308 replies to this topic

[gail]

We're back!

[invalidusername]

Yes - and we badly need to get some details for Ken!!!

[KathyInFL]

I am so happy we are back! But I have to admit it was nice searching for Gal and IUN and finding them on other social media sites!

[KathyInFL]

So about the ghosting.... this company keeps stringing me along, now they say it's the first full week of the new year that I start working. If I had known that, I would have applied for unemployment payment weeks ago!! I could have applied in early November, but I didn't because they said I would start working in mid November! Grrrr.... so I applied for unemployment yesterday and will take what I can get!

 

I'm also counting on this job so I haven't been applying to other companies. But I'm going to apply to other places starting tomorrow, and if I get a different job that starts earlier, oh well, company 1 loses out!

 

This update doesn't really make much sense, my head is buzzing big time!

[invalidusername]

I can fully understand that your head is buzzing. Mine too. The last few days have been crazy to say the least with what we have been doing for the forum let alone your employment issues.

 

Like you said in our FB chat, it will really help you to have work to get yourself into. Whilst some days can be so so difficult for me, I would be lost without my work....

[KathyInFL]

I had an email this morning that the job will start in January sometime, so at least that takes a little of the anxiety away. I wanted to make airline reservations to see my sister in Philly next week and was afraid that as soon as I made them, the job would be starting next week. Sheese, why do I give such thought to some company who obviously doesn't do the same for me? 

[KathyInFL]

I haven't taken any C in about a week. I was down to 2 beads and just stopped taking them. If I get a bad brain zap (which hasn't happened in a week or two  ) would I be hurting myself to take a bead? I think I will make up a few 1 bead capsules just in case.

[gail]

Hello to our private investigator,

Dear Kathy, again thank you for a job well done!

One week without the C, anything to report? Congratulations for having made it at a low pace, with time and patience. FH will answer this but I guess that I would do just that.

For others info, when did you start your taper?

I still can't believe what you did to get us back. Now, where would we be without you!love

[KathyInFL]

Thanks Gail, I've usually been able to snoop things out on the internet, but IUN was the one who found out who the hosting company was. And I think it's just a coincidence that CW came up a few hours after I called the hosting company!

 

I started this current taper in February 2017, so it's been almost 2 years. Slow but steady. I weighed the beads until I got down to about 20 of the little critters, then the amount of beads was just too small to register on the scale so I started counting.

 

I tried a taper in 2011, but failed at that, I only gave it 6 months and had to go back on the C because I felt awful, the worst at that time was the nausea, eyestrain (probably related to nausea) and the knee and joint aches. How can a little pill cause so much havoc? 

 

Right now I'm dealing with increased tinnitus but I don't know if it's related to the taper. I also can't sleep late anymore, I wake up about 4am to use the bathroom then toss and turn for hours. I am also dealing with dry eye, I also don't know if it's related, but when something happens during the taper, we tend to blame the drug, right?

 

How are you doing, Gail?

[invalidusername]

We all had a part to play in the investigation I feel. I found what I could from being a techie. Does have uses being a nerd sometimes

 

My tinnitus has also got worse since reaching the zero Kathy. I does come in fits and starts, but like you, I know when it is more there than normal. I have a fixed amount that I can phase out, but the 3 weeks it has been more persistent.

 

Regarding the 1 bead, and as Gail said, Hat would be the one here, but for what it is worth, I would worry that taking the one bead sporadically at your sensitivity would perhaps unsettle your level. Shame you can't go to a half! But don't be tempted to every other day. That for sure will not work.

 

As I said, we'll see what Hat says, and I need to learn from him as much as I can as I am here for the duration!!

[fishinghat]

I don't see any problem with taking one bead Kathy. You have been so patient that a little delay won't hurt. I wish everyone has the stamina to take 2 years to withdraw. If I had to do mine over again (God forbid) I would do a 1 to 2 year withdrawal.

[gail]

Thanks Gail, I've usually been able to snoop things out on the internet, but IUN was the one who found out who the hosting company was. And I think it's just a coincidence that CW came up a few hours after I called the hosting company!
 
I started this current taper in February 2017, so it's been almost 2 years. Slow but steady. I weighed the beads until I got down to about 20 of the little critters, then the amount of beads was just too small to register on the scale so I started counting.
 
I tried a taper in 2011, but failed at that, I only gave it 6 months and had to go back on the C because I felt awful, the worst at that time was the nausea, eyestrain (probably related to nausea) and the knee and joint aches. How can a little pill cause so much havoc? 
 
Right now I'm dealing with increased tinnitus but I don't know if it's related to the taper. I also can't sleep late anymore, I wake up about 4am to use the bathroom then toss and turn for hours. I am also dealing with dry eye, I also don't know if it's related, but when something happens during the taper, we tend to blame the drug, right?
 
How are you doing, Gail?

Hello again PI, was examined on Thursday. The good news is that the liver hasn't enlarged, my lungs are fine and I have no pain. So, I'll be here for a time, I gotta check Fishinghat!!

Thanks for asking. The psycholologic, the brain is still playing havoc with the depression and anxiety. I can't believe how a small stress or fatigue can stir my brain wires.

