201 replies to this topic

[perrypool]

Day 79: 35th day off Cymbalta! Ok, here we go again… I had a good day today! I should say a great day! Let’s hope I can put a few of these together again. I’ll tell ya, this Cymbalta withdrawal is one wild ride! The past few “bad days” really had me wondering if it was normal to feel this bad after so many days off the Cymbalta. Well it seems that a lot of people still feel withdrawal symptoms several weeks and longer after weaning off. Knowing that really made me feel better. I just wish I knew when I will feel normal again: at least I know those days are coming. I still felt sluggish today but mentally I was in a much better mood. My grandson will be spending the next 4 days with me starting tomorrow night and I really want to be in better spirits this time when he’s here. I was pretty testy last time around and I don’t want to repeat that. Anyway, it’s been a long active day and I’m tired, but in a good way for a change, so I’ll be running along. Before I close today I wanted to give a shout out to my friends over at http://cymbaltasurvivors.com/ for really helping me when I needed it most. I don’t know if that’s allowed but I really wanted to thank them so please forgive me if I committed a no no. Also thanks to everyone here for your continued support! I deeply appreciate it! Hope everyone has a great night!

Perry

[perrypool]

Day 80, 81 and 82: 36th, 37th, and 38th day off of Cymbalta. I’m back….LOL Thought it was time to catch up. I really don’t like to miss any days posting here. Not only do I think it helps me, but it’s easier to remember exactly how I’m feeling when I post daily. I think all the years of anti-depressants have left me a little squirrely.

So here goes: After having a good day Wednesday, Thursday started seeing the return of some depression. I also felt lightheaded for most of the day. I really wanted to be in a good mood when my grandson got here and for the most part I was. Later in the evening I was kinda grouchy and testy.

Friday was really a test for me. I woke up with one hell of a bad sinus headache and it was raining outside. By the time I got my grandson dressed and we walked the dog, my patience was shot. Did you know that a three year old has no idea that if he cuts in front of you on every third step while the dog is pulling you and you are trying to keep an umbrella over your head, you have to catch yourself from falling flat on your face? Looking back it must have been a funny site but at the time it was the most stressful, aggravating moment of my life! As the day went on, I kept trying to regain my patience. I kept trying to “be in a good mood”. I had some moments when I felt totally helpless. I had moments when I felt like crying…thinking that if I started I would never stop. I felt so tired. There were times that I could barely keep my eyes open. Later that night when my wife got home from work I finally realized… I was being the best I could be. I was not a bad person. I’m a good person going thru a bad time. I have a reason that I’m feeling and acting that way. I realized that for now, sometimes the way I feel and act will be out of my control. These bad times will pass. I will be better. Overall, I had a good day with my grandson and I was much better than I was last time he visited. Even my wife said she could tell the difference so it has to be true…LOL

Today was a much better day. I had more patience today and I was in a much better mood. I did have a lot of leg and foot pain overnight but I didn’t feel as dizzy and lightheaded today. I was alone with my grandson all day and only got angry once. When I got mad I was able to realize that I was over reacting to the situation and I calmed down quickly. We rode bikes and enjoyed being outside in the sun! Ahhh… the difference a day makes! So the roller coaster ride continues. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? I know I am making progress. I know I will get better. I know you will too!

Perry

[perrypool]

Day 83 and 84: 39th and 40th day Off Cymbalta. Sunday started out fine but by mid-morning I started to feel extremely tired and cranky. I let something silly make me mad and I got really angry. I took it out unfairly on my wife by having a big argument with her. I ruined her day and mine. I acted selfishly and immature and I’m not proud or happy about that. Today I woke up in better spirits and spent some time playing with my grandson before he headed home. I’m gunna miss him. I really enjoyed having him here the last four days. It’s probably good that he’s gone because my depression has set back in this afternoon. I’m not depressed about anything in particular. I’m depressed about everything it seems. I feel like a big dark cloud is over me. My self esteem is non-existent. I’m upset that I’m getting older. I’m tired of not having any money. I’m upset that I don’t have a job and don’t foresee having one anytime soon. I don’t know how I will ever get out of this situation. I feel like things will be this way forever. My brain wants its happy pills back and its pissed cause that ain’t gunna happen if I have any say so in the matter. Whew!!! Boy, aren’t you glad you’re not stuck in this house with me? I have no idea how my wife puts up with me! I’m having a hard time keeping my train of thought so I’m gunna wrap this up for today. Thanks for listening.

