894 replies to this topic

[invalidusername]

Quick update - as most know from hijacking Noush's thread, I had a much better day yesterday.

 

I took my old supply of Lexapro yesterday and again today. I woke feeling better, but thoughts inevitably drifted in. I felt uncomftable feeling better! How annoying! It was like I knew it would only be a few minutes and then "the real world" would hit in. After thinking along these lines of depression for a while, it is clearly difficult to break the cycle. But I need to accept this feeling of being fragile, and again, not to fight it and try not to let myself get overcome by it all.

 

Wishing you all a good day!

[Noush]

IUN - Hijack away lol! The problem is, when we've been having a period of heightened anxiety or depression, we then tend to continuously assess ourselves & the way that we're feeling. It's like "am I feeling better this morning", "do I feel anxious?", "would I usually enjoy doing this activity?". We're then subconsciously looking for the symptoms & then make ourselves more aware of them. That in turn caused more anxiety/depression!

[fishinghat]

Oh how I remember that circle. Drives you crazy.

[invalidusername]

My goodness Noush - you have this exactly as it is....! And Hat, yes - it is driving me crazy.

 

I had a surge of adrenaline out of nowhere earlier. No thoughts triggered this one, just happened. Gave me the shakes for the rest of the day, but managed full day of work all the same. Brave face on and all the rest of it.

 

Much like before, I am just so fed up with it all. Of course I am happy that I have not been into the really low times, but being somewhere in-between leaves you permanently on edge. But I had a day when it almost left me yesterday - so it has got to be in there somewhere!!

[fishinghat]

Your getting closer. 2 or 3 more months of improvement. How much Lexapro are you on?

[invalidusername]

7½ weeks since last Duloxetine dose

3½ weeks on 15mg Lexapro (4½ weeks total)

 

Still think it is early days to be considering 20mg Lexapro. 

 

I can more or less deal with the physical side effects when they occur now, as annoying as they are. I just need confidence in the psychological symptoms. I'm expecting mornings to be hit and miss for a while, would just be nice to be able to relax in the evenings again.

[fishinghat]

Yea, if I was able to handle things I would stick it out at 15 mg until things settle down. Then if you want to come off the antidepressants you can look at weaning off the Lexapro after you get your strength back.

[invalidusername]

Provided that the Lexapro can indeed get me to that point. Hoping that as citalopram wasn't quite covering me that the Lexapro will fill in where it left off.

 

And yes, pill free is the goal after 14 years!! 11 years of which they weren't required! 

 

So, I am looking at 8 weeks on the 15mg Lexapro before making any judgments as to efficiency? Would that be fair for a cross-taper??

[fishinghat]

That would be fair. The Lexapro may not cover all the withdrawal symptoms but the rest will fade away with time.

[invalidusername]

That is something I need to know, otherwise I would be expecting more from it.

 

I also need to remember that a "good week" before all this mess was 75% good days. I need to stop hoping for 100% so early. After all, this would be a cure rather than a recovery. 

 

What Noush has said is EXACTLY what I have been doing for about a year. I'm always so focused on symptoms and progress, and she's right - it brings all the nasty stuff back full circle!!!.

[Noush]

How's today going IUN?

[invalidusername]

I don't like to say, but since you asked - not good.

 

My mood just didn't lift for even a minute last night. I sat reading until the very early hours until my eyes closed and I did sleep well, but it was there waiting for me when I woke.

 

All I have been able to do is sit and browse med forums as this is all my brain is thinking about. If I try to do anything else, my focus just immediately goes back. I just cannot accept that I cannot have even 1 minute of feeling a little pleasure or enjoyment. 

 

My restlessness and agitation is off the charts as I simply cannot get anywhere.

 

If its the pregabalin - will it go? If so when? If it is the lexapro, then do I need to switch back to citalopram? 

[fishinghat]

If it was the Lexapro side effect it would be there constantly. I think it is just residual Cymbalta withdrawal that the Lexapro doesn't quite take care of. Probably the norepinephrine. Tomorrow will be better again.

[invalidusername]

Aside from Monday - it is there constantly.

 

I was just putting up with it last week and just glad that I wasn't hitting the worst anymore. But as it has progressed, I noticed that it just wasn't going away. I have not felt that in the last 7 weeks coming off the Cymbalta. So would this be a new one??

 

I am very glad for Monday's respite, but disheartened by today. I am comforted by your words Hat - thank you. 

[fishinghat]

You seem to still be caught in that rollercoaster. I can't help but things will get better. You have another 4 weeks for the Lexapro to fully kick in though. 

