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My Wife, Cold Turkey


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#61 fishinghat

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Posted 04 December 2019 - 09:33 AM

This will be tough for her as there will surely be some level of setback afterwards. Please be sure and plan on some relaxation and quiet time after she returns from the trip. Her mental fortitude will get better as time passes.

#62 invalidusername

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Posted 04 December 2019 - 05:59 PM

Agree with Hat - this is the best thing you can do. What you mentioned had to be expected and the fact that she is still willing to go ahead shows her strength in all this. Just think back to how happy you were when this was arranged.... and anyone in this situation would have a certain amount of stress and anxiety. As happy as weddings and breaks etc are, everyone manages to see the stress response in it all, but the aftermath of all the build-up will be something else altogether, so continue to encourage and help where you can to make the process of preparation as light work as possible so she has the energy left to enjoy everything.

 

This was one of the reason why the mrs and I didn't have a big wedding - far too much hassle, preparation and attention!! Just her, me, the parents, close friends and a few stuffed animals that were insisted an invite :)


#63 fishinghat

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Posted 04 December 2019 - 06:11 PM

"and a few stuffed animals that were insisted an invite"

Ahh ha, you did find out what to do with a cat. You taxidermy them!! Great idea!!

#64 invalidusername

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Posted 04 December 2019 - 06:23 PM

Walked right into that one didn't I :)

 

Still sick, but I couldn't help but laugh... shame on me!!


#65 gail

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Posted 06 December 2019 - 08:37 AM

Bravo for you all. If she can take on a trip like this, she's on the mend.

We are all proud of you both. An update would be appreciated. Have fun with the little wee ones. Love. Bon voyage Madame CP23.

#66 Cp23

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Posted 13 December 2019 - 10:27 PM

She made it to the top.
#proud

#67 invalidusername

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Posted 14 December 2019 - 08:26 AM

Amen!


#68 Cp23

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Posted 20 December 2019 - 10:14 AM

She starts the long journey home today. She's made it to the top of Africa, survived the lions and is now ready to come home. She did it.

#69 Cp23

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Posted 20 December 2019 - 10:21 AM

Oh and day 180. Proud to say that dad also made it through this period without any real issues. The kids have been fantastic

#70 fishinghat

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Posted 20 December 2019 - 10:24 AM

Now that is a story book ending. So happy for you all. I bet you will be glad when she gets home.


#71 gail

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Posted 26 December 2019 - 06:27 AM

Cp23,

I must say that your wife has a lot of spunk!
It took me two years to be well enough to go see my mom in Spain. It was marvelous, and alone with God.
Later, maybe another update? Thank you.

#72 Cp23

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Posted 28 December 2019 - 04:34 AM

She does indeed have a lot of spunk. She's braver than she thinks. Unfortunately just before she left, she had a big set back with one of the mums from our school. There are allegations that my wife hurt another child in the act of seperating our son and hers in a fight. I was hoping that this would have been cleared up by the time she got home, unfortunately it's only gotten worse. I'm so grateful for that trip as I don't think she'd have been as strong as she is being now in order to handle the allegations. It's a really disasterous position to be in, and unfortunately these sorts of things have a habbit of sticking about. My wife is innocent (the sheer number of tears shed because of it indicates to me as much). But yeah, this is less than ideal, and it has us questioning the next move. 


#73 fishinghat

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Posted 28 December 2019 - 09:47 AM

Good grief, that is the last thing she needs right now. And I am sure that rumors will fly long after it all is settled.

 

My sincere sympathy and best wishes to you both.


#74 invalidusername

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Posted 28 December 2019 - 03:05 PM

There was me thinking it was just the UK that sees this sort of thing. These parents will do anything for money/attention/self-indulging egotism. I sincerely hope that this is suitable worked out in your favour. But given the all teachers are required by law to be vetted (I assume as they are in the UK), there should be some support. Whenever I am involved with a minor (as my work occasionally does), I insist that an adult is present at all time, otherwise I outright refuse.

 

A cruel twist of rate - my thoughts are with you both.


#75 Cp23

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Posted 22 January 2020 - 08:05 AM

So a bit of a follow up.

It's been a funny journey up unitl now. She is still having some massive anxiety over the school thing, which will soon come to a head once the school year starts up.

The university course is causing her no end of stress as well. 

 

Out of the pan and into the frying pan.

 

But this too shall pass. 


#76 invalidusername

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Posted 22 January 2020 - 05:48 PM

Such as life unfortunately. Try not to get the ways of everyday life confused with the effects of the drug. Everyone feels this pain and anguish from similar scenarios, but she will be left quite vulnerable after her journey. 

 

But neither of you can loose sight of the fact that people endure this sort of thing every day. This is normal life and it is a case of learning how to cope with it rather that fight against it - the latter will only end in more problems. Like I said the other day in another post..

 

Don't wait for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain.


#77 Cp23

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Posted 11 February 2020 - 05:23 AM

School has been back one week now. The fantastic thing is that the other parents at the school have suggested that this is a major over reaction, we've heard nothing from the school either. So the general feeling is that we've past the worst of the worst.
Regarding university, she's incredibly anxious about this course and was contemplating withdrawing and trying again in 12 months. Luckily we went and saw a Dr today who had referred her for counselling and some learning techniques to cope with the anxiety when it hits.
At the gp she completed a questionnaire, and the wonderful thing was that her depression scores were brilliantly low, especially when compared to the same questionnaire she completed 3 years ago.

So she's doing excellently in a lot of ways and we have some options for the future especially with her stress management.

#78 fishinghat

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Posted 11 February 2020 - 10:14 AM

"Luckily we went and saw a Dr today who had referred her for counselling and some learning techniques to cope with the anxiety when it hits."

Excellent, I can't stress how helpful stress coping skills have been for me. A real blessing but it does take some time to get good at them.

#79 invalidusername

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Posted 11 February 2020 - 01:04 PM

Absolutely agree with Hat here.

 

Meds just didn't cut it for me. My therapist has been my proverbial life-raft. Never underestimate the important of a good CBT and life-management therapist. 





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