Perry

[perrypool]

Perrypool:

I mean this in the most respectful and kind way. Are you ready? This is a Southern thing. What I read today is a Grandpa sad to have his little buddy leave. And he is in full Pity Party mode. My neighbor and I have these from time to time. They are very useful. We believe everybody needs to have one from time to time. Take full advantage of the party. Sort of like a dog rolling in the great smell in the grass. So, you need to tell your wife you are in full pity party mode, you are going to submerge yourself in it, enjoy it, roll around in it, and get it out of your system. Honestly, they are helpful. Then, you'll be done. But only if you do it right. And, admitting to it is part of the key. And doing it ALL at once is important too. Cry, scream, feel sorry for yourself, be mad.....and so on. Let her rip!

This may not be depression. It may be a bad day or two. Not weeks of depression.

When you are done with your party, you must start making some goals. If you are not happy with your life, change it, improve it. And you must coax your self esteem back. Take inventory of what you have accomplished. LOTS. We corresponded about how long this withdrawal may take. Be kind. You need to treat yourself as well as you would treat someone else going through this.

If I was 30 days behind you in my withdrawal and feeling low, what would you tell me? Hummmm? Think of the words you would type to tell me to take time. In fact, maybe we should "act" as I am 30 days behind you in my process. I feel like a shaky rung out wash rag. I have headaches, I'm tired, I'm depressed because I want the feeling of that one or two GREAT days I had a while back and they are GONE. I don't know how to tell my family that I'm still suffering 'cuz the chemical should not be in my body anymore but I'm no better. Tell me Perry. Tell me it'll be better.

I'm praying for you my friend....always!

Hi Houdi,

I’m starting to think you’re a psychic. First, you always seem to know when to write me. It’s always when I need it the most. And now you called my grandson my little buddy. That’s exactly how I refer to him sometimes! Any help you can give me with the lottery numbers would be greatly appreciated! LOL

Now on a more serious note, I was having a pity party but I was going about it all wrong. I wasn’t letting it all out. Every time I’ve felt like crying recently I’ve held it in. Well, yesterday I took your advice and “let her rip”. And rip it did! I cried. I moaned. I grimaced. I vocalized. I wept till I was out of breath. And the thing that I feared most of all didn’t happen. I didn’t die. I didn’t lose my mind. It eventually came to an end! I was physically spent when it was over but it took a lot of pressure and stress away with it as well. Now, all I need to do is remember to do this next time I feel that way. Sometimes old habits are hard to break. I’m not going to lie and tell you everything is great today but I’m sure it would be worse if I was still carrying that baggage I rid myself of yesterday.

I admit I’m still afraid that these withdrawal symptoms such as sadness, fatigue, confusion, and hopelessness will never go away. I am trying my best to believe you and my wife when y’all say it will. I think deep down inside I know it will. Sometimes I guess it’s just harder than others to believe it. I just want some sense of normalcy to return. I have to remind myself that for the first time in over twenty years I can “feel” again. Now I have to learn how to deal with my feelings. I guess what I’m trying really hard not to ask is this…. When did you begin to feel normal again? I know that’s not a fair question because everyone is different but I know you understand the feelings of uncertainty I am experiencing. No need to answer that Houdi. I’m gunna trust you girls when you say it will end and I will get better.

Houdi thanks for listening to me ramble on. Thanks for being there. Thanks for understanding.

Perry

P.S. Just wondering… How is Houdi pronounced? Is it like who-dee, hood-dee or how-dee or none of the above?

[perrypool]

Day 85 and 86: 41st and 42nd day without Cymbalta. Yesterday was quite interesting. I started out feeling quite optimistic about the day ahead when I woke up…wasn’t long before that feeling changed to one of being completely overwhelmed. My mind raced from one thought to another. Every thought spiraled downward. I felt so sad, so deeply depressed. I felt like crying but I kept stopping myself. Finally I decided to try something that someone suggested. I just let it out. I let the tears flow and boy did they ever! My wife sat and listened as I cried and related to her how bad I felt. I told her how scared I was that I wasn’t my old self yet. It was the best thing I could have done. Yes it was hard while it lasted but I felt better afterward. Today I’m feeling a somewhat better. I’m kinda tired and my thinking is kind of fuzzy but I’m not in that black hole I was in yesterday. I’m trying to remain upbeat. This journey has been a long one. Obviously it’s not over yet. That’s a hard pill to swallow but what else can I do. I’m forging ahead… I want to join you folks that have made it! My couch is calling. Think I’m gunna let my mind take a rest for a while. See you tomorrow.

