right now! 

[Carleeta]

TryinginFl.  Oh my goodness what you have just gone through just to get to the airport.  Your own premonition may have been right on track, in fact it probably was...Whether or not it was from Cymbalta withdrawal or not, anyone would have been a wreck....All that added stress on top of your anxiety to travel and go to this wedding....That's ok to use the wheelchair, after all you need it.....

 

I have noticed this hurricane which is headed for Hawaii.  If it's any reassurance, they will not attempt to fly if this hurricane does come near..... Yes, I would want to be home also because it's a safe place for you right at this stressful time.  On the positive side of this, you will be with your son from this point forward.. Another good thing is he did leave his laptop for you and you are feeling a bit safe and comforting with the pups..... 

 

When I fly the doctor instructed me to take 1 valium on the way to the airport,  another valium when I was waiting to board, and another when the plane was taking off....of course I had to lessen the original dose (as instructed by him)...This was to keep me at a calm level over a period of time... I wish I thought about telling you this before you left your home.   This might be something to think about if/when you take your next flight.  Just take your prescribed dose and cut it into three....this might help, and keep you a bit stabilized without taking more than you should be taking...also it won't interfere when you are to take your next dose.

 

Please, please, please keep us posted....And remember, If you do not want to go to Hawaii, Do Not Go.  You have the right to change your mind at any time...You are in charge of you and don't feel forced....

 

Thoughts and prayers to you...

[ShadyLady]

Oh, Liz, I am horrified at the start to your trip! I know I would've lost it on the 'friend!' and how you got on that plane with that kind of anxiety is a miracle!! I Cannot imagine your emotional state:( right now, that worries me! Let your granddogz love on you & split that Xanax into quarters and take it every 4hrs (I've been trying that instead of the whole one @ bedtime) or maybe, you have so much adrenaline/anxiety running that the full dose is needed! Dump an 'outhouse' worth here as You Are Loved & our concern is heartfelt here from your cyber buds<3.

My two cents, if your premonition was strong, follow it & the signs around you! This is REAL concern! I'm with FN & Carleeta about following your instincts (God knows they are not selfish!) and KNOW it is absolutely okay to NOT to go to the wedding in Hawaii! I had to miss my best friend's wedding in the Bahamas 14 years ago as I had an anxiety attack in the airport & could not get on the flight:(
I thought she would never speak to me again & not understand why...I was wrong. Would your son be any less understanding? This is the age of social media & you can experience it that way...I think you should discuss this with him & your son with whom you are staying. This is serious stuff, your anxiety, your health & a literal shitstorm heading to Hawaii!!

Please stay with us & keep us posted! I am on my hands & arthritic knees praying for you when I log off, I mean it<3. Rebecca

[ShadyLady]

P.S. Dearest, Liz, on top of the anxiety, I fear you're headed into a fibro-flare, if you're not already:(, and if you know what I'm talking about with that explosion of debilitating pain, take that into consideration as well! Oh, I just hurt thinking about your situation!!

[Clara]

TFL. I'm with the others! Do what is best for you!!! You're in my thoughts and prayers! Still struggling myself, but not with all you are facing! Keep us posted! With you in spirit!

[gail]

Oh my goodness, Liz, I am deeply sorry for what you have gone through.

 

I am with the others here, your physical and mental health comes first.

 

Reading your post just got me so emotionnal. I care so much about you, and to see you feeling like this is overwhelming.

 

And I thought that I was having a bad day!

 

Do upper the benzos for a while, do what you have to do! love you xx

[Carleeta]

My negative today is what poor TryinginFl has gone through and is going through. It's been more of a difficult and challenging trip for our dear friend.. I'm hopeful she will stay with her "gut" feeling. Wanting to hear often from her now that she is away because she isn't close to anything safe at the moment.

[thismoment]

Liz

 

Hang in there; we're all cheering for you!!

[FiveNotions]

Just got home from my first appointment with the therapist (licensed clinical social worker) at the Medicaid clinic ... she asked me to give her a brief history of my mental health issues ... she's never even heard of ssri discontinuation syndrome, or that there's any particular difficulty quitting an antidepressant ... much less Cymbalta-specific problems .... she didn't know what I meant when I explained I have dopamine deficient depression that responds to Wellbutrin but not ssri's ... she doesn't know anything about dopamine, serotonin or norepinephrine ... she'd never heard of anyone having an adverse reaction the generic wellbutrin ... or any generic drug .... etc etc etc ... and when I told her about my bizarre behavior and loss of memory while on Cymbalta, and how I'm struggling to "reintegrate" and deal with the shock of all that, she just shook her head in disbelief ...
 