[invalidusername]

Let Acorn loose on those brain wires

 

Lovage always here for you Gailage!!!

[gail]

Hum! I will give some thought to that! Lovage
I'll have to ask him first, by respect!

[invalidusername]

He is pioneering a new way forward for Mental Health - I let him loose on me when he came back to visit...

 

and I am just fine.

 

Which reminds me, I must water the dog and take the plants for a walk...

[fishinghat]

They must be Walking Ferns. I have actually grown a few of those.

[invalidusername]

Ah yes, the Asplenium rhizophyllum...

 

**Said like IUN knows what Hat was talking about**

[KathyInFL]

So I'm still plodding along... I really only want to sit on my couch reading on the internet. I know it's not good for me to just sit around and do nothing, but it's so hard to get motivated. I wasn't like this when I was on the C, but then I had a job and had to get out and do things!

 

Right now I'm forcing myself to go out and walk a couple of miles 4 or 5 days a week. I'm also dieting and I wonder if I am mistaking the hunger (very controlled right now) for anxiety? I still lay in bed for a few hours every morning "thinking" of things, I hate it!

 

And Christmas... how can I get in the Christmas mood? It seems to me that it's being pushed earlier this year or maybe it just seems that way to me since I am not working and have a lot of "free" time? I don't want to do any Christmas shopping for others, I don't know what my family wants, luckily I only buy for the kids these days. I want to tell them to not buy for me, I'm old and have everything I need, if I get another coffee mug or candle I will scream. I think that would be tacky to mention that???

 

I am so indecisive lately, is that anxiety? I made reservations to fly to Philly to see my sister and her 3 daughters this coming Friday and I really don't want to go, but I feel like I have to go to get out of this rut I'm in. I laid in bed for hours this morning wondering if I should cancel the flight, I didn't yet. I used frequent flyer miles so if I do cancel, I won't lose a lot of money.

 

I know anxiety doesn't solve any problems, but how can I get rid of this feeling?

[fishinghat]

I know I keep saying this but time and patience. Your body is doing well but it is still searching for the right balance. This takes time. Your motivation will get better. The down time is frustrating because you feel lazy and unmotivated but this is your body's way of relaxing while you finish and can return to the real world.

[KathyInFL]

Thanks Hat! I'm out of likes for the day.

[invalidusername]

Can understand your situation. But you are right to keep things as normal as you possibly can, although not ignoring the necessity of rest.

 

Getting out for your walks is a great thing. This is what all the old-school GP's say. Unmotivated - get out for a walk. Just the act of moving your limbs is known to encourage the rest of you to follow. 

 

Regarding Christmas - I really do not like it. So overrated. I just got all my shopping done online yesterday (no mugs or candles!!). Its a time of peace and goodwill, but I can feel the pressure building up. Never used to be like this when I was a kid. Sod going near the grocery store during Christmas week too! God bless the Internet!

 

A flight would be a HUGE step for me though! I am keeping things as far as shopping and seeing friends. But being a music teacher, I have a lot of social interaction. But I still feel uneasy about being inside most of the weekend. I had a walk and did groceries yesterday, and had a couple of hours at my friends house with her kids. I think that should be enough, but it is tough trying to not judge myself.

[KathyInFL]

I'm headed for Philadelphia tomorrow until Monday. I am still pretty anxious about this trip, and everything else. I don't really want to go, but I do want to see my sister and her daughters. It's going to be so much effort being there for 4 days and trying to act normal, get up earlier than I have been, doing things when all I want to do is hibernate.

 

Hopefully this trip will be good for me. 

 

I'm going out for a walk right now. I have to force myself to get off the couch. At least it's only 75F outside, not too hot and humid.

[fishinghat]

75F?!!  I don't want to hear about that. You poor girl you must be suffering so with those terrible temperatures (he said sarcastically). Here it is running highs around 40 and lows around 20F.

 

Is it spring yet?

[gail]

Hi Kathy,

Bon voyage! I so understand that this trip demands a lot from you.

Can't you postpone it till you feel better? Love, Gail

[KathyInFL]

Hi Kathy,

Bon voyage! I so understand that this trip demands a lot from you.

Can't you postpone it till you feel better? Love, Gail

 

I wish I could. My sister is a nurse and she has 4 days off in a row which is unusual for her in December so she asked if I could come visit. I don't want to disappoint her. Yes, I always think more of other's feelings than I do my own. 

[KathyInFL]

75F?!!  I don't want to hear about that. You poor girl you must be suffering so with those terrible temperatures (he said sarcastically). Here it is running highs around 40 and lows around 20F.

 

Is it spring yet?

 

haha it actually is about 80 right now. But the humidity is low so that's a good thing.

[invalidusername]

Yes - remember you saying about this trip. Will be thinking of you - if you can, steal a PC and check in with us!!

 

Here's to a stress-free journey and a relaxing few days for you

[KathyInFL]

Yes - remember you saying about this trip. Will be thinking of you - if you can, steal a PC and check in with us!!

 

Here's to a stress-free journey and a relaxing few days for you

 

Thanks! I will have my tablet, so I should be able to check in!

[invalidusername]

Glad to hear it!

[KathyInFL]

Checking in! I'm in Philly. It's cold and rainy!