Perry

[perrypool]

Dear Perrypool:

I will tackle the "light note" question of, how is Houdi pronounced? Well, my answer is, "Any way that works for you!" I pronounce it Hooooo dee. Hum, wonder if there is any hidden message in that? Not!

Now, on to the heavier question, "When did you begin to feel normal again?" I realized a couple of months ago there was no "normal" after Cymbalta. My normal was drug induced. I didn't want that. Though, I believe sometimes I would like not to have the emotional dilemmas life brings, but "normal" people have to deal with these issues and emotions, and that is my new goal.

For example, last night I went to bed and "fussed" over something I was mad about. (Didn't know it still bothered me until I layed my head on my pillow.) It had been an issue weeks ago, but I'm going to loose sleep and ruminate over it. And so in my head, as I waited to fall asleep, I imagined email, calling, visiting, confronting the people that didn't fix this issue to my satisfaction. I have to just let that happen at night sometimes. Issues just become bigger than they should really be. I lay in bed and over react to something I have no control. And, I get it out of my head and fall asleep. But, I have to let my brain/mind/consciousness work it out.

It is almost as though I have to be consciously aware that my mind is working on something. Then, I can literally talk myself through the process. The process I need for the situation last night was, "So, what good is any of this thought of confrontation and email/phone call "bombs" going to do? These people don't care. I'm upset about that, because they are in a position where they should care. But, hey, I'm not going to fix that! Shame on them! Good night."

So, bottom line, when you have the 'opportunity' to feel good or bad, be consciously aware of how your mind is going about the process. Be aware of the times you are dealing with things; be aware of how you are dealing with your emotions. Take note not to just gloss over how you are reacting good or bad. If you are overwhelmed. Why? Is it a rational reason? Break down the issue into smaller pieces. Is it that big? Tackle it one step at a time.

Other thing, and I dislike generalities, but I do believe that men have a harder time feeling emotional. Like it's not manly. But the good side is, men love to "fix" things, so you will be much better at taking an issue or feeling and tackling it. Just make sure you break it up into smaller pieces before you take it on.

Phew, that was terribly long. Sorry!

Uh oh, one other thing. I think you feel a little loss and sadness when your "little buddy" left. As a woman, I say, "Ah that is so sweet." As a man, you probably say, "I'm such a wienie if that is true." You're a good Grandpa! I know, generalities are so bad...sorry. My bad...

Oh, lotto numbers. How many? :)

Hiya Houdi,

Thanks for letting me know how to say your name. I think I hasve it figured out. LOL

You were really on a roll when you wrote today...your fingers must have been burning up the keyboard. I understand what you mean about feeling normal. After so many years of constantly being drugged I'm starting to feel sober again. Now I can feel my emotions... all of them. I was used to feeling dopey now I have to gert used to feeling alive again.

I can totally relate to the "fix things" mentallity men have. Used to be when my wife was upset and crying about something I would try to comfort her by trying to "fix" whatever the problem was. She would tell me, "you don't have to fix it, I just need you to listen". So I learned to just be there for her and hold her and listen. that's exactly what she wanted and it worked. I like your idea about breaking the problem down to smaller pieces. I might start doing what I used to do years ago. I would keep a pencil and piece of paper next to the bed. I called it my worry list. Once I wrote down whatever was on my mind or what ever I wanted to do, I would not think about it anymore. I didn't nned to rehash it in my brain cause it was on my list. As I accomplished things I simply crossed them out. It worked wonders for me. I don't know why I ever stopped doing that.

I do feel a sense of loss when "my little buddy "goes home but that's not the only thing. The last couple of times he was here I wasn't in the best of moods. Sometimes I felt so bad physically that I couldn't do the things I wanted to do with him. I was mad about feeling that way. I was mad at Cymbalta and mad at myself. I felt guilty, like I had cheated him out of some enjoyment. Considering what I have been going thru, I did the best I could at the time. I will always feel the sense of lose when he leaves, but hopefully I will continue to feel better and each time he comes over things will be better. I talked to him last night and he told me he wants to come back to visit already!!! And here I was thinking I was a crappy Paw Paw! Just goes to show you, things are not always how we perceive them to be! And on that note I'd like to share a quote with you that I found the other day:

You and I do not see things as they are. We see things as we are.
Herb Cohen

Hope you like it. I've been pondering and reading it several times a day.

Houdi, thanks again for being there. Thanks for all your help.