Nothing I told her about what's really been going on with me "registered" with her ... her face kept getting blanker and blanker ... so, I gave up trying to explain my medical history, and just talked about my anxiety/panic issues .... in context of my job search ... that stuff she could relate/respond to ...
 
Oh yeah, I told her about this forum, and how important it's been to my recovery ... she gave me the usual shpiel (sp?) about not believing/trusting everything I read online ...

Now I'm on the edge of an anxiety attack ... the sheer frustration, anger and "twilight zone sense" of not being believed/acknowledged ... just took some clonidine and valium ...

Next appointment scheduled for a month from now. AAAARGH ....

[brzghoff]

 

TFL...

 

i am so sorry to learn about the distressing start to your trip and everything that has transpired since then. those dogs sounds lovely. i've only seen them in pictures but i would love to run my fingers through those soft furry curls (at least thats what they look like).

 

i absolutely cannot stand the orlando airport. everything takes forever, i would have had an anxiety attack even if it was a good day otherwise. getting through the security line is the worst - and you got there 25 minutes before your flight was supposed to leave? unbelievable. that must have been very traumatic. 

 

i think i saw elsewhere that you've decided to take the trip to hawaii, if you did, it appears that you will arrive before the storm gets there (better than landing in it!). i read on the NOAA web site that it may fall apart some due to the wind shear. are/will you be on the island of oahu where honolulu is? it looks the eye will be just west of the big island (east of oahu) on friday morning. i realize that means a lot of wind and rain and that is such a disappointment for the wedding. given all you've been through, i would play going to the events by ear. although i can understand if you don't want to be alone during such a big storm. are you in a hotel or staying with family? if you go - i will be keeping you in my thoughts as the storm approaches . if you stay in seattle - i will still keep you in my thoughts and  hope that means you can relax with no commitments. 

 

i see that you live in dundee, fl. if you were there in 2004, then i know you braved charley and francis. i hope that hurricane iselle doesn't come anything close to what happened back then, from the models it looks like hurricane iselle will be half the strength of charley, but that doesn't mean there won't be a lot of rain.

[FiveNotions]

TFL, would it help to call your therapist long distance just to "touch base" with someone who recognizes what you're dealing with/experiencing?

Also, I just read your post earlier today that you've upped your alprazolam ... probably a dumb question, but does the hydrocodone (sp?) have any impact on anxiety? If yes, how about taking a dose (or two) of that?

Just remember, you do not have to go to Hawaii ... it is completely your choice .... you are the one in control of this, not the circumstances / events / others involved ...

[Carleeta]

Just got home from my first appointment with the therapist (licensed clinical social worker) at the Medicaid clinic ... she asked me to give her a brief history of my mental health issues ... she's never even heard of ssri discontinuation syndrome, or that there's any particular difficulty quitting an antidepressant ... much less Cymbalta-specific problems .... she didn't know what I meant when I explained I have dopamine deficient depression that responds to Wellbutrin but not ssri's ... she doesn't know anything about dopamine, serotonin or norepinephrine ... she'd never heard of anyone having an adverse reaction the generic wellbutrin ... or any generic drug .... etc etc etc ... and when I told her about my bizarre behavior and loss of memory while on Cymbalta, and how I'm struggling to "reintegrate" and deal with the shock of all that, she just shook her head in disbelief ...
 
Nothing I told her about what's really been going on with me "registered" with her ... her face kept getting blanker and blanker ... so, I gave up trying to explain my medical history, and just talked about my anxiety/panic issues .... in context of my job search ... that stuff she could relate/respond to ...
 
Oh yeah, I told her about this forum, and how important it's been to my recovery ... she gave me the usual shpiel (sp?) about not believing/trusting everything I read online ...

Now I'm on the edge of an anxiety attack ... the sheer frustration, anger and "twilight zone sense" of not being believed/acknowledged ... just took some clonidine and valium ...

Next appointment scheduled for a month from now. AAAARGH ....