[invalidusername]

Yes, I think it is still early to be blaming the Lexapro. 

 

My head just wants answers that I cannot give, and I know I need to give it time. I guess I was just hoping my patience could have a breather, but didn't quite work out that way.

 

Deep breaths IUN... in... out....

[invalidusername]

Glad to say Hat, that you were right!

 

Yesterday just suddenly turned on a dime and had the relief I was looking for. I actually calmed down to a point that I was not fearing symptoms coming. It felt wonderful. Truly wonderful. No benzos, no cbd - my brainium made it on its own!

 

This morning was back to reality and I woke fearing symptoms and the struggle of the day - but it is still fairing better than days previous. 

 

I know I am impatient, but I just get annoyed that I am not in control of when these symptoms can occur. The thought which keeps coming is "yes, you can work and earn money, you sleep well for the most part, and you are eating relatively well...." and then it should stop there but then "yet you still cannot do the things that make you happy - so that sucks, your life sucks..." and spiral goes on. But I realise that only before Christmas I was cancelling work, and was worried about earning and so forth. So where I am with work is a big step forward. Sure its not always comfortable, but it can be done.

[fishinghat]

I can say I was never impatient (I can say that but boy, would I be telling a lie.)

 

You are still on the rollercoaster but it will fade.

[invalidusername]

I am still doing my graph so the rollercoaster is there, but the gradients aren't as steep as before. So difficult when people tell you not to analyse... but it does have its uses

[invalidusername]

Had another relatively good evening and slept well.

 

I woke after about 4 hours sleep momentarily and felt really good, went back to sleep. The same thing happened about 2 hours later.

 

Then I woke again after my usual 8 hours, and now I am absolutely petrified of everything. I don't want to get out of bed for fear of something happening. Feels so irrational, but so real. I want to take some Valium, but of course, this is scaring me. What on earth is going on??

[fishinghat]

Just the rollercoaster. When you sleep well you use more melatonin and that depletes the serotonin but that should dissipate as the day goes on. Balance will be achieved. Time and Patience. You are alright.

[invalidusername]

It certainly is. It is such a horrible feeling to be this far our of control. I have a relatively easy day today and there is no real cause of anxiety. I hate it that it can just occur out of nowhere.

 

Today marks 8 weeks off the Duloxetine and 4 weeks on 15mg of Lexapro.

[gail]

My dear Scrat,

The good feelings come out of nowhere and so does the bad feelings.
We have NO control over this.
Don't expect anything,just wait for the suprise. I feel for you, lovage!

[invalidusername]

Thank you Sid... lovely Sid.

 

I think this is why we have anxiety by default of withdrawal as anxiety is fear of loosing control... and being robbed of control, it makes it so difficult to ignore.

 

But I like your detour of my situation - good feelings can indeed come from nowhere too!

[invalidusername]

Well, the anxiety calmed a fair bit when I was working, but knowing I had to do a large grocery shop on the way home, it started up again about 15 minutes before I finished work. I wasn't too bad, and when I got to the shop, I walked in and of course, nothing bothered me in the slightest. Walked around calm enough for about 15-20 minutes and got everything, and didn't rush.

 

Then on the drive home and now home, I am over the top anxious! I think I am just annoyed that I still do not have control of this anxiety, and that having had 3 weeks of nothing like this (but depression instead!), I thought I might have cracked it. 

 

I just don't get this anxiety.No rhyme or reason.

[invalidusername]

Holy Moly....

 

Hat did you know this about Pregabalin/Lyrica?

 

The data for the clinical trials of the meds for Pfizer was falsified! The Doc did 6 months inside!! How crooked is our world...

 

https://www.scientif...ist-faked-data/

[KathyInFL]

Holy Moly....

 

Hat did you know this about Pregabalin/Lyrica?

 

The data for the clinical trials of the meds for Pfizer was falsified! The Doc did 6 months inside!! How crooked is our world...

 

https://www.scientif...ist-faked-data/

 

Is there any more info on this? This article was published in 2009.

[invalidusername]

I think they did their best to cover up exactly what had been falsified, but the long and the short of it being that the guy got sacked from his post at the University and he never worked in academia again. Rightly so. 

 

In my opinion, 6 months inside doesn't even come close. There is a word for people like him, but I cannot write it on the forum...!

[gail]

The word is DRATSAB, is that satisfying?

[fishinghat]

Shoot IUN I thought you were talking about this case....

https://www.theguard...s-criminal-fine