Sincerely,
Perry

P.S. Send as many "winning" lotto numbers as you can.... and make it quick. LOL

[perrypool]

Day 87: 43rd day off Cymbalta. Other than a sinus headache I’m feeling pretty good today. I’ve been a little jittery, think it’s just a normal energetic feeling that I’m not used to feeling. That’s a good thing! Something else good to report…after an evening of feeling somewhat nervous, something really exciting happened last night. After taking a good hot shower and singing the whole time I was doing so, I continued to sing and was in a really good mood when it was time for bed. My wife was busy reading something she normally does each night, and I began picking on her and teasing her… all in good fun, nothing mean spirited. Next thing you know I was laughing about something. It was a real big deep belly kind of laugh. You know, the kind that feels really good. For those few minutes, nothing else mattered or even existed. I just had a really good laugh. I can’t remember the last time I laughed that good. It felt fantastic!!! Hopefully we all have more to laugh about in the coming days!!! Take care my friends.

Perry

[perrypool]

Perrypool:

Oh how I wish I could have heard you laugh! A wonderful belly laugh. Did you have some laughing so hard tears and your stomach muscles hurt too? That kind of laugh buys you an extra year of life. These are the times you have to remember when you ask when will I be normal. Like I say, it sort of creeps in. After all the wide pendulum mood and physical swings from withdrawal, normal things happen in life. Singing in the shower, teasing with your spouse, laughing at length, loving.....

Hum, I need to mentally work on your new found quote. I believe you are correct that is sure applies to us trying to find our way from the old Cymbalta fox hole:

You and I do not see things as they are. We see things as we are.
Herb Cohen

Here are your winning lotto #'s :) 2,7,9,11,30 and 57?????? Of course, I don't know when or where those numbers will work...or if?

Your friend...Houdi!

Oh Houdi My dear..... if you were here right now you would hear that laugh of mine! I busted out laughing when I read the lotto numbers! I can't believe you actually sent them. that was cute. Thank you. I will definitely send you some money if they hit!

Glad you liked the quote. here's another for you.

Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure.
Norman Vincent Peale

You were right when you said normalcy creeps in. I'm feeling it more and more each day. I know if I fall back into that deep hole I will be better prepared to handle it this time, thanks to your help. Take care my friend. Hope you have a great weekend!

Perry

[perrypool]

Day 88 and 89: 44th and 45th day off Cymbalta.
I have really felt good these past two days. Still having some fatigue and some leg and foot pain while I sleep but that’s about it. I feel upbeat. Maybe I am nearing the end of my journey. I hope so. I think I deserve it… LOL Hope everyone has a great weekend! I’m heading out to spend some time in the sun!

Perry

[perrypool]

Day 90 and 91: 46th and 47th off Cymbalta. Been feeling good the last couple of days, just not sleeping well. I have also been having cravings the last several days. It’s been about 5 years since I quit smoking cigarettes and about four months since I gave up cigars. I have dreamt about smoking and sometimes out of the blue I have that old craving for a smoke. I think my brain is seeking pleasures from the past to take the place of the Cymbalta. It’s like it wants to replace one bad habit with another. My dreams have also been filled with events and people from my past that brought me great pleasure at some time in my life. My brain can reach out all it wants, but it’s not getting any Cymbalta! Those days are over….LOL Also my appetite has gone thru the roof! I’ve put on about 6 pounds in the last two weeks. Sometimes not matter how much I eat I still feel hungry. I have to keep an eye on that!

Yesterday was a really good day for me. I actually drove to and ate at a restaurant about 5 miles from my house. It had been 17 days since I had driven so it was real important that I got out. Now that I can’t rely on the Cymbalta to curb my anxiety and panic disorder, I have to start taking the necessary steps needed to learn how to live with my new feelings. Sometimes those feelings are overwhelming and scary but at least I CAN FEEL AGAIN and I am thankful for that! If I can start sleeping better I wouldn’t be so tired and probably could handle my new found feelings better. The world feels like a much faster place when you’re not a drug induced zombie! Still taking it one day at a time…

Perry

[nossri4me]

Perry,
I am so glad to read you are having more good days than bad now! Sounds like you are almost free from this horrible detox. You were talking about memories, I have found my brain is recalling things, both good and bad, that I haven't thought of in many years since the Cymbalta is gone.
And you went out to a restaurant so far from home! Awesome!
I hope things continue to go well and wish you the best.
Nossri4me

[bethanne]

You'll be fine Hillary..hang inthere. I was doing the same...60mg, down to 30mg....and then off. I'm still struggling in my 2nd week off and wow, brain zaps, sweating, irritated, shaky....achy, headaches. Not to scare you, it may be less for you than me.
So far since reading suggestions in here, I'm using some benadryl, a little clonapin that I had prescribed for anxiety and some amino acids. Seems to be helping today.