FiveNotions, It's sadly true this therapist (social worker) would have no idea about medications and their withdrawals. Aren't you just a bit surprised? Physicians don't "get it", therefore this therapist surely wasn't understanding what in the world you were talking about. Don't mean to sound harsh by no means, although it just does not surprise me. She truthfully, and sadly is just a social worker and I'm not even sure what part of psychology she majored in. You might want to ask her what her major in psychology is. You had such a bad experience with her and this saddens me. Next month when you see her, please ask her what she can do for you. This way when she explains to you what she can aid you in, you will have an idea if she is worth seeing at all. this shouldn't have happened to you. I sometimes wonder why social workers even have their own office...lol lol. I did my internship in a "at risk adolescent school" in the school's social worker office. My field was mental health and other social workers there had different fields such as, abuse, family problems, poor living conditions, and etc. Actually, I did work there through my college (and I went back to college in my 40's for this degree) was able to help the career social workers, in determining what caused the adolescent to behavior in such a manner. It worked well. Imagine there were three of us there and we were able to work together to help these teens. I learned much from them also. In your case, you will need to know what her speciality is. Such a horrible experience for you leaving you frustrated, angry, and not being heard let alone being able to express yourself for some relief.
thoughts and prayers to you my friend..

[brzghoff]

Just got home from my first appointment with the therapist (licensed clinical social worker) at the Medicaid clinic ... she asked me to give her a brief history of my mental health issues ... she's never even heard of ssri discontinuation syndrome, or that there's any particular difficulty quitting an antidepressant ... much less Cymbalta-specific problems .... she didn't know what I meant when I explained I have dopamine deficient depression that responds to Wellbutrin but not ssri's ... she doesn't know anything about dopamine, serotonin or norepinephrine ... she'd never heard of anyone having an adverse reaction the generic wellbutrin ... or any generic drug .... etc etc etc ... and when I told her about my bizarre behavior and loss of memory while on Cymbalta, and how I'm struggling to "reintegrate" and deal with the shock of all that, she just shook her head in disbelief ...
 
Nothing I told her about what's really been going on with me "registered" with her ... her face kept getting blanker and blanker ... so, I gave up trying to explain my medical history, and just talked about my anxiety/panic issues .... in context of my job search ... that stuff she could relate/respond to ...
 
Oh yeah, I told her about this forum, and how important it's been to my recovery ... she gave me the usual shpiel (sp?) about not believing/trusting everything I read online ...

Now I'm on the edge of an anxiety attack ... the sheer frustration, anger and "twilight zone sense" of not being believed/acknowledged ... just took some clonidine and valium ...

Next appointment scheduled for a month from now. AAAARGH ....

 

 

must be therapy day… i got back from my therapist about 3 hours ago. i am sorry to hear that your new therp is clueless. hopefully she can at least help with the cognitive stuff. i hate the comments about "online info" like we don't have a clue how to consume modern media. if this forum was the only place i'd heard about discontinuation syndrome, i might be suspicious - even though i am feeling symptoms. however, there is a preponderance of evidence from reliable sources in the medical community that indicate otherwise. it is amazing some doctors/therapists/nurse practitioners/etc have such tunnel vision. there is no doubt that one must tread carefully in the age of the internet, but anyone with an ounce of common sense can manage. 

 

my therp believes that there is a discontinuation syndrome, but shrugs his head and says what are ya gonna do about it? he then confronts me with all the excuses i make as to why i can't do something or why i react a certain way. he says i'm "disturbing myself" and he's right, darn it! he's known me for ten years so he is very comfortable calling me out when i say something irrational. 

[FiveNotions]

aw, thanks Carleeta, as always you've managed to "buck me up" when I get down ...

 

There's nothing this gal can do for me/ to help me ... her specialty is family issues ... low income, immigrant family issues ... alcohol, poverty, physical and sexual abuse, anything and everything mental health related that one typically finds in a Medicaid clinic ....

 

I explained to her, and this she did understand, that I'm not the typical Medicaid client ... law degree, library science degree, highly articulate and ... compared to her other clients ... massively high functioning ... not to mention, able (and willing) to discuss neurotransmitters and how they function at the drop of a hat ...

 

I set the appointment with her next month in order to "round out" the horribly low quality network of medical "professionals" I currently have .. a GP, a prescribing shrink, and this LCSW ... it's the best I can do right now ... and I want to keep her "just in case" ....

 

God willing (and the creek don't rise), I'll be able to find a job in the next month or two... one with health benefits so I can get out of the Medicaid system....