[perrypool]

Perry,
I am so glad to read you are having more good days than bad now! Sounds like you are almost free from this horrible detox. You were talking about memories, I have found my brain is recalling things, both good and bad, that I haven't thought of in many years since the Cymbalta is gone.
And you went out to a restaurant so far from home! Awesome!
I hope things continue to go well and wish you the best.
Nossri4me

hi noss,
Good to hear from you again. Hope you are doing well too! Yes, I'm still having bad days but they are not as bad as they had been. It's weird that we are both having the memories. maybe thats another symptom of these crazy withdrawals, as if we needed any more! LOL Take care,
Perry

[perrypool]

Hi Perry,

I'm finding your posts very informative. There is a huge lack of official information about Cymbalta withdrawals online, and this thread is (by far) the most helpful to me. I'm on day 4 of my Cymbalta weaning, and it's already unpleasant. I was at 60mg (plus Wellbutrin), and my doctor has cut it down to 30.. but she never mentioned withdrawals. Ugh.. I've been feeling very nervous and scared lately, and I often find myself dizzy or achy. I just can't wait for the lovely brain zaps to start! That's one symptom I've read about on nearly every site. Seems really common. I had no idea what I'd be going through or how long it would last, but now at least I have a better idea. Thank you! I'm glad that your discontinuation has gone well; it gives me hope.

On a side note, when reading your earliest comment about Gustav, I just knew you had to be from Louisiana. We have the worst luck with weather, don't we? I'm near LSU so we were hit pretty hard. Thankfully my medications weren't acting up at the time.. I would have freaked out!

Hilary

Hi Hilary,

Thank you for writing. I'm glad you find my posts helpful. You have already made the hardest step, the first one. You should be very proud of yourself! I'm not going to lie, you have some work ahead of you, but you can do it. Remember to take it one day at a time or one minute at a time if you must. Try to treat yourself as nice as possible. Rest when you feel tired, eat when you are hungry and try not to over do anything. Another very informative forum is http://cymbaltasurvivors.com/. I don't post there everday like I do here but it is a great place for support and info.

Yes I'm pretty close to Tiger Town. About an hour east of you. Hope you are getting back to normal since Gustav. I road out Katrina in my house so I know how long recovery can be. Keep us posted on your journey off Cymbalta. Take care,

Perry

[perrypool]

Day 92 and 93: 48th and 49th day without Cymbalta. Just yesterday I was telling someone that my “bad days” were not as bad as they had been…Twenty four hours later that is no longer so. Either I’m coming down with some kind of bug or my withdrawal symptoms are BACK WITH A VENGENCE!

Yesterday started out with me feeling pretty good. I had some anger issues in the morning and as the day wore on I started to get those “I wanna cry at everything” feelings. I tried my best to just run with them and cry when I felt like it. I think I did fairly well with that.

Last night I had bad and weird dreams. Felt like my brain raced all night from one dream to another and then I would repeat them. Needless to say I didn’t sleep well at all.

This morning I woke up feeling tired, depressed and achy and I think my “BRAIN ZAPS” are back. I know withdrawals can last a while, but give me a break! I hope the sensations are from a flu bug or something. I’m really tired of feeling like this. I think I’m also going thru my winter doldrums at the same time I usually go thru some type of funk every time the seasons change.

I have also had this incredible “ITCH” on my right for arm the past few days. There is no visible sign of anything there but it itches like crazy! I’ve been putting hydrocortisone cream on it but that doesn’t seem to help at all! Does this sound familiar to anyone?

Well I’m heading to the couch to ride this out. I will post again when I feel up to it. Right now all I want to do is close my eyes and rest. Hope everyone has a great day.

Perry

[perrypool]

Hiya Houdi,

Looks like it was a 24 hour type of bug thank goodness! Glad to know I'm not the only one with the phantom itch....LOL It does drive you crazy huh? Guess we'll just have to wait and see what becomes of that. My little buddy got here last night and I'll have him till Monday. Seems like each time he's here I handle it better. :) Still feel better when my wife gets home though...LOL He can really give this old man a run for his money! :)
Hope all is well with you Houdi. Take care... talk to ya soon,

Perry

Perrypool:

BIG HUG! Tough day(s) and I'm so sorry.

Re the itch...I get an itch on the outside of my sole of my left foot. It is ALWAYS there these days. It isn't dry or red there. I've tried EVERYTHING. I have moisturized, buffed, oiled, slathered and lathered gels, creams, and medicine on it. And yes, some days it sends me "over the edge." So, I try not to scratch, but sometimes when I'm reading or trying to go to sleep, I'll accidentally start scratching. In fact, just typing about it, I want to ... you know....arrrggghhhh!

I hope you aren't getting some virus. Yucky huh? Take really good care and maybe curl up in a chair with a blanket and some chicken soup. Whatever you find soothing. I'm there in spirit with you my friend!

[perrypool]

Day 94 and 95: 50th and 51st day with no Cymbalta. Well I got lucky… after a day of low grade fever and a killer headache whatever I had is gone! The brain zappy feelings went away as well. I’m pretty sure they were related to feeling bad and not the withdrawals.

So today day 51 without Cymbalta… I truly can’t say that I’m feeling the way I thought I would at this stage of the game but at least I’m feeling a little better everyday. I still question my wife and others when they say it takes time for your body to regulate itself and that I’m right on schedule but what else can I do. I just have to believe and try to be patient! Sometimes its not easy. I want to feel better now! But don’t we all!...LOL Keeping my chin up and hope you do too. We have my grandson over for the weekend so I probably won’t post again till Monday. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Perry

[perrypool]

Day 96, 97 and 98: 52nd, 53rd, and 54th Day off Cymbalta. Well hello again, it’s been one hell of a weekend! Please allow me to recap:

Day 96, Saturday… Had a pretty good day on Friday. Didn’t feel all that great physically but enjoyed the day with my grandson. Then Saturday came!!! I was extremely tired, and easily agitated. I just didn’t feel like myself. I felt detached and severely depressed. Felt like life was totally overwhelming me. Felt like I would loose control at any moment. I felt like I was losing my mind. I was alone with my grandson all day so I did my best to keep it together till my wife got home from work. It was by far the worst day I have had since I got off the Cymbalta. No matter how hard I tried to remain upbeat and positive it did no good!

Day 97, Sunday… All I wanted to do was sleep. I layed around and watched football and tried to nap but couldn’t. I watched as my wife played with my grandson out in the yard. I had no desire to join them. Why? I wish I knew why. I felt like a total failure as a grandpa. I know I am going thru a tuff time right now but I still feel like I should be willing and able to enjoy every minute my grandson is here. Maybe I’m expecting too much of myself. I don’t know. Is it withdrawals? Is it my winter blues acting up? Whatever it is I’m tired of feeling like this.

Day 98, Today…. Still feeling fatigued. I took a short nap and all I did was have bad dreams. I felt unreal, anxious, overwhelmed and depressed for much of the day. I even had some minor brain zapping feelings. My anger issues have resurfaced this evening! I’m full of good news, huh? LOL I’m only starting to feel better as I write this. I knew this was good therapy! Seriously though… the last few days have been a living hell for me. I felt so bad that I did additional online research last night about anti-depressant withdrawals. Found out what I already knew. For some folks the withdrawal or discontinuation syndrome as it is called can last a long time. I’m really hoping that I start to have more good days soon. This stretch of bad days really beat me up. Thank god , there’s always tomorrow.

Perry

[perrypool]

Hi Houdi,

Thanks for the advice and strength. I'm gunna try to take a walk today and enjoy some sun. Houdi you have always been an inspiration to me and I can't thank you enough. I hope you have a great Thanksgiving!

Perry

Perrypool:
May tomorrow be better. I am sorry your visit with your buddy didn't go as you had planned. Keep the faith. Keep your cool. Get some sun on your face and a little walk for your SAD. My prayers are headed in your direction. Feel my strength, ok?

Houdi

[perrypool]

Day 99 and 100: 55th and 56th day off Cymbalta. Boy I can’t believe its been 100 days since I started the weaning process. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs so far, but it has been worth it! Anything is better than the way Cymbalta, and for that matter, all the anti-depressants made me feel.

Yesterday I decided to push myself to take a walk around the block and I’m glad I did. It wasn’t easy considering how I had been feeling but I think it did me a world of good! Once I was out I decided to push myself by walking further than I had planned so I could go visit with a friend of mind. I spent about 20 minutes by his house then I returned home. I must admit, the walk really made me tired but I think it helped jump start my mood improvement. I was in a good mood last night and am in one so far today. If all goes well I plan to walk again today. In the mean time I need to do some cooking and stuff for tomorrow’s big Thanksgiving meal.

By the way, I am still suffering leg and foot pain at night while I sleep. But if my mood continues to improve, which I can tell its on an upswing right now, I’ll handle to pain until it decides to pass.

Hope everyone has a happy and stress free ( if that’s possible…LOL) Thanksgiving!!!

Take care my friends!