[Carleeta]

FiveNotions...Well you knew your answer even before my post...lol lol lol.  This might turn out to be a blessing in disguise.  She may know of someone who can help.  I'm sure you will ask her.  Had the feeling she was just the average social worker.  Not much help to you, sadly.  Isn't is possible for you to see a psychologist somewhere?  In this way you will have someone who has expertise in the area to help you and who will understand all about the neurotransmitters and their function.  Then again, you will need to see a psychiatrist who has majored in neurology...  Keep searching...  I'm sure they are out there in DC.  Infact, there has to be quite a few out there and I'm sure you will find one which will accept Medicaid.  Isn't there a regulation there in DC where a physician cannot refuse to see you if you do have Medicaid?  Here in NYS they have to accept you....

[FiveNotions]

Nope, no such regulation in DC ... more and more docs, shrinks, therapists, etc are simply refusing to accept Medicaid ... I've already spent way too much time calling around to the "good" psychologists, docs etc ... the answer is uniformly either "no longer accepting new patients" ... "don't accept Medicaid" ... and, in the case of my former shrink and GP.... "retiring due to obamacare" (they don't want to deal with the increased regulatory/paperwork burden) ...

 

In my opinion, this forum is the best therapy I could ever want ... or get ... for the issues I'm dealing with ... which are all Cymbalta/antidepressant related ... I've got friends her who are supportive, give me honest/blunt feedback when needed, share tons of solid facts and information, and put a smile on my face with their humor and zany "take" on this whole mess ...

[Carleeta]

FiveNotions, once again today I am not surprised with the outcome of Medicaid and refusals of treatment in your area. It seems to be in many areas and now that there is Obamacare there is an increase in patients and paperwork. I totally agree with you. I know you have been searching for a doctor and running into issues where doctors are refusing patients or changed their location. It's a shame with all the medical insurance we paid while employed. You've done your search for the doctors and with no success.

Yes, I totally agree this forum is a god sent. You will have more success here and people who care, listen, and offer..

[brzghoff]

aw, thanks Carleeta, as always you've managed to "buck me up" when I get down ...

 

There's nothing this gal can do for me/ to help me ... her specialty is family issues ... low income, immigrant family issues ... alcohol, poverty, physical and sexual abuse, anything and everything mental health related that one typically finds in a Medicaid clinic ....

 

I explained to her, and this she did understand, that I'm not the typical Medicaid client ... law degree, library science degree, highly articulate and ... compared to her other clients ... massively high functioning ... not to mention, able (and willing) to discuss neurotransmitters and how they function at the drop of a hat ...

 

I set the appointment with her next month in order to "round out" the horribly low quality network of medical "professionals" I currently have .. a GP, a prescribing shrink, and this LCSW ... it's the best I can do right now ... and I want to keep her "just in case" ....

 

God willing (and the creek don't rise), I'll be able to find a job in the next month or two... one with health benefits so I can get out of the Medicaid system....

 

 

sounds like you are gaining a level head about this through all the frustration, disappointment and lack of validation from someone who is supposed to be able to help you. as for your job search, it seems like with your credentials and living in DC there ought to be some kind of opportunity - maybe there is a patient advocacy group that has a lobby with an office on K street ;-) 

[Carleeta]

Ok, I'll be the first to admit this...  My negative today is I'm truly feeling ThringinFl's  anxiousness..  Thruthfully, I'm a bit worried how she is doing, now that I see there are two hurricanes which are headed towards Hawaii.   One they believe will hit late Thursday and the other on Sunday.  and I believe  her son's wedding is on Friday..  I know she was flying out today.  The good part of this, is she is traveling with her son and not alone.  I sure pray she is doing ok.    

 

It's funny how much we truly care about all out members here on this forum...

[ShadyLady]

Oh, Carleeta! I'm so glad you posted that 'Negative'...I have been so worrying about Liz also! I do hope she can check in with us soon:)

[FiveNotions]

Same here ... also feeling anxiety "on behalf" (vicariously?) of Liz ... hope she'll have some sort of internet access at the hotel/resort ... many places these days have guest services / business centers where there's free (or cheap) computer use and 'net access ... I just checked the weather for Hawaii, and there's a tropical storm watch posted ... with slightly different info for each of the islands ... which one is TFL heading to?

http://www.weather.c...e=PHFO&etn=2009

[ShadyLady]

She is headed to Oahu;).

[FiveNotions]

Thanks, Cym ... looks like it's "the big island" Hawaii that's going to get the worst weather ... Oahu isn't going to get hit with much ... rain, winds up to 40 mph, then clearing Friday through Sunday ... still likely crappy for a beach wedding, however ...