Perry

[perrypool]

Day 101,102, 103, and 104: 57th, 58th, 59th, and 60th day off Cymbalta. Well its day 60 with no Cymbalta! That’s another milestone for me! I’m doing pretty good too. Thanksgiving went really well. I handled the stress well and I even cooked the turkey! I’ve been a little bummed out yesterday and today though. The weather has been rainy and cloudy so that doesn’t help. Now that I’m no longer a Cymbalta zombie my brain is thinking a lot clearer and now I can comprehend my situation better. I now realize how much I have missed due to my agoraphobia. I now realize how bad my financial situation is due to my not working. I now realize how much work lies ahead of me if I am to rebuild my life. It can be overwhelming. I just need to learn how to live with my new found feelings. I’m sure it will get better with time. I’m just kinda lost right now, but I WILL GET BETTER! Hope all is well with you. Have a great day. See you soon,
Perry

[perrypool]

Day 105 and 106: 61st and 62nd day off Cymbalta. Yesterday was a day of ups and downs. I got out of the house and got some sunlight by walking the dog around the neighborhood, which was good. As the day went on I felt depressed and like I was in a state of limbo. It’s kinda hard to explain the way I feel. After 20 years or so on anti-depressants, I’m finally free of them and my mind doesn’t know how to act it seems. One day I’m up, the next day I’m down and my energy level still has not increased to what I thought it would. Today I’m feeling tired, some what depressed and at times, dizzy. I hate to sound like a broken record but I really thought I would feel much different by this stage of the game. I feel like a scatter brain, like I can’t seem to gather my thoughts and head in the right direction. I can’t plan ahead… I just live minute to minute. I know this will change, just wish it would happen soon. I need to get out of this funk! I heard something on tv today that I thought was worth repeating here… “If you don’t believe, you can’t do it. If you believe, you can’t not do it!” I believe and I hope you do too!

Perry

[perrypool]

Day 107, 108 and 109: 63rd, 64th, and 65th day off Cymbalta. Day 107 started out really well. I was feeling very upbeat due to the fact day 106 went so well. On that day I took my dog for a one mile walk and spent the evening reading a very good book while sitting in front of a nice warm fire I built in my fire pit About midway thru day 107 I became suddenly very anxious and felt weak. I can’t figure out what happened. I really don’t know what set that into motion. I spent the rest of the evening in the comfort and safety of my sofa.

Day 108 was much better! As anxious as I was on day 107 that’s how calm I was on day 108! Go figure! I think my mind is still trying to figure out how to handle my new feelings so it sometimes reverts back to its old way of thinking.

Day 109 has started out good and I hope it stays that way! For anyone trying to cope with Cymbalta withdrawal or any kind of stress overload here’s a good saying that will remind you to take things a step at a time and not to worry about the future, “ Inch by inch, life’s a cinch. Yard by yard, life is hard.” I have found that repeating that during the day has helped me keep things in prospective. Hope it helps you as well. Take care my friends!

Perry

[nossri4me]

Hey Perry-
Houdi said it so well. But I thought I should write in and say that I check in and read your posts on a regular basis too.I continue to wish you many more good days.
N

[perrypool]

Perry:

Love the saying you have taken as your mantra! “ Inch by inch, life’s a cinch. Yard by yard, life is hard.” It is so appropriate.

You know I look forward to reading your posts and I find even your "struggle days" a blessing. (Though I wish you didn't have them and I want them to go away.) You are doing such a great job learning to be aware and handling the emotions life brings your way.

Keep posting. You give so many people great hope and insight.

Your friend...Houdi

Hiya Houdi,

I read your reply Friday but didn't get the chance to respond until today. The amazing thing is that as I was walking my dog Friday I suddenly realized how nice the warm sunshine felt so I stopped for a moment, closed my eyes, and tilted my head back to take it all in. As I did this I said to my self, "This ones for you Houdi!" That was my way of showing appreciation for the things you have taught me along my journey to recovery! I enjoyed the warm, peaceful, moment. Then about 5 minutes later when I got home and checked my email, there it was.... your post to me! You may have been posting at the exact time I was relishing the sun! I'm telling you Houdi, your timing is unbelievable! I think it was meant for me and you to meet here so you could help guide and encourage me along the way. I don't know if it was fate or a higher power but I'm glad it happened. As I have said before, you will never realize how helpful you have been to me and I deeply appreciate all of your kind words! I know you have helped many others here as well. We are truely blessed to have you as a friend!

Sincerely,

Perry

[perrypool]

Hey Perry-
Houdi said it so well. But I thought I should write in and say that I check in and read your posts on a regular basis too.I continue to wish you many more good days.
N

Hi noss,
Thank you for keeping an eye out for me. Knowing that folks like you and Houdi are out there in case I need you really helps in so many ways! I hope you are doing well too! Take care my friend!

Sincerely,

Perry

[perrypool]

Day 110 and 111: 66th and 67th day off Cymbalta. I know that the Cymbalta is long gone from my system but there still are times when my body REALLY wants it back! Trying to learn how to live with my new found feelings can be tough at times. Take day 110, Saturday for instance. I got aggravated over something really minor that morning and before I knew it, that feeling turned into anger. Anger that lasted all day! Well I should say most of the day. It didn’t help that I had picked Saturday as the day to decorate the house with Christmas lights. Nothing was falling into place…. The lights were tangled, they didn’t reach where I wanted them to and plants grew in the exact spot I need to put the ladder to get on the roof! Of course every time I got on the roof I needed something that was on the ground! AAHHHH!!!! Many times I threatened to quit but I knew that would even make things worse so I forged ahead. I was totally out done. In the past, I still might have gotten mad or aggravated but the brain numbing effect of the drugs would have kept my anger in check! Now it’s up to me and my attitude towards things to take care of how I react. Sometimes that’s not easy to do but I’m working on it! Day 111 Sunday started out with me having another major anger out burst! It was foolish and childish of me to act that way and it really upset my wife. She deserves better than that! We had plans to go Christmas shopping together and I was ruining that! I decided to push myself to go anyway. The fact that I hadn’t driven or left the neighborhood for 20 days didn’t help either. When I calmed down and realized the error of my ways, we had a nice day together! I didn’t even have any anxiety walking and shopping in the mall! So this old dog is learning some new tricks after all. LOL

If you are going thru Cymbalta withdrawals or you are considering weaning off, you can do it! It might be a long process. It might get very hard at times. But you are stronger than you think. You can do it! You will survive! Remember to take baby steps and you will get there!

Perry

[perrypool]

Day 112,113 and 114: 68th, 69th, and 70th day off Cymbalta. Day 112 started out fine…until about 1p.m. I didn’t eat much for lunch and I was rushing to get ready to go shopping with my wife, when suddenly I didn’t feel right. Some old familiar feelings kicked in. I felt weak, dizzy, anxious, overwhelmed, and unreal. I don’t know if it was because I didn’t eat enough or the fact that I was rushing or the combination of the two. I got that feeling where I just wanted to cry. So I shut down for the day. No shopping, no going out, just laid in bed feeling like my world was ending. Of course it didn’t but I could have cared less if it had.

Day 113 was somewhat better… still felt unreal and anxious. The fact that it was rainy outside didn’t help. My winter doldrums are in full bloom. I really can’t wait till spring! I find myself thinking of people and places from my past. Back before I took meds for my anxiety. Times that I remember as being the best days of my life. I was younger, more vibrant then and my life was full of potential. Those people and places are either gone or are different now. I can’t bring them back. Maybe I’m looking for answers on how to live like that again since I’m off the meds. Maybe it’s the change of life thing, maybe I’m just lonely. I need to shake this feeling and get on with my life. It’s time to make new memories… but I just don’t feel up to that some days. Maybe I need more time to heal. I don’t know.

Day 114, today. 70 days off Cymbalta… another milestone. I never want to go back to being a Cymbalta zombie. I have to forge ahead! I’m feeling a little better today. Hopefully I’m on another upswing! Sometimes I’m just so confused. I feel different since I’m off the antidepressants and I’m not comfortable with the new way I feel. I hope I can be patient long enough to become accustomed to this new feeling. I’m giving it all I have.
That’s all I can do.

Perry

[perrypool]

Day 115 and 116: 71st and 72nd day off of Cymbalta. Day 115 had to be the best day I’ve had so far since getting off the Cymbalta! Not only did I wake up feeling calm and happy but about 7am it started to snow! It was beautiful! It hardly ever snows here in southern Louisiana but yesterday it snowed its butt off! We got about 2 inches were I live and believe me, that’s unheard of! It really put me in the Christmas spirit. I even drove to the mall and went shopping with my wife… with no anxiety or panic! It was a great day!

Today the sun is shining and I’m still in a good mood. Hope this feeling hangs around all weekend because my daughter and grandson are coming to spend the weekend and it would be nice for them to see me in a good mood for a change. Gotta remind myself to take it one day at a time. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Perry

[nossri4me]

Yay Perry! I hope most all of your days are like that in the future.
N